A/N: More mindless hilarity…
Last Day Before the Big Show…
With Morpheus as the new head councilor the attitudes of our young victims seems to have improved. In fact, Morpheus has given them the day off, sighting that they are more than ready for the big show tomorrow. So the campers are off engaging in mindless activities, most of which do not involve running, screaming, or rabid bunnies.
Meanwhile near the girl's cabin…
"I do believe we should check on our little friend." Annette smiles at Jill. "Don't you think?"
"Yea, we've been so busy, that we haven't spent much time with him."
"I fed him earlier today." Rebecca tilted her head, looking slightly naive. "He didn't seem very happy."
"Well, they say you need to spend a lot of time with your new pet." Alexia brushed a bit of hair from her face. "As Jill said, we have been ignoring him."
So the girls head back to their cabin, only to discover…
"AHHH! HE'S GONE!"
The four woman then break down, alternating between screaming and crying. After ten minutes of this, they finally calm down.
"The sack is gone as well." Annette examines the empty cubby hole where they had been hiding Dante. "He couldn't have gone far, tied up like he was."
"Ladies!" Alexia yells, grabbing a large net. "Now is the time for us to band together and hunt down our precious pet!"
Rebecca arches and eyebrow at Alexia's apparent nervous breakdown. Moving slowly she leaned over and whispered to Jill.
"Has she been drinking the lake water again?"
"I have no idea…"
Meanwhile outside the cabin, sitting on the stairs…
Sherry was just getting ready to call Claire on her hand, when something extremely strange caught her eye. Hell, this sight was strange even for Camp Umbrella…where strangeness is a way of life. She watched the object in question for several seconds, then leaned forward, and tapped Claire on the shoulder.
"Who is that guy?"
Claire looked up to where Sherry was pointing. Hopping across the yard, with his head sticking out of a sack, was a very good looking man with silver white hair. Claire watched the man's progress for several seconds before responding.
"Don't know, but he's kinda cute."
Suddenly Alexia came running out of the cabin, screaming a war cry. Claire starts to open her mouth, perhaps to ask the young Ashford if she's been drinking the lake water again, when Jill, Rebecca, and Annette come crashing out behind her. Claire and Sherry watch the four women for a few seconds.
"Bet that was the sack they brought back from the camping trip."
Claire nodded, looking over her cards. "More than likely."
Meanwhile…
Dante was hoping for all he was worth.
"FREEDOM! PRECIOUS FREEDOM!"
But his flight to freedom was short-lived as a large net fell over his head. He hit the ground in a cloud of dust and immediately started crying. Very OOC for a kick ass devil hunter I must say.
"I was so close, so very close…"
Jill, Rebecca, and Annette come to a skidding halt. Dante is crying in the dirt, mumbling incoherently while Alexia engaged in a Happy Dance. After several seconds of this, Jill clears her throat.
"Good going Alexia."
"Thanks!"
Ark and Barry, who happen to playing a game of marbles near by, stare as the girls pick up their captive and head back toward the girl's cabin.
"Hey Barry, you think that's the sack they brought back from the camping trip?"
"I think so."
But as our four intrepid girls walk back to the cabin, dragging the sack, they are confronted by none other than
Dante's partner…Trish…
"Um ladies, would you mind giving Dante back please?"
And their response…
"Step off blondie!"
"We found him first!"
"You had him long enough, it's our turn!"
"Yea!"
Trish is now slightly peeved. "Look children, I want him back. Don't force me to use my most horrible weapon…"
And their response…
"My brother is Alfred Ashford! Do you really think anything you have will frighten me?"
"Hell I survived two games, one of which included a drag queen opera singing freak…bring it on!"
"Nothing you have can possibly be more horrible than Steve in drag!"
"I'm married to William, nothing can be scarier than that!"
There is a momentary lull in the confrontation as Trish, Rebecca, Jill, and Alexia stare at Annette. They were expecting something about a tyrant or maybe a G-Virus monster. Being married to sullen old William was not even close to the top of their lists. Annette finally realizes she is being stared at and clears her throat, blushing slightly.
