Title: The Tale of Marian
Chapter: 16/?
Rating: PG this chapter.
Pairing: OFC/Haldir
Genre: Adventure/Romance/perhaps a little Angst
Timeline: AU, modern times.
Beta: Kara Tanner
Feedback: Welcomed, begged for, appreciated.
Warnings: None.
Author's Note: See Chapter 1 for disclaimer.
* * * * * THE TALE OF MARIAN
CHAPTER 16 – House and Home
17 September
Vanimë almost always eats in the Great Hall, either at Lord Haldir's
table or nearby. Allinde, however, attends dinner in the Great Hall
only occasionally, preferring to spend this time with Callo. Today I
invited Allinde to sit with me at dinner, hinting only that I wouldn't
want her to miss anything interesting. This drove Allinde mad with
curiosity, but I refused to elaborate. We agreed to meet at my talan.
I was nearly frantic with nerves by the time Allinde came. I inched
the door open at her knock to make sure it was her, then pulled her in
and shut the door behind her. I stood still in front of her, waiting.
She looked at me curiously and asked me why we were hiding in my
talan.
I twirled around in a circle and stopped to wait again.
The dress. . . I prompted.
Yes, very nice, Allinde replied, if you plan on going riding, but
since we have no horses. . . Wait, she said. Don't tell me you
talked Vanimë into making you a proper gown - and you didn't tell me!
Oh thank you Allinde! I exclaimed and threw my arms around her. Then
I explained to her proudly that it was the same green gown that
Allinde had seen on me before, I had told no one what I was doing, I
was dying of nervousness about whether I should wear it or not, and
what did she think I should do?
I can't wait a moment longer, Allinde declared with glee, dragging me
back to the door. She ordered me to explain it all to her later, but
that we were going to dinner - now!
We entered the Hall as the evening meal was being placed on the tables
and people were just beginning to filter in and take their seats.
Neither Lord Haldir nor Vanimë had arrived yet, and in my nervousness
I alternately prayed that either of them would, and wouldn't, come to
dinner this night. I was in fact more nervous at the prospect of Lord
Haldir's reaction than I was at Vanime's.
I received a few glances as we walked across the hall toward the
tables, and I looked longingly back at the entrance.
Don't you dare try to leave, Allinde threatened me.
Lindir arrived and gave me a knowing look as he joined us on our way
to the table. Is there a parade tonight that I am not aware of? he
asked, shooting an inquiring look at me and then Allinde, but I had no
idea what he was talking about. Spilled wine, eh? he bent over and
whispered in my ear as he held my chair out for me.
An elleth whose name I had forgotten broke away from a group that was
looking in our direction and intercepted us as we were about to sit,
greeting us graciously.
Is this one of Vanimë's new gowns? she asked me, curiously eyeing the
neckline. How very ingenious, she said approvingly, and motioned for
the others to come over. Soon there was a group of elleths, and even
a few ellons, gathered around me discussing my garment. It was
becoming rather embarrassing - I hadn't meant to cause a scene, after
all. Vanimë was the only one whose attention I had intended to
attract.
So naturally she came in at that very moment, immediately noticing our
noisy little group and the object of attention at its center. She
made purposeful but graceful strides straight toward me without
hesitation, a look of outrage on her face.
Vanimë, Allinde said as the little crowd parted before her, leaving me
trapped in the middle with no escape, you have done a beautiful job.
Yes, so ingenious! exclaimed the elleth whose name I couldn't
remember, and the rest of the group nodded in agreement.
What a wonderful idea, Vanimë, Lindir stood and approached her, his
face expressing perfect gentility. Marian has just been telling us
how pleased she is with your work.
Has she, Vanimë said, her expression now controlled. She eyed me
critically, then looked around her at the appreciative group, whose
size had continued to increase.
I am grateful, I stepped forward and assured her pointedly.
She had no polite choice but to acknowledge my thanks, which she did
with a slight nod of her head, never taking her eyes from mine, like
an opponent in a battle. I hoped I had not made a serious error in
judgement.
Although the color does become you, she said aloud in a carefully
neutral tone, the cut of the garment is not quite up to my standards.
Well, of course I assumed that you were training someone, I offered,
but I find it quite acceptable. Then I added quite sincerely that one
day, if she could find the time herself, I would be greatly honored to
wear something truly fine from her own hand; as many here had told me
of her expertise.
Statements in support of this fact came from those around us.
