Authors yappin':
First of all merry Christmas and happy new year and all that jazz to everyone. Hope you all had a great holiday, with all the presents, parties and whatnot that comes with it. Well it's back to business as usual and that also means back to writing.
I've seen a couple of people think that the gypsy's accent is a pain in the a--. I've spoken with her and she does feel bad for any inconvenience, frustration and mental anguish it might cause, but she can't change the way she speaks now, she was just made that way (sorry but she isn't up for a remake, I really don't feel like taking the accent away from her now). If it's any consolation, she's not given as much 'air time' in this chapter as she was in the last, and I think she will get even less (though I'm not really sure about that) in the next, which by the way will be the last chapter.
I also noticed how I've in the description of my fic have put angst and ROMANCE (yikes), so I felt compelled to sneak in a bit of fluff in this chapter, hope it turned out alright since I've never written something like that before (and I feel quite clueless about how to estimate the quality of my own writing).
Apart from that I really want to thank each and every reviewer for giving their feedback on this little fic, I must admit I'm flattered that they're generally so positive, and I hope I can keep it interesting for you guys :-)
X X X X X X X X X X X X
X X X X X X X X X X X X
Denotes actual place/time change. A perspective change without a 'scene' change does not usually warrant this.
x x x x x x x x x x x x
Purely imaginary place/time change such as a person having a longer flashback or falling asleep and starting to dream, the actual time/place is unchanged. Double lines indicates going from 'the real world' into a dream or flashback or vice versa. A single line will indicate different 'states' in the dream/flashback (still a scene change but it's the same persons dream or general flashback before and after the line).
"Speech"
Thoughts
Trancendental voice
EXCLAMATION!
And the combination today (drumroll...)
"Telepathy" (Crash cymbal, hihats and drummer basically going ballistic)
Disclaimer: I hereby renounce my claim to any part of Chrno Crusade (sniff) and any money (sniff again) which can be made from it.
And now... for something completely different...
It's...
The Curing Kiss
By Shnoosh
Chapter 3 - Cause
He was burning... or rather he felt he was burning. However there was no fire, no flames were feeding off his body. So he wasn't really burning... right?
He had tried to escape it, to find somewhere he would be safe. A haven deep within his mind that could shelter him.
It was just too hard...
After the spots had started to form, sleeping had turned into a state of recurring nightly torment, with each subsequent dream being more torturous than the previous.
There was no real hope...
Refraining from going to sleep during the night had seemed like a sound strategy at first, but the fever induced weariness had put an effective stop to that course of action.
Why had he even tried...?
And now daytime wasn't even a guarantee that he could stay awake.
Did it even matter...?
He would still burn. The spots would still be there. And more would still come.
The fever and the spots... They walked hand in hand, and he was the ground upon which they trampled.
They had even appeared at the same time.
He remembered it all to vividly.
That particular dream had been fused into his memory.
x x x x x x x x x x x x
He was asleep now, he knew it. The darkness was almost becoming familiar to him. It didn't even represent anything unpleasant anymore, not that it was pleasant in any way, it was just somthing he was slowly getting used to. Something inevitable which happened every time he slept.
He scratched his chin. Might as well get it over with.
He put his legs into a tailor style position, folding his hands and resting his elbows on his knees. Closing his eyes he tried to obtain a meditative state.
He remained completely motionless, appearing much like an infernal idol floating in vast space, except there were no stars. Time went by at an alarmingly sluggish pace, as he continously tried to empty his mind, or maybe it flew by. Quantifying time was an artificial concept anyway, and without anything to keep track of it, it was meaningless. He opened his eyes again, a clear sign of his failure to reach any deeper spiritual insight.
I'm not really any good at this. Heh, I ought to be, with all the time I spent in that tomb. Time actually seemed to pass faster then because I slept most of it away, and now a single night takes forever because I'm sleeping... ironic.
He needed to occupy himself somehow, and thinking about all the things that had transpired on their journey so far seemed like a good idea. So he started sorting everything out in his mind... not that he hadn't done that before either, but the pastime options in the dream were limited to say the least. In particular, he thought about the train ride, and the subsequent crash.
Rizel's dead now. Wonder how Aion's gonna deal with that. He most likely won't, she was just a pawn to him anyway. She actually was a wretch. Always yearning for his appreciation, and he knew it, simply using it to further his own ends. Gotta hand it to him, he knows how to get people to do as he pleases, I nearly had to die in order to wake up, and the only reason I didn't...
He had to mentally smack himself for drifting down that trail. It brought up the old festering wound... The one which never seemed inclined to heal. Why did his thoughts do that...? Always fancying the memories which caused him grief. He forced himself to return thinking about the now deceased sinner.
Wonder if she even loved him, or if she was only infatuated with his power and vision? Probably the latter, Rizel capable of loving... not likely. It really was a small miracle that we all got out of that train wreck alive. Rosette sure knows how to pick an accident. Hope she doesn't feel like some sort of magnet for disasters... That thought brought a smile. The way they seem to follow her around that might be hard. He looked towards his left. Rosette... Will you ever visit me here again? I'd like that. Huh...?
He suddenly noticed the slight tingle in the thumb on his right hand. What's this? It felt very real. Hmmm... A nerve twitch? Nah. Can't be. I'm supposed to be dreaming, right? This was the first time he felt something resembling a physical sensation in the dream. Could it be a simple trick of his mind? Could his mind even do that when he was dreaming? It was strange, but in a way it was also comforting. To be able to feel something, when there normally was nothing.
