Chapter Seven
Hermione spent the rest of the afternoon unpacking and making herself at home in her new room. She felt strangely content personalizing her new living space. At that moment she felt as if she could be truly happy here, completely removed from the real world. She was certain this feeling wouldn't last, but she knew she had to hold on to it as long as she could manage. She had never felt so independent before and she liked it! She finally finished her work and giving her room one last examination she smiled in approval. On her bed was a red and gold bedspread her mother had knitted for her. Hermione couldn't tolerate all this green and silver, it represented to her all that was evil. On the mantle she had placed all her photographs of her family and friends. Her clothes had been put away in the oak bureau, and on top of the bureau she had arranged her school books. On one of the bedside tables she'd set up a flower, that she had placed a preserving charm on in the previous year, in a vase she'd brought from home. She was really quite impressed with herself, the room was very much improved. And the flower really lit the place up.
Now the question was, what next. What was she to do with all the free time she was to have from now on? Slowly her good mood lessened until she was back into her depressed state. How could she possibly have thought she'd be happy here, alone, cramped into this small living space? All her terrible memories began seeping back into her thoughts and she slowly sat down on her bed. She suddenly felt extremely tired, but it was still fairly early. Oh, what the hell! What was stopping her from sleeping if she wanted to? She laid back and closed her eyes, allowing herself to fall asleep, and in doing so, try and forget her troubles.
The next thing she knew, she was back in the forest clearing. The Deatheaters again surrounded her but she couldn't make out any of their faces. Suddenly Voldemort was in front of her. All she saw were his red eyes staring at her from inside his hood. She screamed and turned to run away but hit into something hard and fell to the ground. She looked up to see what she had hit and saw Snape glaring down at her. Right then Hermione heard laughter erupt around her. She looked around, still unable to see any of the faces, but the hooded figures all shook with hideous laughter, some pointing at her and calling her terrible names. Voldemort then spoke, the laughter continuing around her.
"Severus," he said in that slow hissing voice of his,"Now it is your turn. We have to make sure that Ms. Granger is pregnant now, don't we?". And then he joined in the laughter.
Hermione looked at her professor in horror. His eyes were black and distant and she saw no feeling in his face. It was as if he had no soul. She screamed as Snape lowered himself onto Hermione and began tearing away her clothes. Hermione tried to push him away, continuing to scream.
Suddenly she felt herself being shaken and realized she was back in her bed. Hermione quickly sat up and looked around wildly. Snape was next to her bed, frowning down at her.
"Ms. Granger," he said firmly, in a low voice."You were dreaming."
Hermione cringed away from her teacher. She looked up at the potions master with fear and distrust.
"It all seemed so real. Your eyes were as black as hell. Voldemort said that we had to be sure I was pregnant. You almost..." She trailed off and tears began falling down her cheek.
Snape knew what Hermione had been about to say and looked away in embarrassment. She couldn't possibly think he'd ever do such a thing, could she?
"Ms. Granger, rest assured, you never need worry of such a thing truly happening. Surely you know I would never do anything to harm you." he said softly.
Hermione looked at him, wiping away her tears.
"And what if Voldemort ordered you to do so?" she asked coldly and looked away.
Damn it, that was a good question, he thought angrily. How could he possibly answer it...when even he didn't know the answer? He ran his hand through his hair and desperately tried to think of the right thing to say.
Hermione sighed and sadly looked into his eyes.
"That's what I thought. By the way, would you mind explaining to me exactly what you're doing in my bedroom in the middle of the night?"
Snape sneered and drew himself up to his full height.
"What do you think I was doing?" he asked coldly."I was working in my lab when I heard you screaming. You were experiencing a nightmare so I woke you up. Now if that is all, I will excuse myself."
