A/N I was notified that Percy is not the eldest Weasley brother ( obviously im too obsessed with other characters...) Thanks to Cora-leanna for that
still don't own anything - btw I don't' even own my own computer, so the updates may come at uncoordinated times...
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Tonks immediately realized she was alone in the kitchen, and she gave a sigh of relief. The last thing she needed to see after today would be a Weasley. As quietly as she could she began filing thought he cupboards. Who would have thought that in a pureblood kitchen, there was no alcohol to be found? After everything that happened today, Tonks decided a stiff drink was in order.
'Spoons...plates...arg..keep looking, try not to break anything..'
A noise startled Tonks, (who although didn't break any of the glasses in the cupboard she was currently searching - a personal best) had managed to hit her head very hard on the bottom of one particularly hard, wooden shelf.
"What you lookin' for, Tonks" asked Dung who was now standing in the entrance to the kitchen.
"I'm looking for a strong drink, you wouldn't happen to have anything on you?" Tonks asked while rubbing her head, immediately realizing that if he did, it would be ten times stronger than the alcohol she'd find in any kitchen.
"Course I do" winked Dung, as he pulled a flask form one of his inner pockets. "Best you start with a sip it has a distinct flavor"
Tonks poured some of the liquid into her mouth. Distinct didn't' even begin to describe what it tasted like. She tried to force herself to swallow, knowing that it would be worthwhile afterwards.
"Drinking while on duty, who would have thought?" Snape whispered from the shadows behind Dung. "And I thought aurors were supposed to enforce the laws, not break them"
Tonks choked on the liquid she still had in her mouth. She tried to take a few deep breaths in order to inhale some air.
"Coughing up hair balls?" smirked Snape still half hidden in the shadows. "Your beginning to look like Miss. Granger's cat".
Tonks glared "At least Miss. Granger's cat is not greasy".
It was Snape's turn to glare. Dung took this opportunity to run out of the kitchen, forgetting all about his flask.
Snape was about to retort when a horrifying scream echoed throughout the house. Snape and Tonks both pulled out their wands, aiming at the kitchen door. The scream was getting louder and louder - "Hermione?" yelled Tonks, wand still pointed at the door. Ron instead burst through the door, and dived under the kitchen table, no longer screaming but now whimpering. Tonks stared. She had no idea Ron sounded so much like a girl. Tonks got on the floor and looked into Ron's face, while he sat there shaking.
"What's wrong? Is it Harry? Another boggart?
"It's...gasp...it's..."
Snape and Tonks waited, not blinking, ready to jump out of the kitchen immediately.
"Its...this...huge...SPIDER"
Tonks exhaled the breath she was holding and Snape lowered his wand.
"Ron, honestly spiders aren't THAT bad, you need to seriously calm down.." Tonks began
"You don't unders-stand..it was...HUGE..." gasped ron, still shaking from under the table. "F-fred and G-george s-started it..it's one of their joke shop ideas..."
"Not again"sighed Tonks. The last time the Weasley twins tried an experiment all her clothes had turned white- how boring. "FRED GEORGE GET DOWN HERE NOW"
The Weasley Twins skidded through the kitchen door, and upon seeing Snape, who hadn't moved since Ron ran under the table, they moved to the farthest wall away from him that they could.
"Would you mind doing your experiments elsewhere boys, do you necessarily have to scare your brother all the time?" Tonks asked.
"Well that's kind of the point -see we've been trying to invent these new pencils..they turn into what you don't want to see at the time, it's great cause you can put them into fellow students bags-" Fred began
"...kind of like a boggart..but not always what your afraid of..we can't help it if Ron never wants to see a spider, and it just transformed..." George finished.
Tonks stared. These kids had waaay too much time on their hands. 'Though I suppose if my mom was as strict as molly, i'd be a rather rebellious.."
