A/N: This was very hard to write. I only want to know if you feel the way I did when writing this when you read. Thanks for understanding.

We were destined from the start to lose.

Neumond does not exist.

We do not exist.

I

Don't

Want

To

Die...

The sky never once cleared. The clouds wouldn't have had time to move away from the valley, and they didn't seem to want to miss this...

The rain fell heavily but it didn't stop anything. Everyone went at speeds unknown to nature – every stroke of a blade and every claw unleashed on those trespassing was quick, precise, but in the end useless. There was no reason to attack and there was no point in defending because it was over before it had even begun.

The oldest Eidechsen are the first line – saving the younger, stronger warriors is imperative – and they are forced to deal with heavy spears pointed parallel to the ground, and arrows with sharp tips laced with poison greet their every step in advance. The first to fall is an old male named Tuan, who has three dead wives and seven dead children and one living daughter in his hut, cowering under the bed and hoping that nothing will happen to him.

He is followed shortly by Upen, Sloan, Arash, and Emlyn, the last of which is the oldest woman in Die Stadt and who will put up the most fight out of all the Eidechsen women.

There is a sudden flash from the back of the enemy army and one of the fields of wheat ignites, sending startles shrieks through the Eidechsen women and causing most of the men to swear vehemently.

"Magic," Salamander hears Lani shout but his head is swimming – there's rain why isn't the fire going out – and she exclaims, "Stay on top, Red, don't panic-"

She is cut off as one of the younger Eidechsen stumbles back into her, arrows protruding sharply from his chest and his eyes are blank so Lani growls and moves to her left, letting him fall but not stopping to say a thing, just lunging forward to get to the front. Salamander follows even as Admes shouts "don't go Salamander" and ignores hands because he's not going to let her die alone...

Another burst of light and the ground directly in front of Salamander flashes golden-red-yellow like fire, so he jumps over the rising flames and dodges arrows because now he knows how they fall –

There's a break in the front ten people wide and there are already mercenaries coming through the line, hacking side by side and dealing fatal blows with broadswords and axes, and Lani meets one center file, swinging her axe and cutting him down. Salamander slashes through some of them and the two work out to fill the ten person gap with just themselves, working fast and doing everything in their power to keep up –

Arrows stop flying and this is good, but now the spears are too close so another dozen Eidechsen are skewered – among them is Latham, who shouldn't have been fighting but wasn't about to let his title as Elder keep him from protecting the people he had lied to.

Eki's shouting from behind them but Salamander doesn't look back, just braces himself and ducks lowly under a spear, grabbing the shaft and jerking the owner forward, claws extended and finding home in the enemy's ribcage.

He feels someone brush against him and Admes lunges forward, eyes narrowed and blood on his lips and still coming, and Salamander doesn't know why doesn't know who would hurt Admes because he was always just nice –

His friend stumbles, dodges a pike and slams his full body weight against the soldier, shoving them both backwards into another pike and Salamander knows he's shouting, because what a fucking stupid thing to do! – but it wouldn't have mattered because now Salamander sees the huge gashes along his friend's back-

Lani's screaming at him to not be stupid but Admes is pulling back against the pike, blood everywhere dropping things that Salamander thought you couldn't – and he's running again and slitting throats and stomach cavities and there's a soft light around him like a cure-

His father is at one of the very last lines and he's chanting frantically because the other army is getting there too fast but he has to help Admes if only him-

Salamander shouts and Admes gasps because there's no more for him to hit – he's gotten through them he can run – but no there's one of the trained soldiers, coming up and

"ADMES!"

I didn't think it would be so fast.

I didn't have time to think.

I wish they could have been alright...

Somehow Salamander doesn't stop and now he's changing direction because Lani is, because now Admes is down there's no reason to hold back – he sees Eki gagging on blood some meters away but for some reason nothing really matters now, he's never felt this this this empty this hollow like something – he's grown up with Admes how could – why would-

Lani's hacking away in front of him screaming all sorts of things that women shouldn't scream but he can't think about it – he's doing the same, he realizes, he's screaming just as much he's sure his face is bloody but it isn't his, he isn't like Admes...

There's sudden screaming from around them and they look because some haphazard magic has ignited one of the huts, and it's burning fast but why, it's stone...

It's not haphazard at all it's completely deliberate, Lani's shouting to find the mages, they're the power but everyone's in chaos now there's no battling so much as slaughtering-

He realizes all the huts are igniting, catching fire from the neighbor and spreading so fast.

