Three Days After the Canoe Trip
Things have definitely not improved for our unfortunate campers as of late. If the canoe trip hadn't been bad enough, they had just been informed by Miss Perky that they would be going on a three day camp out in the middle of the woods, presumably to bond. However, most of the campers figured that their parents and councilors were hoping that they'd get lost and eaten by various wild animals.
So we find our happy little children standing near the large Camp Umbrella sign, decked out in hiking gear. On the whole, most of the campers look extremely depressed.
"Has anyone seen my backpack?"
Ark looks around, his usual facial expression if confusion firmly in place. At this point everyone is doing their best to ignore him, a few people are actually considering euthanasia on the poor twit. Wesker wants to sell him to Vincent, for his experiments.
"Dude, you're wearing it."
Kenneth shakes his head, sending a silent prayer to the heavens for a bolt of lightening to strike Ark dead right now. No answer is forthcoming. In the meantime Ark finally realizes that he's wearing the backpack.
"Thanks." He squints his eye at Kenneth. "Uh…who are you again?"
Kenneth sighs, shakes his head, and seriously considers helping Wesker sell Ark off. Meanwhile Claire and Jill are looking over the entire assembly of campers and wondering how many of them will come back alive. Both of them sincerely hope Alexia is not among the returnees to camp.
"Think of it this way Claire, with her along we don't have to worry about starting a fire."
"I suppose when you put it that way Jill…maybe should wait till we get back to camp to kill her."
"That isn't exactly what I meant."
While Jill goes on to explain to Claire why it is they can't kill the evil little blonde, said blonde is piling several articles of clothing into her brother's pack. I mean heaven forbid Alexia should actually have to do something that resembles work.
"Now Alfred, don' you lose my backpack."
"I would rather die than lose anything of yours my sweet sister."
Despite the strain of carrying both his and Alexia's backpacks, the little idiot still looks happy. Alexia graces him with a genuine smile, pats him on the head, and goes back to filing her nails. The pat on the head causes Alfred to overbalance and fall face first in the dirt.
Just a few feet away Wesker adjusts his sunglasses, or attempts to. Their condition has greatly deteriorated causing more duct tape and string to be applied.
"I hate camping."
"Is that all you are going to do, is complain!" Chris snaps.
"No, I plan to kill you and bury your body under a large stump, while we are hiking."
"Bring it on!"
Chris then jumps Wesker, bringing the count to 67. You know I'm starting to get the feeling those two just don't get along.
"Don't worry Rebecca, I'll keep an eye on you." Billy pats her on the shoulder smiling broadly.
"Thank you Billy."
While Rebecca stares at Billy with love and adoration, Enrico shoves a finger down his throat and makes gagging noises. Joseph turns a bright shade of red and covers his mouth, trying not to burst out in laughter. Billy catches the whole scene out of the corner of his eye and slaps Enrico. Brad is standing bare inches from Billy, much closer than Billy is comfortable with, glancing around nervously and anticipating being eaten any second. Even though they haven't even set foot out of camp yet. A few feet from this mind numbing display of utter cowardice…Barry stares at a rock. And just a few feet from there…Leon and Steve are about to engage in another slap fight.
"With any luck you'll die a horrible death, girly man." Leon glares at Steve.
"Girly Man, huh. Better than an empty headed police officer." Steve glares at Leon.
While our two fan boys exchange obscenities, trust me you really don't want to know what they are saying, Sherry is sulking with her parents.
"I don't even know why I'm here. Hell the only time the authoress even mentions me, is when she remembers
that she was short of female characters and threw me in here for a cheap laugh."
"It's alright dear." Annette pats her shoulder, trying to cheer her up.
"Yes our young offspring, I doubt anyone really cares anyway. As I do believe you are one of the most
hated RE characters of all time, and are basically used as a cheap laugh in most fan fics."
While Annette is a bit stunned by William's apparent lack of manners, not to mention common sense, Sherry takes matters into her own hands and beats him senseless with a nearby stick. After several minutes of unbridled violence, one would normally attribute to Wesker, Sherry does seem a bit perkier. Annette looks down at her beaten and bloodied husband, shaking her head.
" I think you deserved that one, dear."
So while the campers engage in mindless and somewhat violent pastimes Miss Perky comes bounding up, leaking perkiness all over poor Chris and Wesker. The fighting in the dirt immediately stops as both participants look slightly dazed and confused, even more so than how poor Ark normally looks.
"My it is such a beautiful morning!" Chris smiles stupidly.
"I wish to pick a sunflower and compose a poem!" Wesker…ok him smiling like that is just creepy.
