Chapter 30: Hiding
Disclaimer: No ownership. I'm just perpetually on my knees before the altar of Jossverse. :P.
Rating: I think I'm boring everyone to death repeating the same thing each time. See the first fourteen chapters if you haven't, yet :)
Summary: This is the summary of the last couple of chapters and anything important I thought needed to be added. :D.
AU from the ending of Season 4. The timeline has been skewed because of Cassandra and Daniel's appearance, which means that Faith awakes a year later than she should have with less confusion. Although the bodyswap takes place, she chooses to go to Angel willingly, parting on fairly good terms with Buffy. Spike helped save Buffy when he realized it wasn't Buffy coming on to him, but Riley didn't, and slept with her. Big verbal fight between Riley, Buffy, and Spike, ending with Buffy storming out, Riley attempting (and then giving up) following her, and Spike who has become rather confused as of late as to his feelings about her following her and looking after her. Not is all emotional angst, however, as there are glimpses of a new Big Bad arising. Such a Big Bad that the Council has gotten rather worried and is thinking of making contact with Buffy again. Two new characters of Frederick, Travers' nephew, and Elspeth, Travers' daughter, added. Elspeth thinks of Buffy as a person, Frederick as an old-fashioned Council person would. Buffy has also revealed some interesting thoughts about Spike as she struggles to deal with her confusion, resulting in an intriguing conversation with Willow. Cassandra, Dawn, and Daniel have also started vaguely discussing what they'd seen the previous night. Now Buffy has just been contacted by Giles, and the gang is meeting up at Giles' house.
A/N (Thank-you very much to kim and charity for your reviews, again. I'm sorry for the lateness . . Rest assured now that the plan is finally coalescing properly for this fic so it should be a lot faster (I've spent most of the last month writing the plan and not the fic . ), and it should be over in around ten or so chapters, although I am thinking of writing a sequel if you people like this enough. :D. Thanks for all of the wonderful reviews, people. . They make a poor writer happy. :D
Now onto our regularly scheduled chapter! I hope you enjoy. )
8 8 8
"That reminds me," Buffy looked at them all in the eye. "I think we've been wanting to do this for a long time."
"Do what?" Anya asked uncomprehendingly.
Tara, however, took a quick glance at all of their faces. "Oh," she realized.
Willow winced. "Sorry, Tara."
"No, no, it's okay," she smiled gently. "I understand."
"I don't," Anya muttered, irate. Then comprehension dawned. "Oh, it's that thing, is it?" she sighed.
"Maybe we s-should go and do some research about this? B-bring some b-books upstairs."
"That's a very good idea, Tara," Giles nodded.
"Why do we have to do the research?" Anya grumbled, even as she followed Tara, collecting a few books under her arm as they made their way up the stairs.
8 8 8
It wasn't a river, this time. It was a tsunami. It never threatened to overwhelm us.
It just did.
People say that you have one personality, or one character. Any time you don't do something that fits into the mould they've created for you, you're temporarily, or even sometimes permanently, blanked out, because they can't cope. Some even go so far as to say there are only sixteen, or some other random personality combination, in the world.
On the surface, maybe.
But not inside.
We always change. So many twists and turns in this meandering path that doesn't ever say where it's going. It doesn't even know. After all, do you?
If it was raw power the first time, what could we say of the second?
Pure and utter energy. Tumbled, tumultuous waterfalls of information and feelings. Yet one… one…
One of us was trying to hide.
Such a perfect fit…
A waste of barriers. We dug down, deep together, and the one came along with us, not even resisting. We tore them down, even when we reached those walls that the one had hid from himself/herself.
No, wait.
Not one.
All.
New tricks we had learned… but together, we felt hurt by this new trust. We were a new entity. What one tried to hide, we all wanted to discover… even the one who had hidden it. Perhaps we didn't have full control of this yet. Most of the walls, we tore down. Maybe?
Didn't we?
Some stood, insurmountable. Again and again, we assailed them… until we gave in to the lulling cradle of promise that allowed us to just luxuriate in our presences, in this feeling of absolute wholeness. Because in that instant we knew that we'd been gifted something all humans search for, but only, if they are lucky, briefly touch.
