Disclaimer: Not mine. I'd say something smart and witty, but I can't think of anything at the moment. :P
Rating: I think I'm boring everyone to death repeating the same thing each time. See the first fourteen chapters if you haven't, yet :)
A/N (Thankyou very much to Kim and Dieu Anonyme for reviewing! This chapter's for you two! To Kim, no he doesn't love her… yet. :). Or maybe he does, and he hasn't realized:P. I'll leave you to judge that for yourself. And I'm glad you're enjoying the Buffy/Spike trust thing, Dieu Anonyme. And to clear things up, yes Spike ran from his crypt and came back afterwards. And yes, if I'm in the mood, Riley-bashing is fun, sometimes. Other times, I feel sorry for the poor guy… Oh god, did I just say that!
Anyway, without ado, here is your chapter! Enjoy! R&R, please!)
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"Oh my God, Spike! What happened?"
"Why would you care, Slayer?" he stalked angrily through the graveyard. He couldn't believe it. He was passing up a chance to get the damned chip out of his head. Just because of the little blonde bundle running behind him and dragging him around to face her. He couldn't believe it. What was wrong with him? What was wrong with him? Passing up a chance to become the bloody, torturous, killer, and win back his black goddess again…
Only he didn't want to.
What do I want? His mind screamed at him.
I want this bloody chip out of my head. He replied. But I don't want to lose…
"Why would I care?" he was spun back to the present as Buffy grabbed his leather duster and forcibly pulled him around to face her. "I don't actually know, okay? But if we're going to find Riley, I need you in top condition."
She regretted the lie as soon as it left her mouth. Why do I care? She asked herself savagely, before quashing down the little voice inside that responded that maybe, just maybe, she was beginning to see the vampire as…
A friend? An enemy? A mortal-enemy-turned-friend? Buffy only winced inwardly when she saw Spike's eyes turn to icy blue chips, and then gasped audibly when he grasped her arm and opened up the latent connection between them.
Riley. Storming. Angry. Spike. Expectation. Coolness. Net. Trapped. Fear. Taunt. Chip. Release. Knife. Blood. Anger. Hatred. Calculation. Sewers. Revenge.
Buffy pushed Spike away, and he landed with an audible thump on the grass. She shook her head wildly, disbelievingly as her senses were overwhelmed. Where's Giles? She wanted to scream. He's supposed to have figured out this connecty thing!
Spike, however, had already leapt to his feet and dusted himself off. "Done, Slayer?" he demanded. "There you go. You've got what happened. Now let's search for Whitebread so you can sleep comfy in your bed tonight!"
He turned, and walked off without making sure she was following for the second time that day, and dazed by the vitriol in his words and the overwhelming feelings that Spike had channelled into her, she followed, her mind thinking wildly. When this was all over, she promised herself, Giles, Xander, Willow, Spike, and herself would sit down and join. Because Spike at the moment was the only one pioneering enough to use the connection when he couldn't use words… hang on, that wasn't right.
As Buffy quickened her step to match his angry pace as he followed Riley's fading scent, she went back to all the things that Spike had ever said to her, and realized that he had no problem in expressing himself. His thoughts rolled from his mouth before they were even complete in impulsive, fiery acts of pure emotion, whether hatred or love. And it was with a strange feeling of regret that she realized the only reason Spike used the… connection with her and the Scoobies was in cases when he was driven to the limit and knew they wouldn't believe him.
Everything was just too confusing. She let her Slayer mode take over her, and began purposefully sorting through everything. She would find Riley. She would take him to the doctor. He would get better, and then everyone needed to talk. Because things were just getting too weird.
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When even Buffy's ears could pick up the muted poundings, Spike stopped.
"What is it?" Buffy looked carefully around the caves. She still didn't like this place. It was too recently the scene of too many human deaths, and the blatant reminder that sometimes the humans were the ones who were out of line that got her.
"Soldier Boy's around the corner," Spike managed to sound offhand. He'd calmed down a fair bit during the walk. Now, he lit a cigarette and leaned against the wall.
She stared at him.
"Well what?" he asked defensively. "You really expect me to walk in there with you and persuade soldier boy to get a brain?"
She hit him instinctively. Just as instinctively, he dodged, and continued smoking. "I don't think Whitebread's going to listen to my voice of reason."
She glared at him, knowing he was right. "Okay, thanks," she said abruptly. "Here's your money."
He stared her coolly down. "Don't want money. Told you before. Now get in there before Soldier Boy punches his arm off."
