Disclaimer: don't own, don't sue
Summary: Speculation on Itachi's reasons for killing his family. Based on the Linkin Park song 'Numb'.
Numb
I've become so numb
Itachi stood in the winter storm, breathing in the scent of rainwater only to find it dulled. Waiting for the harsh pricks of water only to find that they were muted, like cotton candy.
When he was finally pulled back inside his house by his mother, he didn't feel the warmth of the fire nor the warmth of the laughter inside. He didn't feel the happiness exerted by his clan.
-0-
I can't feel you there
Itachi closed his eyes, trying to envision his mother's smiling face or his father's deep voice, but he drew a blank. How long had it been since he had seen them? How long ago was the last family breakfast or dinner or lunch he had had?
When was the last time he had ever gone out just for the pleasure of meeting with friends?
He felt a tightening sensation in his throat and he frowned, his eyes widening slightly. What was going on? He felt moisture gather at the corners of his eyes, where premature wrinkles had developed already, and he dabbed at them with the tip of his finger.
'What the…'
He placed his finger between his lips and took a shaky breath of realization. 'Tears…' He was crying. Why?
Itachi's mind immediately backtracked to find the cause of these tears. He had been thinking about his family when he realized that he couldn't remember their faces or their voices.
'No…that's not true. I can visualize Sasuke easily in my mind."
And it was true. His dark purple eyes and his cherubic face. That ridiculously oversized shirt that he insisted on wearing, just because it had once been Itachi's. He could picture all of it perfectly, so why couldn't he see his parents' faces?
-0-
I've become so tired so much more aware
"Itachi, time to wake up," Itachi's mother placed her hand on the lump beneath the black covers tried to shake him awake, but her hand clutched at a soft goose feathered pillow, instead of his shoulder.
Miles away, sitting on top of the First Hokage's head, Itachi stared at the slowly waking Konoha. His eyes were blank and his shoulders sagged; the wrinkles on his face had gotten more pronounced, as had the bags under his eyes. He was exhausted, ready to break.
Those judging looks and gazes of admiration, the whispers that followed him. They were getting to be too much. He wanted just to blend into the crowd as Uchiha Itachi, not stand out as the genius of the Uchiha clan.
What he had longed for, ever since he was four years old, had not been as rewarding as he had hoped. His father acknowledged him, yes, but he still judged, just like everyone else. He didn't want to be in the spotlight. He didn't want to be the best. Not anymore.
-0-
I'm becoming this
The splatter of red was bright on the white armor Itachi wore and his face remained impassive behind his thin, wooden mask. The gurgle that escaped the fallen man's neck was quiet and missed by most of the ANBU there, but Itachi, being mere inches away, heard it.
The sound didn't grate on his ears as it would have on his first or second or third ANBU mission, but instead was welcomed by the Uchiha.
And so he had become the perfect ninja, the perfect weapon. But…why didn't he feel happy that he had accomplished his lifelong goal?
'Because reaching my goal meant not enjoying it.'
Itachi sneered and with a slice of his sword, another man went down.
-0-
All I want to do
Itachi's breath hitched just as it had forty-three times before when he had killed a clan member. This action was completely his own. No one was controlling him. There was no pre-assigned mission from the Hokage to kill or retrieve.
This was what he wanted.
-0-
Is be more like me and be less like you
He had received a shallow cut on his shoulder from his father, who had been defending his mother and brother. With a quick twist of his arms, Itachi snapped his father's neck and he fell limply to the ground.
Finally, he advanced on his mother, who was standing in front of Sasuke, trying to protect him. Without a second glance, he sent a kunai at her and pierced her throat. Obviously she thought that her pleading look, those wide eyes, would change his mind.
But then that would be her decision, now wouldn't it.
There was no Uchiha who would deem him worthy to become clan leader anymore. No Uchiha to whom Itachi would be compared to. Now he was finally free.
Itachi glanced at Sasuke, who had tears running down his face and blood covering his clothes and skin. He felt emotions run through him. He felt exhilaration. Pain. He hadn't felt in so long. He wasn't numb, not anymore.
'So long…'
Maybe…maybe he'd let Sasuke go. Sasuke had given him feeling when he was numb. Sasuke had been there when no one else was. Sasuke had kept him alive and human as long as possible. Yes…this would be the last time he'd allow another's choices to become his own, and he'd allow Sasuke to live.
a/n: I want to get into Naruto fanfiction, and I decided that one-shots are the best things to start with, so here's another one! Please REVIEW!