A/N: Ruben Salven is the sole property of CassSpaz and is being used with her permission.
0 Hour…aka…The Day of the Big Show…
Everyone seems to be having a rather good day, especially considering that this was it…the day they had been rehearsing for. Morpheus is skipping through the camp, humming various songs from the show. Luckily Chris, Wesker, Billy, and William have all returned to their smaller versions, good thing that plot hole trick is only temporary. Until 9:00 p.m. that night the campers were free to do as they wished. That is how we come upon our campers, busy doing…whatever…
"This time, no cheating Sherry." Claire eyes the young girl as she shuffles the cards. "I mean it."
"I didn't cheat, you just suck at poker."
"Will you deal already." Jill asks, playing with a poker chip. "Sometime today would be nice."
"Yea." Annette nods. "We only have a couple hours of free time you know."
"Oh shut up all of you!"
As Claire deals out a hand of poker, Brad is seen running from one of William's experiments. I think William needs stronger cages or something.
"AHHHH! ZOMBIE SQUIRREL! BILLY…HELP!
William is in hot pursuit of the squirrel, with Billy only two steps behind him. Despite the wild night with Rebecca, Billy is starting to get more than slightly agitated about this whole protection deal he's gotten himself into.
"This is getting ridicules…"
While Billy and William chase after Brad and the squirrel, Leon and Steve are in the middle of a slap fight. A slap fight that has been going on for the course of two hours. Carlos, Enrico, and Forest are sitting on the sidelines, watching the show.
"How did it get started this time?" Carlos hands Enrico a bag of popcorn. "Leon call Steve a fluff again or something?"
"I'm not too sure." Enrico passes the popcorn to Forest. "But I don't think so."
"Steve was checking out Claire's butt, again." Forest begins munching away. "And I think he may have whistled at her."
Carlos and Enrico both nod in understanding as Lean and Steve continue to slap the shit out of each other. Not far from the slap fight, we find Joseph and Rebecca up a tree. Rebecca looks a tad bit nervous and Joseph is holding a water balloon. Nemmy is only five or six steps from walking under said tree…gee, I wonder what is about to happen?
"This doesn't seem like a good idea."
"Will you trust me?"
"Fine, but don't say I didn't warn you…"
Just a short jaunt from the soon to be water balloon incident, Chris and Wesker are rolling around in the dirt trying to kill each other. Kenneth, Ark, Alfred, and Alexia are watching the fight, looking somewhat board. I guess it happens so often it just isn't that exciting to watch anymore.
"They're at it again."
"Yea." Ark sighed. "What's the count up to now?"
Alfred thinks for a moment. "70."
"What started it this time?" Alexia is busy filing her nails. "They look at each other wrong or something?"
"Chris said something about Wesker being kidnapped by the authoress."
There was a universal shudder as everyone remembered what Wesker looked like when the authoress finally released him. In the hopes of keeping this a PG-13 fan fic, said authoress will not go into specifics. Let's just say it involved a little of this…a little of that…a whole bunch of what not…
"Albert Michael Wesker! What do you think you're doing!"
Every head in the camp turned, with the exception of Leon and Steve's that is, as a tall woman in a black dress marched toward the two boys rolling in the dirt. She was followed closely by a tall man wearing a black dress shirt and matching dress slacks. Both of them were wearing dark sunglasses and had slicked back blonde hair, although the woman's hair was slightly longer than the man's. Wesker looks up, still holding Chris by the throat.
"Mom!"
"How many times have I told you…" Mrs. Wesker shakes her head. "Chocking isn't the quickest death. You want your enemy decimated before he can retaliate."
Everyone's mouth drops open in shock. I suppose it isn't too hard to figure out how Wesker got to be such a treacherous bastard anymore.
"Christopher Albert Redfield! Young man you get up right now!"
Two more people make their way to the scene of the fight. One is a tall athletically built young woman with long brownish red hair and the other is a muscular man with short cropped brown hair. Both look a great deal like older versions of Claire and Chris. The woman is wearing a pair of blue jeans and tee shirt, and the man is wearing an Air Force uniform. Claire comes running over, while Chris turns several shades of crimson.
"Mommy! Daddy!"
Carlos is trying not to laugh. "Your middle name is…Albert?"
"Shut-up Carlos!"
Suddenly, a man goes running by being chased by a gerbil the size of a dog and a brown haired woman in a lab coat.
" Brenda…HELP!"
Brad comes running into the scene seconds later and quickly catches up with the man running from the gerbil. Incidentally, Brad is still running from the squirrel.
"Dad…help!"
"I'm busy!" Mr. Vickers looks around wildly. "WHERE IS YOUR MOTHER?"
Mrs. Vickers is standing off to the side, shaking her head.
"Here we go again…"
"Will you stop?" William's Mom shouts at Mr. Vickers, sounding slightly out of breath. "It's not going to eat you…at least I don't think so…"
"Oh dear." William glances at his father. "It appears Mother has been working on her size enhancement experiments again."
"Indeed, she's making great accomplishments in that area."
So as the middle of the camp turns into a giant race for survival several more family members trickle in.
"Jill!"
Jill abandons her poker game and runs to her mother. She gives Mrs. Valentine a big hug, then glances around.
"Where's Dad?"
Jill's Dad, wearing a S.T.A.R.S. uniform, shows up a few seconds later.
"There's my girl!" He gives Jill a hug, then straightens. "Sorry, I was parking the car."
"Daddy, I found my perfect man!"
"Is that so?" Mr. Valentine arches an eyebrow. "Where is he then?"
Jill quickly drags her Dad over to Chris and his parents. The two families size each other up for several seconds as Jill excitedly introduces her love interest.