Vanimë was about to respond when the crowd parted respectfully to
reveal Lord Haldir. He swept his perceptive gaze over us all, and I
blushed instantly. I had felt completely off-balance all day whenever
I was in his powerfully masculine presence, and this moment was no
exception. Whether he would consider what I had done an appropriate
response or just an immature prank for which he would judge me harshly
again, I had no idea. I wondered how long he had been standing there,
and how much he had overheard.
His eyes raked over the garment I wore, and again I felt totally
exposed and vulnerable under his examination. Then he looked me in
the eye with an unreadable expression.
"Ah, Vanimë, he pronounced, turning at last to her, "the formal livery
of the Galadhrim has for too long been forgotten. I commend you for
bringing it forth, into the light again."
In chagrin I finally understood what Allinde and Lindir had been
commenting about. I'd had no idea that the metalwork would be so
recognizable for its former use. There must have been specific
designs used only for the horses. I thought I had begun to understand
the elves, but I had so much more to learn.
Vanimë lowered her eyes under his scrutiny. Then to my surprise she
looked serenely back up at me and replied that the embellishments had
been my idea.
"Indeed?" Lord Haldir said, appraising me again quite thoroughly, at
which I blushed yet again. "I am most pleased," he said seriously to
us both, and motioned for everyone to sit for dinner.
It was the first compliment that he had ever given me, and I felt as
giddy as a teenager. Vanimë acknowledged me again with a slight nod,
and I nodded back. As we sat down, Allinde nudged me under the table
and smiled.
I spent the meal glancing over at Lord Haldir whenever I thought no
one was looking my way. I couldn't help it. Every movement he made,
every nuance of expression, every play of light and shadow on his
noble features was a treasure to my eyes.
Since that moment a few nights ago on my deck I have been unusually
self-conscious in Lord Haldir's presence, distracted in thought, and
overly sensitive to his criticisms. I am usually more assertive and
very focused; I am not comfortable with my increased emotional
vulnerability. He has given me several questioning looks these past
days, and I suppose he is wondering what is wrong with me. I long to
tell him of my feelings for him, but first I need to find my bearings
again.
After dinner he excused himself and retired again through that same
archway, Vanimë following shortly thereafter. Maybe one day he would
invite me to go with him, and I would know where he went every night,
and why he seemed so troubled after.
* * * * *
Perhaps something different is in the cavern air tonight - everything
seems to be changing, and I feel tension in others, not just myself;
but in Callo most strangely of all.
Lindir, Allinde and I had gone back to him, bringing dinner from the
Hall and trying to coax him to eat. We couldn't get him to eat
anything tonight, only take the infusion that I had prepared, and
drink some miruvor, which is a cordial and a favorite of his. I hoped
that these things would give him a little strength.
At one point Lindir began to spin an elaborate story for Callo about
Marian and the horse gown. I think he is practicing it for endless
repetition. By tomorrow it will most likely bear no resemblance to
what actually happened, but that's alright with me. I knew he was
just trying to cheer Callo up. Whether Callo was completely aware of
us and of his surroundings, or was listening to Lindir's story or not
I couldn't tell.
Shaking my head at Lindir's artistic license, I picked up the dark
crystal paperweight and stared into its depths. Abruptly, Callo sat
straight up in his bed, extremely agitated, and motioned wildly at me,
an expression of horror on his face. His sitting up was a shock in
itself, as he had not able or willing to do so in many days. I froze
in confusion, not able to understand what I had done to upset him so
much.
No, he said weakly between gasping breaths. Houseless, he whispered
frantically, and looked furtively toward where Allinde was putting
away the miruvor. No, he said again, pleading with me.
No what? I thought. I looked desperately at Lindir for help.
I think he wants you to put the paperweight down, Lindir said, trying
to calm our friend, who nodded up and down desperately. Houseless, he
repeated in a whisper, and put his finger to his lips as Allinde came
back over to see what the matter was.
I quickly put the paperweight back on the table with shaking hands,
and Callo sank back onto the bed in complete exhaustion. Allinde
asked what had happened, and looked from us to Callo in concern. She
wasn't the only one who was confused, but Callo gave me another wild
pleading look which I did understand: I was not to tell Allinde what
he had said.
Perhaps you should go and come back tomorrow, Allinde said
apologetically, smoothing Callo's brow in concern. I gave Allinde a
reassuring hug and nodded to Callo as I kissed his cheek to assure him
that I would not betray his confidence. Lindir and I left
immediately.
Once we were out of earshot, which I am slowly learning is a lot
further away than it would be for mortals, I stopped Lindir on the
path.