He gets knocked to the side and Ond is screaming "Etiess no no" and he's slashing through people he doesn't care if they're his own or the enemy, and Salamander follows to keep the soldiers off of him but it's too late, too fucking late-

Lani is shouting that he shouldn't leave, "Don't leave us it's too late," but it's like the old Eidechsen doesn't even realize that his house was one of the first to burn, all he knows is that his son is in an inferno-

Salamander remembers when Etiess was born, though it's foggy and he doesn't really think much about it a lot. Ond had been actually happy because he had known Etiess was bound to be great, bound to be so strong and so willful and so... so...

Gila is beside him and he's telling Salamander not to let a single man live no matter what he says, because they're murdering people for no reason – Admes will be fine, he's in the halls of Neumond, it's not something to

Blood hits his face and he realizes suddenly that his father had been so good and if only he had just listened just been a little loyal then then then maybe

We were going to lose.

I'm so sorry.

Lani's grabbing at his arm saying "We have to go we have to go" even as Ond screams out and hits the ground with an axe so much like Lani's and she cries out, "No, fuck, not him you fuckers-"

But she's right they have to go because he can't see any of the other Eidechsen living even if they're still fighting, he just sees corpses and –

Everything goes slow and Lani pulls him out of the fight before another huge explosion of light and heat takes out nearly the entire-

They hit the treeline so quickly that Salamander can't even understand even as they go through trees now, Lani's face so blank and eyes so carefully darting around and blood all over but none of it is hers –

She's older than him, and she's smarter, and she knows that they are a lost cause.

He wishes that he had seen it too.

Lani doesn't know if she should look back at Salamander but right now, all she can think of is how Ond had really given a shit. She had liked that old fucker.

She had liked all of them.

Salamander sags suddenly against her and she looks at him, remembering the weight of the fifteen year old Eidechsen she had taught just before the battle in her hands, eyes like dead men's and blood in a lolling mouth...

But he's not bleeding, at least, not heavily, it's just exhaustion, and she looks around before deciding on stopping behind a huge, ancient tree. The kingdom will probably tear this tree down to make room for a bigger road.

She helps Salamander sit down and tells him to lean against the tree, it'll help. He looks blank, so carelessly empty that she wants to rip his throat out for being such a coward.

He's not a coward, though, and she knows that everything she might think is just a byproduct of what she had just...

Gila had beaten her.

When she had sparred with him, he had beaten her both rounds. When he had been cut down so easily she realized that she and Salamander stood no chance – that none of them did, really, but she was selfish and just wanted to make sure her mate was alright.

Awkward words, she thinks, because Salamander isn't her mate – that's an Eidechsen phrase. Maybe more like a lover. A comrade, a brother-in-arms-with-benefits.

The words don't matter though – all that matters is getting out of the valley before the army came to burn the forest.

She kneels in front of the redhead. "Red," she mumbles, "Red, we need to go."

He doesn't respond, his head hanging so that his chin rests against his chest, eyes blank.

"Red, they're going to burn this down soon. We're going to get caught in the blast..."

"...like Etiess..."

She winces because she had talked to Ond before this all. She had spent a long while talking about the tattoos he gave and his tattoos – "This one is for protection, this one was given to me by my father – what, that one? That one was a badge for taking the head of a beast Gila had nearly been mauled by. Stupid idiot, he never paid attention to his back..." – and he told her about his wife (though they didn't use that word, it was mate for Eidechsen), and about his six year old son who's mentors were both him and Gila, even if Gila only provided when Ond was busy giving some hapless teenager the tattoos he deserved.

He had later mentioned before she had left (run) that most of the warriors that would fight the army were going to be real children, without tattoos, and that worried him because...

There's a deep rumble and she blinks out of her thoughts as Salamander tilts his head back and lets out this – this...

This tortured, mangled, roaring scream that shakes the ground and the leaves and even the rain seems to hesitate before continuing as it has been. His eyes are open and wide and she can see the whites completely, all around the dark brown, and she realizes he's not blank, not empty – he's just so full of rage – it's like the rocks in the desert that get so hot that they're cold; he's so full that he looks...

His head knocks against the tree and then the scream-roar subsides, fading in to hoarse sobs.

Lani wonders if she would feel the same way if it was her family and friends out there.

She leans in and wraps her arms around his shoulders, and cries too because that had been her family and friends.

It's dark and the rain has stopped when Lani hears the voices.

"I don't care if you think they're all dead in that field, I saw that Alexandrian wench run this way with one of them! Find them! I want them all dead!"

She shakes, and then shakes Salamander's shoulder. "Red," she rasps, "We have to go."

He doesn't respond right away, but slowly looks up and his face is dry now, but his eyes are still hot-cold, full-empty.

"I am not going," he growls and he doesn't sound at all like he should.

"What – Salamander," she tries, "We can't stay here, they'll kill us too."