"This is precisely why you both aren't in the order" hissed Snape. "If ANY of your..brilliant...ideas...decide to make their way into my classroom, you better spend the rest of your spare time inventing something that blocks unforgivables.
The next half an hour was dedicated to attempting to get Ron out from under the table. As far as Ron was concerned, the spider was still lurking out there, waiting for revenge. Just as Tonks contemplated putting an even uglier spider under the table, Dumbledore strode into the kitchen.
"Ah, nice to see everyone is getting along so well" Dumbledore said, grinning. "I just came here to tell you Tonks that I've swapped your guard duty on Thursday with Remus, as you are unable to attend"
"And why, would I not be able to attend, Albus? I have no other plans" Asked Tonks.
"Perhaps you should check your calendar" Dumbledore said, smiling more than ever. "I just had a word with your mom and-"
"My what?" Tonks asked "WHY would you be talking to my mom?"
"Well I needed a word with Percy Weasley, and as he was at your mother's house, I went to see him there, it was important Ministry of magic business you know..."
"WHAT WAS HE DOING AT MY MOMS HOUSE?" Tonks was shaking now, though still not as much as Ron (still under the table)
If Dumbledore could have smiled anymore his beard would be invisible. "After asking you out on that date, he paid a visit to your mom, he wanted to get to know you better. Your mom told us all sorts of stories from your childhood - like that time you were five and you decided to go and-"
"DATE?" asked Fred, George and Snape a the same time.
At this point even Ron stopped hyperventilating.
"THAT CREEP HAD THE NERVE TO... AAAAAAH" Tonks took up where Ron had started and was now leaning on the table, shaking.
"Yes see, continued Dumbledore as though this happened all the time, he not only wants to take you out to dinner, but to lunch as well, I figured you'd want tomorrow off to get ready. I'd hate for you to be rushed with something as personal as this.."
"You sound happy about this situation" hissed Tonks "this situation is far from being enjoyable"
"Aaah but the contrary my dear. Your mother and I both agree you should get out more, have more fun-
"YOU THINK PERCY IS FUN?" screeched Tonks.
Snape, Fred and George slowly took a step back, away from the dueling zone.
"- a boyfriend is great for you, its about time, how convenient - he's even at the ministry.. Ah look at the time, I really must be going, enjoy your day off. Severus, if I may have a word outside?"
Snape nodded, and swept out of the kitchen after Dumbledore.
Tonks looked around the kitchen. The three boys were gaping at her.
"I can't believe he actually asked you out" stammered Fred. I had no idea he even knew what a girl was.. As much as we'd love for you to be a part of our already big family, Tonks, I'd say you can do a lot better than Percy..."
"I'm glad you think so highly of me" said Tonks, rubbing her forehead. A headache was fast approaching. "Unfortunately, your brother wouldn't' see common sense if it was the minister of magic itself. As a result, I'm stuck with your brother's... fascinating..personality.."
"You know" George began "Percy may be thickheaded, but Fred and I have managed to get under his skin a few times.. I'm sure we can help you scare him off" George finished with a grin on his face.
This grin was the exact opposite of what Dumbledore was wearing only a few moment ago. Suddenly Tonks in-visioned Percy having encounters of various joke shop items..her mood was somewhat better.
"Maybe" Ron began, somehow finding his voice after realizing dating Percy would be even worse than the gigantic spider that was waiting for him outside the kitchen "that new invention you just invented might work"
"I doubt it" said Fred with a look of disappointment on his face. "The only thing Percy doesn't want to see is a cauldron that isn't the right thickness, and I doubt that would scare him off. Instead he'd end up giving a lecture on the importance of law 29 section 3 and the rest of us would die from having to listen to it"
"Ok well I should probably go to bed, big day ahead of me tomorrow" said Tonks "let me know what you guys think of later"
And with that, they all left the kitchen (and after making sure there were no spiders in the hallway).
A/N I actually do know someone in real life that acts the way I portray Percy. Is that not disgusting? Anyways.