What was wrong with him? I asked Lindir. What's houseless? Is a
paperweight houseless if it isn't on top of paper? Why would that
bother Callo so much, and why not tell Allinde? What did I do to
upset him so much? I don't understand, I asked, feeling guilty and
confused.
Slow down, Marian, and sit down, Lindir said, and guided me to the
bench along the path that we seemed to be making regular use of.
Lindir looked at me in equal confusion.
I do not know what happened, he said shaking his head in frustration.
I do not understand Callo's reaction, but he certainly did not want
Allinde to see you holding the paperweight.
Then Lindir said that he could at least explain who "the houseless"
were, although he couldn't make sense of why Callo would speak of
them.
Them? I repeated. Callo looked so afraid for Allinde. Who are they?
No one in Methentaurond is homeless, I said, and if they were, they
wouldn't be dangerous!
That may not be entirely true, but it is highly unlikely, Lindir said
cryptically. The Houseless, he then explained, were not elves that
did not have a home, but the spirits of the dead who no longer had a
body to live in. They were those elves who, after death, had refused
the Call of Mandos. Instead they remained in Arda, unseen, clinging
to places or objects that had held meaning for them in life.
You mean ghosts - ghosts of elves? I asked. Having lived in the Gold
Country, with its historical abundance of hangings, ghost stories and
ghost sightings, I had no difficulty believing Lindir's words. Are
you saying that Callo thinks that his crystal paperweight is haunted?
No, that cannot be, Lindir said with a heavy sigh. Marian, that
paperweight has been in Callo's house for hundreds of years, and has
been handled endless times. Callo has never been anything but proud
of it.
I'm sorry Lindir, but perhaps he was hallucinating, I said gently.
His mind does seem to be in another place much of the time now.
Then a horrifying thought came to my mind, and I asked Lindir if Callo
died, would he become one of the Houseless?
No, Lindir replied in an assured voice. Callo will follow the Light -
he will heed the Call to go to the Halls of Waiting, and be reborn
again.
I then asked Lindir if the Houseless were dangerous, and he replied
that they often were. It was said by the wise that those who did not
answer the Call refused because they were already tainted by the
darkness in the world. Some ever searched to find and inhabit the
bodies of living persons too weak or gullible to refuse. Some, even,
were wholly evil, the servants of Morgoth, spreading darkness in the
world where they could.
But what the Houseless might have to do with Allinde, or Callo's
crystal, he could not guess.
We both agreed that we could not upset Callo by touching the crystal
again, but beyond that we didn't know what to do.
Allinde may know something we do not, Lindir said. Perhaps I should
speak to her of this.
Oh no, Lindir, please don't, I begged him, and told him that I had
promised Callo not to say anything to her about it.
I heard you give no promise, Lindir said in confusion.
He asked, and I promised, with our eyes only, I replied. But I did
promise.
Lindir regarded me in indecision, but finally nodded. I will not
speak to her yet, he said.
Thank you, I said, and started to rise from the bench.
But I may reconsider if Callo's fear about this returns, Lindir said,
stopping me with a hand on my arm. It was your promise, not mine.
We'll see what happens, I agreed, placing my hand over his.
As we started back along the path arm in arm, Lindir stopped me again.
Would you betray a confidence, Marian, if you had to do so in order
to save someone's life?
Are you saying that Allinde might really be in danger? I asked in
fear for my dear friend.
I have no idea, Lindir said. But I do not believe there are any
Houseless in Methentaurond. Would you? he repeated.
It would depend on the situation, and the consequences, I replied
carefully. But if I knew for certain that I wouldn't endanger someone
by doing so, then I must, I admitted.
Lindir patted my hand and we walked on. He seemed to be reassured by
my response.
* * * * *
I can't sleep again. I've whiled away the candlelit time tonight
trying to sketch Lord Haldir from memory. I can do it with Lindir,
why not with Haldir? His features and his personality are so
difficult to capture, and my skills are lacking.
At last I see from where I have propped myself up on my bed to write
that he has come out onto the terrace again. I will not lie and say
that I have not been waiting to see him there, like a vision in the
dark lantern-lit night.
Conveniently, I recall my intention of asking to look down on the
gardens with him.
And I don't have decades or longer, as Lindir had, to decide what to
do, to tell him how I feel and to know if he feels anything for me, as
I hope he might. My time is running out.
He appears more troubled than I have seen him before - this time I
know I'm not imagining that this is so. The pure white aura that
always comes from him, more visible at night, seems slightly dimmer or
darker somehow, this new development worries me greatly, and I pray
that he is not becoming ill. I could not live if he was ill! This
time I won't sit here and pretend I don't see him. I can't stand to
see him upset, night after night, not knowing why.
