Grant Me The Serenity (or Adventures in Babysitting!)
By: Larien Kennan
Disclaimer:
N – stands for Nothing, which I have in abundance
O – stands for Other people, who own the original HP characters
T – stands for Trial, which I hope to avoid
M – stands for Money, which I have none of
I – stands for I'm a bum without money
N – stands for Nada, which is what I am getting for writing this story
E – stands for Empty handed, which is what you'll be if you sue me
All characters depicted here belong to J.K Rowling and a lot of other people who aren't me.
"Lord grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to hide the bodies of those I had to kill because they pissed me off."
- Unknown
Chapter 4: Other Side of the Fence…Day One.
It was a nice day, I guess. The sun was out, the sky was blue, we were at the playground and all the other kids were laughing and squealing together. Yeah, a real nice day. I didn't join them though. I have better things to do... like hang with my mommy. I love my mommy to death. She is one of the sweetest most wonderful people in the whole world! I love my daddy too, but he's teaching at the big building outside of town, so for now it's just me and my mommy.
She was holding me in her arms about to leave the noisy playground when a group of girls stopped outside of the exit and started talking to mom and cooing over me. I am, after all, the most adorable child you will ever see in your life.
And so, no matter how much I wanted to get out of there, I let the teenagers coo and fawn and have their fun. I smiled my adorable little 'I'm an innocent little angel and you'd better believe it' smile and they sighed even louder. Mommy seemed to be having a ball showing me off too. But then things went down hill and the whole day got ruined.
After we finished at the park mommy took me home and set me in my crib. Something was wrong. Mommy kept rushing in and out of different rooms grabbing different things as she passed. 'What was going on?'
A little while later mommy came into my room and picked me up, taking me out into the living room where I saw…suitcases? Okay something really weird is going on here, and I already don't like it.
We headed up to daddy's work. When we met up with daddy I almost did a double take. My daddy was wearing jeans and a t-shirt. If that wasn't weird enough he seemed to enjoy wearing them. Now I know my daddy pretty well and that's just…weird.
Mommy and daddy brought me up to the playroom near daddy's office and dropped me in my playpen. Then mommy started crying. I was really confused. Then daddy put his arms around mommy and I heard the words babysitters and vacation. I froze. 'Oh no.' I'd heard about this from some of the other kids at playgroup. This was not shaping up to be the best of days.
Just then Uncle Harry and Uncle Draco came into the playroom laughing and joking. Why? I had no clue. This was no laughing matter. My parents were about leave me with a bunch of strange incompetent people for care takers. Mommy started talking about me but I wasn't really paying attention. That is until I saw her hand a long piece of parchment to Uncle Harry. 'Uh oh.' Forget strange incompetent people, my parents were leaving me with my Uncles. This was bad. Very bad.
Mommy turned around to look at me and quickly replaced my look of horror with my 'I'm cute, you don't want to leave me or I'll cry' face. I didn't work. Dang it! She's put her defenses! Mommy said something about having to go now, but wanting to talk to my Uncles privately before they left.
'Leaving me?' My immediate thought was, 'Why now? Can't we do this tomorrow? I'm sorta in the need for a change... if ya know what I mean.'
I was ready to protest. But I can't really talk that well, actually I probably could if I wanted to... but most people seem to prefer the old 'ga-ga, boo-boo' stuff. After kissing me on the cheek and handing me Mr. Teddy (my best friend in the known universe) my parents left the room.
One hour later I found myself lying on my back in my very uncomfortable playpen. Who thought up the term playpen anyway? What am I? A farm animal? Every so often one of the people daddy works with would come into the room, make scary faces, pinch my cheeks, poke my tummy, coo at me, and ask me stupid questions. It was getting old…fast. At this point I've arrived at two possible conclusions. I've either been turned over to some scientific lab attempting to find the genes that make such adorable children like me, or I've been abducted by aliens and my parents were brainwashed into thinking it was okay. Finally, I heard a familiar voice.