These two loud proclamations from Chris and Wesker only elicit blank stares from everyone else, and a lot of whimpering from Brad. Miss Perky, on the other hand is completely oblivious to the damage she has just done to those poor boys.
"Alright kids, we're going on a campout, yea!" Miss Perky smiles brightly turning the perkiness up several notches.
"ALRIGHT!" Chris screams, jumping to his feet.
"WHEEEE! FUN FUN FUN!" Wesker proclaims running around in circles.
It should be noted that everyone is still staring at them. Joseph and Kenneth are prepared to hit Chris and/or Wesker should either of them even get within ten feet of them. William wants to run some experiments to see if 'leaked perkiness' could somehow be used as a bio-weapon.
"Ok, coming from Wesker…that's just creepy." Claire whispers to Jill. Jill just nods looking shell shocked.
"Alright, let's move out, YA!"
Miss Perky skips down the trail, followed by equally perky Chris and Wesker, the latter is singing . Everyone looks at one another, shrugs, and finally follows.
"I swear if she says yea one more time, I'm gonna hit her with a stick." Sherry's perkiness has since been lost.
"That might in fact be a worthwhile endeavor. She's even more annoying than you, my young offspring."
Though Sherry is unsure about half of what William has just said…she still hits him with a stick.
Several hours later…
"Oh man, my head hurts." Chris groaned, holding his head.
"The after effects of having been exposed to unchecked perkiness." Jill hands him some Advil. "You should feel better in a few minutes."
"Happy, happy, happy!" Wesker bounds up and hands Chris a flower, he then bounds off to spread some more joy.
"I almost liked him better when he was a bastard." Claire grimaces as Wesker skips around.
"Ya know the guy is really starting to creep me out. He's worse than old girly man." Carlos points at Steve, then points to Alfred. "Or Alexia's pet."
"What did you call me!" Steve yells, turning three shades of red.
"FINALLY…someone besides me has noticed."
Leon's moment of triumph is short-lived, when Steve bashes him in the head with a Snickers bar. Steve is then about to bash Carlos, when the little twit realizes Carlos could kick his ass. So instead of incurring bodily injury, Steve decides to mumble obscenities under his breath. In the meantime Rebecca helps Leon to his feet and takes a look at the wound one of the peanuts from the Snickers bar has caused to poor Leon's head.
"I think Brad has some extra band aides in his pack." Rebecca taps Brad on the shoulder. "Hey Brad, could…"
Bread lets out a high pitched squeal, jumps straight in the air, and lands in a nearby pine tree. Everyone comes to an immediate stop and stares up into the tree.
"Damn, I didn't realize someone that short, could jump so high." Billy, cocks his head a bit. "I mean that has got to be some kind of record or something."
"Look a big squirrel in a bright yellow shirt." Barry points up at Brad. "I hope that's not…"
Billy slaps Barry, before he can finish. "Geez but the author needs some new material, she's already used that joke once."
"Oh give the girl a break already." Rebecca is more worried about the band-aides than Brad at the moment.
"How is he gonna get down?" Joseph looks around. "Does anyone have a rope?"
"We could throw rocks at him." Rebecca crosses her arms. "I mean, I really need those band-aides."
Brad whimpers from the tree, holding on for dear life. In fact he turns a pasty shade of white as Alexia gets closer to the tree.
"I could get him down." She says smugly.
"Get who down from where?" Again, Ark is completely oblivious as to what is going on.
"Brad down from the tree." Enrico points up at Brad.
"Who's Brad?" Ark cocks his head, you can almost hear the grinding noises as he tries to think. "Um…do I know you?"
Alexia, finally fed up with this, slaps Ark. Ark stumbles around for a few minutes, then straightens up. The look on his face if far more coherent than usual.
"Hey, I'm Ark." He smiles at Alexia. "Thanks I needed that."
"Anytime." Alexia checks the condition of her nails then turns back to the matter at hand. "As I was saying, I could get him down."
"How?" Sherry asks.
Alexia then bursts in flames and sets tree on fire. Brad, lets out a high girly scream and bails out of the tree, landing on top of poor William. In fact, a loud pop and subsequent cracking sound can be heard as Brad gets shakily to his feet.
"oww" William moans, still laying face down in the dirt.
"Oh that had to hurt." Annette looks anything but sympathetic at her husband's pain.
"Hurry up kids, we're almost there, YEA!" Miss Perky is several yards ahead with Wesker.
"Has anyone seen my stick?"
Everyone shakes their head, truly wishing Sherry had her stick, and return to their happy little hike…
A/N: Can Wesker survive such lethal amounts of unchecked perkiness? Guess you'll have to wait and see…yes I am mean.