Title: The Tale of Marian
Chapter: 20/?
Rating: R this chapter for some foul language.
Pairing: OFC/Haldir
Genre: Adventure/Romance/perhaps a little Angst
Timeline: AU, modern times.
Beta: Kara Tanner
Feedback: Welcomed, begged for, appreciated.
Warnings: Foul language; threatening situation.
Author's Notes: This is a work in progress.
Disclaimer: See Chapter 1 for disclaimer.
* * * * * THE TALE OF MARIAN
CHAPTER 20 – Back to Lands You Once Did Know*
24 September
Today we will reach the trailhead, where Haldir tells me that Rumil
will be waiting for us.
I became instantly tense when Haldir told me this, about seeing him
today. He won't ever be Jason to me again, no matter what happens.
He saw my agitation, of course, and ignored it. He, on the other
hand, has relaxed in the past days. He no longer broods in the night
before sleeping, for one thing. The challenges he must face remain,
so I don't know why he has become almost lighthearted, like an unseen
burden has been lifted. I am glad to see it. This does not mean,
however, that he has become at all less haughty in his manner or less
lethal in his wit. Is this the way he used to be, before the sickness
came to the elves; before he learned to be so bitter toward Men? It
suits him.
He surprised me twice this morning.
When I awoke it was already dawn, crisp, clear and damp. Haldir had
packed and laid his things nearby, except for his bow and quiver. He
and Bruno were nowhere to be seen. Why hadn't he awakened me? I
thought groggily, and got up to pack, myself. When they still hadn't
appeared, I laid out the remainder of our lembas and dried fruit,
hoping that the neighborhood rabbits were still safe.
Finally Bruno came bounding toward me through the trees, followed by a
stranger. No, not a stranger, I thought as the man who was not a man
drew closer. He was tall and imposing, with a long, smooth stride,
like a well-honed athlete or dancer. He had long, silver-blond hair
which had been pulled back into a ponytail, and striking, intimidating
gray-blue eyes. He held his head high, his posture erect, like
someone accustomed to wielding authority. As he walked toward me I
could see the strength and power of his body through his clothing -
the black muscle-tee that clung to his chest; the faded jeans that
hugged his lean, muscular hips and thighs and skimmed over his black
boots like he was born to wear them. Over his shoulder he casually
carried a black leather bomber jacket. Two knife sheaths hung from
his black leather belt, with silver hilts, like his hair, flashing in
the sun.
As he approached, he smiled at me with a twin to that mischievous
smile that I had seen so often on Jason's face, most probably at my
look of surprise and feminine admiration. That, and my immense relief
that Haldir had finally changed his clothing to something more, well,
normal. But seeing him in "normal" clothes only emphasized how
magnificently male he was. It was no surprise to me that in his
enthusiastic morning greeting, Bruno knocked me flat on my ass.
Where are your bow and arrows? I asked as I got up and examined his
new "look."
"Hidden, until my return," he replied while I focused my attention on
the thick, golden hair on each side of his head.
Are you sure those ears will stay under there? I asked nervously.
"Aye, Nana**," he teased me, his eyes dancing. Then he placed his
hands confidently on my shoulders and said, "Do not fear for me. I
have done this many times."
I could only nod. I wouldn't be comfortable with his appearance until
I saw how other people reacted to him.
I didn't have long to wait.
We had hiked only a mile or so when the trail emerged along the edge
of a familiar clearing among the trees. The clearing was populated by
thick, high grasses and meadow flowers, and a half-dozen or so elk.
Resting in the sunny meadow, only their necks, heads and a few racks
of antlers were visible above the tall grass. The rest of the herd
would be nearby, I knew, hidden among the trees.
Haldir and I skirted the meadow quietly and didn't seem to disturb the
elk, who only eyed us, or rather me, as we passed not far away. Only
the nearest female shifted its position warily when a curious Bruno
started to sniff a little to close for comfort.
Then a set of large antlers raised and the elk stiffened, velvety
noses raised to test the air on the far side of the clearing where our
path led. Haldir stopped instantly and held out a warning hand for me
to be still.
In an instant the elk leaped to their feet as one and plunged past us
only an arm's length away, disappearing into the forest as if they had
never been in the clearing at all.
I heard them first: The raucous laughter, the cussing. Bruno growled
low in his throat; then he began to bark. He was answered by the
deep, challenging bark of another dog - a large one from the sound of
it. Then I saw them; two surly-looking men in their thirties and
their Rotweiller entering the meadow. We would have no choice but to
pass them, and I didn't like what I saw. The men each carried a beer
can in their hands, and it didn't appear to be their first of the
morning.
Haldir had quickly drawn his knives and disappeared moments before,
but I knew he was only a few yards away in the trees. With luck I
would be able to handle what might become a situation without his
help.
I snapped the leash on Bruno and walked forward along the trail
confidently, hoping as we neared them that the men would take no
interest in us. That was not to be. I almost made it past them,
nodding briefly and giving them and their dog a wide berth on the
path, when the man nearest me threw his beer can into the meadow and
blocked my path. The other man, who had passed me, stopped on my
other side. I stopped and turned, putting my back toward the trees
and Bruno in front of me. Bruno bared his huge canine teeth and
growled, straining at his leash and giving a satisfyingly impressive
display. The Rotweiller did the same but circled us, free of any
restraint. I would have growled too if I had known how. There wasn't
much that tried my patience more than purposefully trashing the woods,
and drunken foul-mouthed jackasses, in that order.