"This is Chris."
Over by the cabin Sherry makes an observation and shares with Rebecca.
"Looks like Jill and her mother have the same taste in men. Mr. Valentine and Chris could be father and son."
"Looks that way."
At this time two adult versions of Birkin and Annette show up. Sherry is now confused, as are most everyone present, and the readers at home I suspect.
"Uh…how the hell did they get here? I thought they were kids right now?"
"Maybe we should ask the authoress?" Rebecca squeaks.
WC is currently hiding in bushes waiting for the right moment to throw a net over Wesker's Dad.
"The authoress has no concept of time, remember?" Adult Annette pats Sherry on the head.
"This is true. Our esteemed writer feels that time is a nuisance to her writing…"
Adult Annette ignores her husband as he goes off on a technical rant.
"So how are you doing?"
Meanwhile a tall rather shapely woman shows up. With her dark features and black hair, it is obvious she is South American. Mrs. Oliveria glances around for a moment, before locating Carlos.
"Carlos!"
"Mom!"
Mrs. Oliveria starts to ask how Carlos is doing when a loud commotion interrupts her.
Rebecca's Mom. "You arrogant ass!"
Billy's Mom. "Get the hell away from me!"
Leon's Mom. "Ewww!"
Just as Steve's Mom screams loudly, shattering several windows, everyone turns in the direction of the commotion. Standing amidst the screaming women is a tall rather good looking Mexican man. At this point he appears to be hitting on each and every one of them, much to the dismay of the women. Though their respective husbands don't seem to happy about the arrangement either. Currently Salven appears to be stalking Mrs. Speyer.
"Hey baby, wanna take a look at the trees with me?"
"Ruben!" Mrs. Oliveria pinches the bridge of her nose. "Will you stop that?"
"Go Uncle Ruben!"
Jill glances first at Carlos, then Salven. "Guess we know where he gets is from."
"Annette is this normal?"
Annette looks up at her mother. "You mean the yelling, screaming, and people running for their lives?"
"Yea."
"All the time. By the way, where's Dad?"
A few feet away, Annette's Dad walks into a tree. Billy's Dad, standing nearby, quickly helps him up.
"You alright?"
"Pretty!"
Annette's father pats Mr. Coen on the head then skips off after a butterfly. Mr. Coen is now as confused as everyone else. Annette in the meantime, looks embarrassed.
"Mom, why did you marry him? I mean I love my Dad but he's…well…he's a moron."
"Well dear your father is indeed not very intelligent but he…uh…that is…he's very…" Annette's mother turns a bright shade of red. "I'll explain when you're older."
Suddenly, Mr. Vickers comes running by and jumps into Mr. Coen's arms.
"SAVE ME!"
Billy comes to a skidding halt.
"Hi Dad."
Mr. Coen glances first at his son, then at the grown man in his arms, then back to Billy. He looks very confused at this point. Perhaps more confused about the man in his arms, then he was about the man who patted him on the head.
"Did I miss something?"
Suddenly Brad comes running by and jumps into Billy's arms.
"SAVE ME!"
Billy sighs. "No."
While Mr. Coen and Billy try to decide how to handle their current arm loads, Mr. Kennedy and Mr. Burnside are in the middle of a slap fight. Nearby Leon and Steve are still having their slap fight. Barry and his parents are staring at random objects. Ark's Parents are wandering around in a daze, looking lost and sorta blank. Nearby stand Forest and Ark himself.
"Is that normal for them?"
"Unfortunately."
The Wesker family and the Redfield family are having a normal conversation, while the two boys glare at each other. Meanwhile…the authoress has inched closer to Wesker's Dad in hopes of snagging him with her handy net. Suddenly, just as Mr. Wesker is explaining how to kill somebody with rubber squeaky toy, WC throws the net and captures Mr. Wesker.
"AHHHHH!" Wesker is now screaming and running around in a very Brad-like way. "DAD'S BEEN CAPTURED BY THE PSYCHO AUTHORESS!"
"WHAT?"
Mrs. Wesker pulls a large handgun from under her dress, kinky, and looks around wildly for the Psycho Authoress. Although currently in a net, Mr. Wesker does not seem very flustered about it. Maybe it has happened before, who knows?
"Would you mind letting me go?"
"Sorry can't do that." WC smiles. "I have my reasons."
"That is my husband you have there!" Mrs. Wesker points the abnormally large handgun at WC. "Let him go!"
"Well, I'm sorry but Albert hasn't gotten all super powered yet and I used my last Resident Evil Plot Hole on
the Rabid Fan Girls."
"Superpowers?"
"Oh yea. He gets infected with this virus…and well hot damn he gets all super strong and fast and…"
WC drops the net holding Mr. Wesker and starts whispering to Wesker's mom. Slowly, Mrs. Wesker's eyes begin to widen.
"Think of the stamina…"
"Indeed." WC sighs. "So until he turns all cool I have to keep kidnapping look-alikes to keep myself busy."
"I have an idea…"
As Mrs. Wesker begins whispering to WC, WC begins smiling. Wesker is starting to look nervous.
"Why do I have the feeling this isn't a good thing for me?"
"Alright then…"
WC hands over Mr. Wesker and a vile of some reddish liquid. In turn, Mrs. Wesker hands over a Resident Evil Plot Hole. Wesker takes off running. WC chases after him.
"Come back Albie! I still have some butterscotch syrup left!"
The Parents and Campers are now stunned into silence…
Meanwhile, Dante has finally managed to escape during the confusion. Nemmy is having a pleasant visit with his parents, a vile of T-Virus and a prototype tyrant. Hopefully everything will calm down in time for the show…
A/N: The big show is next!