Chapter 39: Friends

Disclaimer: Don't hurt me :P. I'm just playing with Joss' world. It's not mine :P. If it was, d'you think I'd have let Season 7 Buffy and Season 5 Angel end like that:P

Rating: I think I'm boring everyone to death repeating the same thing each time. See the first fourteen chapters if you haven't, yet :)

Summary: This is the summary of the last couple of chapters and anything important I thought needed to be added. :D.

AU from the ending of Season 4. Spike has told Buffy that he's in love with her, and surprisingly enough, she's taken it fairly well. Big step for Buffy. :D. After some fairly intense soul-searching, she has gone off to search for Riley to finally talk things through. Cassandra, Dawn and Daniel are still trying to uncover the meaning of what they have discovered.

A/N (Thank you to Kim and KellyTheSelfToastablePopTart for your reviews. :P. Unfortunately, I know that this update is way behind schedule. I plead guilty, but I have my reasons :P. This is the second last chapter of this fic, and I've been working on the last chapter just to make sure everything goes smoothly. Thank you all of you for waiting so patiently and for hanging in with me in a fic that has truly taken me to the edge of insanity and back, and also has given me a new insight into writing. So now, without further ado, onto the chapter! Hope you enjoy :) I know I was evil with that Cliffhanger, but I hope this makes up for it. :P )

8 8 8

"Good God," Giles looked dumbfounded.

"Yes, Giles," Willow giggled. "Isn't it incredible?"

Giles stared at the… thing in front of him, and wondered at the level of his sanity.

"It's a bookcase, Willow," he murmured, resisting the urge to take out his glasses and begin wiping them down furiously.

"I don't think it's just any old bookcase, G-man," Xander grinned smugly. "Look at it."

He did. His eyes widened appreciatively as he ran a hand along the grained wood, marvelling at the fine craftsmanship. The dark mahogany wood certainly matched the rest of his apartment, he decided. Mind you, he still couldn't get over the very strange design…

"May I inquire as to what is the occasion?" Giles asked weakly.

Willow beamed and Tara chuckled softly. "Of course you can," her smile grew wider if it was at all possible. "We just wanted to… you know… brighten up your Watcherly life and say thank-you for all that you've done for us so far."

"And for keeping most of us alive," Anya added brightly, coming in from the door to snuggle against Xander, who unconsciously let an arm slide around her waist to rest it upon her hip.

Giles tilted his glasses and raised his eyebrows.

Willow deflated somewhat and wilted slightly under his penetrating glance as she looked from side to side. "Fine," she mumbled. "It's a belated Christmas present."

Tara lightly whacked her on the arm. "You say that like it's a bad thing."

Giles laughed. "We haven't even really properly celebrated Christmas yet anyway…"

The laughter died away as they all remembered why.

Willow swallowed. "When Joyce gets better," she said softly. "Then we'll have Christmas."

"I thought you Jews didn't believe in Christmas," Anya said.

Willow nodded. "We don't… I mean… I certainly don't. But people look at me weirdly when I say Happy Hannukah. Besides… I'm kinda Wiccan now as well, so it's the Sun God's festival. Hey! Happy Sun God's festival!"

"Uh… Wills, won't people look at you even weirder when you say that?"

Her slightly crestfallen face was enough for incentive for them to begin laughing again.

"It's a pity Buffy isn't here," Xander commented as his laughter died down.

"Yes, I was rather surprised at that," Giles nodded. "I assumed she'd gotten the memo we sent her this morning."

"Perhaps she's at the Magic Box?" Anya asked.

"Or with Riley?" Tara suggested.

Xander shrugged. "I need to go pick up something from the Magic Box before we get down and dirty with the bookcase. Anyone want to come?"

"I'll come!" Anya offered eagerly. He winced slightly as her grin increased. "See? I did that double entendre thing you were talking about yesterday!"

Stifled laughter followed them out of the door.

