A/N: Sorry about this chapter. I forced it, which I probably shouldn't have done, but if I hadn't, who knows how many more weeks it would have been before I updated. Hope you enjoy it despite things. And this is fresh, new, and unbetaed, so please forgive any mistakes.

Chapter Seven: Hoops

"Hoop skirts were the height of fashion for many years, eventually the trend became deflated..." Oddly enough, things seemed to be rather quiet for a while, even after the tea was finished, as Hoshi and Adison attempted to nurse Random's brain back into full functionality. Twisted had seized the opportunity to lecture a group of Writers on appropriate clothing styles; Mandy backed her up on several points that were called into question.

"Antigravity suits in the 1830's?" repeated Allena. "Are you sure about that?"

"Fairly sure," said Twisted cheerfully, "though I was being bitten at the time I read that, so I may have been a bit distracted."

"Hoops," muttered Mandy, doodling in her notebook thoughtfully. She sketched out a pair of wings on a bottle of mustard and sang the AEOT song quietly, attracting the attention of Kay Erik, who removed himself from the table and approached her with cat-like tread. She pretended to focus on her drawing whilst glancing up at him from underneath her eyelashes, a small smile appearing on her lips.

"Someone," said Kay Erik, waving vaguely in the direction of the PPN League, "informed me that you have been impersonating me in various places and carrying on— activities."

"Nope," said Mandy, lightly, shading in the French's label.

He eyed her keenly, doing a moderated version of the baleful. "Are you sure?"

"Quite."

"You wouldn't be— lying to me, would you?"

"Why would I lie to an Erik?" said Mandy, turning wide blue eyes on him. "Clearly you could punjab me at any moment. Why would I risk my life simply in order to tell a pointless fib?"

They gazed at each other for a moment.

Kay Erik sighed and stepped away. "I do not know," he said. "I never could fathom any phangirl's reason for doing anything."

Mandy watched him stalk back to the table, exchanged glances with Stalker Erik, and snickered.

"There goes my man," they said simultaneously, and then started blinking at each other. Rather a lot. And a bit suspiciously.

"Ran?" said Adison, waving her hand in front of Random's face. "You all there?"

Random finally opened her eyes and began to take things in, slowly at first. "Don't know. Have I ever been all here? Should I call the role?"

"Why would you call a roll? Bread can't speak," said Hoshi, and rejoiced in the disgusted looks this garnered her. Random sat up and rubbed at her forehead.

"How long was I out?"

"Too long," said Adison, at the same time that Hoshi said, "Not long enough." Random glanced back and forth between them, nodded, got to her feet, and promptly fell down again.

She was up a mere second later, waving away the offers of help until she realized that there weren't any offers of help. "I'm fine. I'm okay. I'm alright." Leaning back and taking stock of the Eriks, who were all staring at her, she clapped her hands together briskly, the combined balefuls of the hundreds of Eriks not staggering her even a little; mostly because her mind still wasn't up to the challenge of being afraid of anything.

"Right now," she said, "I'm operating on sheer bravado, so lets take advantage of it, shall we? What happened while I was— indisposed?"

"We got the fop," said Hoshi immediately.

"You mean, Tori and I got Patrick," corrected Adison.

"Isn't that what I said?"

"You sounded a lot more derogatory."

"Yes," said Hoshi, "but that's only because 'fop' is an insult."

"I know."

Random waved her hand vaguely in front of her face, frowning at it as though it were doing something she didn't quite approve of, like evading taxes or dating Tom Cruise. "So you got the fop," she said, oblivious to Adison's squeak of protest, "that's good. I think. Has he been killed yet?"

"No, he's hiding behind Tori."

"Alright—" she glanced around. "Where's my notebook?"

Reluctantly, Hoshi surrendered the notebook, and Random plopped herself down on the nearest Erik and began to look through it. It turned out to be Chaney Erik's lap that she sat down on; after a few seconds she looked up, their eyes met, and she very slowly got up and removed herself to Crawford Phantom's lap instead, shivering slightly. The more alert phangirls emulated her example, helping themselves to the personal space of their favourite Eriks. A few of them were quickly knocked out, but it was really their own fault for loving the more ruthless ones. Bee settled herself quite comfortably on Erik Destler, Celtic Heart found herself welcomed by a gently-smiling Gerry Phantom, and Mandy and Stalker Erik had a brief tussle over who got Kay Erik, mostly in fun. Kay Erik eyed them both and simply moved away while they were talking it over. He came to stand behind Random, looking over her shoulder to read what was in the notebook; she twisted to lean against Crawford Phantom, holding the notebook up close to her face to hide it from Kay Erik's searching eyes.

"Nobody got Nadir yet, then?"

There was a shriek of delight from SimplyElymas, and Random regarded her seriously over the edges of the notebook.

"Do we have a volunteer?"

"Yes yes God yes!"

"I said, do we have a volunteer?"

SimplyElymas stopped bouncing up and down and simply stared at her with her jaw dropped. Random smiled.

"Come on, you know I have a hard time hearing."