Turning my head I saw the nice nurse lady friend of my mommy and daddy's. What was her name now? Puffy? Muffy? Poofy? Poppy? That sounds right! Poppy! She comes over to my house a lot to talk with mommy and play with me. Thank Merlin! Someone I know!
Poppy smiled down at me, then lifted me out of the playpen. Yay! If I'd been lying there any longer I would be suffering from permanent back problems! Poppy held me in the crook of her arm and with the other began to tickle me lightly. I've played this game before. Laugh high-pitched and annoyingly, otherwise known as giggling, and they will fall in love with you. So I did.
"You're gonna have lots of fun here, aren't you Mini?"
Yeah, whatever you say. I hate it when people call me 'Mini'. Can I go home now? I am in serious need of a bottle.
"Well, I have to get back up to the Hospital Wing now. I just wanted to check on you."
What? Wait…no! Don't put me back! Anything but that!
"I'm just going to put down near your toys so you can play. It can't be much fun sitting in the pen all day. Bye bye Mini!" With that she left.
Score! Freedom! I'm out of my prison! Yes! Now to find a way out of this room…
It only took me about ten minutes to figure out how to get the doorknob and when I did I high tailed it out! Heading down the hallway in front of me,Icame to another door. It looked familiar so I pushed it open. Ah! Now I now why it looked familiar, I'm in daddy's lab! I'm not really supposed to be down here, daddy doesn't like it, but daddy's not here now is he? I'll teach then to leave me alone…
The only thing I can say about daddy's lab is that it's…clean to say the least. A few green plants, spotless floor, bare walls save a couple sets of shelves holding…well I don't think I want to know what that stuff is. Turning to my right I saw what looked like a jar full of glowing sparkles flying around inside it. Needless to say I wanted to play with it! So walked over to daddy's desk chair and pulled it, ever so slowly, across the room to where the sparkle jar was.
Climbing on top of it I reached for the jar. Darn it! Not high enough yet. Stepping on the shelf nearest to me I made another grab.
CREEK
'Uh oh'. Not good…
CREEK
'Gulp' WOAH! The shelf beneath me collapsed and I fell back on my butt. I looked up to see the entire shelving unit teetering back and forth, before falling over and hitting the shelves next to it, and so on, and so on, and so no…until all the shelves and collapsed in a really neat domino effect…creating a HUGE mess. 'Uh oh…' I'd better get out of here…now.
Several Hours Later:
Walking down another hallway, identical to last, I was really confused. I think I'm lost. Oh well. At least I've managed to avoid the adults so far. There're more of them then there were before. Uncle Ron and his wife are here now too. Great just what I need, more adults to avoid. Well I've managed well enough so far. Walking down the hallway a little farther things started to look familiar. Thank goodness! I really have to pee! I don't think my diaper can hold up much longer. It's getting pretty soggy. And it's starting to get uncomfortable. I need a change.
CREEK
What was that? Turning around I spy a head of blond hair just around the corner. Ah! So Uncle Drakie-wakie wants to play? Let's play! Now it's not very easy running when you have to pee really badly, but I managed. Almost. I left Uncle Draco a little present, I hope he doesn't mind….Yup he minded. Oh well. On to more important matters. Finding a place to pee.
Later:
Ah finally! I can pee in peace. Much better. Hey wait a minute! I'm going up! Why am I going up! Oh no! Not this lady…I was in the middle of something thank you very much!
"Gotcha! You're not getting away this time!"
You need to get your vocal cords tightened or something. You sound like a dying seagull! Geez! Would you quit shaking me? I still really have to…never mind. Hey, her face looks all funny…hehe…let's just add some icing to that cake shall we? "I go wee wee." Hehe that should do it…
Ow…I didn't know it was possible for anyone to scream that loud but me. Oh hey! I'm free again! Alright! I'm outta here!
"GET BACK HERE YOU LITTLE DEMON AND CLEAN UP YOUR MESS!"
Not on your life lady!