8 8 8

Going to find Riley had been a good idea. Until she somehow ended up at the Magic Box, punching the hell out of the poor, abused bag. She barely registered the noise of the key and bell as someone else stepped inside. Or the creak of the door as it was opened. Or the two quiet and not-so-quiet gasps and then the shutting quickly of said door.

And then, twenty minutes later, the tinkling again of the aforementioned bell.

"We need to talk, Buffy."

She didn't stop punching. She didn't even want to look at him at the moment. Look at him, and know what he'd been doing, who he'd been with the last time that she'd seen him.

And feel the betrayal seep into her bones again.

"Talk, then," she let loose a double spin kick on the bag. "And make it quick."

"No," he shook his head at that. "Proper talking, Buffy. As in, eye-to-eye, looking at each other talking."

"Fine!" she unloaded one, last, vicious hit to the punching bag, and the chain squealed in protest. Turning around, she glared at the man who stood before her. "Okay, eye-to-eye talking now. You happy?"

He shook his head again. "Far from it."

He looked at her. At the Slayer, at Buffy. Looked at her golden hair, her tanned skin, her wiry, lithe body. Felt the strength in those taut muscles. And looked at the tumult of barely-controlled emotions in her eyes as they flared again at his words.

"Of course not. You couldn't be happy with me, so you went out and got bitten… and… whatever else you did by vampires. Killers. Why would me even listening to you after that make you happy?"

"You don't get it, Buffy. I need to tell you why," he looked pleadingly into her face. "I can't apologize for what I've done, I know. It wouldn't do anything. I just need to make you understand."

"Understand what?" she glared at him in disbelief. "Understand why you not only cheated on me once, but God knows how many times after that?"

"It's not…"

"Wait," she narrowed her eyes at him. "This is about Angel and Dracula isn't it?"

"Yes," he agreed, and he felt the temperature in the room lower a few degrees.

"Get… out…" she hissed.

"No, Buffy," he walked towards her and tried to grasp her shoulder, but she wrenched herself out of his grip. "You don't understand yet."

"I'm serious, Riley. Unless you want to fight."

He clenched his jaw. "So let's fight. We need to have this out, Buffy. Right now."

"And say what, Riley?" she laughed in bitter disbelief. "How completely immature it was? 'Let's have another macho-pissing contest while the other contestants aren't even around and almost get myself killed?'"

"I just wanted to understand what was between you…"

"You don't understand anything, Riley! Even with those… you don't understand anything!"

"I understand enough!" he yelled, and the anguished tone in his voice made her pause for just a second in her building rage. He clawed his hands through his hair in frustration, looked down to the ground and then to the ceiling, cast his eyes around as if somewhere, there was still a lifeline that could save him and his dreams. "I understand that they somehow have power over you! I understand there's something between you and vampires that I can never touch! Angel, Dracula… God, even Spike! There's a part of you I really can't touch, and God… you won't even let me try. You keep me at such a distance… you didn't even call me when your mother went into hospital!"

She stared at him incredulously. "Oh, um… sorry I couldn't take care of you while I thought my mother was dying!"

"It's not about that! It's about me taking care of you!"

She stared at him again. "So sleeping with Faith was taking care of me? So getting bitten by some vampire whores was taking care of me? So staking Spike, one of my most important allies was taking care of me!"

He felt the words pass through him in a dream. "How do you know about Spike?"

The look she gave him shrivelled his heart.

"I went to talk to him about this," she swept her hand across the air between them. "Because he was the one who showed me what had happened."

He shook his head for the third time in five minutes. "I don't believe this. You went to a demon? You went to Spike? See, this is what I'm talking about!"

"So it's not that you went to vampire whores to get something you couldn't get from me," she spat furiously. "It's because you're jealous of my slaying partner?"

"So he's your slaying partner now?"

"He's Spike! He's helped me in situations no-one else could do anything, he's a valuable fighter, and you not only staked him with plastic wood-grain to humiliate and hurt him, you did it because he helps me when I patrol!"

