Grant Me The Serenity (or Adventures in Babysitting!)
By: Larien Kennan
Disclaimer:
N – stands for Nothing, which I have in abundance
O – stands for Other people, who own the original HP characters
T – stands for Trial, which I hope to avoid
M – stands for Money, which I have none of
I – stands for I'm a bum without money
N – stands for Nada, which is what I am getting for writing this story
E – stands for Empty handed, which is what you'll be if you sue me
All character depicted here belong to J.K Rowling and a lot of other people who aren't me.
"Lord grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things
I can, and the wisdom to hide the bodies of those I had to kill because they pissed me off."
- Unknown
Chapter 2: Day One…the fun begins.
"Finally! I thought they'd never leave!" exclaimed Harry, falling back into a large chair in the staff room.
"I know. You'd think we were getting ready to battle an army of trolls the way Hermione was carrying on, rather then watching a small child," yawned Draco. "I mean, come on! We're fully trained wizards for crying out loud!"
"Yeah." Harry rubbed the back of his neck in thought. "So, how about we go and grab the rug rat from her playroom and head down to the Great Hall for lunch?"
"Sounds good. Let's go."
Harry and Draco headed down to the Dungeons to retrieve Minerva. Upon entering the child's play area they noticed something was wrong with the room…Minerva wasn't in it.
"Um…Harry? Where's Minerva?"
Harry didn't respond. Instead he let his eyes scan the room in search of the small child. His eyes came to rest on a door. A slightly cracked opened door. A door cracked open just enough for a small child to fit through. A door that led straight down to the potions laboratory.
"Shit…"
"What?" Draco asked surprised.
Just then a loud crash sounded followed by a high pitched giggle.
Realization dawned on Draco's face. "Shit…"
Harry and Draco made a mad dash for the potions lab.
Staying close to the wall, darkness surrounding him, Draco slinked down the massive Charms corridor. Like a snake he moved gracefully, and in complete silence. In front of him, about twenty feet or so away, was his goal. His prize. He would win this yet! He would not be taken down! He would not fail! For that he would have the gloating satisfaction of being the first to have caught--
"Dammit!" he yelled as his goal took off, leaving a trail of giggles behind her.
"MINERVA! GET BACK HERE!" Draco's screams were heard echoing throughout the castle, and by his three companions waiting in the Great Hall.
Harry laughed snidely, "Serves him right! I told him he'd never be able catch her on his own. But does he listen? No!"
Ron shuffled her feet and suddenly became very interested in his wand in a vain attempt to keep from laughing. He failed, "HAHAHA! Merlin! That was bloody hilarious! What was he thinking! Thanks for calling us in for this Harry. I wouldn't have missed it for the world!"
Ron grabbed the edge of a near by table to steady himself. It didn't help. Ron doubled over laughter, nearly hitting his head on the previously mentioned table. Carla merely cocked an eyebrow and smirked at her husband.
You see, dear readers, approximately five hours ago Hermione and Severus Snape had left Hogwarts and Hogsmeade far behind for a 'romantic get-away' as Hermione liked to put it, or as Harry liked to put it 'Severus's attempt at getting more sex'.
Either way the couple had gone off on holiday and left the care of their young, two year old daughter in Harry and Draco's capable hands. Hermione's only mistake was that she had allowed Severus and Albus Dumbledore to convince her that Harry and Draco would be able to handle taking care of a 'rambunctious' two-year old child all by themselves. For four whole days and three whole nights. (AN: cough yeahright cough) Harry was quite perplexed. As was usually the case when came to anything Minerva related. The second that Hermione and Severus had gone off…so had she…
They had started their search for Minerva in Severus's potions lab, but the child had come and gone. Leaving destruction in her wake. Both Harry and Draco were positive that if they were to survive the next four days with Minerva, it would be the last four days of their young lives. They would both be on the receiving end of an Avada Kedavra when Severus saw what had happened to his lab.
They had tried just about everything. Cookies, candy, cake, catcalls, promises no one intended to keep (AN: As if Harry would really ever let a two year old remotely near his precious Silver Star 3000. Nope. No way. Not that broom.). All their attempts had failed to lure the small child from where ever it was she was hiding. So they called in the re-enforcements (Ron and his wife Carla) and they searched…and searched…and searched…and then for a change of pace they searched some more. They had started in the dungeons and worked their way up to the Transfiguration hall. There they had run into Madam Hooch who informed them that the midget had been there some time within the last few minutes, wearing a green jumper and dragging a large red bear behind her. Ten minutes later, at the south end of the castle, Nearly Headless Nick said he had seen the "little tike" headed back down to the dungeons carrying a wand and swishing it about. He also commented on the beautiful red and gold sparks the wand was emitting.
"Shit! The little bugger's got my wand!" Harry cried.
"What?" yelled Ron.
Draco came up and smacked Harry on the head. "You moron! Why didn't you have it with you!"
"I just set it on table in our room before we left to meet with 'Mione. I didn't really think I'd need it."
Putting his hand on his forehead Draco sighed. "That's just it. You never think…"
Carla coughed getting the couple's attention. "Uh…I hate to interrupt your lovers spat but you do realize we have a two year old child, with no magical training, running around playing with a wand, on our hands? Right?"
Draco and Harry looked at Ron and Carla then each other.
Harry heaved his shoulders in a sigh. "This just keeps getting better and better."