He inspected the digit. Nope. Looks normal. Odd tingle though. The tingle slowly increased in intensity. It began to feel slightly more unpleasant. Maybe it's some kind of nerve anyway. He began massaging his thumb in an effort to make it feel better. Didn't expect to experience something like this in a dream. Well, guess there's a first time for everyth...
"Auuw..."
Dammit that actually hurt. Stupid aching thumb.
The tingle had increased to a throbbing ache, sometimes stronger, sometimes weaker. He kept massaging the finger, not really knowing what else to do. The ache gradually became worse, and it seemed to begin echoing throughout his hand and arm. If it doesn't stop I'm gonna bite the damn thing off, he thought menacingly. Why won't it just stop?
The ache had now evolved into regular pain. He clutched the thumb with his left hand, and started to bite his teeth together. What the... ? This really... hurts... It's just... my thumb... how the hell... can it hurt... this much? He was now forcefully squeezing the finger, trying to replace the throbbing pain with one of his own making. That would be more acceptable, then he would know what caused it. He realized that his jaw was also aching slightly from biting together his teeth.
Then he began burning.
Demon eyes shot open at the new excruciating sensation. His whole hand was ablaze with white-hot flames, slowly and agonizingly turning it into cinders.
No... there was no fire.
It only felt...
By the... gods...! What kind... of pain... IS this... this is... it's... just... my goddamn... THUMB! Sweat trickled down his shuddering body as the intensity of the torture soared.
"WHAT'S HAPPENING?"
The shout was muted and immediately swallowed by the void. He knew all to well that no answer would come. Fiercely he grinded his teeth togther again, seemingly in an effort to break his own jaw. But even if that would be possible it would not be enough to diverge him from the torrent of fiery pain that rushed out of this accursed finger.
His strength began to diminish, the conflagration was laying waste to everything. His jaw slacked. His clutching hand began loosening it's grip. He was weak, powerless, devoured by the scorching that raged through his entire being by now. Crimson eyes were watering. He usually never cried over physical pain, he had experienced too much of that already. As the last strength in his body left him his left hand opened unwillingly, revealing the source of it all. His eyes widened in shock and disbelief.
It's... BOILING?
Tiny 'bubbles' kept rising to the surface of the finger making the flesh bulge out, releasing harrowing surges of incinerating torment through him when they appeared to explode. NO... THIS... IS... IMPOSSIBLE... The bulges grew forth bursting incessantly, endlessly, and his eyes refused to close or look away, they were transfixed on the macabre spectacle. His thumb appeared gigantic, he felt nothing else. The skin was still intact, the 'bubbles' were all beneath the skin, it was the inside which was boiling, trying to break through the frail barrier. THIS... CAN'T... BE... THIS... HAPPENS... INSIDE... ME...?
Pain... Anger... Denial... Fear... Anguish... Despair...
It all mixed together into a massive beast of emotion, which welled up forcefully within him. He couldn't move, he couldn't close his eyes, he couldn't fight back. He could do nothing but let his feelings consume him, as he stared at his hand, unable to resist the onslaught. His face showed the full spectrum of what went on inside him as sweat and tears flowed freely.
Then it burst open.
YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRGGGHHH...
It wasn't a voice, but it was still a scream. To call it inhuman would be an understatement. Chrno's eyes were wide open. His hands and feet were jerked as far from his torso as possible, making him appear racked by an invisible force. Deep fissures had opened up in the thumb, but no blood came out. Instead a brilliant crimson light flared from the gashes, dancing out of the cracks like ethereal flames, dissappearing into nothing. Every part of him cried into the emptiness, with agony transcending physical comprehension. His expression was brutally twisted into a silent howl. His mouth started to open wider than his face could allow without breaking in halves, seemingly his lower jaw was beginning to unhinge itself. His features appeared to be melting, as if he was about to be remodelled or simply become formless. Then the light died, the pain vanished, and Chrno instantly curled into fetal position...
He trembled...
Time passed...
He couldn't think, or gather the strength to move.
He simply stayed in his curled up position.
Like an animal guided only by instincts.
Trembling with fear...
His face was buried in his hands. His legs were dragged all the way up to his chest. His wings were wrapped tightly around him, as they normally did when they were shielding him. He felt so incredibly alone.
Rosette...
The second he gathered his thoughts, he became aware of the pain. It came from his thumb, or rather from the joint were his thumb had been attached to his hand.
It was still burning...
It had been ever since...
He just hadn't noticed until now.
The intangible fear had litterally shattered his consciousness, but now when he had assembled his mind once again he could feel it. He couldn't actually sense the finger anymore, a flame had replaced it, burning his hand at the root. It was a blistering feeling, but still it only resembled physical pain. That made it sufferable. Have to see what happened to it. He really didn't want to look.
Slowly, extremely slowly he removed his hands from his face. He then opened his eyes while holding up his right hand in front of his face, forcing himself to look, and the sight of it filled him with sorrow. There was only one word which could come close to describing what Chrno felt at that moment.
Loss.
His hand looked completely normal, except the thumb. It was jet black. Rough and scarred like volcanic rock, which had been spewed out of a long dead volcano. It was a hideous sight to behold. It was charred and devoid of life, yet still resembling what was once a part of him. But it's not a part of me anymore, it's nothing... but a mockery. He started to become angry. Angry at whatever had caused this, angry for having a part of himself so brutally torn away, angry for being so utterly defenseless...
Tears of frustration pressed forth, but were held back.
He tried to touch the dead lump with his other hand. I... can't even feel it... with my other fingers. It's really gone, as if... it was never there. It's like... I'm trying to remember something... which never was there in the first place. It's been... wiped out... Somehow it felt much worse than if it had merely been chopped off. Somehow the thumb of his dream body represented much more than a simple appendage on his hand. Somehow the darkness now seemed more ominous than ever before. It was smothering him, threatening to swallow him, to unmake him.
