The Campsite
The sun rises over the mountains, and shines down upon our happy little campsite. The children are still asleep after yesterday's activities. Which included cleaning up all the dead bunnies and bandaging poor Joseph, who somehow managed to survive the ordeal. It's early and apparently Miss Perky is as perky at this time of the morning as she is the rest of the time.
"Wake up! Time to rise and shine, yea!"
Miss Perky then proceeds to run about the camp site, swinging her arms wildly, and beating on the tents to wake the poor sleeping occupants from their beds. The sleeping occupants in question do not seem too keen on getting up this early in the morning, as evidenced by their groggy voices and heated glares at Miss Perky.
Jill is the first to peek her sleepy head out of a tent.
"Do we have to?"
"If we don't she'll just keep running around being perky." Claire yawns loudly, her long hair a tangled mass around her face.
"muffle…muffle…muffle..."
Unfortunately the bought with the rabid bunnies injured poor little Joseph severally. In fact his entire body is covered with bandages, poor guy. I hope Camp Umbrella has a good insurance plan. While Joseph pulls his poor battered, bruised, severely scratched, and rabid bunny bitten body out of his tent, several other campers are voicing their opinion about the early morning rise.
"My, it is much too early." Alexia yawns daintily and pulls herself out of the tent. "Us ladies need our beauty sleep."
"Well, I seriously doubt anyone has ever accused you of being a lady so you might as well just get up."
Alexia stares daggers at Annette and if looks could kill poor little Annette would be nothing more than a greasy spot on the lush green grass that permeates the campsite. After another half an hour of grumbling everyone is finally awake, out of their tents, and ready for more torture from Miss Perky.
"So when's breakfast?" Enrico looks ready to eat the first thing that even remotely appears to be eatable. "I'm hungry."
"Well that's the joy of camping, you get to cook for yourselves." Miss Perky is displaying her usual perkiness by jumping around unnecessarily and waving her arms about in a crazy fashion. "Afterwards you get to go fishing and gather firewood, yea!"
"When is this trip from hell going to be over?" Sherry asks, looking for her stick. "I know I left that damn thing around here somewhere…"
"We had back tomorrow afternoon. Now, on with breakfast…yea!"
She then bounds off to spread some joy to a school of salmon. The campers are still hoping that a man eating bear will show up.
"Great, just great." Jill rubs at her temples, she can feel a migraine coming on. "Can anyone here cook?"
"I can't even boil an egg." Carlos shrugs.
"I am not well versed in the arts of food preparation."
"William, speak English dude." Carlos rolls his eyes. "I mean crap you're like fourteen, what fourteen year old talks like that anyway?"
"He can't cook, and neither can I." Annette says.
"I can examine stuff…"
Everyone rolls their eyes at Barry's complete lack of brains, get used to it folks he's like this for the entire fic. Meanwhile Billy finally emerges from the tent he shares with Brad. Apparently no one noticed he's been absent for the entire food preparation talk. He doesn't look too well either, in fact he looks tired and appears to be developing a nervous twitch.
"I can't cook." Billy then breaks down giggling, creeping everyone out.
"Billy, man, are you alright?" Kenneth pokes him in the arm, trying to get his attention. "You been chewing on the local shrubbery or something?"
"No. Brad kept me up all night." Billy then proceeds to imitate Brad, which only further creeps out the bystanders. "WHAT WAS THAT? I HEARD A NOISE!"
"My, he's a bigger wuss than me or Steve." Alfred says, nodding like an idiot…which he is.
"Speaking of wusses…" Leon looks around. "where's Wes…"
"Albert." Chris yawns a bit, and runs a hand through his hair. "His name is Albert."
While Chris continues with his grooming everyone else stares at him like he's lost his mind. After two minutes of silence Chris finally wakes up to the fact that he's being stared at.
"What?"
Steve narrows his eyes a bit. "What, you two are all buddy, buddy now?"
"Look until he's a bastard again, I figure I may as well be nice to him." Chris shrugs. "What's wrong with that?"
"So where is little Mr. Sensitive?"
With a squealAlbert comes bounding out of the tent he shares with Chris, oozing perkiness like a water hose. Poor bandaged Joseph has to duck in order not to get inadvertently infected.
"Morning!"
"Muffle…muffle…muffle…"
It should be mentioned that Joseph currently has several rolls of bandages wrapped around his face that is hindering his ability to speak. Rebecca quickly translates for him.
"Joseph wants to know if it's just him or does Albert look different?"
"It seems young Albert is without his eye paraphernalia."