"I mean really, can you imagine listening to him go on and on about his G-Virus day after day?"
Rebecca shudders. "I see your point."
"Ladies can we get back to the matter at hand?" Trish waves a hand at the girls, getting their attention. "Now then since you won't give Dante back, I'm afraid I must release a terror far more…uh…terrifying then hell itself!"
"Wesker being perky again?"
Trish reaches out and flicks Rebecca on the end of the nose. The young medic glares at the blonde, rubbing her reddening nose. In the meantime, Trish proceeded to summon her terror…a howling mob of…RABID FAN GIRLS!
"OMG! IT'S DANTE!"
"HE'S SO CUTE!"
"I CALL DIBS ON THE COAT!"
"I WANT THE SWORD!"
"THE GUNS ARE MINE!"
And the response of the four young campers…
"I was wrong!"
"Oh no…"
"So much worse than Alfred…"
"WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!"
At this point Rebecca begins running around in circles screaming, much like Brad actually. Alexia has turned white and is shaking. Annette is sitting on the ground, rocking back and forth. Jill is mumbling to herself and looks ready to pass out. Trish relishes their pain for several minutes before speaking.
"Give me Dante and I'll make them go away."
Jill momentarily snaps out of her mumblings, grabs Annette by the lapels of her lab coat, jerks her to her feet, and shakes her back to reality.
"What are we gonna do!"
"I don't think we have a choice…" Annette is now crying. "I think we'll have to give him back…"
While Rebecca finally stops running in circles, although she is now sitting on the ground crying, Alexia snaps out of her shock. In fact she is looking much like her older more sadistic self.
"I will not lose my precious Dante now!"
Trish smirks, looking at her nails. "I think you are out of options."
"No I still have one option left…"
Jill actually turns whiter.
"Alexia you can't mean…"
"Alexia we've already called on her once…" Annette stammers.
Rebecca is now in the fetal position sucking her thumb. Everyone appears to be ignoring her.
"She is the only one left who can help us!"
Jill looks at the fan girls, then to Dante, then back to the fan girls, and finally her gaze falls back on Alexia.
"Alright…do it…"
Annette nods, a sly smirk coming to her face. She yanks a poke ball out of her back pocket and tosses it on the ground, not very dramatically I must say.
"Miss Authoress…I CHOSE YOU!"
The poke ball opens up and none other than our esteemed Authoress pops out. She's once again adopted new clothing and is now wearing Wesker's black combat outfit from Code Veronica X. She snaps her fingers the entire camp is freezes, except for Jill, Annette, Rebecca, Alexia, and herself.
"Hold on a second." Annette makes a time out sign with her hands as she looks at Alexia. "She lives in a poke ball?"
"She gave it to me when she got rid of Miss Perky." Alexia shrugged. "I think it was just so she could make a cooler entrance."
"Coming out of poke ball is cool?"
WC clears her throat. "I'm standing right in front of you, you know."
"Sorry."
"If you must know, I ran out of black smoke bombs. All I have left are pink ones." WC adjusted her sunglasses slightly and flicked a piece of imaginary dust from her sleeve. "I mean really, appearing in a puff of pink smoke just isn't as cool and dramatic as showing up in a puff of black smoke, now is it?"
Annette nods. "I can see the dilemma."
"Now then, what is it I can do for you?"
Alexia takes a deep breath. "Well we sorta kidnapped Dante…"
She then looks at Rebecca…
"…then Trish…" sniffle "…showed up…" sniffle
Rebecca looks at Jill…
"…and demanded we give him back."
Jill looks at Annette…
"Obviously we refused…"
Annette looks at Alexia…
"…so she sent a bunch of Rabid Fan Girls after us."
WC blinked at the girls for several seconds. I do believe her main train of thought at the moment, is why each girl had to explain part of the story to her instead of just one of them telling her the whole thing.
"And you want me to get rid of them, right?"
All four girls nod, looking hopeful.
"Sorry, no can do."
"Please…" They all whimper.
"Nope can't get rid of them." Before the girls can start begging WC holds up her hand stopping them. "I can give you the means to fight them though."