Well, look what we have here, the first man said in a slightly slurred
voice, standing just outside the reach of Bruno's teeth.
Why don't we let Caesar here have a go at your furry mutt, darlin',
and see what happens? Care to make a bet, John? he shouted, although
his friend was only a few feet away.
Or maybe, "John" suggested, and grabbed the snarling Rotweiller by the
collar with a repulsive giggle, we should have a go at you first,
darlin'. Flip a coin, he said to his friend, and let's see who gets
to go first.
How about if you just keep moving, and I won't let go of this leash?
I said to these jerks as reasonably as possible as I tried to use
Bruno to inch my way down the trail and keep both of them in front of
me. I could barely hold Bruno back anyway as he strained heavily on
the leash with all of his 120 pounds, barking wildly and snapping at
the Rotweiller. I inched a little further down the trail, trying to
maneuver the first man around me with Bruno and not lose sight of
"John", who was beginning to circle behind me.
"John" still had hold of his dog's collar, but I could see he was
about to let him go. If he did, I would have to let Bruno go as well.
I knew Bruno's powerful jaws could make mincemeat of the Rotweiller,
but as ferocious and loyal as he was, he still couldn't take three on
at once. The men were drunk, but not drunk enough for me to have an
advantage. How could I end this without Haldir having to reveal
himself?
How about let's have some fun first, "John" said with a lecherous look
that made my skin crawl, and released his dog. The frenzied Rotweiler
sprang forward to attack Bruno, and then a strange thing happened. It
stopped.
I heard soft words - elvish words - and Haldir stepped firmly in front
of me, still speaking to the man's dog. He had resheathed his knives,
apparently not considering these two much of a threat. The Rotweiller
sat down and began wagging its tail.
"Let the lady pass," Haldir said to the two men in a casual tone that
conveyed a world full of unspoken insults.
What the HELL??? the first man exclaimed, staring from his dog to
Haldir in anger and confusion. I stood looking from one man to the
other, terrified that they would see there was definitely something
different about my rescuer.
Well, will you look at this? Looks like a French fag to me. You get
the hell away from my dog pretty boy, and mind your own business, the
man spluttered, sticking his chest out in a show of bravado that was
ruined by the worried look he shot his companion. Apparently another
man, especially such an imposing and confident one, had not been part
of their impromptu plans.
"Let the LADY pass," Haldir repeated in a bored but dangerous voice,
"and I may spare you both a great deal of injury."
In the meantime I noticed something interesting only a few feet away,
and began to back toward the nearest tree.
"John" foolishly thought he saw his opportunity and lunged at Haldir
from the side.
Quicker than I could follow his movements, Haldir's hands were around
"John's" throat. "John" was now on his back in the grass not rally
knowing how he got there, sporting a spreading pool of wetness seeping
through the front of his jeans.
I saw that Haldir could have easily rendered the other man helpless as
well, but he didn't have to. Without the Rotweiller to deal with,
Bruno and I had him firmly in hand. Bruno had his bared teeth inches
from his crotch, and I had a branch of the poison oak that I had
lunged for inches from his face.
Don't move, I warned him, which considering Bruno's current position I
hardly needed to say.
You crazy bitch!!! he yelled, and Bruno and the poison oak inched
closer.
Come on John, he called, glancing from his helpless friend and back to
me, let's just forget it and get the fuck out of here.
Yeah, no shit, John said shakily as Haldir allowed him to scramble
away and get back on his feet. We don't want no trouble, we were just
joking around, for Christ's sake. We weren't going to hurt her or
nothing.
"Be gone, while you still have your skins," the Elf Lord said in
disgust.
Haldir feinted at John's buddy, who had frozen in indecision between
his words and Bruno's jaws, and now scrambled around us to back down
the trail with his friend.
You're both fuckin' crazy! "John" yelled, his bravado increasing with
distance.
Hell,she's just a dried up old broad anyway, "John's" friend called
back toward us.
Yeah honey, have fun with your pretty friend - he's not gonna give you
any of the good stuff you'd a gotten from us, babe!
Haldir lunged toward the two with knives flashing, and they took off
running like the cowards they were, their dog trotting happily behind.
I exhaled in relief that they were gone at last and that they had not
seemed to notice how unique my companion really was. Haldir sheathed
his knives with a fluid motion and stopped in front of me with concern
written on his features.
You were amazing, I said to him. Thank you.
And so were you, you big bear, I said and hugged Bruno, not caring
that he was probably slobbering in my hair.
"You are not offended by their words?" he asked me. "I would be
greatly pleased to kill them for you."
Maturity has its rewards, my Lord, I joked, and the corner of his
mouth twitched. They were just a couple of assholes. I'm only
embarrassed that I'm the same species they are.
"You are not responsible for their behavior, Marian," he said.
You wouldn't really kill them, would you? I stated then, waving my
hand in the direction the two men had disappeared in.
He just smiled a very cold smile.