When we are down, we always look inside. Seeking answers that we already know just can't be there, because if they were, we wouldn't have a reason to feel sad. Isn't that true? Denying that we are brilliant in our own right. That we are perfect in being ourselves. That none can ever replicate us, or grace the Earth again with our exact presence, our exact experiences, our exact vitality or passion for life. Or the love that we are all capable of giving. The reservoirs of deep emotion that have no price, not even in this world of materialism…
We laughed at ourselves for our thoughts, and then delved deeper into our pasts…
But one…
Did one resist?
That wasn't right. The… fear? Shame? Was so strong it enveloped all of us. Broke past the sense of connectedness that was infinity beyond belief. To be that hurt made our hearts ache. Piece by piece, however, we fell under the lulling humming of our souls.
8 8 8
Xander Harris was playing on the football field. He saw the ball flying through the air at the far end of the oval, a far cry from home. Yet still, he threw caution to the winds and sprinted to where it was beginning to arc down gracefully. If he could just reach it…
Air rushed past him, making him feel almost as if he was flying. People watched in awe as he leapt through the air in perfect flight, almost as if he were stepping on non-existent ground to ascend ever higher, impossibly higher, into the sky to…
He triumphantly marked the ball, and then began his elegant descent, landing like a cat, and with the smile of a Cheshire, at that.
The grandstands erupted in cheering…
The daydream ended. He watched as the fantasies crumbled, and he was left with reality's cruelty. George sneered and pummelled him to the ground with a back-cracking tackle before he even started running, and he felt his soul bleed just that little bit more again.
8 8 8
Buried in books, she skipped out of the library haphazardly in near exuberant joy. She'd been looking for Queen of Sorcery for ages! And it'd just fallen into her hands just like that…
Crash!
The feeling vanished as she felt a solid force throw her backwards, scattering her precious books everywhere. Stumbling, she looked upwards tremulously.
"Oh, sorry Willow! Didn't see you there!" An incredibly fake voice laughed cheerfully. She instinctively shied back and put her head down.
"It's okay," she said softly.
More laughter. Laughter that died away amidst the mocking whispers that resounded in her head long after they'd left. Listlessly, she sat there, staring at the blood from the scraped knee she'd received. Her joy lay around her in shreds.
"Willow!"
Xander's familiar voice. She looked upwards as she saw him, and he knelt next to her, beginning to pick up the mess. "Willow, what happened?"
"Oh… nothing… it's just… H-harmony and her group just crashed into me again, that's all."
"Are you alright?" he asked with a worried grin on his face as he stared into her eyes.
"Yeah, I'm fine I guess," she sighed.
A sparkle of laughter suddenly leapt into his eyes. "Wait… how could they miss the books? No-one ever misses the books. I'm telling you, Willow, she's going to walk into a bus one day, and the whole world's IQ will go up. So don't worry."
"Xander!" she let herself laugh, and a small, tremulous smile crossed her face, growing brighter and brighter until it lit up into a flash of sunlight she would one day find, to lead her out of the shadows.
8 8 8
She nodded, quietly.
"I don't."
"Oh, that's good…" he started, but she cut him off. Taking a breath, she looked at him straight in the eye, unflinching, with all the anger and bottled-up pain of a mother in agony.
"I blame you."
He took a physical step back as he felt the force of the words assault him like training punches his Slayer threw… had thrown at him. But she wasn't finished. And that was the main reason he was shrinking now, inwardly.
"You've been this huge influence on her, guiding her," she persisted, making eye-contact when he looked away. "You had this whole relationship with her behind my back. I feel like you've taken her away from me."
Speechless, Giles looked back at her, and felt, actually felt, the pain rolling off her, the anger rolling off her, in waves. He paused as his shocked mind processed what had been said, and what had been behind and under and through what had been said, and tried to think of a response.
He swallowed imperceptibly. "I didn't make Buffy who she is."
"And who exactly is she?" Joyce demanded.