She glared at him one last time, and then turned the corner, still wondering why she always had the urge to punch Spike when he was around. Even when he was helping her. She was greeted with the sight of Riley, sweat running down his face, single-mindedly punching the cave wall. The blood streaming down his knuckles indicated that he'd been there for quite a while.
"Riley…"
"You know, this doesn't even hurt," he said softly. A sharp feeling of awe, determination and stubbornness seemed to radiate around him. Her senses seemed to be strangely heightened all of a sudden. She could hear the beating of his heart, a staccato rap on cold metal, and smell the metallic blood that coated his arms. She could even smell the exhaustion in him… and her eyes somehow picked something up about the way he was standing. Something that she was very well acquainted with.
Denial.
"Your hand is bleeding," she whispered.
"Don't feel a thing," he replied. He moved to punch the wall again, but with lightning quick reflexes, Buffy caught his hand. She'd never known she could move that fast. In a voice she could barely recognize, she spoke.
"This stops now. I'm taking you to the doctor."
Riley laughed, a bitter, angry laugh. "The one from the government, you mean? Like the ones who did this to me in the first place?" he backed away from her. "No thanks."
She moved towards him, matching each step. "He's the only one that understands what's wrong with you. He's the only one that can help."
"That's the thing, Buffy," Riley shot back. "What is wrong with me? I'm more powerful than I've ever been before. Can you see me? No pain. I'm quicker. I can run further, I can fight better. Most people would kill to feel this way."
"Yeah, and this feeling is going to kill you. Riley," Buffy returned angrily. "Your body was not built for this kind of strength…"
He cut her off. "I can handle it. This is my deal, Buffy, just ... back off."
Riley tried to stalk past her, and seemed surprised when she let him past. But he felt her eyes boring on him all the way, until he stopped just before he turned the corner, never aware of the vampire that was listening intently to the trouble in 'paradise' with a keen ear.
"What is this?" Buffy demanded.
He turned around and studied her.
"What's happening to you? Why are you like this? Riley, you know that you're going to die if you keep this up. Do you want to die? Just so that you can fell all strong and manly for a little while?"
Obviously stung, Riley retaliated. "If I go back, and let the government get whimsical with my innards again… they could do anything! Best case scenario, they turn me into another Joe Normal. Just… another guy."
"You're not 'just another guy'," Buffy replied. "Come on, Riley, you know that. Just another guy wouldn't know this world. This crazy world of demons and fighting and magic. Just another guy wouldn't bear it like you. You're not just another guy. You're Riley. You're the guy who got brought up in Iowa. The guy who's always honest, and always good. Who goes to Church every Sunday morning, and gets to fight for the good in his own way. Isn't that enough for you? To just be Riley?" Riley snorted softly. "It's not enough for you."
Buffy unconsciously stepped back, hurt in her voice. "Why would you say that?"
"Come on," Riley derided. "Your last boyfriend wasn't exactly a civilian."
"So that's what this is about?" Buffy demanded, tears beginning to collect in her eyes even though she tried hard not to give in. Suddenly, they vanished as if someone had wiped them away. Surprised and disoriented, she shook her head and got back on track. "You're going to die, all over some macho pissing contest?"
Riley shook his head, trying desperately to get her to understand. "It's not about him. It's about us."
"What are you talking about?" Buffy laughed shakily, almost hysterically. "You just brought it up."
"You're getting stronger every day, more powerful," he explained. "I can't… touch you," his voice broke. "Every day, you're just ... a little further out of my reach."
Now, Buffy had tears in her eyes. And they didn't disappear mysteriously as she walked towards him. "You wanna touch me?" she took his hand. "I'm right here. I'm not the one running away."
Not this time.
Riley turned away from her. "Not yet."
Buffy looked at him, anger mixing with hurt in her eyes. "So you have this all figured out? I'm bailing because you're not in the super club."
Riley shrugged. "It's human nature."
Anger won. "Don't Psych 101 me, Riley. Not now. Not after Adam and everything we've been through together."
"What is it, Buffy? What have we been through together? Is it enough to keep you happy?"
"What are you saying? Does this mean… does everything mean nothing to you?"
Riley sighed, and his shoulders slumped. "I never said that."
"Oh really?" she demanded. "Because it sure doesn't seem like that to me now! It obviously doesn't mean anything to you! Do you really think so little of me?"