Come what may, I am going to him.
* * * * * THE TALE OF MARIAN
CHAPTER 16 – House and Home
17 September
Vanimë almost always eats in the Great Hall, either at Lord Haldir's
table or nearby. Allinde, however, attends dinner in the Great Hall
only occasionally, preferring to spend this time with Callo. Today I
invited Allinde to sit with me at dinner, hinting only that I wouldn't
want her to miss anything interesting. This drove Allinde mad with
curiosity, but I refused to elaborate. We agreed to meet at my talan.
I was nearly frantic with nerves by the time Allinde came. I inched
the door open at her knock to make sure it was her, then pulled her in
and shut the door behind her. I stood still in front of her, waiting.
She looked at me curiously and asked me why we were hiding in my
talan.
I twirled around in a circle and stopped to wait again.
The dress. . . I prompted.
Yes, very nice, Allinde replied, if you plan on going riding, but
since we have no horses. . . Wait, she said. Don't tell me you
talked Vanimë into making you a proper gown - and you didn't tell me!
Oh thank you Allinde! I exclaimed and threw my arms around her. Then
I explained to her proudly that it was the same green gown that
Allinde had seen on me before, I had told no one what I was doing, I
was dying of nervousness about whether I should wear it or not, and
what did she think I should do?
I can't wait a moment longer, Allinde declared with glee, dragging me
back to the door. She ordered me to explain it all to her later, but
that we were going to dinner - now!
We entered the Hall as the evening meal was being placed on the tables
and people were just beginning to filter in and take their seats.
Neither Lord Haldir nor Vanimë had arrived yet, and in my nervousness
I alternately prayed that either of them would, and wouldn't, come to
dinner this night. I was in fact more nervous at the prospect of Lord
Haldir's reaction than I was at Vanime's.
I received a few glances as we walked across the hall toward the
tables, and I looked longingly back at the entrance.
Don't you dare try to leave, Allinde threatened me.
Lindir arrived and gave me a knowing look as he joined us on our way
to the table. Is there a parade tonight that I am not aware of? he
asked, shooting an inquiring look at me and then Allinde, but I had no
idea what he was talking about. Spilled wine, eh? he bent over and
whispered in my ear as he held my chair out for me.
An elleth whose name I had forgotten broke away from a group that was
looking in our direction and intercepted us as we were about to sit,
greeting us graciously.
Is this one of Vanimë's new gowns? she asked me, curiously eyeing the
neckline. How very ingenious, she said approvingly, and motioned for
the others to come over. Soon there was a group of elleths, and even
a few ellons, gathered around me discussing my garment. It was
becoming rather embarrassing - I hadn't meant to cause a scene, after
all. Vanimë was the only one whose attention I had intended to
attract.
So naturally she came in at that very moment, immediately noticing our
noisy little group and the object of attention at its center. She
made purposeful but graceful strides straight toward me without
hesitation, a look of outrage on her face.
Vanimë, Allinde said as the little crowd parted before her, leaving me
trapped in the middle with no escape, you have done a beautiful job.
Yes, so ingenious! exclaimed the elleth whose name I couldn't
remember, and the rest of the group nodded in agreement.
What a wonderful idea, Vanimë, Lindir stood and approached her, his
face expressing perfect gentility. Marian has just been telling us
how pleased she is with your work.
Has she, Vanimë said, her expression now controlled. She eyed me
critically, then looked around her at the appreciative group, whose
size had continued to increase.
I am grateful, I stepped forward and assured her pointedly.
She had no polite choice but to acknowledge my thanks, which she did
with a slight nod of her head, never taking her eyes from mine, like
an opponent in a battle. I hoped I had not made a serious error in
judgement.
Although the color does become you, she said aloud in a carefully
neutral tone, the cut of the garment is not quite up to my standards.
Well, of course I assumed that you were training someone, I offered,
but I find it quite acceptable. Then I added quite sincerely that one
day, if she could find the time herself, I would be greatly honored to
wear something truly fine from her own hand; as many here had told me
of her expertise.
Statements in support of this fact came from those around us.
Vanimë was about to respond when the crowd parted respectfully to
reveal Lord Haldir. He swept his perceptive gaze over us all, and I
blushed instantly. I had felt completely off-balance all day whenever
I was in his powerfully masculine presence, and this moment was no
exception. Whether he would consider what I had done an appropriate
response or just an immature prank for which he would judge me harshly
again, I had no idea. I wondered how long he had been standing there,
and how much he had overheard.