"I am not leaving." He pushes her off of him and stands, looking towards the village which they can't see but know. "They need to be buried."

"Salamander," she hisses, eyes widening, "They'll kill you – they probably cremated all the bodies together, with all the magic-"

"Shut up, you fucking coward," he snarls suddenly, glaring down at her and drawing almost all breath from her. "I am not leaving them there to be abandoned. I will not let anyone leave."

He turns and starts walking through the brush, disappearing into the dark, and Lani stands, looking at her axe that she forgot to clean and then taking it up, holding it in her hands and contemplating it as she follows Salamander.

She doesn't remember all the bodies that her axe has cut through, because they were all worthless bounties and idiots who got on her bad side, and beasts that had done the same. She knows, however, that it has it's own persona – it's own aura – and that the blood it's shed tonight doesn't sate it at all. It's an inherently evil weapon, and this good-killing has hurt it slightly, but she isn't going to let it have that much say in what she does.

Die Stadt smells like burning blood and flesh and wood. There are three bonfires in the center of the once-farmland and there are fifty or so soldiers all sifting through dead bodies, making nice lines of their own casualties and piling the Eidechsen bodies up, another fifty going back and forth between the fires and the bodies, throwing them in as if they were just logs.

There's a sudden burst of light in front of her and she wonders faintly if they had spotted her and Salamander, if they were setting them on fire too, but this light is warmer. It's almost comfortable, but it has an underlying surge of emotion that charges it and causes her to tense and breathe deep.

Salamander stands in front of her but not even noticing her presence. He's glowing, with spikes protruding from his back and skin sharp and crystallized, shining from within.

He stalks forward and she realizes his hands have become one with his claws, and they're much longer and more vicious looking than ever before, and she quickly follows him.

It's only them.

It's two against a hundred.

One in fifty chance, really – but Lani's faced worse.

By the time they're finished there are no bodies from the enemy forces. Every last one was thrown on top of the desecrated Eidechsen bodies, stoking the fire and allowing the entire valley to be clogged with the smoke.

They've barely laid down their weapons when Salamander collapses, glow leaving so suddenly and just leaving a pale and tired and almost afraid Eidechsen behind. Almost, Lani thinks, because he will never be afraid again.

They rest for a few moments, watching the bonfires from the ruins of Lani's shack, and then begin digging graves.

They find Ond at the bottom of a pile and Gila is next to him, and it's almost as if they were boasting because hell, at least they were together, like real fucking friends. Salamander spends a very long time just sitting beside them and Lani almost wants to cry again because that's her fucking family there, their fucking family, even if she hadn't ever really thought of it like that before. Salamander looks tired and no longer angry.

They bury them and Salamander spends another long period of time just standing there, so Lani stands next to him. They're the third and fourth graves in the fifteenth row. Lani puts a few extra rocks on top to remind them of this fact and they continue.

It's nearly morning when they find Admes.

Now Salamander stops for real – everything seems to just freeze around him – and then he sits down and just touches Admes' hair, touches his face and mumbles under his breath about things he's sorry he didn't do, and how he never lied to Admes and he never will and he's so sorry he ran but he had to, please understand. And Lani sits next to Admes as well and just kind of wishes she had taken them to Treno, and says that They Would Have Had So Much Fun there, they would have been so much... Everything would have been better if only they had come with her for a day, she says, because she wishes she could have taken him with them and she asks why the fuck he had to be the strong one, and why couldn't he just-

She finds herself crying a lot sooner than Salamander does.

Number thirty in row one-hundred.

Lani wants to take Salamander with her so badly, wants to take him to Treno so they can at least drink this away for a while, so they can at least stay together, but he has things he wants to do and she isn't going to stop him. So she nods to him and says I want to see you around, but I know that won't happen and then starts the long trip back home from home.
Lani screams at Salamander and shoves him and points at the girl and snarls "you fucking idiot, you fucking coward, she's a fucking child, just because her people killed yours doesn't mean you need to kill her, you fucking idiot!"

So he smacks her and she fights back nail and tooth and finally manages to pin him and cries out "You're better than this, you're not a kidnapping scumbag, I don't like kidnappers, they're the people I kill for two thousand gil..."

She finds him in a half-pool of blood choking and trying to breathe through smoke from charred remains of a kingdom. She tells him she's going to leave him here to die because that's what any smart person would do when he says something she never would have thought-

"I'm so sorry."

She helps him down to the nearby kingdom of Alexandria, where she knows people who know people, and asks a woman named Cecilia to help Salamander. She heals him physically and tells him she can see he's hurt more than that and she can't help him.

He tells her he doesn't care but tells Lani later when she's laying against him, "I'm so sorry."