Jill is now confused. "Umm…this is your fic, can't you just snap your fingers and you know poof they're gone."
"Yes, I have that power!" WC breaks down into Wesker-like laughter for several seconds. "But I'm not going to."
"Why not?" They all whine.
"Cause it wouldn't be as funny as what I have in mind. Please remember that torturing characters is my main
goal in life."
The girl nod, completing understanding.
"Alrighty then!" WC reaches into her pocked and pulls out a large black disk, about five inches in diameter. "This is a Resident Evil Plot Hole."
After a few minutes of explanation W.C. hands the plot hole over to Alexia, snaps her fingers…unfreezing the camp…, and steps back to watch the show. The girls glance at one another, nodding that they were indeed ready and commence with their very Wesker-like somewhat evil plan.
"AHHH CRIS HELP!" Jill yells at the top of her lungs.
"OH NO! WILIAM PLEASE COME TO MY IMMEDIATE AIDE!" Annette screams.
"BILLY!" Rebecca screeches.
"HEY WESKER…YOU SUCK!" Alexia bellows.
Jill arches an eyebrow, staring at Alexia like she's lost her mind.
"What?" Alexia shrugs.
"Why did you just scream Wesker Sucks, instead of yelling for Alfred?"
"Because he's more popular than Alfred." Alexia subtly points at WC. "Plus she threatened me."
Chris, William, Billy, and Wesker come to a skidding halt just behind the four girls. Three of the four look worried, Wesker looks pissed. All of them are out of breath.
"Don't worry I'll protect you Jill!"
"Rebecca are you alright!"
"What is the threat my dearest?"
"Did I hear you right, did you just yell that I sucked!"
Alexia quickly tosses the plot hole over our four young men. Seconds later the plot hole disappears, and our four young men are now four older men. They have in fact, grown up. Chris is now the CVX version. Billy looks as he did in RE0. William is now his RE0 cameo version. While Wesker is now the evil yellow eyed version from CVX.
"What the hell?" Chris is now confused.
"Did I miss something?" Billy is now confused.
"Interesting…" William is now taking notes, go figure.
"Now I can really kick some ass!" Wesker is now more than a little happy.
While the boys try to figure out just what is going on and Wesker laughs evilly, the girls proceed with step two of their somewhat evil Wesker-like plan. Jill lets out a long whistle, getting the fan girls attention. Which works really, really well I might add. The Fan Girls come to a skidding halt, turning their attention to the four girls and, more importantly, the four men standing behind them.
"HEY GIRLS, LOOK WHAT WE FOUND!" Jill points at Chris.
"FRESH RESIDENT EVIL MEN!" Rebecca points at Billy.
"COME AND GET IT!" Annette points at William.
Alexia gives Wesker a good kick. He lands on the ground at the authoress' feet. WC smiles evilly and holds up a pair of handcuffs and some butterscotch syrup.
"Can you say fun?"
The Rabid Fan Girls quickly change modes and chase after Chris, Billy and William. Some venture near Wesker, but were soon dispatched by the WC. In a very painful and messy way, I might add. After seeing their comrades ripped to bloody shreds the rest of the fan girls stayed well away from him. Even Trish gets in on the fun, running after William as fast as her demon legs can carry her. With the Fan Girls now fixated on the RE men, and no longer interested in Dante, WC grabs Wesker's foot and prepares to leave.
"Well, my work here is done."
"PLEASE SOMEONE HELP ME!"
WC disappears in a puff of pink smoke with Wesker still screaming. There is a parting statement from our evil WC.
"Damn pink smoke bombs…"
The four girls are now left alone with their toy, this brings them great joy. Whistling, while shoving the struggling Dante back into his sack, they head back to their cabin.
Chris is stranded in a tree, surrounded by fan girls. Billy is trying to escape in a canoe. William, perhaps the least prepared for this kind of thing, finds himself cornered in one of the cabins.
Brad, Enrico, Kenneth, Forest, Joseph, Leon, Steve, Alfred, Carlos, and Nemesis are all pissed that they didn't even get one line in the entire chapter…