"You must wash quickly," he said, pulling his water skin from his
shoulder and pointing at the branch that I still held in my hand.
Oh, I said and threw it aside. No wonder he had been giving me plenty
of room. I had forgotten that I still held it.
I don't get poison oak, I explained.
"Well I do," he replied and held the container out at arm's length to
pour for me.
Ok, I said, I guess I'd better not tempt fate. That was funny, I
thought. Fate - the thing that I finally believed had brought me
here. I grinned at Haldir.
"The Valar will be glad to hear that," he replied, trying to suppress
a smile. Then the Elf Lord laughed; a robust, hearty, musical laugh
that rang through the meadow like chimes in the breeze.
* * * * *
Later in the day I began to smell the ocean, and see hazy blue-gray
beyond the tree line. When we stopped, I could hear the pounding of
the waves - a low vibration like someone far, far away was beating on
a giant drum. Haldir increased his pace, and I knew that he sensed it
too. Was he thinking of Valinor? Was the Sea calling to him? How
could it not be? It was calling me, too.
As we were preparing to go the last few miles to the trailhead, we
stopped and he tried once more to plead Rumil's case with me.
"It is not a lie to be one thing and seem to be another," he said.
Yes it is, I argued back.
Then he ran a finger along the part in my hair.
"What is this?" he asked, pretending innocence. If the subject had
not been so serious, I might have thought he was teasing me.
It's my real color, gray hairs and all. You caught me. I surrender -
it's been more than a month, I replied, knowing where this was headed.
"Is this not also a lie?" he asked, tilting his head and widening his
eyes in mock surprise.
It's different! I said, completely exasperated. I couldn't believe he
was comparing anything this trivial with what Rumil had done.
"Why?" he challenged me quite seriously.
Because, I explained in irritation, it's socially acceptable.
Everybody does it. It's unusual for people NOT to do it.
"It is the same to be an elf but appear to be a mortal," he declared.
That is ridiculous! I said, stupefied that he would even suggest such
a comparison. This is not just about appearances. Everybody doesn't
pretend to be someone's friend when their only interest is in
manipulation.
His lordship just eyed me cockily and strode on down the hill.
Can you believe him? I asked Bruno, who just barked at me and trotted
after him. Suck-up, I called after him.
I adjusted the straps on my backpack and prepared to get this happy
reunion over with as quickly as possible.
September 24 - Jason.
At last I caught a glimpse of my brother and Marian coming down the hill through the trees. It was about time, I thought with relief, and I pushed myself off from leaning against the side of Haldir's car to greet them. It had been over a month and I had terribly missed teasing Marian. I hadn't seen Haldir in many months longer, and I was elated to see him hearty and hale. Still, I was somewhat nervous – I wondered if Haldir had told her about me yet.
My brother demanded his equipment to be clean. As I waited for them to get down the hill, I took my sleeve and swept away the pine and redwood needles where they had floated down onto the glossy waxed surface of the convertible. There wasn't much I could do now about the ones that had worked their way under the seats; I had been leaning against the car, waiting since before dawn, like a chauffeur. Still, a sports car was easier to take care of than a horse. And it had the advantage of drawing the interest of attractive women. We made a good team, this car and I.
The sight of Marian, Bruno and my brother coming around the last bend of the trail to the parking lot was not at all what I had expected. True, I had known with certainty that Haldir would appreciate Marian – we tended to have similar tastes in elleths – and knowing how dear she was to me, I had happily anticipated that Haldir would become fond of her as well. I had warned myself that there might be some small danger, but what could I do? Marian was the right one and I had known it immediately.
Bruno bounded on ahead of them, barking and wagging his tail, and jumping on me in excitement. At least someone seemed happy to see me.
As soon as I saw them round the last tree, Marian tramping tiredly and Haldir lightly stepping from the soft needles onto the gravel of the parking lot, both studiously ignoring each other, I knew, and I was torn between joy and sadness.
Let me explain something that I could tell Marian had not been enlightened about yet. For an elf to give his heart to another was one of the greatest gifts of the Valar; for an elf to lose his heart to a mortal was a death sentence. In binding himself to a mortal, the elf's fate would be bound with that of the Second Children, and he would die as they did. Why things had to happen this way was a mystery; why it hadn't once happened the other way around perhaps even the Valar did not know.
I did not fear for my brother; Haldir's sense of responsibility went far beyond his personal desires and needs – often too far, in my opinion. And Haldir's path was as clear to me as it was to him – he would lead us safely to the ships and from there to blessed Valinor, or perish in the attempt. He would not allow himself to stray from his duty and his honor, no matter what the cost. And I could see, with no small measure of guilt, the cost was going to be great.
He would not, and had not bound himself to her, that much was obvious – any elf could see immediately if another had a life partner – a convenience that, as you might imagine, saved us from many of the pitfalls that mortals succumb to with disastrous regularity.
Perhaps only a brother, highly attuned as I was to the finer points of Haldir's demeanor in spite of what Marian would doubtless label his "poker face", would have seen and correctly interpreted the attraction. To my senses it hummed around them like an electric current. It would have to Orophin, too. No, I concluded as they reached me and I looked from one to the other of the two people most dear to me still on Arda, it was so strong that Vanimë might have picked up on it as well. She was like a mother hen where Haldir was concerned, and I winced inwardly at the cold, even vengeful treatment Marian would have received if Vanimë had recognized the threat. To be sure, I wouldn't wish our cousin's wrath on many, especially not Marian.
