A/N: WARNING! Now that I have your attention, I just want to say that things are about to get extremely strange. (looks around) You have been warned…
The trip back to camp was rather slow and somewhat uneventful. Well, except for that rapid penguin that attempted to eat Brad. Billy managed to save him, despite the fact, that he would have loved nothing better than to let the penguin eat him. However there was the small matter of a Bravo Chopper and a fantastic night with the young miss Rebecca. Annette, Jill, Rebecca and Alexia also seemed to have some slight problems with their sack. Whatever they were hauling around, attempted to escape several times. Rebecca was finally forced to beat it into submission with the sword Alexia had been carrying. So, to make a long story short, everyone made it back to Camp Umbrella.
"I never thought I'd be happy to be back here." Chris dropped his pack on the ground, sighing heavily.
"I know what you mean." Jill groaned, massaging her back. "How much longer do we have to endure this torture?"
"According to my calculations…"
Annette tapped William on the shoulder.
"Short answer dear."
"Five more days."
There was a universal groan from the campers present. I guess you could say they aren't exactly having any fun. Though I would have thought that was pretty obvious by now.
"Great five more days of heavenly bliss." Steve grumbled sarcastically. "I am just sooooo happy to hear that."
"Five more days of staring at your ugly face." Leon snapped, whacking Steve in the back of the head.
Steve let out an inhuman squeak, much like Alfred's, and jumped Leon. A slap fight ensues, to which no one, except Claire, seems to be paying any attention to.
"They're at it again."
Suddenly Miss Perky comes bouncing out of the main building, carrying a clip board. Alfred grabs Alexia around the legs crying loudly. Brad grabs Billy around the legs, screaming his head off. Billy pinches the bridge of his nose, reminding himself repeatedly that there is a reason he is putting up with Brad and it has to do with the sexy little Rebecca. In the meantime, Brad and Alfred scream in perfect unison:
"OH NO SHE'S GONNA TORTURE US SOME MORE!"
Miss Perky comes a skidding halt, spilling perkiness all off the place. Chris and Wesker are wise enough to stay out of range, after what happened last time. Unfortunately the unchecked perkiness dribbles across the ground and infects several other campers. Soon enough they are skipping around humming show tunes and picking flowers. Miss Perky is unmindful of the chaos she is causing and instead focuses on why she is currently standing in front of our poor little vict…err…campers.
"Alright kids! It's only five more days until you say goodbye to Camp Umbrella!" She looks at each of the campers with wide eyed enthusiasm. "I bet you know what that means!"
"You're not going to force us to endure ghost stories?"
"No more arts and crafts?"
"No more canoe trips?"
"You will no longer subject us to your insane perkiness?"
"No sillies!" Miss Perky breaks out in giggles just as a mysterious drum roll comes from out of nowhere. "IT'S TIME FOR THE ANNUAL CAMP UMBRELLA MUSICAL!"
There is exactly five seconds of silence before everyone present, and the readers at home, scream in unabashed terror…
Later in the Main Camp Building/Cafeteria/Auditorium…
"Alright now I want everyone to do their best during this try out." Miss Perky consults her clipboard. "First we have Claire as Satine, and Billy as Christian."
However before Billy and Claire can torture us with bad singing, WC pops up out of thin air dressed like Jill from Remake. Brad faints at the sight of her, hitting the stage with a loud plop.
"Please let it be known that all singing will be in italics and script form for better viewing pleasure."
Rebecca glances at Carlos looking confused. "What does that mean?"
"Anything typed in italics is supposed to be sung and she's going to write it in script for instead of third person."
"Oh, that was a rather bright thing to do."
"I thought so!" WC disappears in a puff of black smoke. "BYE!"
"I hate that woman." Wesker mutters, kicking Brad's unconscious body for no good reason.
"Back to work." Miss Perky claps her hands, getting everyone's attention. "Now, here's the scene. Billy, you are trying to woo the lovely Satine."
Billy: rolls eyes All you need is love!
Everyone covers their ears as several windows shatter and two campers outside fall unconscious. Even Miss Perky looks ready to pass out.
"Alrighty then, um…Claire."
"DEAR GOD HAVE MERCY ON US!"
"AHHHHHH!"
"PLEASE STOP THE TORMENT!"
"DEAR AND BENEVOLENT AUTHORESS PLEASE DO NOT SUBJECT US TO SUCH HORRORS!"
As the various campers continue to scream and holler and beg the authoress for mercy, Claire stomps her foot and walks off stage mumbling various obscenities. Everyone present now cry with relief.
"Alright." Miss Perky clears her throat and consults her clipboard again. "Um, Chris you play Christian and Jill play Satine."
Chris: All you need is love…
Everyone's jaw drops to the floor as it becomes readily apparent that Chris is actually able to sing in tune.
Jill: But a girl has to eat.
Chris: All you need is love…
Jill: Or she'll wind up on the streets.
Chris: All you need is looove!
Jill: Love is just a game…
Just as the assembled campers get their jaws back in place there is an audible plop as their jaws once again hit the floor. I guess they are surprised that Jill can carry a tune as well.
Chris: I was born was loving for you baby…you were born for loving me…
Jill: The only way of loving me baby…is to pay a lovely fee.
At this point everyone is not only surprised that Jill and Chris can carry a tune, but are completely dumbfounded that they actually sound really really good. Suddenly Miss Perky jumps to her feet, looking wild eyed.
"YES THIS IS GOING TO BE THE GREATEST PRODUCTION CAMP UMBRELLA HAS EVER SEEEN!"
Everyone is now staring blankly…
The Final Cast List of Moulin Rouge…
The Duke- Wesker
Satine- Jill
Christian- Chris
Harold Zidler- Barry
The Dwarf Toluse- Alfred
The Narcoleptic Argentinean- Carlos
Tango Dancer/Can-Can Dancer- Alexia
Marie- Annette
Can-Can Dancers- Claire, Sherry, Rebecca, Steve
Chocolate- Kenneth
Two other bohemians- William, Brad
The Duke's Manservant- Billy
Extras to be dispersed as needed- Enrico, Kenneth, Joseph, Forest, Leon, Ark, Nemesis.