"Well, we better get a move on! We have got to find her! Harry you take the north and east wings of the castle, Ron you and Carla search the grounds outside. I'll take the south and west wings." Draco directed as he pulled a set of four walkie-talkies out of his robes. (AN: I know electronic devices aren't supposed to work in Hogwarts but go with me on this one… looks around There goes that fourth wall again…)
The hunt was on.
Draco took off heading down the west wing. Ahead he spotted a green blur rounding the corner at an extremely fast pace.
"Gotcha now kid!" Draco made an attempt to round the corner sharply but ended up slipping on a wet spot. His legs went flying out from underneath him and landed hard on his back in the puddle.
Standing up Draco looked around, noting that the child had vanished yet again and then down at the wet spot on the floor, then he felt the wet spot on the back of his robes. The warm wet spot. Just then a rather unappealing aroma reached Draco's aristocratic nose. The smelly, warm wet spot.
"Awww F#K!" Pulling out his walkie-talkie, he pressed the talk button. "Everyone! Minerva is heading towards the exit and she is leaking. I repeat she is leaking!"
A laughing voice came through on the walkie-talkie. "You mean that she... and you... and pee…oh man… HAHAHAHAHA!"
"Yeah, yeah...very funny Harry. I'm going to change." Getting up Draco headed towards his bedchambers. "I hate this…"
Carla wandered aimlessly around the castle grounds, thoroughly un-amused by the little girl's antics. "No problem," mimicked Carla, "How much trouble could a two year old be? It's just four days. HA! As if! Those two obviously know absolutely nothing about chil-"
giggle snap
Hold it! What was that? Looking to her right Carla spotted a bush. She inched slowly towards it and crept up behind her unsuspecting target. The little devil's destructive run was going to end here and now!
"Gotcha!" Carla grabbed the small child around the waist and hoisted her up. "You're not getting away this time!"pshshsh!
Indeed, the girl she had in her grasp was Minerva. Now, what in the world was the pshshsh ? (AN: Well, honestly! What would YOU be doing in the bushes if you were a two year old child badly in need of a potty break?) Suddenly, a pungent aroma reached Carla's sensitive, debutant nose...and almost made her throw up then and there. "YUCK! EW! GROSS!"
Instead of feeling embarrassed, Minerva just giggled, smiling up at the adult holding her. "I go wee wee."
An internal struggle took place in Carla's mind: dump the child and save her clothes or take the child and ruin her nice, new, expensive dress robes. (AN: Do we even need to think about the answer to this?)
All across the castle grounds and throughout the village of Hogsmeade everyone could hear one very pissed off female screaming, "GET BACK HERE YOU LITTLE DEMON AND CLEAN UP YOUR MESS!"
Harry continued on down the north wing, having found nothing that even remotely resembled a two-year toddler. Just then Harry heard a giggle. Then a swoosh of green ran past him.
"Hey! Minerva! GET BACK HERE!" Harry hollered, so loudly that the castle grounds seemed to shake. "That's it! No more Mr. Nice Guy! Accio Silver Star!"
Harry's Silver Star came zooming down the hallway and into Harry's waiting hand. Mounting his broom Harry shot off after Minerva, grabbing the child and heading straight for the child's room. There he wrestled her into her P'J's and dropped her into a playpen. Harry then proceeded to contact everyone via walkie-talkie and told them that the target had been acquired.
In the blink of an eye everyone was in the toddler's room, congratulating Harry on his success. Their thanks, however, was short lived.
Putting his hand over his nose, Ron made a face of utter disgust. "WHAT in the name of all that is holy is that SMELL!"
Looking around room, the others tried to find the source of the horrendous odor. They need not have looked at all.
"YUCKIE! Dootie!" Minerva scrunched up her nose and patted at her diaper. "ICKIE!"
The room's occupants, as one, turned to look at Harry.
"Alright fine! I'll do it!" Grabbing the child he attempted to change her diaper.
15 minutes later...
Harry, now covered in baby powder with a torn diaper stuck to his hair, tossed the small child back into her pen. "There! Done!"
Everyone in the room looked at Harry with sympathy. Though Draco's gaze held more amusement then anything else. After that battle they didn't have the heart to tell him that he'd put the diaper on backwards.
So they left it at that and retired to their respective rooms, for a good night's rest. They needed it.
Unfortunately it was not to be. In the middle of the night Harry awoke to a nagging feeling that something was wrong. Turning on his side and nudging Draco awake, Harry asked, "Where's my wand?"
Well there you have it! Chapter two! Sadly enough, many of the incidents above actually happened (to me and a few of my friends). -- I remember a couple of years ago my friend and I were baby sitting for a couple that lived down the street from us. We had to change the child's diaper. My friend said that she would take care of it, and I said alright. Well to make a long story short, right when she was in the middle of changing the child, it (yes 'it') got up and started running around the house naked. My friend and I ran after the kid and chased it around for about half an hour. Well, my friend spotted the kid running out of the kitchen and turning down the main hallway and as my friend ran to follow the kid she slipped in a wet spot on the floor (yes 'that' wet spot.) and…well you get the idea…Ahh, the pains of baby sitting! Hey, if any of you have horror stories to share feel free. I'm always up for suggestions and ideas on how to torture the boys some more. Stay tuned for chapter three. The fun has just begun! We'll also be checking up on Herm and Sev in the next bit. Seeing how that 'romantic-get-away' is going, hmm?
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