He curled into a protective ball, wrapping his wings around himself protectively, burying his face deeply within his hands once again, trying to block out the dark. Fearfully anticipating the feel of a slight tingle. Why is this happening to me?
The demon simply floated in the void, all the while the flame on his right hand sent a blistering pain through him. It was all that was real anymore, all which made him feel somewhat alive in this sea of blackness. The burning anguish of something he had lost.
x x x x x x x x x x x x
That day, when he woke up, he was drenched in sweat...
He immediately inspected his right hand. It appeared normal. Shit. That dream only gets worse. His arm dropped down to the bed again, and he let out a deep breath he had been holding in.
He sat up. His body felt heavy. I'm even more tired than when I went to bed.
Letting his legs drop over the side of the bed, he tried to force himself to get up, but his weariness fought him. I'm trembling, and covered in sweat. Now what's wrong with me? Well, suppose it's only natural that I'm affected by such a nightmare. He went to get his clothes from the chair he had casually laid them on the night before, but on the short trip over there he became extremely dizzy. He reached out and grabbed the chair for support, but his legs buckled under his seemingly ten ton body him sending him down on one knee quivering. Damn, get a grip Chrno. He lowered his head in an attempt to fight off the dizzyness.
"Chrno..." The voice was slightly annoyed. It belonged to his human contractor who had just entered the room. "You're sleeping late again... Oh you're... up..." Her plan had been to drag him out of bed and give him a good clobbering for keeping them all waiting, but seing her partner had stopped both her movements and her speech.
"Why are you kneeling? Are you alright?" Rosette couldn't help commenting on Chrno's odd position. Apparently he was in the middle of swearing allegiance to the chair.
Chrno gave her an embarrassed smile. "Yeah. I'm fine." He lied as he stood up. "I'll be down in a minute." He felt weary, but he was going to fight it off. He really needed to stay awake.
Rosette went over to him, looking concerned. "Chrno." She grabbed his face, pulling his cheeks. "Are you sure you're alright? If something's wrong you'd tell me, right?" Her eyes were locked on his.
"Ophh coursh." He slowly removed the cheek pinchers and pushed back a little, still holding her hands in his own. He was weak and sore but didn't want Rosette to worry about him. He felt she saw right through him, when she was that close. He had to keep her at an arms length... just until he got better.
Rosette was slightly shocked and a little sad. He never removed her hands when she pinched his cheeks. Why would he start now? Was there something really wrong with him? Something told her there was more to this than him being a bit moody. "Chrno..." She tried moving closer to him.
"I guess I'm just taking advantage of not having to get up so early." She was cut short by the demon, who smiled reassuringly. He let go of her, and went to pick up his clothes. He felt a bit more awake. That was good. "I'll get dressed, and then we can move on."
Still worried but letting out a sigh of resignation the sister continued. "Ok. If you say so. Me and Azmaria are downstairs and ready to go. We asked to borrow a car, but apparently they need it. We're gonna have to walk, and the sooner we start the sooner we'll get to San Francisco. But you should get a shower first, 'cause you feel a bit sticky. Did you have some sort of nightmare?"
"It's nothing to worry about." I'm not gonna bother you again with this dream of mine. You've got enough on your mind as it is, without having to be concerned with a demon's nightmare as well. It was strange. Whenever he was awake, he could somehow brush aside the dream as being just that. "I'll go get a shower then and meet you down there shortly."
She wasn't convinced, but they needed to get going soon. If something was bothering him, he would tell her when he was ready. If they had more time, she wouldn't let it go so easily, she would try and pry it out of him now, with a carefully measured dose (ok an abitrary amount) of Rosette-applied physical persuasion. She went towards the door. If she just had more time...
"Rosette."
"Yeah?"
"Sorry to keep you waiting like this." He smiled.
The exorcist smiled back. "It's Jake." She went out of the room.
Chrno relaxed a bit, getting his towel and heading for the bathroom. A shower will freshen me up. Then I'll get better, and we'll be on our way. I'm NOT gonna let her down now when we're finally getting close to Joshua. He didn't dare to think the thought, but inside he was dreading having to go to sleep again.
x x x x x x x x x x x x
x x x x x x x x x x x x
Something knocked...
"Chrno..."
It was Azmarias voice. Everything was a blur. He opened his eyes a bit more. His vision focused and he saw the girl enter the room with a tray. He let out a slight moan as he tried to sit up in the bed, his body was aching with the fever.
"How do you feel?" She was her usual cheery self. She went to the side of the bed, putting down the tray on the nightstand.
"Azmaria..." Chrno sat up. Oh... don't ask.
Azmaria put a hand on his forehead comparing his temperature with her own. "Your fever is not coming down yet." She looked slightly concerned.
He wasn't surprised, it was the expected verdict. That would have been too easy, I guess.
Azmaria smiled, as she thought about what she had brought him."Eating is an important part of recovery."
Not really in the mood for eating, but anything's better than going back to sleep right away.
The apostle turned around and grabbed the tray again. Putting it down on the bed in front of Chrno. She looked at him expectantly.
Crimson eyes widened when he saw the food. He let in a deep breath savoring the flavors. There was a bowl of soup with meat and vegetables in, bread smelling as if it had just been taken out of the oven, some cake for desert, and cup of hot chocolate to go with it all. This was more than he typically ate in a day. After all he only did so for his own enjoyment, not to survive. "Amazing!" Chrno grabbed the spoon. "Did you make all of this, Azmaria?"
"I hope you'll like it." She had never made something this big before, and was visibly nervous about how he was going to react, when he tasted it.
