Grant Me The Serenity (or Adventures in Babysitting!)
By: Larien Kennan
Disclaimer:
N – stands for Nothing, which I have in abundance
O – stands for Other people, who own the original HP characters
T – stands for Trial, which I hope to avoid
M – stands for Money, which I have none of
I – stands for I'm a bum without money
N – stands for Nada, which is what I am getting for writing this story
E – stands for Empty handed, which is what you'll be if you sue me
All character depicted here belong to J.K Rowling and a lot of other people who aren't me.
"Lord grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the
things I can, and the wisdom to hide the bodies of those I had to kill because they pissed me off."
- Unknown
Chapter 3: Water, water, everywhere…
It was quiet.
Strangely quiet.
Almost too quiet.
The entire castle seemed to sigh in relief at the absence of a screaming, giggling, destructive two year old running through the halls.
Except, dear readers, for our heroes. For them, this was worse than her running amuck through the halls. This meant she was getting into something and that they needed to find her…fast.
"Where'd you last see her?" asked Carla, as Harry paced the length of the Great Hall.
"This morning. She was saying something about a beach…" Harry sighed at the blank stares he was receiving from the other occupants in the room. "Don't look at me. I have no clue…"
Draco snorted. "Apparently…"
Harry shot him a glare.
Ron raised an eyebrow at Harry. "Ummmm, what did you tell her?"
"There weren't any beaches around here."
"Oh."
Little did they know, our cute little bundle of terror was happily playing by herself in the Great Foyer. Now, why would this be a problem? It's just a relatively empty room; nothing breakable inside, nothing a two year old could possibly get into trouble with, right?
Wrong.
As Minerva walked around the Great Foyer looking at the various paintings and wall hangings she spotted a picture of a sandy white beach. The sun shining brightly in the painting as the ocean waves roared onto the sand.
Now Minerva wasn't a dumb child by any means. She knew her Mommy and Daddy had gone away to the beach without her. Key words being without her. Minerva was not very happy about this. She missed her Mommy and Daddy terribly and she wanted to go to the beach with them. Uncle Harry had told her there weren't any real beaches around here, so she couldn't go. But as Minerva gazed at the painting on the wall a light bulb went off in her little head.
If she couldn't go to the beach, why not bring the beach to her. Glancing down at her red teddy bear (aptly named Mr. Teddy) Minerva made a very important decision.
Reaching behind Mr. Teddy she unzipped his back and pulled out a long thin stick. After zipping Mr. Teddy back up, Minerva cradled the stick in her small hands. She knew very well what it was. It was a wand. She'd seen her Mommy and Daddy use their own enough times to understand how they worked…basically. Taking the wand in one hand she lifted it up and brought it down in a dramatic swish.
Meeting in the staff room in the north tower of the castle, our heroes set up their game plan.
"DRACO!" Ron tapped the blonde's head with his wand. "PAY ATTENTION!"
Grumbling angrily, Draco stood up and pushed passed Ron. "I'm going to look for her, I suggest you all do the same."
Ron watched with something close to horror, although more on the edge of embarrassment, as everyone in the room filed out behind Draco.
"Fine then! Have it your way!"
Marching down the halls, Ron turned in the first doorway he came to, which just happened to be the Great Foyer.
SLOSH
Looking down, our carrot topped friend knew exactly what it was at his feet, but where was it coming from? It seemed to be coming from EVERYWHERE.
Every door in he foyer had water leaking out from under it.
ACHOO!
Ron rubbed his nose and looked around the foyer for what had caused him to sneeze.
ACHOO!
Rubbing his nose again, Ron looked up. His eyes widened and he didn't even get a chance to utter a scream as a mountain of sand descended upon him, burying him.
Several Minutes Later:
Ron managed to dig his way through the sand up to his waist. Gazing around the room he quickly evaluated the situation.
"Oh damn," he grumbled, pulling his walkie-talkie from his robes. "Guys, we have a problem…"
Shortly after Ron's 'mishap' everyone (AN: Madam Hooch, Professor Flitwick, and Professor Trelawny included. Not even they could escape the madness! MWAHAHAHAHA!) gathered in the Main Entrance Hall, and found water leaking under all of the doors and slowly making it's way down the stairs. Minerva sat at the top of the stairs, clearly pleased with what she had done.
"What the hell?" Carla stuttered, opening the closest door to her.
Now picture if you will, a rather 'large' wall of water "sitting" in the doorway. Now, the laws of nature will tell you that water cannot stand up on its own, there has to be something supporting it or it will fall. The laws of magic tell you that anything is possible…in this instance the laws of nature won out. SPLASH!
"I'M GOING TO KILL HER!" a now wet and dripping Carla screeched. Harry and Ron tried in vain to contain their laughter.
Draco, who had been fairly quiet during all of this, spoke up, "I suggest calling in the recruits." The others looked at him strangely. Harry smiled.
"Right! I'll call them!" Harry went to grab Minerva, but to his horror she was gone…again. "Awww! DAMN!"
"Alright. Let's start the search AGAIN! She can't have gotten too far," said Draco as he pulled three more walkie-talkies from his robes, handing them to Flitwick, Hooch, and Trelawny. Turning he addressed Harry.
"Love, hurry up and gather the recruits. We're going to need all the help we can get."
"I'll help Carla with her...um…yeah," Ron gestured towards his water logged wife and Draco just nodded.
