First off, many, many thanks to those that reviewed. This is my first actual planned out Teen Titans fic, so to hear you guys say such things about it made my day. The plot is getting increasingly difficult to decipher however, and as time goes on, I may just end up playing this more by ear I'm afraid.
I don't think that this chapter is as good, or isn't exactly up to the standard of the first chapter, but I hope everyone enjoys it none-the-less. If certain stuff bugs you as much as it does me, I might just end up editing it later. A story takes time and effort, but hopefully I'll be able to update and keep up with this one. School is a tad bit demanding however, and I'll do what I can in between math, science, labs, etc.
Anyhoo, enough with this junk. Oh, and just in case you haven't guessed yet, I don't actually OWN the Teen Titans, but if the higher-ups are willing to part with them for a reasonable price then I'm sure that we could come to an amicable agreement.
Evanescence
Chapter 2: Touch
She had no idea when it had started.
That lingering feeling, creeping down her arms, sinking into her very fingertips.
That insatiable urge to reach out and as absurd as it sounds, touch Robin.
Even now the thought brought on an onslaught of uncomfortable feelings and comments from her isolated emotions.
It wasn't that she simply craved prolonged physical contact.
No, it was far more complex.
If anything, she simply longed to reach out to him.
To do something so mundane as to touch his shoulder.
Hold his hand.
To ask for anything more would be inexcusable. To ask for the sort of intimacy that could never be rightfully reciprocated would be selfish.
No, she could never…
Never be held, never experience the feeling of his presence wrapped around her, the mere feel of his arms around her body.
The kettle let out a shrill whistle and Raven forcefully shut the book in front of her.
It was then that she thanked the world for the small miracles within it, like grabbing the last package of food just as someone reaches for it, or finding an article of clothing in your favorite color.
If any of the Titans had walked in on her at that particular time, they clearly would've noticed the vibrant shade of scarlet currently illuminating her face. Neither flushed with anger nor indifference, she would have to go to elaborate lengths to explain her distressed state of being.
At 5:00 in the morning however, not a single soul could be found traversing the tower. She would go through her morning routine in silence once more.
Except this morning seemed to fuel a frustration, an irritation that plagued Raven's very being.
The memory of the flower still burned brightly.
The feel of his hand clasped around hers.
Her grip on the mug tightened considerably and she quickly tried to repress the urge to slam it down on the countertop. She slowly closed her eyes and set her glass down on the counter, proceeding to massage her temples.
Emotional overload, she reasoned.
Nothing more, nothing less.
Just be calm.
Relax.
Meditate.
And all will be resolved…
As she began her chant, everything drifted away.
She rested in a void of her own making, nothing getting in and nothing getting out.
She inhaled and exhaled lightly, whilst urging her heart to relax and beat at a light, steady rhythm.
Floating gently in place, she rested her arms on her knees and entered nirvana.
A world devoid of pressures, of pointless stress; devoid of unfulfilled hopes and dreams…
…of desire.
She abruptly hit the ground and for the second time that day felt her face turn an unnatural shade of red.
Raven quickly stood up, placed her hood securely over her face and stormed out to...where? Not even she knew the answer.
Her thoughts roared through her mind, a stream of questions, a jumble of words that even she could barely comprehend. The constant buzz of words, sensations and memories threatened to once again wrest her control from her…threaten to make her emotions flare in a display of her ineptitude. She would sooner consume one of Starfire's abysmal puddings than allow such an embarrassing display to be repeated.
Cyborg had already given everyone hell for the incident yesterday. She had hidden in the shadows while he ranted about having to repair the damages, but she suspected that he knew. Enough glares were thrown in her direction that she had felt the beginnings of guilt start to creep into her subconscious. She turned her gaze away as Robin attempted to rationalize the situation, and ultimately left.
Control.
What she longed for ultimately was control, and nothing would stop her from attaining it.
Let alone such a matter as base as-
Enough! Her mind roared, determined to find and, if need be, forcefully resolve this problem.
Everything came spiraling to a stop, and one lone memory came to rest before her.
A lone pocket of her mind had been opened in the ensuing chaos and from there the thought had been ejected. She took it and gently began to unfold it as it took on shape and began to expand.
A world opened up all around her and she became aware of the color before anything else.
It was blinding.
White.
…And it all began with the innocent touch of a hand.