Chrno took a spoonful of the broth. It was hearty and rich in taste, the heat flowed through him soothingly. "It's delicious."
"Great!" The little chef beamed with childish pride. "Take your time eating." With a big smile she turned around giving Chrno time to finish the meal. "I'll come to get the tray later."
I might not be hungry, but I'm still going to eat up. He let the smell of the food circle through him. "Thank you, Azmaria." That'll make Azmaria happy too.
"Oh, Azmaria."
"Yes?"
"Where's Rosette?" Chrno had nearly forgotten about this. He was a little puzzled that she hadn't come to see him after her and Satella got back.
"Uh..." Azmaria didn't quite know how she was going to put this.
"Azmaria?"
The girl turned around again. "Well... Uhmm... first of all, you don't have to worry."
"Worry? About what?"
"She's in her room, Satella's is bringing her meal, it's at least three times as much as you've got, and she's gulping it down the way she normally does, so she seems to be fine..."
"Azmaria, just tell me what it is." Readily sensing Azmaria stalling Chrno pressed for an answer.
"Well... She's got a fever."
WHAT?
"Huh? Fever?" His thoughts started racing with ludicrous speed. Does that mean no it can't it's not related and I'm a demon she's human it's different they get sick we don't she's eating like normal so she's doing better than me... she's doing better... He calmed down a bit. "And still she's eating like a hog?" Guess humans just deal with these things more easily. "Good grief, Rosette."
"Right..." The girl, let out a small grin, picturing Rosette's eating habits in her head.
X X X X X X X X X X X X
X X X X X X X X X X X X
All of the plates in front of Rosette were empty, she had devoured the seven course meal in a matter of minutes. In a few more she was probably going to feel full to the point of nausea, but she really didn't care, it had tasted so good she just couldn't stop herself. "That was Yummi!" She exclaimed in a child-like manner, stretching her arms.
Satella who had witnessed the ordeal, was more than a little skeptical at the glutton's alleged condition. "Are you sure you're sick?"
"Yeah." Rosette answered quickly, it wasn't as if she'd let a simple fever keep her from the pleasures in life, such as eating. "Oh, Satella?" She asked when said woman turned to leave. "How's Chrno doing?"
Satella turned around again. "His fever hasn't come down yet."
The nun's heart sank, she knew they had both been given fever medicine. There wasn't many things she'd actually prayed for in her life, but the medicine working on Chrno had been one of them.
"I guess ordinary medicine won't work on him." The conclusion made by the jewel witch was simple and obvious, but the impact of hearing the words out loud made everything more real to Rosette.
'Cause it's not an ordinary fever... Rosette's expression turned sad.
"What?" Satella suddenly looked concerned, she had actually never seen the sister sad before. Angry; hurt; frustrated; bewildered; scared yes, but never really just plain... sad.
"It just isn't the same." The honey-blonde girl said meekly. Chrno... Is it really true? "With him being sick." Can you actually... die...? I can't... live with that...
"Do you actually..." The german summoner's voice was genuinely surprised.
"It's really annoying without a pack mule." Rosette's words said one thing but her face said another. I can't... live with myself if...
This explanation was not met with approbation. "Huh?"
Rosette made her best fake yawn, and tried to look sleepy. "This town is so hilly, and makes me tired." Go away...
"Is Chrno simply a servant to you?" Satella exclaimed.
Of course not you dumb dora, but you really think I'm gonna tell you? "We can't even go out to look for Joshua until he recovers. Geez!" Rosette purposefully avoided the question and pretended to go to sleep, waiting for Satella to leave.
"What... You..." Satella really didn't know what to say now, and the so-called sick girl simply ignored her apparently already asleep. With an annoyed huff she threw her arms out in abandonment, turned around, and left not bothering to close the door gently.
Blue watery eyes opened the second the red haired was gone. I can't... live without you...
Now when she was alone, there was nothing holding it back. She buried her face in the pillow sobbing. Chrno... Tell me it's not true... Tell me the fortune teller was wrong... But she had felt the gypsy to be right all along, and the fact that the cold medicine didn't work, just made her believe it even more.
She turned and looked out the window. Tears were slowly, but steadily running down her face, one stream crossing over the ridge of her nose. Her hands forcefully clutched the sheets, and she bit the inside of her cheek, in an attempt to steady herself. The slightly metallic taste in her mouth hinted that she might have bitten a tad too hard, it didn't stop her from biting the other cheek though. Have to be strong... Have to be strong... She was almost citing it like a religious mantra. Be strong... for him... It's all... I can do... Rosette shut her eyes tightly, feeling so powerless about what she was facing, she was used to battling demons, various infernal summoners and satanists. It was simple. All she needed was to aim right, and be stronger and meaner than everyone else. She could do that, but this... was completely out of her control.
She sat up, fully intending to get out of bed and go towards her partners room, but she was drowsy from eating all the food, and her fever wasn't gone yet either. Her head started to swim and she almost dropped down on the bed again. No... I can't wait... She wanted to get up again, being idle just made her think, and her thoughts only made her cry right now. But her body didn't allow her to leave the bed. Maybe I just need to sleep a little... She closed her eyes, trying to brush it all aside, but didn't succeed. Soon the pillow was wet with the water of her renewed silenced weeping.
Eventually the fever, and all the food she'd been eating, forced the young sister into an uneasy sleep...
x x x x x x x x x x x x
x x x x x x x x x x x x
"But..." Rosette began to feel a bit chilly, she gripped the still warm cup firmer. "What's wrong then?"