Then he turned and swiftly walked out the door. Hermione watched him go, and laid back down. Great, there was no way she could sleep now, after all that had just happened. She decided to put her nightclothes on and make some tea. She got out of bed and after putting on her nightgown and black, kimono style bathrobe she left to make her drink. She quietly closed her door behind her and started for the kitchen, when something made her abruptly stop. Professor Snape was sitting on a chair in front of the main fireplace with what looked to be a glass of wine. He didn't seem to notice her and Hermione was about to sneak back into her room when she noticed that her professor looked extremely sad. Unexpectedly, her heart went out to him. The man must live a hard life, she realized, what with being a spy and always so alone. She truly didn't want to remain enemies with him any longer. She slowly walked over to him and sat down on the other chair. Snape looked at her in surprise. Hermione made herself comfortable and staring wistfully into the fire said the first thing that popped into her mind.
"I wonder if Draco knows he's to have a brother or sister soon." she said with a bitter smile." I wish I could tell him, just to see his reaction."
Snape took a sip of his wine and also directed his gaze toward the dancing flames.
"I doubt you'd want to be anywhere near young Malfoy if he were to ever find out. That boy is just like his father. God, I hate that family." he said, glaring into the fire.
Hermione looked thoughtfully at her professor.
"Sir, why did you originally become a Deatheater?" she asked carefully, not wanting to break the relaxed atmosphere.
Snape's head jerked around to look at Hermione. A series of expressions flashed across his face. He then turned back to fire and sighed.
"I was young and foolish. Let's just leave it at that."
Hermione frowned in disappointment. Snape glanced at her and smirked.
"Sorry if that doesn't satisfy your curiosity, but I really see no reason for you to know anything about my past. No doubt you'd just use the information to entertain Potter and Weasley first chance you got." he said, suddenly very cold.
He then got up and started for the lab, but Hermione got up and blocked his way, causing him to stop.
"Professor, let me assure you, I know how to keep a secret. I never had any intention of divulging any information you might have bestowed upon me." she said, her voice just as cold as Snape's had been. She continued in a softer voice."I was merely wondering what exactly it is that drives someone to make the choice of being a slave to an evil monster, such as Voldemort."
Snape grabbed Hermione's arm and forced her to move out of his way, glaring into her eyes.
"Well, I'm afraid that you will just have to continue wondering."
Then he walked quickly into the lab, and slammed the door. Hermione stared after him with a rising fury. That bastard! How could she have thought to try and befriend him. She hurriedly retreated into her own room. However she didn't slam her door, as to not show Snape just how angry he had made her.
Sleep came easier than Hermione had thought it would. She slept soundly the rest of the night, thankfully dream-free.
-
The next few weeks went by fairly uneventfully. Hermione didn't see much of her professor and when their paths did cross only the most necessary words were exchanged between them. Rosie became Hermione's one friend, and a strange one at that. The house elf's low feeling of self worth Marjory factored in and whenever Hermione tried having a normal conversation with her Rosie would act strange and excuse herself. It seemed that Rosie couldn't handle the feeling that she was being treated as anything more than the lowliest servant. This hit Hermione hard, as that meant there was nobody in the world to whom she could speak. She tried different things to keep her spirits up. She had a daily routine. Every morning she would arise at 8:00, have a nice long bath and when she was done Rosie would have breakfast for her. After she ate she would study her school books for hours. Then she'd break for lunch, exercise for an hour, return to her studies, then eat dinner. This, however, would be unbearable for anyone. Hermione felt as though she was growing crazier by the day. She was beginning to become desperate and one day even tried escaping from Snape's quarters, however she found that there was a powerful charm placed on the rooms to prevent her from leaving. This didn't help Hermione's feeling of anger and resentment. On top of it all she had just started to get morning sickness. However, the nausea seemed to last through the whole day (every day), making it impossible for her to eat. This on top of everything else was wearing on her. As a result of the lack of food her body had taken to shaking quite often, uncontrollably. But there was nobody to notice this.
It was the beginning of the second month of Hermione's pregnancy. Hermione had just tried to get down the delicious dinner Rosie had made her, consisting of chicken soup, hot, buttered, bread, and milk. Finding eating to be impossible she got up, and turning toward her room discovered Snape staring down at the food then at her, with dark, piercing, eyes.
"Why didn't you eat your food? You look very unhealthy."
