Max Payne- Chapter 5: Slices of Redemption, Flames of Freedom

"Payne, wake up. We're at your house."

The words revitalized me, made me re-awaken to the world that had taken everything. The rain was coming in through the open door, my face was soaked. I sat up, my ribs crackling as I pushed myself up from the seat. I stepped out of the car, my knees almost buckling under my weight. I started heading towards the door of my apartment, Officer Jones quickly coming to my aid.

"Max, do you want me to take you up?"

"Go home, Bill." I said, pausing for a moment as he tried to help me.

"But..."

"I said, GO HOME!" I shoved him backwards, he was less than grateful.

"Fine, have it your way...asshole", he muttered that last little part under his breath, or atleast he thought he did.

As the car pulled away, I entered the building, shuffling my dead-weight body towards the elevator, leaning my elbow into the "UP" button. The door opened immediately, apparently not used for some time now. I practically threw myself into the elevator, pressing the "3" on the panel of buttons. I supported my body by holding onto the bar inside, without it I would have fallen then and there.

What did my dream mean? Only I could answer that, dreams mean what you think they mean. It meant exactly what Mona said. I've fucked up countless numbers of lives, and this is my way of paying for it. The elevator doors flew open, my apartment down the hall. It took me a few moments before reaching the door, which had been left unlocked due to the need of a hasteful leaving. I twisted the handle and threw open the door, entering, and shutting it quickly behind me. I locked it, not wanting anyone to help me, to stop me. I walked through the short hallway to my chair in the living room, throwing off my trench coat.

A half empty bottle of vodka lay open on my coffee table, left there from earlier. I plopped myself down into my recliner, reaching for the bottle. I drank a few gulps, it went down fast, tasted as sweet as honey going down. The words of those that had died flashed into my mind.

"You're a real angel, Max."

"Max, dearest of all my friends..."

"Stick to the badge."

"Stay out of my way, Payne."

"Help me, Payne!"

"Help me..."

"HELP ME!"

"MAX!"

I was done. I had said this since the day my wife died, but this time was for real. I was finished, never to pick up the badge again. I was not the person I thought I'd turn out to be, not the person I wanted to turn out to be. I picked up the badge from the table, I lied to myself, I did pick up the badge again. But...just this last time.

I pulled back my white sleeves, undoing the buttons on the cuffs. I placed the edge of the badge to my wrist. There was nothing for me, everyone and anyone that ever cared has died because of me. Why keep fighting? For the sake of others? No...the others could fend for themselves from now on. From now on...they need rely on no one other than themselves. I threw the bottle of vodka at the ground, spattering the liquid over everything. I pulled out my lighter from my pocket, back from when I smoked. I flipped it open, throwing it to the ground. The ground blazed into existence, as the fire began eating away at the floorboards, curtains, and everything else. My eyes came back to the badge, placed firmly over my wrist. I would pay for what I had done to the others...I would show them that I did care, that I do care. My life is nothing but a tidalwave, short and destructive. I applied pressure to the badge, cutting into my wrist. I pressed harder, and harder, and harder on it. Slashing it down all the way to the elbow. Cutting through tendon, cutting so deep I could feel it rubbing up against the other side. I removed it, and switched the badge into the other hand and did the same to my left arm. I felt woozy. I felt broken, and I felt like there was nothing left.

The flames tickled my feet. Licking at my skin to feed it, to appease the beast's hunger of flesh and bone. There would be no trace, there would be nothing left.

I, Max Payne, would be remembered as no one. Nothing important, the one thing that kept this world from progressing. The one thing that destroyed more than fixed. The one thing that...didn't matter anymore.

All my anxiety, all my pain, all my hate, all my resentment, all my worries, all my thoughts, all my dreams, all of my life...would be relieved of duty, taken away from this earth. Hell was only a few inches away, the flames just taking me that much closer. The hell that I created. The blood in my body flowed onto the floor, dripping into the fire. My eyes rolled to the back my head, all I could see was darkness. An embracing, loving darkness to sweep me away off into a land of beyond and enchantment. A place most people dreaded to talk of. Death was my escape. All I had was selfishly taken from me, by myself.

I didn't deserve to live.

I was nothing.

I did nothing in my life, I left nothing but ruins behind on my dark path.

Today was sunday...a dark, black sunday.

Here I come to kiss you, sweet death. I've heard about how good you are.

Let the flames turn me to cinders, burn my life into the air, leaving behind what is no longer there.

Ashes.

Take my soul, for while I must die and go with you, my desolate body must remain here.

Take me.

Release me.

Free me.

Please...

No. More.

...I faded to black...

This time, hopefully, for good.