"Childe..." The fortune teller continued slowly. "Every emotion and feeling spring from ze vants and needs of ze heart and ze body, and zey veel unavoidably have to deal vit ze same... subjects from time to time."
"And...?"
"Ze body eez selfish and eet veel pursue eets passions selfishly. On ze ozer hand ze heart's approach eez von of compassion and self sacrifice. If a goal eez shared by ze heart and ze body zey veel vork in unison, finding a vay in betveen ze extremes, to ze fulfillment of eet." The woman glanced towards the small fire, which seemed to be dwindling. "But eet happens sometimes zat ze heart and body disagrees completely about somezing, and vhen zey do, zey start to struggle."
"Why do they do that? When they're part of the same person?"
"Struggling eez ze vay of ze vorld. Eet eez ze most basic vay of deciding who eez strongest. But in zis case eet eez entirely up to ze heart. Eizer ze heart veel change eets vish of eets own volition, or eet veel vin. A determined heart eez alvays stronger zan ze body, and in zat case ze body veel eventually loose. Zat passion veel diminish, and ze person veel follow ze heart instead. In time ozer passions veel emerge and replace ze pacified von."
"But... that seems so... harsh."
"You must understand, zat passions can be very dangerous sometimes. A person controlled solely by a passion veel care nozing for ozers in his pursuit of eet. Ze passion might not seem harmful, but ze mezods of fulfilling eet can very vell be. Zis eez not true for all passions, and not all decisions need to be made az a compromise betveen ze body and ze heart, only ze important vons. Do you understand all of zis?"
"Yeah I think I do..." Though she still thought it seemed a bit brutal. But maybe it made sense, maybe this was what you felt whenever you found yourself at some kind of emotional crossroad. Maybe two parts of you were literally fighting...
"Good. Now zat vas how eet vorked vit humans. For demons eet eez an entirely different story." She leaned forward again. "Demons are entirely controlled by zeir passions. Eet eez because zey have a demon heart, vhich never influences zeir actions. Zat eez vhy zey often seem cruel, von vould typically call it... heartless."
"NO!" Rosette exclaimed, getting up again. "Not all of them are like that! Ch... The demon I know isn't like that!" Here was one thing were she knew the gypsy was wrong.
"I know, childe." The woman said never wavering. "And zat eez vhy he is so remarkable... and vhy he has a fever."
"What do you mean by that?"
"Ze demon body eez a frightening zing. Eet eez an engine of destruction as vell as an engine of passion. Ze blood burns vhite-hot in zeir veins."
She sat down, and she was blushing again. You're right about that...
"And a human heart vizin a demon body." The old woman looked down at her hands. "Eez a fragile zing indeed."
"A human heart in a demon body?"
"Yes, childe. Zat eez vhat he has. A human heart. A heart vhich veel influence his actions. A heart vhich veel allow him to dream. A heart vhich makes him able to feel hope, and to love. But also a heart vhich can come into conflict vit his body. A demon heart vould never do zat."
"But what happens then?" Rosette's own heart had begun beating faster, her hands were becoming slightly sweaty.
"Ze demon body eez mercilessly strong, and unforgiving. Eet veel try to make ze heart yield to eets vishes. But ze heart eez different zan ze body, eet can not be forced to give up. Ze body veel try to crush ze heart into submission, and ze heart veel not be able to fight back, eet simply does not have ze power."
The teen bit her lip. This can't be real.
"Ze struggle veel take time, how long depends on how strong ze heart eez. Von by von ze four functions of ze heart veel cease to vork, az ze body veel continue to overvhelm it."
No this has to be a lie...
"And in ze end ze heart veel lose, but eet veel never yield."
"NO!" Rosette had shot up from her seat for the umpteenth time, water began clouding her vision. She didn't want to believe any of this. "This isn't true..." However she did believe. "it's some kind of twisted..." Her voice trailed off as she dropped down again.
"I'm sorry, childe." Was all the fortune teller said.
Rosette quickly drank a large gulp of the tea. Hoping that the strange magic could soothe her now aching heart, it didn't do much however.
For a time she just sat down looking at the cup in her hands. She really didn't want to hear any more, it all just seemed so unnecessarily cruel. She started to feel guilty for having taken everything so lightly at first. I should have been the one to discover that you had a fever. I should have taken it more seriously. Rosette bit her lip again forcing herself not to cry.
You even tried to tell me on the train... didn't you...
x x x x x x x x x x x x
"Rosette..." His voice sounded sleepy.
"Sorry. Did I wake you up?" The bumping of the train made it hard for Rosette to sleep. She didn't think she would be able to anyway though. She was too exited about finally going to find Joshua.
"No. You can't sleep?"
She gave him a smile. No, and neither can you apparently. "You know, I don't like just sitting around."
"You don't feel calm unless you're breaking something, do you?" The demon teased, evidently he was in a playful mood.
Rosette grabbed and pulled his cheeks. "What's that supposed to mean?" She wasn't mad, it was just an excuse. She loved the ridiculous expression he got when she did it, kinda like he was trying to eat a ruler in a most impractical way.
"Yuh, thath's more like ith, Rosetthe." His smile was hopelessly distorted by her hands.
Azmaria made her presence known by letting out a few small whimpers in her sleep.
"Shhhh..." The demon hushed.
Rosette made a small sound of agreement. She didn't want her to wake up either, being alone with her partner was something which had gotten increasingly difficult of late.
She realized that she was still pulling Chrno's face apart, aware that he didn't make a single move to remove her hands... he never did. She cocked her head slightly letting an amused smile cross her face. Quickly she leaned forward planting a small kiss on his mouth, before letting go of him and returning to her seat.