Haldir and I immediately clasped each other in a heartfelt embrace, while Marian held back from both of us. Though I noticed her expression turn somewhat softer at our brotherly reunion, still the smoke from the smithies of Aulë might have been coming from her ears. In fact, both of them looked like they were about to explode, I thought as I turned from my dear brother and held my arms out to her. She immediately stepped forward and raised her hand as if to slap me across the face, but changed her mind and walked away, refusing to meet my gaze.
I was stunned. In all of my years of deep friendship with Marian, she had never so much as raised a finger to anyone. Sure, she would let off steam when she needed to. On the rare occasion that she gave in to real anger, she could hardly hold onto it for more than a few minutes. Even the muttered or not so muttered curses she sometimes received at construction sites didn't affect her – she knew as many expletives in Spanish and Southeast Asian as she did in English by now, but she had more class than to acknowledge them or throw them back. They were just the background noises of the jobsite and she recognized them for the harmless frustrations that they were. After the men saw that such prods didn't get a reaction, they usually laid off anyway.
How would you feel, she would say to me, if you were sweating over some damned piece of equipment in the hot sun, and some woman with a pressed suit and a clipboard told your boss to rip out what you had just done the best you could at and do it over again, and do it right this time? How she hated to do that to people, even when she knew she had to.
No, I hadn't expected her to want to slap me, and it hurt, even more than if she had actually done it. It also wounded my pride, just a little, to see Haldir looking at her with patient concern: Not at the truly injured party, but at her. Just maybe, I thought as I brought my gaping mouth back where it belonged and endured the humiliation like the gallant ellon that I was, Haldir had already told her about me after all. Bruno shifted uncomfortably and whined at me in sympathy.
Haldir took me aside and held out our mother's ring for me to take. He could not convince her to take it back, he told me in a low voice that did not carry. I must make things right again. She was deeply hurt; she was maddeningly stubborn.
You have no idea, I told him dryly in return.
You like her, I said meaningfully, lowering my voice and glancing at Marian, who was unlocking her car.
My brother gave me his best "none of your business" look. This was neither the time nor the place for such a discussion, he admonished me.
True enough, I told him, thinking that he was only slightly more stubborn than Marian, but we WOULD talk when Marian and I returned.
After a short staring contest, he finally nodded acceptance. We both know when I'm right about him needing to talk, but Haldir will rarely admit it. That he did now was significant. I usually have to trick him, something I've become rather adept at though I must change my tactics constantly. Haldir is a formidable opponent when it comes to his private side. That I can usually jump one step ahead of him when he needs me to is something I am secretly quite proud of.
Then without so much as an "are you ok, Rumil?" Haldir helped Marian unload her backpack and part of his burden into her trunk, threw the rest of his things into his own car, and vaulted over the driver's door into his seat. He picked at the interior and flicked redwood needles out of the car with an accusatory look in my direction. Marian came over next to his door, making a point of keeping as far away from me as she could. She stared long into my brother's eyes and seemed to find it difficult to speak.
I will pray that you find what you are looking for, she said at last. Be safe.
"I will be there when you and Rumil return," he assured us. "May Earendil above guide you both."
Then almost as an afterthought he added to Marian, "Be sure to take care on your journey, your automobiles are dangerous."
She looked at him hopefully.
"We have not the luxury of time to find another and begin again," he clarified. "Do you understand?"
I understand perfectly, Marian said. Inexplicably, she grinned at his response while I silently berated my brother for his total coldness and absence of tact. Marian obviously did not know of my brothers feelings for her, and he was doing his best to make sure she did not. He was, I thought, making this more difficult on her than he needed to.
Haldir graced me with a stern look that told better than words the lengths I was to go to protect her – as if I wouldn't have anyway. We watched him in silence, Marian standing as far away from me as possible, as he peeled out of the parking lot, spewing gravel in his wake.
Marian stood frozen in place with her mouth open while he disappeared from view. Bruno looked at the empty road and whined.
I could always read Marian like an open book. Where, her startled expression said, was my brother going to manage to blend into her world, in a black leather jacket and aviator's glasses over pale glowing skin, long silver-blond hair floating behind him, speeding along like a demon in a vintage cherry-red Corvette convertible?
San Francisco, I offered to her in explanation.
She closed her mouth. I could see that she was relieved, a bit.
Then she reluctantly turned away and opened the rear door of her dusty Civic, ordering Bruno inside. To my surprise, he complied immediately, sitting forward and panting at me to notice his excellent behavior. Things had indeed changed since she'd been gone. Marian slammed the door and stomped around to the other side of the car, got in and started the engine. I sprinted over to the front passenger door and found it locked. Marian threw the car into reverse and backed up as I knocked on the side of the car. Marian shifted into drive, ignoring me completely. With my usual grace under pressure, I jumped through the open window of the back seat and landed on top of Bruno just as she, too, peeled out of the parking lot. I thought with injured feelings that she might have left me – she really might have.