Azarath.
That was where it had all started.
That pointless pre-occupation with touch.
She had wandered out on her own, anxious to see everything that the world had to offer; anything aside from the white robes of those that surrounded her, the sterility of the walls that encased her.
She longed to get away from the endless stacks of books and teachings, from the monks that constantly peered over her shoulder, watching, observing.
She had been able to finally leave of her own accord, breathe in the crisp air, and behold the sun in all its majesty. Noises from ahead caught her attention and she came upon a small child sitting in a flower patch.
Raven had never once viewed a child her own age.
She had been born and raised in the careful isolation granted to her by the inhabitants of Azarath. Her very existence put the entire universe at risk, but not even she knew of the danger lurking in her future.
To a young Raven, she was no different than the girl sitting not even six feet away, playing with the flowers.
She watched as the child carelessly pulled the petals off of the flower, letting them fall towards the grassy ground. A smile captured her joyful expression and Raven watched, curiosity overriding any attempts to be cautious.
The girl suddenly looked up and noticed her unlikely guest.
She had never before seen such a child, let alone one in the elaborate attire that Raven was clothed in.
She remained silent as Raven gazed on in wonder at the flowers surrounding them. The countless shades of color enraptured her, and the girl couldn't help but notice. A wide smile found its way onto her face and the flower was held out, an offering of sorts.
Raven gazed at it hesitantly.
She wasn't one to receive gifts, or items.
Ultimately her desire to hold, to touch, the flower, outweighed any and all apprehensions surrounding it. She took the flower into her small, gray hands and felt the soft texture of the petals under her fingers.
The girl beside her jumped up in excitement and flashed Raven the most brilliant of smiles. Seconds later she extended her hand, promises of exquisite colors and that of something new…friendship, evident in her very being.
More hesitance gripped Raven at that point, but before she could even protest her hand was quickly grabbed. The girl pulled her over the flower fields, laughing joyously as she went, and Raven could do little else but be pulled along behind her.
…Touch.
No one had ever touched her before.
Her own mother had never tried to hold her, let alone take her hand.
It was strange, but wonderful.
Running, laughing.
It was almost a foreign concept to her, but at that place in time her lips curved upwards, the warmth of the girl's emotions flowing over to her through their small connection.
For a moment she felt truly and gloriously happy.
It would only take another moment for that feeling to be absolutely demolished.
She was roughly snatched away as the girl in front of her was pulled off to the side. Raven's look of terror quickly changed to that of confusion as four monks of Azarath surrounded her and kept her from even glancing at her new friend.
The man that had grabbed the girl muttered urgent apologies to the monks.
"My lords, please forgive my daughter. She knows not of the prophecy and of the child's station. She didn't mean to…touch her." He nearly spat out the last phrase and Raven reeled at the flood of negative emotions coursing through him.
She tried to force her way through the barrier formed around her, but there was nothing that she could even hope to do. Pain, fear, derision soared through the air, and the last she saw of the girl was her crying face as her father moved to strike her.
She never remembered spending another day outside of the walls of the temple.
She would eventually come to a realization about her "station".
The monks that had always accompanied her and taught her their ways weren't just placed there to provide her with protection from the people.
They were there to protect the people from her.
She would come to learn of her destiny, of her parentage. Everything became all too clear after that…
Why she could never fully release the potent feelings welling up inside of her,
why no one ever dared to look at her,
why her own mother had never tried to hold her,
comfort her when everything seemed to be for naught…
She was the daughter of chaos.
Body crafted out of nothingness to be used as a vessel.
Her very being, her very soul teemed with every despised element in the universe,
And to touch her was to taste oblivion.
The marks on her skin had merely reminded her of the sins she had yet to commit in the future.
And yet even now, she still felt it.
That undeniable fear that she would taint the very things that she longed to touch, contaminate them with her sin. Even now, long after the end, long after the shadows had been banished…
The experiences on Azarath would always linger in her mind, even with her introduction to Earth and the people inhabiting it.
Laughing, crying, touching.
It could never be for her.
She remembered the feel of Robin's hand wrapped around hers.
The earnest look upon his face directed towards only her.
Her feet ceased their endless movement as her thoughts were once again pulled into her subconscious.
The dying flower filled her mind as she gazed upon the towering door before her.
Somewhere in the distance she suspected that fate was laughing.