Chrno massaged his abused cheeks, he sometimes wondered afterwards why he just let her do it, it wasn't particularly pleasant to let your face become the center of a tug-of-war like that. But seeing how it always managed to bring out that little smile of genuine enjoyment, he really had no choice. He would do literally anything just to see that smile.
"You know," the nun whispered. "If you can't sleep, you can come sit here next to me. Just put the luggage down gently on the floor so you don't wake up Azmaria."
With a small grin he followed up on the suggestion.
They sat in silence for a few minutes. The sound of the train was almost mesmerizing, a slow steady pulse indicating that they were moving towards their destination... the final destination marking the end of a four year long journey.
She wanted to say something but couldn't quite form the words. When she finally spoke, it wasn't what she had originally intended, but it would have to do.
"I really can't wait to see Joshua again." The tone wasn't her usual confident self, and she looked down at her lap where her hands fidgeted with the gloves she had just removed. "It's almost unbelievable that we're only a couple of days away, don't you think?"
The sinner took her hands in his, making them relax and focus on him instead. "I know, I'm looking forward to it too."
"I hope we'll find him quickly." Turning her head she looked directly at him. Her expression was almost pleading.
It was obvious to him.
Without actually saying so she was voicing her apprehensions and insecurities to him. Typically Rosette. Only giving hints and leaving it up to him to decrypt the real meaning behind her words. But she wouldn't really be the same, if she just stated her emotions bluntly, now would she? Besides, he noted with a mental pat on the back, he was getting better at it. These past four years had been tumultuous to put it mildly, but never once had she shown a single sign that she was giving up hope. She had always moved ahead with determination and optimism, sometimes so fast it almost made him feel like a dead weight around her ankle being dragged along. Now, when they were nearing the end, she was suddenly getting scared. Well, he was gonna be damned before he would let her down or allow her to lose heart.
"Rosette..." he began still holding her hands. "I don't know how, but I truly feel that Aion is in San Francisco somewhere, and if he is, then Joshua will be there too." It was the truth, something more than the orders intelligence reports told him so. "And I promise..." His eyes had locked on hers, convincing her of the sincerity in his words. "that the second we get there, we'll go look for him, and we will find him, and get him back. Probably a lot sooner than you expect."
Hearing those words immediately comforted her, and she visibly relaxed.
"And after we deal with it, there will be nothing to stop us from pursuing our dreams. We can stay with the order if you want, or we can leave and never look back. It will simply be the three of us again... well maybe four." He gave a slight motion of his head towards the sleeping girl, and continued with a smirk on his face. "That is, if you still want me around after we find Joshua."
She simply sat and stared a bit dumbly into his eyes.
Those brightly burning crimson eyes...
They literally sent fire through her, melting away the chill of her fears. Not a second after, her arms had wrapped around him, and he returned the gesture immediately. She buried her head in the crook between his neck and shoulder, trembling slightly. Of course I do...
He was hers. Her partner. Her demon. Her Chrno.
The one whom she had found committing a slow suicide.
The one whom she felt she had given a new life, and in return he had opened up a strange world to her. Dark, mysterious and completely wonderful.
The one who had made her believe, that there really could be something more in this life for her.
The one who had probably become her biggest sin... a sin she would rather die than ask forgiveness for.
The one who made her feel something nobody else had.
Not Remington. Not Joshua. Not... anyone.
And it was a feeling, which was the diametrically opposite of what a demon should make any human feel.
Her breathing became heavier as the fire, ignited by his eyes, began to spread throughout her, her body entering a state of heated relaxation.
Safe...
He made her feel safe.
She tightened her hold on him, and felt him do the same.
He was hers, and she was not letting him go.
She could feel the warmth of his body, the beating of his heart, it was evident even through the clothes. Taking a deep breath she let the sweet air in deeply, savoring his scent. It was so different from everything else, exotic and powerful. Just like him. It sent a wave of warm shivers coursing through her. Her left hand had found his hair and she buried it in the purple tresses beginning to gently massage the back of his neck and head.
"Uhh... Rosette?"
She wet her lips brushing them lightly against the exposed part of his neck. Purposefully and with immoral intent she started to caress it with her mouth and tongue, letting the taste of him mingle with the smell. Slowly she worked her way over the sensitive skin.
Chrno's eyes turned wide. "Ro-Rosette..." His whisper had an urgency to it. "N-not here..." Although she wasn't exactly acting like it right now, Rosette was still dressed like a nun, and if something like this was seen, and news of it reached back to the convent, the repercussions would indeed be severe. He couldn't let that happen. Could he? Of course he couldn't!
"I know..." The gold haired seductress continued her trail of kisses in between hushed words. "But... everyone's asleep..." More kisses softly grazed his skin as she continued upwards. "no one's... gonna... see anything..."
"But... Azmaria... is sitting... right there..." This was most definitely not good, Rosette often acted without thinking ahead... but damn... seriously... Oh shit...
The exorcist had worked her way up past his jawline and begun to nibble the lobe of his elf-like ear. Tracing the outline of it with her lips making soft suction marks every inch she went, brought a low moan from him, and she could feel his breathing becoming slightly louder and more ragged. She knew and loved the effect it had on him, a slight smile crossed her eager lips, and a few breathless words escaped them again. "Just... relax..." She really wanted him to... and kiss her back.
The soft feeling of Rosette's caressing lips was slowly but unavoidably eating away his resolve, his eyes were closed now, and a low purr involuntarily escaped his throat. Dammit... He had grasped her even tighter and unwillingly started to twist the cloth of her militia dress. Dammit... His treacherous hands were seemingly trying to dig their way through the fabric to the smooth skin underneath. Dammit... He had to stop this right here, right now before he officially lost his restraint.