"Buffy…"
"No! Do you think that I'm with you, and I've been with you for the last six months because you had superpowers? Riley, it's because of you. If you think I'm so shallow that I only date guys who are strong…"
"No!" Riley looked frustrated. "It's not that! It's because you're the Slayer, Buffy! You need someone to help you who's as strong as you. And I don't cut it if I go to that doctor."
"Riley, if you don't go to that doctor, you'll be dead! I don't need someone to help me fight. I've got that covered…"
"I've seen you, Buffy," Riley overrode her. "You'll come back sometimes, and you'll be limping. And that means that some bastard of a demon out there got to you, and I could have been there to stop it."
"Riley, Xander could have been there to stop it. Do you see him? He's been with me through five apocalypses! And the only superpower he has is that he can make me laugh! I need you because of you, Riley. Not because of your muscles."
"Do you need me?" Riley returned. His face was shadowed in the caves, and already Buffy felt like she was losing him. Time ticked away in her mind as she began to regain control over her emotions. She could argue with him afterwards. After he was safe.
With all emotion almost drained from her voice, she spoke. "I need someone who will love me and will never leave me. I thou… I think that that person is you. And I need you healthy to support me. But if you wanna throw it all away because you don't trust me, then… then I'm still gonna make you go to that doctor!"
Riley looked at her, and then sighed.
"Take me to him."
Buffy nodded, but she didn't feel triumphant. Instead, she suddenly felt empty. "We have to hurry."
She started to stride past him, but he grabbed her arm and turned her to face him.
"Loving you is the scariest thing I've ever done, Buffy."
"I don't know why." She placed her hand over his heart, drinking in his smell and the sound of his heartbeat.
"The doctor said we didn't have much time."
They left together. Hand in hand. As if seeking to physically close the gap that had threatened to split them apart.
Spike stamped out his cigarette and melted into the shadows.
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Graham opened the door, and Buffy rushed in before he could stop her. "Is he okay? Did it work? Did we come in time?"
"He's fine," Graham reassured her. A faint smile crossed his face. "You got him here in time."
She started to grin, and then stopped as she remembered how. Spike. I have to…Giles…
"All patched up," Dr. Overheiser brought her back to the present.
She nodded distractedly, and then moved over to where Riley was lying on the table. He winced, but then sat up. Buffy lightly touched the bandage on his chest with whispering fingers.
"How's it going in there?" she asked.
"Good," he replied. A shadow of a look passed his face, one that she couldn't decipher. "Back to normal."
She suddenly noticed that she couldn't hear his heartbeat anymore. So she rectified that by laying her head against his chest.
"Yep," she smiled.
He stroked her hair as if she was an angel. Touching her with awe, like he couldn't believe she was there. She leant back and took his other bruised and bloodied hand, now bandaged up, and pulled it to her heart.
"See?" she smiled weakly. "I'm still touchable."
Riley nodded. "I'll take full advantage of that fact soon, I hope."
She lightly laughed, and then kissed him briefly. "Are you going to be okay? I'm sorry to leave you so soon, but I need to check up on Dawn and Cassandra and Daniel. Mum was going to go out today, and I don't want…"
Riley looked up at her. "Yeah. Go ahead. I'll be fine.
"I'll talk to you later," she kissed him again.
He wanted to cling onto her reflexively, but he didn't, and he watched her as she went. The door closed behind her. He stared at it for a while, thinking.
And that was how Graham found him, three minutes later.
"It's a good thing Buffy found you when she did," he commented casually. " 'Cause you were about to detonate big-time. Always said she's pretty impressive."
Riley didn't look at him. He just kept staring at the door. "You know," he murmured. "She really is."
Graham looked around the room, and then sat down on a spare stool. "But you know you don't belong here, right?" he asked in a matter-of-fact tone. "This town? I mean, you're nothin' here."
"Hey," Riley objected, finally meeting his gaze. "What are you saying?"
"Come on, man," Graham stared at him keenly. "You know it's true. There's nothing for you here."
Riley turned to look back at the door. "There's her."
Graham held up his hands in mock surrender. "Okay, right, there's her. And? You used to have a mission, and now you're what? The mission's boyfriend? Mission's true love?
Riley ignored him.
"You belong with us, man. You belong with us. We're not the Initiative. We're the army, and we're doing something good here. You can't do anything in this town, and you know it."
Graham stayed there for another five minutes of silence, before walking out the door.
8 8 8
Faith weighed the device in her hand, and then turned to knock on the door of 1630 Revello Drive.
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