"Translation?" Carlos asks, turning toward Annette.
"Albert isn't wearing his sunglasses."
"Well I must say it is an improvement." Alexia is busy buffing her nails. "They were soooo last season."
"Hey Claire, can you cook?"
Jill turns to look at Claire who appears to be spacing out somewhat. In fact it looks like she's staring at Albert like he's some kind of movie star, or at the very least a popular game show host. Jill looks first to Claire, then to Albert, then back to Claire. She rolls her eyes and waves a hand in front of Claire's face.
"Earth to Claire, anyone home?"
"Ummm…I can cook."Albert says a bit shyly.
This statement elicits blank stares from everyone assembled.
"Really?" Enrico looks completely dumbfounded.
Albert nods. " But I'm gonna need some help, since there are so many of us."
"I can help!"
Everyone now turns their astonished faces from Albert to Claire, who is jumping up and down like a fan girl on crack. It should be mentioned that at least two people look ready to hurl and Leon looks a tad bit pissed off.
"Claire, you can't even make toast."
There is a loud ooff sound as Claire's elbow meets Chris' ribs. He's going to have some serous bruising later.
"Thank you Claire. Don't worry, it's not hard."
Wesker and Claire skip of together to prepare a meal while everyone stands around looking on in confusion. Well except Chris, who's checking to see if he has any broken ribs and Leon who is still looking rather pissed off.
30 minutes later…
"I hope you all enjoy it!"
Everyone gaps open mouthed at all the food on the picnic table. There's omelets, bacon, sausage, hash browns, and slightly burnt toast. Bet you can guess who made the toast now can't you?
"WOW! This omelet is great!" Enrico somehow manages to choke out around a mouthful of food.
"Yes it is." Alexia narrows her eyes a bit, glancing at Albert. "You didn't use Spam did you? I cannot dare eat such a provincial food."
"No, you can't used canned ham, it doesn't taste right."
"Nice, and light and fluffy!" Rebecca glances at Joseph who is struggling to eat around the bandages. "How is yours Joseph?"
"muffle…muffle…"
"This is an omelet and it's not Chris's." Barry then digs in as everyone rolls their eyes.
"It's not poisoned is it?" Brad looks at his plate a bit nervously.
"No." Poor Billy still has his nervous twitch and his giggling is getting worse. "But it can be arranged."
"Claire, are you going to eat or stare at Albert all morning?"
Jill smiles wickedly while Claire blushes and quickly takes her seat. While that is happening, William quickly scarfs down his food and heads back to the tent. Sherry glances up narrowing her eyes slightly as William scurries past and disappears into his tent.
"What's he up to?
Annette sighs heavily. "It's hard to say dear."
"Got to admit the little bastard can cook." Steve is on his second omelet.
"I admit nothing." Leon growls glaring at Albert.
Albert is completely unaware of the harsh looks Leon is sending to him from across the table. Evidently he is more concerned with why Carlos and Alfred aren't eating.
"Is something wrong?"
"No nothing, not at all." Carlos says a bit too quickly.
"No." Alfred sounds practically on the verge of tears.
"There's something wrong with it, isn't there?"
Wesker sobs a bit, tears springing to his eyes. Claire attempts to console him while Leon snaps a plastic spork in half with rage. I'm getting the feeling that he's a weeeeeee bit jealous…don't you?
"No really, it looks great, it's just that…." Carlos trails off.
"Just what?" Chris now looks slightly ticked off. "Spill it Carlos, before he starts crying."
"I'm allergic to ham…"
"Alright, that's different." Chris then turns to Alfred. "So what's your problem?"
"I'm a vegetarian."
"Wait just one second." Steve shakes his head, trying to grasp what was just said. "You, the little fluff who's going to run a twisted island of death, are a vegetarian?"
"You sound surprised."
"Well duh!"
"I refuse to slaughter an animal to feed myself. It just doesn't seem right." Alfred shrugs.
"And yet you'll subject people to hideous experiments." Steve rolls his eyes. "Boy you have some serious issues with morals you know that."
"Well, if the ham is the problem, not to worry." Albert grins widely and sets a large platter on the table. "I made pancakes too!"
With the ham disaster averted everyone goes back to having a happy, happy, joy, joy breakfast. With the exception of Leon who has just snapped his third spork in half. However the happy breakfast was soon interrupted by a screaming William.
"NO! IT'S GONE!"
"What the hell is he yelling about?" Sherry snaps, dropping her fork.
"What is the matter dear?" Annette asks as William comes bolting out of his tent.