Hermione's first impulse was to ignore him and walk away, however she found herself unable to do that, so desperate was she for human conversation and sympathy. She found herself actually happy to see him after all those weeks so much on her own. However, she couldn't let him know this.
"I'm just a bit nauseous. I've been feeling that way a lot lately."
Snape frowned down at her with a look of something akin to concern.
"How much is a lot?"
Hermione shuffled from one foot to the other and nervously averted her eyes.
"Pretty much constantly."
Snape sighed and folded his arms.
"I assume then that you haven't been eating for a while."
"I've been trying, sir. I just can't seem to hold much down."
Snape again sighed and started walking toward the lab.
"Follow me, Ms.Granger."
Hermione followed him without argument. It was strangely exciting being back in the lab after only seeing the same few rooms for weeks. Maybe she really was going crazy. Snape motioned for her to sit down on a sturdy wooden chair. She sat and right then her body decided it was time to start shaking. Hermione desperately tried to control herself but failed miserably. Snape watched her silently with a look of seeming anger. Hermione looked into his face confused and then without any warning burst into tears. This was too overwhelming. She couldn't imagine her life would be much worse living with any of the Deatheaters. And at that moment the thought of suicide entered her mind. She never thought the idea of killing herself would seem so appealing. She continued to sob loudly, rocking herself back and forth. Suddenly she felt herself being embraced. Snape was holding her close and soothingly rubbing her back. The human contact which Hermione had needed so much in the last few weeks and had last received the night of the rape by Professor McGonagall was unexpected and felt wonderful. She clung to her professor tightly and cried until there were no tears left in her body. Snape then tried to console her with words. He spoke soft and firm.
"Hermione, I am so sorry. I've been such a fool. I never should have left you on your own the way I did. Please forgive me, please. I promise from now on I will be there for you."
The professor's words were shocking to Hermione but she took comfort in them. She slowly pulled away from Snape. He handed her a clean handkerchief and she wiped her eyes and blew her nose. She had a feeling things would be different from now on and allowed herself to feel somewhat better. Snape sat with her silently for a few more minutes, just holding her hands, then got up and went to the potions storage cabinet and retrieved a jar filled with leaves. He then preceded to make tea out of the leaves and when he finished filled a large mug for Hermione and brought it over to her. Hermione gratefully took it and drank a few sips. Immediately she felt her nausea ease up a bit. By the time she finished the cup of tea the nausea had completely subsided. However the nausea was now replaced with a severe feeling of hunger. Snape then left the room and returned with a tray holding the soup and bread she hadn't been able to eat just a little while ago. He set it down on a table and came over to Hermione. Before she knew it he was carrying her over to the table, so she could eat. How had he known that she was feeling too weak to move at that moment? She gave him a small grateful smile and hurriedly ate the food. When she finished she felt somewhat normal again. She wiped her mouth and looked up at Snape questioningly.
"Professor, did you really mean what you said before, about being there for me from now on?" she asked quietly, then paused and almost ashamedly turned away."I can't bear the thought of going back to the loneliness I experienced and having only my school books to ease my boredom. I could even bear the imprisonment if only I thought from now on I'd have someone to talk to and something to occupy my time with."
"Yes, Ms. Granger, I meant what I said. As for things to occupy your time with. Just tell me what you need and you shall have it."
Hermione took a moment to consider that.
"Sir, I should love to read some of your books."
Snape actually smiled then, a small smile, but a smile none the less. Hermione had never seen a genuine smile on her professor's face. He almost looked handsome with it.
"You are free to borrow any book of mine that you so wish to. My lab is open to you during the day. You might also like to help in the lab by brewing potions during the day that I will need."
Hermione smiled and nodded her head.
"I would like that, thank you. Also, Professor, I'm wondering if there is any possible way to procure a piano. I've played ever since I was little girl and it would help me immensely, I think, to have one here."
"Then you shall have one." he said."Now, I think it would be best for you to get some rest. We can talk more tomorrow."
Snape helped Hermione to her feet and then she retired to her room for the night.