This was, I predicted accurately, going to be a very unpleasant day.
*From "Down the Swift Dark Stream You Go," barrel song from Chapter 9 of The Hobbit, byJ.R.R. Tolkien. **Aye, Nana: "Yes, Mother."
* * * * * THE TALE OF MARIAN
CHAPTER 20 – Back to Lands You Once Did Know*
24 September
Today we will reach the trailhead, where Haldir tells me that Rumil
will be waiting for us.
I became instantly tense when Haldir told me this, about seeing him
today. He won't ever be Jason to me again, no matter what happens.
He saw my agitation, of course, and ignored it. He, on the other
hand, has relaxed in the past days. He no longer broods in the night
before sleeping, for one thing. The challenges he must face remain,
so I don't know why he has become almost lighthearted, like an unseen
burden has been lifted. I am glad to see it. This does not mean,
however, that he has become at all less haughty in his manner or less
lethal in his wit. Is this the way he used to be, before the sickness
came to the elves; before he learned to be so bitter toward Men? It
suits him.
He surprised me twice this morning.
When I awoke it was already dawn, crisp, clear and damp. Haldir had
packed and laid his things nearby, except for his bow and quiver. He
and Bruno were nowhere to be seen. Why hadn't he awakened me? I
thought groggily, and got up to pack, myself. When they still hadn't
appeared, I laid out the remainder of our lembas and dried fruit,
hoping that the neighborhood rabbits were still safe.
Finally Bruno came bounding toward me through the trees, followed by a
stranger. No, not a stranger, I thought as the man who was not a man
drew closer. He was tall and imposing, with a long, smooth stride,
like a well-honed athlete or dancer. He had long, silver-blond hair
which had been pulled back into a ponytail, and striking, intimidating
gray-blue eyes. He held his head high, his posture erect, like
someone accustomed to wielding authority. As he walked toward me I
could see the strength and power of his body through his clothing -
the black muscle-tee that clung to his chest; the faded jeans that
hugged his lean, muscular hips and thighs and skimmed over his black
boots like he was born to wear them. Over his shoulder he casually
carried a black leather bomber jacket. Two knife sheaths hung from
his black leather belt, with silver hilts, like his hair, flashing in
the sun.
As he approached, he smiled at me with a twin to that mischievous
smile that I had seen so often on Jason's face, most probably at my
look of surprise and feminine admiration. That, and my immense relief
that Haldir had finally changed his clothing to something more, well,
normal. But seeing him in "normal" clothes only emphasized how
magnificently male he was. It was no surprise to me that in his
enthusiastic morning greeting, Bruno knocked me flat on my ass.
Where are your bow and arrows? I asked as I got up and examined his
new "look."
"Hidden, until my return," he replied while I focused my attention on
the thick, golden hair on each side of his head.
Are you sure those ears will stay under there? I asked nervously.
"Aye, Nana**," he teased me, his eyes dancing. Then he placed his
hands confidently on my shoulders and said, "Do not fear for me. I
have done this many times."
I could only nod. I wouldn't be comfortable with his appearance until
I saw how other people reacted to him.
I didn't have long to wait.
We had hiked only a mile or so when the trail emerged along the edge
of a familiar clearing among the trees. The clearing was populated by
thick, high grasses and meadow flowers, and a half-dozen or so elk.
Resting in the sunny meadow, only their necks, heads and a few racks
of antlers were visible above the tall grass. The rest of the herd
would be nearby, I knew, hidden among the trees.
Haldir and I skirted the meadow quietly and didn't seem to disturb the
elk, who only eyed us, or rather me, as we passed not far away. Only
the nearest female shifted its position warily when a curious Bruno
started to sniff a little to close for comfort.
Then a set of large antlers raised and the elk stiffened, velvety
noses raised to test the air on the far side of the clearing where our
path led. Haldir stopped instantly and held out a warning hand for me
to be still.
In an instant the elk leaped to their feet as one and plunged past us
only an arm's length away, disappearing into the forest as if they had
never been in the clearing at all.
I heard them first: The raucous laughter, the cussing. Bruno growled
low in his throat; then he began to bark. He was answered by the
deep, challenging bark of another dog - a large one from the sound of
it. Then I saw them; two surly-looking men in their thirties and
their Rotweiller entering the meadow. We would have no choice but to
pass them, and I didn't like what I saw. The men each carried a beer
can in their hands, and it didn't appear to be their first of the
morning.
Haldir had quickly drawn his knives and disappeared moments before,
but I knew he was only a few yards away in the trees. With luck I
would be able to handle what might become a situation without his
help.
I snapped the leash on Bruno and walked forward along the trail
confidently, hoping as we neared them that the men would take no
interest in us. That was not to be. I almost made it past them,
nodding briefly and giving them and their dog a wide berth on the
path, when the man nearest me threw his beer can into the meadow and
blocked my path. The other man, who had passed me, stopped on my
other side. I stopped and turned, putting my back toward the trees
and Bruno in front of me. Bruno bared his huge canine teeth and
growled, straining at his leash and giving a satisfyingly impressive
display. The Rotweiller did the same but circled us, free of any
restraint. I would have growled too if I had known how. There wasn't
much that tried my patience more than purposefully trashing the woods,
and drunken foul-mouthed jackasses, in that order.