With a surge of self-command he pushed away a bit, still trying to control his breathing and his hands. It ended her advances though probably only momentarily, now was his chance. "Rosette... please..." God, he hated himself for saying this. "This just... isn't the place..."
His reaction had startled and stopped her, and hearing his words made her lower her gaze. He was right... she knew it... he was simply trying to protect them... protect her. It was just so... damn... frustrating! Everyone else could basically just waltz around showing public displays of affection with whomever they now pleased, and she couldn't, because by human standards she was in love with the wrong person. In fact she wasn't even permitted to BE in love.
It just isn't fair...
And to make matters even worse, it was him who had just rejected her for the sake of keeping up the whole charade. The sting of getting turned down like that, no matter how good a reason, made her both discomfited and a bit incensed. She looked up again, even though she didn't really want to meet the demons eyes, there was a hint of guilt in his expression.
"I'm sorry... Rosette, I don't mean... It's not that I don't want to or anything..."
"Don't want what, you little pervert?" The demon was immediately caught in a headlock by the embarrassed nun, who didn't hold back in giving him a forceful noogie. "You're telling me, you can't give me one simple kiss, without getting all kinds of other thoughts? What kind of man are you?"
"Auuw! Geez, Rosette... calm down... I didn't mean... seriously... it wasn't me who... auuw..."
Indeed, Rosette had found a way to ease her discomfort.
The sudden sound of Azmaria murmuring something incoherent, instantly made her stop the assault on his scalp for fear of waking her up. Ah well, she had gotten her retribution now anyway.
Her arms were still around the head of the flustered demon, who seemed to bracing himself for another attack. It was an almost humbling feeling that he simply allowed her to take out her frustrations on him, and instead of releasing her hold on him she let her arms slide tenderly down around his back once again while hiding her face in his shoulder. It was partly because she still craved his embrace and partly her way of silently saying sorry for attacking his head. Thankfully he didn't try to retreat. When he let out a slight breath and let his arms lock firmly around her waist, it was a clear indication that the apology was accepted.
For several minutes they simply stayed like this, with arms wrapped around each other, without uttering a single word. Again the rhythmic drumming of the train became the beat of the trance-like drive towards the end of their journey. Rosette had calmed down markedly from the agitated mood she was in, before Chrno awoke. His words had successfully convinced her that in the end it would turn out alright, for Joshua, for Azmaria, and for her and him...
Slowly and with a slight reluctance she let go with her arms and scooted a bit away. Glancing sideways she saw that the apostle was still sleeping. She became aware of her own tiredness now.
"Maybe you should try to get some sleep too Chrno, it's a long train ride." Her eyes had found his again, she could still see the red blaze within them.
"Nah. I'd much rather stay awake."
"How come?"
"Well... I don't really know how to explain this. But these last couple of days... when I'm sleeping... it just seems as if I can't dream anymore."
That was just plain silly, and Rosette had to giggle a bit at the statement. "You're saying... that you don't want to go to sleep, because you're afraid you won't dream? If everybody felt like that, then no one would sleep, ever." She gave him a nudge to the head. "You know, You're very odd, even for a demon."
"That's not really what I meant," he said with a slight frown.
"Then what do you mean?"
Chrno's face contorted into an expression of profound speculation. How could he best describe it? "Well... it's like I'm dreaming... but then again not, because I feel awake... but I'm all alone, and everything's completely dark, and..." Arh crap...
"It's just... I feel like I won't ever dream anything else."
"Listen..." Sometimes he just acted really strange, maybe it was because he was a demon and somewhat of a novice, when it came to certain things that humans considered trivial. Looking straight at him, she grabbed his face with her hand from underneath his chin, pressing the cheeks forward making his lips blossom out into the shape of a trumpet. Yeah, she loved that face too. "Dreams are weird you know, and sometimes they reoccur for no obvious reason, but that doesn't have to mean anything." Somehow she had to reassure him that dreams were just that... dreams. It was funny though, how someone so old could act like a a little child. "Don't worry about it, it'll pass soon enough." She once again let go of his marvelously moldable face, letting it revert to its original shape.
"Yeah... guess you're right about that." He tried to convince himself, after all what did he know about dreams, he was the only demon to ever have any, and humans have had them since the dawn of time. He noticed how his contractor had begun appearing sleepy and continued. "I still don't feel like sleeping though, but if you want to, you can lean on me."
That wasn't an offer he needed to propose twice, and with almost girlish enthusiasm the exorcist promptly accepted, finding a comfortable position, cuddling into the warmth of the demon. He had shifted his position putting his left arm around her, so she could rest against his chest. Her head lay just so she could hear his heartbeat, it was a lulling even pulse which put her into a state of gentle semiconsciousness. Her hand crawled up to the side of his face, and her fingers began to stroke it absentmindedly.
Funny... she didn't seem to notice the bumping of the train quite so much anymore...
x x x x x x x x x x x x
There really wasn't any way Rosette could have perceived all of this, but she still couldn't help feeling that she should have sensed something. Why didn't you just tell me that something was wrong, you idiot? Why did you have to act brave? She picked up the cup again, taking a larger gulp this time.
The old woman had waited patiently, not wanting to rush the young nun any more than she could handle.
"So what happens... when the heart... does he just stop... hoping... and loving... and... dreaming...?" Rosette's words were barely more than a whisper. Honestly... she knew the answer already.
"Yes, childe." The woman switched to a more encouraging tone. "But if ze body vould stop eets assault, ze heart vould be able to regenerate itself, vhich vould actually happen very qvickly."
That did bring a tiny bit of comfort. I just have to get your damn body to stop beating up your heart. "Do you know... what stops first?"