His eyes raked over the garment I wore, and again I felt totally
exposed and vulnerable under his examination. Then he looked me in
the eye with an unreadable expression.
"Ah, Vanimë, he pronounced, turning at last to her, "the formal livery
of the Galadhrim has for too long been forgotten. I commend you for
bringing it forth, into the light again."
In chagrin I finally understood what Allinde and Lindir had been
commenting about. I'd had no idea that the metalwork would be so
recognizable for its former use. There must have been specific
designs used only for the horses. I thought I had begun to understand
the elves, but I had so much more to learn.
Vanimë lowered her eyes under his scrutiny. Then to my surprise she
looked serenely back up at me and replied that the embellishments had
been my idea.
"Indeed?" Lord Haldir said, appraising me again quite thoroughly, at
which I blushed yet again. "I am most pleased," he said seriously to
us both, and motioned for everyone to sit for dinner.
It was the first compliment that he had ever given me, and I felt as
giddy as a teenager. Vanimë acknowledged me again with a slight nod,
and I nodded back. As we sat down, Allinde nudged me under the table
and smiled.
I spent the meal glancing over at Lord Haldir whenever I thought no
one was looking my way. I couldn't help it. Every movement he made,
every nuance of expression, every play of light and shadow on his
noble features was a treasure to my eyes.
Since that moment a few nights ago on my deck I have been unusually
self-conscious in Lord Haldir's presence, distracted in thought, and
overly sensitive to his criticisms. I am usually more assertive and
very focused; I am not comfortable with my increased emotional
vulnerability. He has given me several questioning looks these past
days, and I suppose he is wondering what is wrong with me. I long to
tell him of my feelings for him, but first I need to find my bearings
again.
After dinner he excused himself and retired again through that same
archway, Vanimë following shortly thereafter. Maybe one day he would
invite me to go with him, and I would know where he went every night,
and why he seemed so troubled after.
* * * * *
Perhaps something different is in the cavern air tonight - everything
seems to be changing, and I feel tension in others, not just myself;
but in Callo most strangely of all.
Lindir, Allinde and I had gone back to him, bringing dinner from the
Hall and trying to coax him to eat. We couldn't get him to eat
anything tonight, only take the infusion that I had prepared, and
drink some miruvor, which is a cordial and a favorite of his. I hoped
that these things would give him a little strength.
At one point Lindir began to spin an elaborate story for Callo about
Marian and the horse gown. I think he is practicing it for endless
repetition. By tomorrow it will most likely bear no resemblance to
what actually happened, but that's alright with me. I knew he was
just trying to cheer Callo up. Whether Callo was completely aware of
us and of his surroundings, or was listening to Lindir's story or not
I couldn't tell.
Shaking my head at Lindir's artistic license, I picked up the dark
crystal paperweight and stared into its depths. Abruptly, Callo sat
straight up in his bed, extremely agitated, and motioned wildly at me,
an expression of horror on his face. His sitting up was a shock in
itself, as he had not able or willing to do so in many days. I froze
in confusion, not able to understand what I had done to upset him so
much.
No, he said weakly between gasping breaths. Houseless, he whispered
frantically, and looked furtively toward where Allinde was putting
away the miruvor. No, he said again, pleading with me.
No what? I thought. I looked desperately at Lindir for help.
I think he wants you to put the paperweight down, Lindir said, trying
to calm our friend, who nodded up and down desperately. Houseless, he
repeated in a whisper, and put his finger to his lips as Allinde came
back over to see what the matter was.
I quickly put the paperweight back on the table with shaking hands,
and Callo sank back onto the bed in complete exhaustion. Allinde
asked what had happened, and looked from us to Callo in concern. She
wasn't the only one who was confused, but Callo gave me another wild
pleading look which I did understand: I was not to tell Allinde what
he had said.
Perhaps you should go and come back tomorrow, Allinde said
apologetically, smoothing Callo's brow in concern. I gave Allinde a
reassuring hug and nodded to Callo as I kissed his cheek to assure him
that I would not betray his confidence. Lindir and I left
immediately.
Once we were out of earshot, which I am slowly learning is a lot
further away than it would be for mortals, I stopped Lindir on the
path.
What was wrong with him? I asked Lindir. What's houseless? Is a
paperweight houseless if it isn't on top of paper? Why would that
bother Callo so much, and why not tell Allinde? What did I do to
upset him so much? I don't understand, I asked, feeling guilty and
confused.
