Not mine yada yada
'Damn. Where did Albus run off to? Did Snape just call me Tonks ? Not Nymphadora or Miss. Tonks, but just Tonks ? Either he's totally out of it, or he's finally realized I am going to murder the next twit that calls me by that ridiculous first name. Speaking of murder, wait until I get my hands on Albus. And then I'll need another shower after than encounter with Snape's bedding - does he even sleep? I mean he's so busy trying to catch students out of bed that - aaaah back to the task at hand I can think about this later'
"Tonks?"
Tonks whirled around, to see professor Flitwick looking at her from his classroom.
"Oh, hey, have you by any chance seen Albus?"asked Tonks.
"No, but Percy is looking for you" Flitwick added with a shudder.
They both turned at the sound of approaching footsteps.
"AHH. It's probably Percy - hide me" hissed Tonks as she ran into Flitwick's classroom.
Tonks frantically looked around finally diving under Flitwick's desk. Flitwick ran behind the desk and sat down, attempting to look busy with a stack of papers.
"Evening Filius" the voice of Albus Dumbledore rang out throughout the room.
"Oh, it's only you" sighed Flitwick, who stood up from his chair and walked over towards Dumbledore.
Tonks crawled out from under the desk after making sure Percy wasn't hiding behind the headmaster.
"What on earth were you doing down there? Wait on second thought, I most certainly don't want to know after what I've already seen today. I'm afraid Miss. Tonks that although I have no control over the staff at this school, I cannot permit you to have a relationship with every single male professor at this school - especially at the same time" Dumbledore said, frowning "at least use some sort of level of discretion. Filius, I shall continue this chat when you aren't busy" And with that, Dumbledore strode out of the room.
"What - hey wait a minute - did he just say - but - we never - arrrrg" and Tonks dashed out of the room, sliding on the marble floor, leaving flitwick rather dazed and confused.
Once Dumbledore noticed he was being pursued, he took off at top speed for his office, Tonks trailing behind, luckily with no students in the hall.
'Honestly that guy is how old, and I can't catch up with him. The thought of Snape and me being together was gross enough, but that midget with a beard? Honestly, do I appear that desperate ? The only thing I'm desperate for, is for Percy to fall off the astronomy tower'
Tonks was slowly gaining on Dumbledore, and he began negotiations. Nothing was worse than a crazy woman with that kind of look in her eyes.
"Look, take the rest of the day off, go buy a nice outfit, we can talk after you've cooled off a bit" Dumbledore shouted behind him.
"Oh no" hissed Tonks "we are going to talk NOW"
Tonks finally cornered Dumbledore when he reached the entrance to his office.
"Can we at least talk about this in my office" Dumbledore pleaded.
"Absolutely, and I'll stand by the door so you can't escape" Tonks said while gasping for air after the sprint she just completed.
(Later in the office)
"Don't' say anything until I cam COMPLETELY finished with what I have to say" Tonks snarled over the headmaster's desk, to Dumbledore who was now cowering in his chair.
"First there is NOTHING between Snape and myself" Tonks began "when you saw me in his bed, we weren't doing anything, I -"
"Exactly what did you do to my bedroom and what is going on between you and Rookwood !" snarled Snape as the door burst open.
"You were with Rookwood in Severus's bed?" asked Dumbledore, eyes wide.
"I - you - WHAT ? EXPLAIN" shouted Snape eyes darting back and forth between Tonks and the headmaster.
"Shut up and let me explain. STOP JUMPING TO CONCLUSIONS !" screamed Tonks.
"FIRST OF ALL" Tonks panted "there is nothing between -"
Tonks was interrupted as a owl swooped through the window and dropped a rose at her feet.
"Arrg. The last thing I need right now is to deal with that stuck up twit Percy"
Another rose. And another. And then chocolates. More owls. More gifts. All three occupants of the room stared at the avalanche of possessions that were starting to take over Dumbledore's office.
"What on earth is that git doing now ?" asked Tonks clenching her fists.
"Sorry to disappoint you" Snape muttered " but Mr. Weasley isn't thoughtful enough to send you something, and even if he wanted to, he wouldn't be able to afford it"
A letter was dropped on top of the monstrous pile of assorted items.
"There is no way I'm reading that, regardless of who sent it" Tonks snarled.
Dumbledore reached out a slender hand and grasped the envelope. Clearing his throat he began
"Dear Cupcake. I'm so sorry you had to leave the ministry so soon-
'Oh gross'
"I haven't felt the same since. Your all that I think about-
'Don't throw up, don't throw up'
"And I can't wait to see you again- are you busy this Saturday?-
"DOESN'T THIS GUY EVER QUIT ? Eeeeeeew. Bloody Weasley hormones" Tonks closed her eyes and tried to restrain herself from gagging all over the carpet.