Well, look what we have here, the first man said in a slightly slurred
voice, standing just outside the reach of Bruno's teeth.
Why don't we let Caesar here have a go at your furry mutt, darlin',
and see what happens? Care to make a bet, John? he shouted, although
his friend was only a few feet away.
Or maybe, "John" suggested, and grabbed the snarling Rotweiller by the
collar with a repulsive giggle, we should have a go at you first,
darlin'. Flip a coin, he said to his friend, and let's see who gets
to go first.
How about if you just keep moving, and I won't let go of this leash?
I said to these jerks as reasonably as possible as I tried to use
Bruno to inch my way down the trail and keep both of them in front of
me. I could barely hold Bruno back anyway as he strained heavily on
the leash with all of his 120 pounds, barking wildly and snapping at
the Rotweiller. I inched a little further down the trail, trying to
maneuver the first man around me with Bruno and not lose sight of
"John", who was beginning to circle behind me.
"John" still had hold of his dog's collar, but I could see he was
about to let him go. If he did, I would have to let Bruno go as well.
I knew Bruno's powerful jaws could make mincemeat of the Rotweiller,
but as ferocious and loyal as he was, he still couldn't take three on
at once. The men were drunk, but not drunk enough for me to have an
advantage. How could I end this without Haldir having to reveal
himself?
How about let's have some fun first, "John" said with a lecherous look
that made my skin crawl, and released his dog. The frenzied Rotweiler
sprang forward to attack Bruno, and then a strange thing happened. It
stopped.
I heard soft words - elvish words - and Haldir stepped firmly in front
of me, still speaking to the man's dog. He had resheathed his knives,
apparently not considering these two much of a threat. The Rotweiller
sat down and began wagging its tail.
"Let the lady pass," Haldir said to the two men in a casual tone that
conveyed a world full of unspoken insults.
What the HELL??? the first man exclaimed, staring from his dog to
Haldir in anger and confusion. I stood looking from one man to the
other, terrified that they would see there was definitely something
different about my rescuer.
Well, will you look at this? Looks like a French fag to me. You get
the hell away from my dog pretty boy, and mind your own business, the
man spluttered, sticking his chest out in a show of bravado that was
ruined by the worried look he shot his companion. Apparently another
man, especially such an imposing and confident one, had not been part
of their impromptu plans.
"Let the LADY pass," Haldir repeated in a bored but dangerous voice,
"and I may spare you both a great deal of injury."
In the meantime I noticed something interesting only a few feet away,
and began to back toward the nearest tree.
"John" foolishly thought he saw his opportunity and lunged at Haldir
from the side.
Quicker than I could follow his movements, Haldir's hands were around
"John's" throat. "John" was now on his back in the grass not rally
knowing how he got there, sporting a spreading pool of wetness seeping
through the front of his jeans.
I saw that Haldir could have easily rendered the other man helpless as
well, but he didn't have to. Without the Rotweiller to deal with,
Bruno and I had him firmly in hand. Bruno had his bared teeth inches
from his crotch, and I had a branch of the poison oak that I had
lunged for inches from his face.
Don't move, I warned him, which considering Bruno's current position I
hardly needed to say.
You crazy bitch!!! he yelled, and Bruno and the poison oak inched
closer.
Come on John, he called, glancing from his helpless friend and back to
me, let's just forget it and get the fuck out of here.
Yeah, no shit, John said shakily as Haldir allowed him to scramble
away and get back on his feet. We don't want no trouble, we were just
joking around, for Christ's sake. We weren't going to hurt her or
nothing.
"Be gone, while you still have your skins," the Elf Lord said in
disgust.
Haldir feinted at John's buddy, who had frozen in indecision between
his words and Bruno's jaws, and now scrambled around us to back down
the trail with his friend.
You're both fuckin' crazy! "John" yelled, his bravado increasing with
distance.
Hell,she's just a dried up old broad anyway, "John's" friend called
back toward us.
Yeah honey, have fun with your pretty friend - he's not gonna give you
any of the good stuff you'd a gotten from us, babe!
Haldir lunged toward the two with knives flashing, and they took off
running like the cowards they were, their dog trotting happily behind.
I exhaled in relief that they were gone at last and that they had not
seemed to notice how unique my companion really was. Haldir sheathed
his knives with a fluid motion and stopped in front of me with concern
written on his features.
You were amazing, I said to him. Thank you.
And so were you, you big bear, I said and hugged Bruno, not caring
that he was probably slobbering in my hair.
"You are not offended by their words?" he asked me. "I would be
greatly pleased to kill them for you."
Maturity has its rewards, my Lord, I joked, and the corner of his
mouth twitched. They were just a couple of assholes. I'm only
embarrassed that I'm the same species they are.
"You are not responsible for their behavior, Marian," he said.
You wouldn't really kill them, would you? I stated then, waving my
hand in the direction the two men had disappeared in.
He just smiled a very cold smile.
"You must wash quickly," he said, pulling his water skin from his
shoulder and pointing at the branch that I still held in my hand.
Oh, I said and threw it aside. No wonder he had been giving me plenty
of room. I had forgotten that I still held it.
I don't get poison oak, I explained.