SimplyElymas gave vent to an ear-shattering, brain-piercing shriek worthy of Brightman Christine herself. Everyone in the room winced, a few fainted, and MindGame fell to the floor and rolled under the table.

"That's more like it," said Random, obliviously. She and Crawford Phantom, who was used to Brightman Christine at any rate, were the only two in the room who didn't appear affected. She turned a few more pages. "Alright, you want to go and get him? You can pick a posse if you want. He shouldn't be too hard to find, if —"

She looked up. There was a SimplyElymas-shaped hole in the wall.

"—you really look," she finished, raising her eyebrows in surprise.

"Well, someone's enthusiastic," said Becky.

"No kidding," agreed Regina from on the shelves. She and Mongie had, after taking his money, shoved Patrick Raoul off when the Eriks had finally tired of baying like hounds.

"Another thing," said Random, tilting her head at her papers and smiling slightly. "No one got the OWs, right?"

"No—" said Adison nervously.

"Or the Mary-Sues? I kind of thought people would just bring their creations with them, but I guess they wanted to travel light or something."

"You want Mary-Sues?" DarkPriestessofAssimbya repeated disbelievingly.

"I don't discriminate," said Random piously. "At least, not much. I make fun of everyone, just the same. I'm what they call an equal-opportunity snarker."

Sarah Belle ventured forth at this point to hand Random a black mask which she had sewn herself. Random tied it on, sat up straight in Crawford Phantom's lap, and tried to look simultaneously noble and mysterious. She failed.

"I love those kinds of OWs, anyway," ventured Killthefop. "I mean, after thirty to fifty years of being alone and in love with one woman, he sees a girl and they heal each other by athletic bedroom sessions. 'Oh, hi!' 'Hi!' 'Hey, why don't you come down to my lair for some tea and sexual tension?' 'Sure, sounds good!' 'Here's my lair, think we can make it to the bed?' 'Why not do it right here? Nothing says first date like stripping in the living room.' 'Alright, well, I'll try, though, keep in mind I'm a bit repressed, so might have some sort of crisis halfway through.' 'No problem, I promise to fall deeply in love with you no matter what.' 'Swell. And of course, even though I'm a virgin, I'm going to perform fantastically and also do things you've never heard of.' 'Really? Where'd you learn that?' 'I read.' 'Really?' 'Okay, so I don't read. But I'm French!' 'Ah!' 'Was that a good "Ah" or a bad "Ah"?' 'That was an "Ah" of understanding. Everything makes sense now.' 'Ah.' 'Ah!' 'Okay, what was that an Ah of?' 'That was an Ooh kind of Ah.' 'Ah.' 'Oooh.'"

Everyone stared at her. It was kind of hard not to.

"Have some issues, do we?" inquired PhoenixAngel 13.

"You know," agreed Color Me Gray, "it is quite amazing that a lifetime of killling people and being hated and despised and rejected can just— fade into the background as soon as the word 'thigh' is mentioned."

"Ah well," said Random, scritching her pen over the paper absentmindedly, "I suppose you learn to concentrate on the matter in hand."

"Yes, I suppose that must be so."

"So. Volunteers to go after the Mary Sues?" Random glanced around the room. "Alright, then I draft— Mongie and Reg. Go for it, chickens."

"I am not a chicken!" said Reg.

"Figure of speech. Or a metaphor. Or a literary allusion. I don't know, my mind hasn't quite come back yet. Go hunt down some Mary Sues for me, if you please."

The two grumbled to themselves, but got down from the shelves and clambered through the hole SimplyElymas had left.

"Carlottas, managers, OOC variations—" Random ticked things off on her notebook and waved at various people. "Blender."

LuvinLivnReadn sat up happily. Random peered at her.

"Do you feel up to the challenge?"

"I feel oh so spry," said LLR, with a huge grin.

Random considered. "Does that mean yes?"

"Yes, it most certainly does."

"Away with you then, child."

Hoshi hovered around in front of Random. "Boss?"

"Uh-huh?"

"Does this mean that— the story actually has a point? I mean, really? A point other than what appears to be the point, which is lots of chaos?"

Random glanced around the room, at the few knocked-out phangirls, at the brooding Eriks, at the Artists who were now doing murals of the various Eriks on the far wall, and at Mademoiselle Phantom who had gotten tired of waiting, hauled back her arm, and spanked Gerry Phantom soundly, causing him to jump and spill Celtic Heart into the lap of the next Erik, Leroux, who in turn jumped and spilled CH into the lap of Charles Dance Phantom, who in turn— well, you get the idea. It was a sort of vicious cycle, except not exactly vicious, as Celtic Heart was lapped around the table like a chain reaction of only one Domino.

Random glanced back at Hoshi and grinned.

"Of course there is," she said, "what did you expect?"

There was doubt on Hoshi's face, and also some bits of her lunch.

Random handed her a handkerchief and leaned back against Crawford Phantom, comfortably settling her shoulders and humming under her breath.

"What about our requests?" asked Circe Rose.

"They'll be fulfilled, kid, just you hold on."

"But when?"

Random glanced up.

"I have no idea," she said, and they all had to be content to let it go at that.

Eventually they got tired of waiting around and started doing Tom Petty impersonations.