"-If not, you will be forever in my dreams, and should you ever want or need anything, don't hesitate to ask for I will be waiting here for you and you only -"
"This is a dream. No this is a nightmare. I am going to wake up in a couple minutes and then have a nice bath, and then go for a walk..."
Tonks opened her eyes and unfortunately, nothing had changed.
"Hugs and kisses - love" Albus hesitated "Augustus Rookwood"
Both of Snape's eyebrows instantly raised, as he became even more pale than he was when he originally entered the room. But Tonks took the news differently.
"HAHAHHAHAHAHA" Tonks snorted as both men in the room turned to look at her "that's hilarious" she said grinning. "Do you honestly think Rookwood, a death eater would write something with the words cupcake, hugs and kisses etc ?"
"He didn't write it" Snape said slowly " Mrs. Lestrange and Mrs. Malfoy did"
"They - who - what- ? " Tonks asked.
"That's why I asked you what was going on between you and Rookwood earlier" Snape sighed. "Apparently after a certain situation that occurred in the ministry of magic-"
Dumbledore's eyes widened even more "Can you not keep your hands to yourself for two whole minutes ?"
"Oh shut up" Tonks hissed
"- Rookwood decided to inform the Dark Lord that you for some unknown reason, were and still are, interested in him. The Dark Lord felt that having an auror on our side - his side - corrected Snape - would be a great advantage, so he instructed Rookwood to attempt to return the feelings. As a result, Rookwood went and purchased a few..sentiments... for you to have, and he got Malfoy and Lestrange to write a sappy note for you" Snape finished.
"Rookwood bought these for me all by himself ?" Tonks gasped "How cute and considerate"
'too bad he's a death eater'
"You can't be serious" Snape gaped at her
"Well with her taste in men, I'm not completely surprised" Dumbledore added.
"Don't start" Tonks growled "back onto that topic there is nothing between myself and Flitwick, regardless of what you saw"
"Flitwick ?" Snape stared
"And to clear up any future confusion, I have no interests in having any relationships with any of the house elves either - so don't' even think of going there-"
Dumbledore closed his mouth.
"And to clear up the original event that caused this entire disaster, Snape would you mind stepping outside for a moment" Tonks added.
"I'd love to, but the Dark Lord instructed me to keep an eye on you to make sure nothing happens to you" Snape growled.
"On the positive side, that gives you a reason to be in each others room's doesn't it" Dumbledore mumbled.
"WOULD YOU-"
"ALBUS PERCIVAL WULFRIC BRIAN DUMBLEDORE"
screeched McGonagall as she came to a halt in the middle of the room.
"I was just in Professor Snape's office to ask him about a particular potion and you won't believe what one of the portraits in his rooms told me" raged McGonagall.
"It said something about you and Tonks while she was wearing nothing but a towel !"
"Is that why my bed sheets were everywhere ?" Snape asked, backing away into the corner.
"YOU know about this TOO ?" she shrieked.
THUD THUD THUD
Tonks had started banging her head against Dumbledore's desk. This day couldn't get worse - yet.
"Would everyone please have a seat and I'll explain things" Tonks muttered in between bashing her head,
"I'm not sure I want to know" Snape muttered from the corner.
"This better be good" hissed McGonagall
Snape stared at her.
"NOT like that, get your mind out of the gutter !"
Eventually, everyone was seated after a couple more thuds on the table, and a lot of glares were shared between the occupants of the room.
"Lets try this again. I am NOT a slut. NOTHING happened between the headmaster and myself. He simply in the wrong place at the wrong time due to a mistake he made, and I can assure you he wont make that mistake again.
"So that's why he knocks now" Snape muttered
"The incident between Flitwick and myself was not what it looked like" Tonks continued despite McGonagall's face turning a shade of green that reminded her of the towels in Snape's bathroom.
"And for the last time" Tonks continued "About Snape -"
"What is this ? A convention ?" Percy and another man appeared in the doorway.
Percy tripped over the pile of chocolates and flowers behind the door. "AAAh what are these ?"
"Umm ... they're ... they're ... Minerva's" Tonks said.
"Mine ?" asked McGonagall.
"Uh ... yess... you see Dumbledore was going to send them to you, but you know, you showed up and now the surprise is all ruined..." Tonks continued.
She saw Dumbledore slip the envelope form Rookwood into one of the pockets in his robes.
"Ah, Tonks you're here" Percy said smugly " I need a word with you outside, I want to introduce you to someone important"
And with that, Tonks followed Percy out the door.