"Well I do," he replied and held the container out at arm's length to
pour for me.
Ok, I said, I guess I'd better not tempt fate. That was funny, I
thought. Fate - the thing that I finally believed had brought me
here. I grinned at Haldir.
"The Valar will be glad to hear that," he replied, trying to suppress
a smile. Then the Elf Lord laughed; a robust, hearty, musical laugh
that rang through the meadow like chimes in the breeze.
* * * * *
Later in the day I began to smell the ocean, and see hazy blue-gray
beyond the tree line. When we stopped, I could hear the pounding of
the waves - a low vibration like someone far, far away was beating on
a giant drum. Haldir increased his pace, and I knew that he sensed it
too. Was he thinking of Valinor? Was the Sea calling to him? How
could it not be? It was calling me, too.
As we were preparing to go the last few miles to the trailhead, we
stopped and he tried once more to plead Rumil's case with me.
"It is not a lie to be one thing and seem to be another," he said.
Yes it is, I argued back.
Then he ran a finger along the part in my hair.
"What is this?" he asked, pretending innocence. If the subject had
not been so serious, I might have thought he was teasing me.
It's my real color, gray hairs and all. You caught me. I surrender -
it's been more than a month, I replied, knowing where this was headed.
"Is this not also a lie?" he asked, tilting his head and widening his
eyes in mock surprise.
It's different! I said, completely exasperated. I couldn't believe he
was comparing anything this trivial with what Rumil had done.
"Why?" he challenged me quite seriously.
Because, I explained in irritation, it's socially acceptable.
Everybody does it. It's unusual for people NOT to do it.
"It is the same to be an elf but appear to be a mortal," he declared.
That is ridiculous! I said, stupefied that he would even suggest such
a comparison. This is not just about appearances. Everybody doesn't
pretend to be someone's friend when their only interest is in
manipulation.
His lordship just eyed me cockily and strode on down the hill.
Can you believe him? I asked Bruno, who just barked at me and trotted
after him. Suck-up, I called after him.
I adjusted the straps on my backpack and prepared to get this happy
reunion over with as quickly as possible.
September 24 - Jason.
At last I caught a glimpse of my brother and Marian coming down the hill through the trees. It was about time, I thought with relief, and I pushed myself off from leaning against the side of Haldir's car to greet them. It had been over a month and I had terribly missed teasing Marian. I hadn't seen Haldir in many months longer, and I was elated to see him hearty and hale. Still, I was somewhat nervous – I wondered if Haldir had told her about me yet.
My brother demanded his equipment to be clean. As I waited for them to get down the hill, I took my sleeve and swept away the pine and redwood needles where they had floated down onto the glossy waxed surface of the convertible. There wasn't much I could do now about the ones that had worked their way under the seats; I had been leaning against the car, waiting since before dawn, like a chauffeur. Still, a sports car was easier to take care of than a horse. And it had the advantage of drawing the interest of attractive women. We made a good team, this car and I.
The sight of Marian, Bruno and my brother coming around the last bend of the trail to the parking lot was not at all what I had expected. True, I had known with certainty that Haldir would appreciate Marian – we tended to have similar tastes in elleths – and knowing how dear she was to me, I had happily anticipated that Haldir would become fond of her as well. I had warned myself that there might be some small danger, but what could I do? Marian was the right one and I had known it immediately.
Bruno bounded on ahead of them, barking and wagging his tail, and jumping on me in excitement. At least someone seemed happy to see me.
As soon as I saw them round the last tree, Marian tramping tiredly and Haldir lightly stepping from the soft needles onto the gravel of the parking lot, both studiously ignoring each other, I knew, and I was torn between joy and sadness.
Let me explain something that I could tell Marian had not been enlightened about yet. For an elf to give his heart to another was one of the greatest gifts of the Valar; for an elf to lose his heart to a mortal was a death sentence. In binding himself to a mortal, the elf's fate would be bound with that of the Second Children, and he would die as they did. Why things had to happen this way was a mystery; why it hadn't once happened the other way around perhaps even the Valar did not know.
I did not fear for my brother; Haldir's sense of responsibility went far beyond his personal desires and needs – often too far, in my opinion. And Haldir's path was as clear to me as it was to him – he would lead us safely to the ships and from there to blessed Valinor, or perish in the attempt. He would not allow himself to stray from his duty and his honor, no matter what the cost. And I could see, with no small measure of guilt, the cost was going to be great.
He would not, and had not bound himself to her, that much was obvious – any elf could see immediately if another had a life partner – a convenience that, as you might imagine, saved us from many of the pitfalls that mortals succumb to with disastrous regularity.
Perhaps only a brother, highly attuned as I was to the finer points of Haldir's demeanor in spite of what Marian would doubtless label his "poker face", would have seen and correctly interpreted the attraction. To my senses it hummed around them like an electric current. It would have to Orophin, too. No, I concluded as they reached me and I looked from one to the other of the two people most dear to me still on Arda, it was so strong that Vanimë might have picked up on it as well. She was like a mother hen where Haldir was concerned, and I winced inwardly at the cold, even vengeful treatment Marian would have received if Vanimë had recognized the threat. To be sure, I wouldn't wish our cousin's wrath on many, especially not Marian.