"He's not the issue, here," Riley tried.

"But you've made him the issue!" Buffy glared at him angrily. "You dragged him into it because you couldn't stand the fact he's stronger than you and that's why I need him to help me fight!"

"And that's it!" her words hit him like physical blows as he felt his own leaving his mouth. "That's the issue! You don't need me. They did."

Her fists clenched. "They didn't need you. They needed your money."

"No," he disagreed. "On some basic level, they needed me. My blood, my body…" he sighed. "It was beyond passion. They wanted to devour me."

"Why are you telling me this?" she whispered.

"Because it wasn't real," he reached out a hand to touch her face but she flinched back, and he let it drop helplessly to his side again. "It was just physical. But I… craved it. I kept going back. They made me feel like… they had such hunger for me."

It was her turn to shake her head. "And I don't make you feel that way."

It was a statement, not a question, and he turned away from it.

A tear fell.

"You weren't a passion to them! You were a snack! A willing, idiotic snack!"

"Yes, but I knew how they felt. Because I feel it every time we're together. It's like the whole world falls away. And all there is, is you. But you can't deny this, Buffy. You can't deny that you don't feel the same way. And that's what's missing."

She opened her mouth. Closed it. Opened it again. He waited for the burst of vitriol to rip what he himself hadn't tattered to shreds yet.

"I know."

He gaped at her. She sighed.

"I know, and I'm sorry."

He swallowed. "But… you don't have anything to be sorry for."

She levelled him with a solemn, serious glance. "We both know I do. I've been using you, Riley. It hurts, I know. It just… hurt so much. And then there you were, so dependable and strong and…"

"Human?" he asked softly.

She hung her head in shame.

"I'm not a very good hero, Riley," she admitted. "I save the world so many times, over and over, but I can't seem to do anything right."

Her eyes, glittering with tears, stared at him through the growing dusk that hazily filtered through the window. It cast her face in a mixture of shadow and dying light, cast her body as scarred with flashes of refracted colour.

"Buffy," he halted. "Don't say that."

"But it's true," she smiled tiredly at him. "I think when Angelus came… when Angel left me, the part of me that could love just… died."

He was about to ask her what had truly happened in all its entirety, but then he saw the silent pain shining so clearly in her emerald eyes and realized. It wasn't about him understanding here. It was about her.

He felt something constrict in his chest. Standing before him was the woman he loved with all his heart, admitting, finally admitting, that everything to her had been just words, just actions.

And she was in pain.

He gently let his hand rest on her shoulder, and this time she didn't flinch away as she felt implicitly the hesitant comfort he was offering her. She raised her eyes to meet his.

"That's not true, Buffy."

She started to shake her head, but he interrupted her.

"You can still love," he assured her. "That's… that's one of the things I love so much about you. The way you take care of Dawn and your Mum, watching you laugh with Willow and Xander… teasing Giles… making Anya and Tara feel comfortable. There's so much love in you, Buffy. So much love just waiting to be unburied again. God," his voice became pained. "You can even see good in a demon. You're incredible, Buffy. You're amazing. Don't ever believe you have no love left in you. Don't ever believe it."

He was surprised when she hugged him. It wasn't a lover's embrace, and that fact still hurt him. But at least he no longer felt the emptiness, the nothingness of it. He could feel that she meant this. That it wasn't nothing to her.

It was something else.

"Thank-you, Riley," she said quietly. He felt her step back, and his arms twitched convulsively. Something in him knew that this could be the last time… ever… the first and the last time he would ever be connected to her like this. But he stayed his hand. Because both of them knew.

"I'm sorry," she apologized again. "I know what… I know what I should have done now."

Her clear green eyes shone in the moonlight, now. Dusk had gone. The silver beams coated everything in wondrous mixtures of blacks, greys, and whites.

She swallowed.

Then held out her hand.

"Friends?"

He took it.

"Friends."

The silence surrounded them.