Later still:
I'm starting to get really tired now. All this running, and I haven't even had my nap today! I need to find a place to hide out for a while. Maybe there's something down this hallway. Yep there is…just not something I really want to deal with. Maybe if I'm really quiet Uncle Harry won't notice me…scratch that, I've been spotted. Better make a run for it!
"Hey! Minerva! GET BACK HERE!"
As much as I love you Uncle Harry…I don't think so! Better put on some speed…
"That's it! No more Mr. Nice Guy! Accio Silver Star!"
Oh no…this can't be go-ooph! Oh well…this is kind of fun. I like flying. Daddy sometimes takes me on his broom, although mommy yells a lot when he does it.
PLOP
Hey! That hurt! You could've been a bit more gentle with that landing, ya know…Oh please no! Not the blue and white striped PJ's…I hate those! Please don't put them o-…You put them on me. Wonderful. Sometimes being two really bites! Nobody cares about what I want! Humph! Oh look, here comes the congratulatory party now…hail the conquering hero…whatever. I really need a change right about now…no wait…ah! Now I need a change!
"WHAT in the name of all that is holy is that SMELL!"
Well duh! What do you think it is? I'll give you a hint, it's in my diaper and it's not a toaster. That's it look at me…I'm the cute one! Okay you can stop staring now, and start with the changing! Come on people, this diaper is getting very uncomfortable. Don't make me start crying. Let's go! Maybe this'll get them to move faster…
"YUCKIE! Dootie! ICKIE!"
There that should do it! Grown ups eat that stuff up.
15 minutes later:
This is so not right! I can't believe Uncle Harry! What kind of idiot doesn't know how to put a diaper on correctly and expects to babysit? Well…apparently these guys. This thing is going to start chafing now! I want my mommy…
Later (again):
I awoke that night and was about to scream for mom to come tuck me in again before I remembered where I was. Instead of calling for my babysitters, I decided to do some quality thinking. Unfortunately the only thing I could think about was my mommy and daddy. That left me feeling depressed. On to bigger and better things.
I'm hungry…really hungry. I want my bottle! Now I'm in my crib and the adults are somewhere else, how's this going to work…(how do you think?). Time to turn up the decibels. WWWWAAAAAHHHHH!
Ah! Here they come now!
"What is it now Draco? What's wrong with her? Ow! For the love of Merlin! Could she be any louder?"
Yes actually I can…wanna see?
WWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!
"Draco, make her stop crying!"
"Quit shouting, love! Maybe she needs another diaper change?"
Well, not really... but that's not a bad idea...
And so I was quiet while the cleaned me up. Ahhh...much better. Finally! Someone who knows how to change a diaper! Now all I need is that bottle. Time to cry again!
WWWWWAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!
"Oh, Draco, she's doing it again! What's wrong? We just gave her a nice new diaper!"
"Uh…umm..hmm. Let me try something."
Anyone ever seen a grown man cross his eyes, stick out his tongue, and give himself antlers using his hands? Well, I can tell you now, it is NOT as funny as it sounds. Actually, I think I'm going to have nightmares from now on. Oh great! Now Uncle Harry's joined in by stretching his mouth out with his fingers and rolling his eyes around.
Slamming my eyes shut, I screamed louder. Make them STOP! PLEASE!
"It's not working Draco. Nothing makes this kid happy!"
Hey! I resent that remark!
"Well, maybe she's hungry?"
BINGO! My eyes popped open at that. A bottle was headed straight for my mouth. Yes! It's so beautiful! Now, come to Minerva…that's it.
Mmmm…yum. I drank almost the whole bottle and was finally satisfied. For now...I had the sinking feeling that this was going to be a LONG next couple of days.
Sighing. I fell asleep again. This time uninterrupted…
There you have it! Another chapter! Day One from Minerva's point of view! So what'd ya think? Good, bad, indifferent? And that concludes the original chapters posted under my old pen-name. Chapter 5 should be up soon, it's abotu 50 done.
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