Haldir and I immediately clasped each other in a heartfelt embrace, while Marian held back from both of us. Though I noticed her expression turn somewhat softer at our brotherly reunion, still the smoke from the smithies of Aulë might have been coming from her ears. In fact, both of them looked like they were about to explode, I thought as I turned from my dear brother and held my arms out to her. She immediately stepped forward and raised her hand as if to slap me across the face, but changed her mind and walked away, refusing to meet my gaze.
I was stunned. In all of my years of deep friendship with Marian, she had never so much as raised a finger to anyone. Sure, she would let off steam when she needed to. On the rare occasion that she gave in to real anger, she could hardly hold onto it for more than a few minutes. Even the muttered or not so muttered curses she sometimes received at construction sites didn't affect her – she knew as many expletives in Spanish and Southeast Asian as she did in English by now, but she had more class than to acknowledge them or throw them back. They were just the background noises of the jobsite and she recognized them for the harmless frustrations that they were. After the men saw that such prods didn't get a reaction, they usually laid off anyway.
How would you feel, she would say to me, if you were sweating over some damned piece of equipment in the hot sun, and some woman with a pressed suit and a clipboard told your boss to rip out what you had just done the best you could at and do it over again, and do it right this time? How she hated to do that to people, even when she knew she had to.
No, I hadn't expected her to want to slap me, and it hurt, even more than if she had actually done it. It also wounded my pride, just a little, to see Haldir looking at her with patient concern: Not at the truly injured party, but at her. Just maybe, I thought as I brought my gaping mouth back where it belonged and endured the humiliation like the gallant ellon that I was, Haldir had already told her about me after all. Bruno shifted uncomfortably and whined at me in sympathy.
Haldir took me aside and held out our mother's ring for me to take. He could not convince her to take it back, he told me in a low voice that did not carry. I must make things right again. She was deeply hurt; she was maddeningly stubborn.
You have no idea, I told him dryly in return.
You like her, I said meaningfully, lowering my voice and glancing at Marian, who was unlocking her car.
My brother gave me his best "none of your business" look. This was neither the time nor the place for such a discussion, he admonished me.
True enough, I told him, thinking that he was only slightly more stubborn than Marian, but we WOULD talk when Marian and I returned.
After a short staring contest, he finally nodded acceptance. We both know when I'm right about him needing to talk, but Haldir will rarely admit it. That he did now was significant. I usually have to trick him, something I've become rather adept at though I must change my tactics constantly. Haldir is a formidable opponent when it comes to his private side. That I can usually jump one step ahead of him when he needs me to is something I am secretly quite proud of.
Then without so much as an "are you ok, Rumil?" Haldir helped Marian unload her backpack and part of his burden into her trunk, threw the rest of his things into his own car, and vaulted over the driver's door into his seat. He picked at the interior and flicked redwood needles out of the car with an accusatory look in my direction. Marian came over next to his door, making a point of keeping as far away from me as she could. She stared long into my brother's eyes and seemed to find it difficult to speak.
I will pray that you find what you are looking for, she said at last. Be safe.
"I will be there when you and Rumil return," he assured us. "May Earendil above guide you both."
Then almost as an afterthought he added to Marian, "Be sure to take care on your journey, your automobiles are dangerous."
She looked at him hopefully.
"We have not the luxury of time to find another and begin again," he clarified. "Do you understand?"
I understand perfectly, Marian said. Inexplicably, she grinned at his response while I silently berated my brother for his total coldness and absence of tact. Marian obviously did not know of my brothers feelings for her, and he was doing his best to make sure she did not. He was, I thought, making this more difficult on her than he needed to.
Haldir graced me with a stern look that told better than words the lengths I was to go to protect her – as if I wouldn't have anyway. We watched him in silence, Marian standing as far away from me as possible, as he peeled out of the parking lot, spewing gravel in his wake.
Marian stood frozen in place with her mouth open while he disappeared from view. Bruno looked at the empty road and whined.
I could always read Marian like an open book. Where, her startled expression said, was my brother going to manage to blend into her world, in a black leather jacket and aviator's glasses over pale glowing skin, long silver-blond hair floating behind him, speeding along like a demon in a vintage cherry-red Corvette convertible?
San Francisco, I offered to her in explanation.
She closed her mouth. I could see that she was relieved, a bit.
Then she reluctantly turned away and opened the rear door of her dusty Civic, ordering Bruno inside. To my surprise, he complied immediately, sitting forward and panting at me to notice his excellent behavior. Things had indeed changed since she'd been gone. Marian slammed the door and stomped around to the other side of the car, got in and started the engine. I sprinted over to the front passenger door and found it locked. Marian threw the car into reverse and backed up as I knocked on the side of the car. Marian shifted into drive, ignoring me completely. With my usual grace under pressure, I jumped through the open window of the back seat and landed on top of Bruno just as she, too, peeled out of the parking lot. I thought with injured feelings that she might have left me – she really might have.
This was, I predicted accurately, going to be a very unpleasant day.
*From "Down the Swift Dark Stream You Go," barrel song from Chapter 9 of The Hobbit, byJ.R.R. Tolkien. **Aye, Nana: "Yes, Mother."