JAMES ROCKBELL! Because I think it fits :D Although he's like in one episode and you only see the back of his head XD But whatever. Oh, and i know this will be OOC, because I can't write for fo-sghizz-nizz.
Now read on, fools.
Disclaimer: Roses are not all red, violets are not blue, I don't own FmA so Ed will never screw you. D:
This is AU, by the way.
The Test
Edward Elric knocked on the door of the Rockbell home. He shivered in the coldness of the fall, or maybe it was the fact that this was his first date with Winry.
He waited for about one more minute before two hands snatched him in. And of course, it was the parents of Winry Rockbell.
They glared at him, "Hello, Edward."
Ed gulped, "Ermn...where's Winry?"
"She's upstairs, getting ready. But while we're waiting...how about a little test?" Sara Rockbell asked in an evil tone.
James Rockbell grinned evilly, "Ah yes, the test...how could we ever let her out with a boy without the test?"
"Exactly..." Sara grinned along with her husband.
Ed gulped, "Test...what kind of..." he gulped again, "test?"
"You'll see." Ed's eyes widened as Sara grabbed his arm and threw him into the couch. "QUESTION ONE!" she shouted.
"The car breaks down! You are in the middle of the highway! What do you do to protect our daughter!"
"Um..." Ed thought for a second, "I grab Winry and run to the nearest sidewalk then I will call for a tow truck on my cell phone?"
"Very good...QUESTION TWO!" James shouted.
Sara glared at Ed, "Okay, so when you are walking around, a molester sees my daughter and tries to RAPE her, what do you do!"
"Uhhh..." Once again, Ed thought for a minute, "I'd...stop him?"
"But how?" both the Rockbell adults asked.
Ed began to sweat, "I'd...kick his...ass? Oo"
"Good enough. Now stand up." Ed did as he was told. "Go to the center of the room." Once again, Ed did as told.
"LOOK OUT!" both the parents shouted. Ed jumped and looked around, nothing happened until...
WHAM!
James Rockbell had thrown an orange at Ed's head. "What the hell was THAT for!" Ed shouted at them.
"A GRENADE! NOW WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO!"
"I DON'T KNOW! OHMYGAWD, WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO...waitaminute..."
"QUICK! Time's running out! HURRY! SAVE OUR DAUGHTER!" both the Rockbell's shouted.
"BUT HOW!"
"TEN! NINE!" they warned,
Ed kicked the orange and it flew across the room, hit the wall, bounced off the wall and rolled back to him. "GREAT!" he shouted.
"TWO! ONE! You just killed our daughter! YOU HEARTLESS BEAST!" both the parents shouted at poor confused Edward.
What a convenient time for Winry to come downstairs. "Oh hi, Ed! Are you ready to go?" she asked.
Her parents crossed their arms, "Not if there was a grenade involved..." they muttered under their breaths.
"So can I still go out with her?" Ed asked. The Rockbell adults nodded their heads in 'yes' and the two teens went off on their date.
TWO HOURS LATER
Sara Rockbell sighed, "I do wish he did know what to do in the event of a grenade...if he did, this would have never happened."
James agreed with her.
"Well, wanna try for another one?" Sara asked.
"Sure."
A/N: I am so mean XD Well, I was planning on making this a lot longer but I couldn't think of anything else. I'll probably rewrite this.
Well, hope you enjoyed my way of killing Ed a little more on the inside..and outside too, I guess XD And the ending was just plain dumb and I know it.
-Chibeh- (IS NOT ADDICTED TO CRACK!)