"IT'S GONE!"
"What's gone?" Ark asks.
"THE BUNNY!"
"What bunny?" Enrico asks.
"THE DEAD BUNNY FROM YESTERDAY I INJECTED WITH AN EXPERIMENTAL VIRUS SO IT WOULD BECOME A FLESH EATING ZOMBIE BUNNY!"
As William takes a deep breath, recovering from that run-on sentence, everyone's eyes drop to their plates. I think you get the idea of just what they are thinking. Leon, however, is the first to voice his suspicions and he does so after jumping to his feet in a rather dramatic way.
"I KNEW WE COULDN'T TRUST HIM!"
"What are you talking about?" Jill looks a bit nervous but is trying to keep her composure.
"Isn't it obvious? This isn't ham…" Leon takes a deep breath and strikes a dramatic pose. "IT'S ZOMBIE BUNNY MEAT!"
And everything goes to hell in a handcart…
Albert breaks down crying. Claire walks over to comfort him. Brad starts freaking out. Billy looks ready to throw up yet strangely comforted by Brad's running around in circles and screaming like a five year old girl. Kenneth is mumbling about zombies. Barry is examining his omelet, wishing it was Chris's. Ark forgot who he is the moment Leon jumped to his feet and is trying to figure out what's going on. Joseph is sobbing on Rebecca's shoulder. Annette is staring at her husband like she'd like to kill him. Sherry staring at her parents, like she wants to be suddenly disowned. Rebecca is patting Joseph's head and shaking her own. Alexia is patting her face to make sure it's still in one piece. Steve is formulating a nice death for Albert. Enrico is mumbling something about traitors. William is estimating how long it will take before they all turn into flesh crazed zombies. Jill is staring at Claire comforting Wesker. Carlos and Alfred are glad they didn't eat the omelet and are wondering if Miss Perky has another holy hand grenade at her disposal.
It is Chris who finally breaks the awkward silence by jumping to his feet and screaming.
"What proof do you have!"
"Well, there's a dead bunny missing and your little friend made a meat omelet." Leon appears to think for a moment. "Oh and the fact that he's a treacherous bastard helps!"
"That is not enough proof!" Chris snaps back.
"I'm right and you know it, it was an act all the time!" Leon is really getting into to this accusing thing now. "You've been suckered in by the dark side, you've allied yourself with evil! You…your…your…a TRAITOR!"
3...2...1...
"That's it! YOU'RE GOING DOWN!"
Chris makes a dive for Leon, but is hastily restrained by Steve and Carlos. Suddenly a plastic wrapper flies through the air and hits Leon in the head. Jill leans over to try and read the label hanging off of Leon's head while Chris screams various obscenities and continues to try and kill Leon. I should probably mention that Enrico, Kenneth, and Joseph have now joinedSteve and Carlos in restraining him.
"Cure 81 spiral cut ham."
All eyes now turn toward Leon…they are not happy eyes either…
"I ah…well…that is…" Leon looks around nervously. "Opps?"
"And the empty headed R.P.D. officer strikes again." Steve rolls his eyes. "So where is the bunny?"
3...2...1...
Brad girly screams and jumps into Billy's arms. "IT'S TRYING TO EAT ME!"
Billy looks down and sees a bunny nibbling on Brad's shoe. "Hey William, found your bunny."
"Thank goodness." William scoops up the bunny and heads back toward the tent. "Poor little scamp was hungry."
Brad continues to scream and Billy finally just drops him. He then cowers under the table, holding on to Chris' legs. Which is probably a good thing considering Chris still wants to kill Leon. Jill sighs and starts picking up plates.
"Guess we'd better get this cleaned up and go fishing an whatnot before Miss Perky thinks of something else for us to do."
Steve and Carlos quickly drag a still cursing Chris, with Brad still attached to his legs, off to help wash dishes. Everyone else heads off in different directions to started cleaning up and gather the crap they'll need to go fishing with. Leon is the only one still left at the table…sulking I might add.
"I'll get you yet… Albert. If won't let that idiot Steve have my lovely Claire, than I certainly won't allow you to try and take her…BWHAHAHAHA."
You know I think I should mention that despite sounding coolly evil…Leon still has the plastic covering for the ham draped on his head. It just sort of ruins the whole evil mastermind persona he's going for…
A/N: I apologize for the long wait on this chapter. I'll try to do better. Oh my what is going to happen on that fishing trip? Well if you read this before it got deleted for being in script form you have a pretty fair idea… : P