"Zat... I cannot tell you childe. Eet depends on ze heart and vhich of ze four zings eet values most. You veel probably know zat better zan me."
Chrno... You almost never worry about yourself... Rosette felt as if she could collapse any moment now.
"But eet eez certain." The gypsy continued slowly." Zat ze second ze demon gets ze fever, his soul eez under attack. And zat means ze shield eez gone."
"Can... the soul... fight back?" She was trying to grasp small pieces of hope, the way a child tries to catch soap bubbles, they dissappeared whenever she finally caught one.
"I'm sorry. Ze soul eez not a varrior. Eet might be able to resist for a vhile but zat veel take a truly monumental amount of villpover. Still eet veel do nozing but delay ze inevitable, eventually ze soul veel succumb." The woman looked down. "Even if ze heart vould recover, ze nozingness veel have already entered ze soul. Eet veel spread like a disease, and ze soul veel not be able to fight eet." Her gaze returned to a very frightened-looking Rosette. "His soul needs help."
No... This is... I can't do this... not alone. She needed him now, more than ever. But Chrno is the one who needs help now. I have to... I must... help him. The exorcist felt very small compared to magnitude of the situation. She had come here hoping for a quick and easy way to lower his fever, and now she was told that he would be... dead... gone within... days... or maybe... even...?
The thought nearly ripped her heart in half.
"But..." Rosette didn't really want to ask this, she had a terrible feeling inside her. "How did... all this happen...? Why is his body... doing this... to his heart?" The words came out in between muted sobs.
The fortune teller laid her hand on top of Rosettes, she eyed her with heartfelt sympathy. "Eet happens because zere eez a passion in his demon body which does not agree vit his heart, and not von of zem has vished to yield to ze ozer. Ze body eez very simplistic. Most likely eet needs to feel zis passion directly, in order for eet to break out fully." She let out a regretful sigh, and lowered her voice. "I am truly sorry for telling you zis, childe."
What does she mean?
No... This because...?
Oh no... Magdalene...
and me and Chrno...
Oh no we've...
no... no... it can't be... no...
The teen sat silently gripping the cup, her eyes were completely blank, she was staring at nothing. Her face was a mask of disbelief as the world silently crashed around her.
no...
Then the full force of realization hit her.
Rosette passed out.
Never even noticing that the old gypsy had moved over to the side of her chair to catch her.
x x x x x x x x x x x x
x x x x x x x x x x x x
She jerked up from the bed covered in sweat and trembling. Her eyes were wide with shock, and she was breathing heavily.
Her face filled with misery, and she instantly covered it in her hands. Oh... God... I'm sorry... Droplets of salty water pushed through the space between her fingers and trickled down her arms. Chrno... I'm so sorry... I never knew... I swear... I never... knew... Please... I... was... selfish... I'm... sorry... Rosettes simply sat upright in her bed, crying and trembling.
No... don't... think... This was no time to be a weepy girl. You have something, you must do. The thoughts sounded very adamant in her head. They had to, focusing on just doing without thinking was all that held her together right now. She got out of bed, sniffed once, and dried her eyes. The light from under the door was gone, suggesting that the rest of the house had gone to bed, the quiet of the night had draped the mansion in a blanket of silence. The others are probably asleep now. She picked up her blouse putting it over her night gown, and went for the door, slowly opening it careful not to wake up anyone. Walking like an automaton through the hall, never looking to her sides, she purposefully made it for Chrno's room. She didn't even see Steiner who was coming up the stairs.
x x x x x x x x x x x x
x x x x x x x x x x x x
She woke up in the arms of an old woman, she could smell the peculiar smell of various incenses, and she heard the faint crackling sounds of a small dying fire. What... where... Slowly her head cleared as she recognized the fortune teller holding her. Their conversation flooded back into her memory, and Rosette could not help it.
The fortune teller didn't say anything. She simply held the anguished nun while rocking gently back and forth, trying to comfort her, much in the same way one comforts a crying child.
"Here, drink a bit, eet eez still varm, eet veel help."
Rosette took the cup, and greedily drank the tea, not bothering to dry her eyes or doing something about her nose which had begun running. Even though she nearly choked, trying to drink and sob simultaneously, she began feeling slightly calmer as the last of the strangely soothing beverage worked its way through her, she was thankful that the fortune teller had insisted on making it.
She sat up straight on the ground. The last thing she needed now was to be cradled like a kid.
The fortune teller let go with her arms, but was still kneeling beside her.
Rosette thought about what was happening to Chrno. She knew it wasn't the entire truth, but she couldn't quite shake the horrible feeling that in some cruel, twisted way, this was her fault. She looked down at the empty cup in her hands. "This thing... that's happening... to his soul... does it hurt... a lot?" She had no idea, why she was even asking this question. She didn't want to know. It just came out.
"Childe..." The gypsy gave her a reassuring smile. "I zink eet eez high time vee talk about how to help your demon friend."
Rosette couldn't agree more.
Oh my... I do believe a certain young nun is in for quite the little guilt trip now (evil grin). Seriously, I think I got tired of Chrno always feeling guilty about stealing Rosette's life, not standing up to Aion, not doing the right things at the right times, not saying the right things, not being able to cause flowers to sprout spontaneously from the ground Rosette walks upon etc. etc. So I guess I tried to turn the tables around a bit, I don't know if this causes the good sister to apear OOC, but then again I don't think I've quite seen her in this situation before, so meh...
Now there's only one more chapter to go, we still need that big ol' smoochie-woochie that's gonna make everything fine n' dandy again so stay tuned.
Oh and do review... nudge nudge, wink wink