Giles just looked at her. What else could he say? And really, who knew the answer?
And that hurt. Inside. He'd failed. He knew it. And so did she.
8 8 8
"Take them all," he grinned, fangs bared. "Save the Slayer for me."
They ran and jumped down the stairs to the people below and began feeding, while Spike viciously grabbed Chantarelle by the neck and sank into her as she began sobbing and writhing. Buffy felt herself wake up, and immediately was aware of the crowbar end whistling towards her. Instinctively, she grasped his arm in mid-swing and threw him around to end in a stone pillar. The shocked expression on his face slackened as he sunk to the floor, unconscious.
Desperately, she scanned the mayhem exploding around her as vampires either snarled viciously and fed roughly, tearing skin and muscle, or were playing cruelly with their victims. Assessing the situation with a Slayer's eye, she saw Drusilla looking on from the balcony, frail and beautiful. A mocking parody of her former innocence. Then she looked at Spike as the plan unfurled in her mind.
Decision made, she took a running leap off a couch up to the balcony railing, nimbly flying over and landing like a cat. Without a moments pause, she reached out and ensnared Drusilla from behind, a stake in her hand.
Her voice echoed hoarsely through the room.
"Spike!"
Immediately, the blonde haired vampire stopped feeding and his eyes shot to her. Drusilla stared at the stake poised in front of her incredulously.
Buffy trembled. Slightly. She didn't even know why. She'd know later, of course.
His piercing blue eyes filled with anguish at the possibility of what might happen next. With a roar, he shouted loud enough to startle the entire neighbourhood.
"Everybody STOP!"
They all stopped.
Buffy felt her heartbeat slow slightly. "Good idea," she said. "Now you let everyone out, or your girlfriend fits in an ashtray."
She felt Drusilla whimper in her grasp, but that didn't stop her iron-hard resolve. Obviously frightened, the vampiress stared fearfully at her lover. "Spike?"
He cast a gentle look her way, even though his eyes raged with fire. "It's gonna be alright, baby," he soothed. "Let them go!
They all let go of their victims, and the people hurried up the stairs and out, disappearing.
"Down the stairs," Buffy barked, her eyes never leaving his pale blue ones.
Spike slowly backed down the stairs. Buffy forced Drusilla ahead of her, step by step, still holding the stake ready. When Buffy reached the top of the stairs, she prolonged the never-ending gaze into his eyes. For a brief moment, she looked even deeper into those sapphire pools, then abruptly broke it. She looked at Drusilla, and then shoved her down the stairs at Spike, turning and rushing out the door. She knew without even looking that he'd caught her lovingly and steadied her. She slammed the door with all her might as she went.
8 8 8
We heard Drusilla's laugh attack our ears with its strange, high pitched tone. It disturbed us, but then the smell of blood was so thick it intoxicated us. Laughing, we caught her around the waist and kissed, our fangs scraping against bloodied lips hungrily. Then, we slowly looked up to see what we had done, revelled in. What we had…
You.
I know you.
Don't I?
This person. So full of anger.
This person. So full of anger.
This person, so full of hatred.
This person, so full of hatred.
Directed in and out and in and out…
Why do you hate yourself?
What do you gain by it?
What do you gain by it?
Why are we talking like this?
Why do we feel…?
Lurching. We all felt physically sick. A tsunami of… what was it? Not shame. Not guilt. It couldn't be. Defiance? Anger?
Really…
Shame?
Whatever it was, we all screamed as we were…
8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8
…thrown apart violently. From the position in which they were sitting, Willow and Xander landed relatively safely on his armchair and couch, the pillows softening some of the impact. Buffy, Giles, and Spike, however, were actually blown apart to create minor depressions into the walls. It wasn't the physical force that stunned them, though. It was the huge recoil of emotional energy that had caused the physical force in the first place.
"Giles!"
Buffy leapt up, relatively unhurt. Spike was already moving as blood tainted the air. Willow and Xander looked on in shock as the unconscious Watcher was rolled over carefully by a grim-faced vampire, and a Slayer who arrived seconds later.
"We need an ambulance, now."
8 8 8