"What are you going to do now, Riley?" she whispered.

He sighed. "I… the military wants me back. Deep undercover, no contact with civilians. The transport's leaving midnight."

"You… waited this long to tell me?"

"I didn't know myself until today. They decided to stop by."

She digested this, slowly.

"Are you going to go?"

He returned her look. "Should I?"

She shook her head. It seemed that action had been repeated so many times that night. This time, however, there was just a calm acceptance on her face.

"It's not my decision to make, Riley. But I think we both know what should happen."

He nodded, and sighed. "I'm… thank you."

"For what?" she laughed humourlessly. "Hurting you?"

"No," he shook his head. "For teaching me. Teaching me about myself, my strengths. What I want. What I'm going to have. For giving me… memories, at least, for when I need them. I love you, Buffy. Nothing's going to ever change that. And I won't deny that this will hurt like nothing I've experienced before. But I know I'll find something."

"You'll find someone," Buffy corrected, tears starting to spill over at his words. "You'll find someone who deserves you."

"It's not about deserving. It's about matching," he shrugged. He smiled painfully back at her. "And I know you'll find someone too."

He checked his watch, and then exhaled heavily. "I've got to go, Buffy."

"I know," she said. She quickly hugged him, but she'd stepped back before he could sink into it. "Take care of yourself, Riley. I know this is what you'll do best. Saving people."

"You take care of yourself too, Buffy."

A smile twitched his lips.

"And tell Spike if he hurts you, I'll kill him."

She let a watery grin cross her face. "Somehow, I don't think he will. But I'll pass on the message."

"Good."

"Try not to get yourself killed, Riley."

"Likewise."

He let his eyes capture her for one last, long second as he built the image in his mind to keep forever. A golden angel, tear tracks slipping down her cheeks, illuminated by the moonlight. But there was peace written on her face, and friendship in her slender hands.

"Goodbye."

She didn't have to say anything back. It was in the air. There was no more need for words. He walked away, out of the Magic Box, back to his apartment, and then to a waiting helicopter that would transport him to the next section of his life.

8 8 8

"Xander?"

"Buffy."

She hugged him, tightly.

"Are you okay?"

"Yes, I think I will be."

He looked from her to the open door, and then back to her again.

"It's over, isn't it?"

She nodded. "Yes, it is."

He sighed. "Are you sure?"

The determination in her eyes said it all. "Yes. We both agreed… we need to find someone who matches us. Someone who complements us. And… we… cleared up a few things."

He let her hug him even tighter, only letting out a slight yelp when he felt one of his ribs shift slightly. "Buffy!"

"Oh, sorry," she looked embarrassed as she released him.

"Hey, Buff… I was originally here, as in, around an hour or so ago, to see if you wanted to come to Giles'. We gave him the bookcase. But… now? I think you should go home and rest. Or… patrol. Or… just do whatever you need to do. Everything's done, anyway. I could patrol for you, if you want?"

"Thanks, Xand. I think I can deal, though."

He smiled softly down at her. "I'm sure you can. Now, I need to go… I need to tell Anya something."

8 8 8

"I've gotta say something..."

The wind rushed. People slept and murmured. The moonlight illuminated one half of the world, while the sunlight kissed the other. Perfect in their duality.

"'Cause... I don't think I've made it clear."

A man and a demon walked amongst tombstones, and met with a girl and a Slayer under the stars.

"I'm in love with you."

Across the planet, people cried. People laughed. People shouted angry words, people healed each other.

People hated.

People loved.

"Powerfully, painfully in love. The things you do ... the way you think ... the way you move ... I get excited every time I'm about to see you."

And a man and a demon, a girl and a Slayer didn't need words.

"You make me feel like I've never felt before in my life. Like a man."

People screamed. People kissed. People killed. People made love.

And a man and a demon, a girl and a Slayer sat on the grass and stared into the endless expanse of stars.

"I just thought you might wanna know."

8 8 8