Slow down, Marian, and sit down, Lindir said, and guided me to the
bench along the path that we seemed to be making regular use of.
Lindir looked at me in equal confusion.
I do not know what happened, he said shaking his head in frustration.
I do not understand Callo's reaction, but he certainly did not want
Allinde to see you holding the paperweight.
Then Lindir said that he could at least explain who "the houseless"
were, although he couldn't make sense of why Callo would speak of
them.
Them? I repeated. Callo looked so afraid for Allinde. Who are they?
No one in Methentaurond is homeless, I said, and if they were, they
wouldn't be dangerous!
That may not be entirely true, but it is highly unlikely, Lindir said
cryptically. The Houseless, he then explained, were not elves that
did not have a home, but the spirits of the dead who no longer had a
body to live in. They were those elves who, after death, had refused
the Call of Mandos. Instead they remained in Arda, unseen, clinging
to places or objects that had held meaning for them in life.
You mean ghosts - ghosts of elves? I asked. Having lived in the Gold
Country, with its historical abundance of hangings, ghost stories and
ghost sightings, I had no difficulty believing Lindir's words. Are
you saying that Callo thinks that his crystal paperweight is haunted?
No, that cannot be, Lindir said with a heavy sigh. Marian, that
paperweight has been in Callo's house for hundreds of years, and has
been handled endless times. Callo has never been anything but proud
of it.
I'm sorry Lindir, but perhaps he was hallucinating, I said gently.
His mind does seem to be in another place much of the time now.
Then a horrifying thought came to my mind, and I asked Lindir if Callo
died, would he become one of the Houseless?
No, Lindir replied in an assured voice. Callo will follow the Light -
he will heed the Call to go to the Halls of Waiting, and be reborn
again.
I then asked Lindir if the Houseless were dangerous, and he replied
that they often were. It was said by the wise that those who did not
answer the Call refused because they were already tainted by the
darkness in the world. Some ever searched to find and inhabit the
bodies of living persons too weak or gullible to refuse. Some, even,
were wholly evil, the servants of Morgoth, spreading darkness in the
world where they could.
But what the Houseless might have to do with Allinde, or Callo's
crystal, he could not guess.
We both agreed that we could not upset Callo by touching the crystal
again, but beyond that we didn't know what to do.
Allinde may know something we do not, Lindir said. Perhaps I should
speak to her of this.
Oh no, Lindir, please don't, I begged him, and told him that I had
promised Callo not to say anything to her about it.
I heard you give no promise, Lindir said in confusion.
He asked, and I promised, with our eyes only, I replied. But I did
promise.
Lindir regarded me in indecision, but finally nodded. I will not
speak to her yet, he said.
Thank you, I said, and started to rise from the bench.
But I may reconsider if Callo's fear about this returns, Lindir said,
stopping me with a hand on my arm. It was your promise, not mine.
We'll see what happens, I agreed, placing my hand over his.
As we started back along the path arm in arm, Lindir stopped me again.
Would you betray a confidence, Marian, if you had to do so in order
to save someone's life?
Are you saying that Allinde might really be in danger? I asked in
fear for my dear friend.
I have no idea, Lindir said. But I do not believe there are any
Houseless in Methentaurond. Would you? he repeated.
It would depend on the situation, and the consequences, I replied
carefully. But if I knew for certain that I wouldn't endanger someone
by doing so, then I must, I admitted.
Lindir patted my hand and we walked on. He seemed to be reassured by
my response.
* * * * *
I can't sleep again. I've whiled away the candlelit time tonight
trying to sketch Lord Haldir from memory. I can do it with Lindir,
why not with Haldir? His features and his personality are so
difficult to capture, and my skills are lacking.
At last I see from where I have propped myself up on my bed to write
that he has come out onto the terrace again. I will not lie and say
that I have not been waiting to see him there, like a vision in the
dark lantern-lit night.
Conveniently, I recall my intention of asking to look down on the
gardens with him.
And I don't have decades or longer, as Lindir had, to decide what to
do, to tell him how I feel and to know if he feels anything for me, as
I hope he might. My time is running out.
He appears more troubled than I have seen him before - this time I
know I'm not imagining that this is so. The pure white aura that
always comes from him, more visible at night, seems slightly dimmer or
darker somehow, this new development worries me greatly, and I pray
that he is not becoming ill. I could not live if he was ill! This
time I won't sit here and pretend I don't see him. I can't stand to
see him upset, night after night, not knowing why.
Come what may, I am going to him.