And thus, dear readers, the search began anew. Our heroes searched everywhere they thought the demon-child could have gone. Well, almost everywhere…
Minerva's Playroom 1100 hours:
The little terror was at it again. Yes ladies and gentlemen, our sweet devil was once again…watching television!
Yes television. (AN: Honestly people, what other way could you possibly get a two-year to sit still when their not sleeping! After all Hermione did come from a muggle household. It does make sense that she'd want her daughter to experience the joys of both worlds, not just the wizarding.) In fact she was sitting happily amongst her stuffed
toys watching an old muggle cartoon called 'Tiny Toons'. Now, unlike Minerva's previous activities, this was harmless, right? I mean it's just a kiddie show, what could possibly happen? No trouble at all, right? (AN: Say it with me people…) Wrong!
Minerva was watching an episode entitled "The Potty Years". As she watched Plucky Duck toss a wad of toilet paper, a rubber ducky, a sailboat, a teddy bear and various other objects into the toilet bowl, another light bulb could be seen flashing above her small head.
Getting up from her mountain of stuffed toys she wandered out of the playroom and down the hall…
Later:
Minerva pushed the bedroom door opened and peaked her head into the room. This looked promising. In the other rooms she had visited nothing had been within reach of her two year old frame. Pushing the door opened, Minerva made her way into the room. Climbing up onto a nearby chair the she found what she had been searching for. Sitting on said table was a box. The said box held a set of very expensive antique chess pieces. Minerva smiled happily at her find. Grabbing the box she made a beeline for the bathroom.
"Thank goodness! I thought we'd never finish drying out the place! Not mention me!" yawned Carla, as she swept into the room she and Ron were using for the duration of their stay. Ron followed her into the room flopping down on the bed.
"No kidding! Even with magic, it took a lot longer then I would have thought."
Carla stretched again and headed for the door.
"Where're you headed?" asked Ron
"I'll be right back. I've got to make a run to the loo." With that Carla headed for the bathroom.
SLOSH
Looking down Carla almost groaned. "Not again…" she grumbled, pulling out her walkie-talkie. "Hey guys! Heads up! Our demonic water nymph has struck again…"
Everyone, minus Harry, arrived soon after to find water making it's way from the bathroom and trickling down the hall.
"The hell?…" stuttered Ron. As he stepped through the bathroom door his jaw dropped and his eyes bugged out.
My dear readers, picture in your minds, a large porcelain bathroom complete with gold trim, crown molding, Minerva standing next to the toilet a chess piece clutched in her small hands, water coming from the overflowing toilet, chess pieces swimming in said water, with more emerging 'from' the toilet…
"THE LITTLE BRAT IS MINE!" Ron screamed, his face turning a nice shade of red, complimenting his red hair. Ron lunged at Minerva, but Flitwick intercepted him and grabbed the small child, saving her from a most unfortunate fate…for now.
Draco rubbed his forehead in agitation.
"Where is Harry with our back-up?" Sighing Draco turned to the others.
"We're going to need to get this cleaned up. Ron, Carla. I know you just finished with the entrance hall and the foyer, but this is your bathroom…"
"Yeah, yeah, we get the idea." Carla's brow furrowed in annoyance. "Come on Ron, you need to work off some steam, and we need to figure out how to stop this toilet from overflowing."
Just then an odd odor began wafting through the room.
"When was the last time she had a bath?" Flitwick asked, looking down at the child in his arms.
"I think it was yesterday morning, why?" Draco said.
"Sheneedsoneverybadly! Here!" Flitwick said hurriedly and thrust the girl at Hooch then rushed out, Draco trailing close behind.
Trelawny began sneaking out when she found herself at wand point. Madam Hooch narrowed her eyes and pressed her wand closer to Trelawny's throat.
"Don't even think about it. You're in this with me."
"Oh my! The stars foretold this would be a bad day!"
Elsewhere:
"This is great! I'm glad you talked me into this," sighed Hermione, stretching out on her towel so that she was facing Severus as he finished pitching a small dome shaped tent to shield them from the brutal heat of the sun.
Turning her head Hermione gazed at the water lapping along the shoreline, the tropical breeze ruffling her hair.
"Don't get comfortable yet, love. We're going snorkeling!" From a large canvas bag Severus dragged out two sets of flippers, two snorkel tubes, and two face masks.
"You have got to be kidding me." She held up the flippers and face mask. "I'll look like a giant frog!"
"Well then you'll be the most beautiful frog I've ever seen," he laughed kissing the tip of her nose. "Try not to scare the fish." With that he pulled out a rather large bottle of sunscreen.
"What are you doing? I've already got some on."
"You'll need more."
Hermione turned her back and lifted her hair, twisting it into a knot on the top of her head and fastening it with a clip. Severus let the cool lotion drizzle onto her warm skin making her shiver involuntarily. His big hands smoothed the cream along her back and down her arms, massaging as he went, taking his dear sweet time. Hermione sighed and relaxed into his ministrations.
"Now what?" she asked, her flesh tingling from his touch.
"Now, we hit the water."
"Hmmm. I can think of something else I much rather "hit"." Hermione smiled brazenly up at her husband as her hand traced a path down his stomach to the waist band of his swim trunks.
"Why you little minx!"
"But of course—" she didn't get a chance to finish. Her husband claimed her lips with his own. Their snorkeling gear lay forgotten on the sand…
And here we have it chapter three! Hope you enjoyed it! Stay tuned for chapter 4, where we're going to get an entirely different view on the situation. It's about high time Minerva had her say in all this, don'cha think?
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