Gates

Gildor's POV

Gondolin, FA 126

When all scouts had returned we sat down around a rough plan of the countryside. Darkstone and Mithfaun had found and eliminated two stray orcs, but no others. Finally we agreed on packing up right now and funnelling the whole company into the narrow land to hopefully be out by tomorrow afternoon. Glorfindel sent a set of his own scouts ahead to look for a suitable resting place for the host, and the wild elves fanned out around the train. I watched them in action and was impressed. They used a number of intricate gestures and signs which ensured an immediate, soundless communication. They melted away into the trees and bushes, but one of them always remained in our sight to relay any warning to us. On one of his numerous trips back and forth along the line of the train Glorfindel slowed and rode beside me for a moment.

"If they don't see each other or it was night they would use bird-calls. I'll never see how they keep that in mind, but they will always use the right calls, fitting for time of year and region. Whenever they do some assignment like this, they meet up and decide on the variety and significance of calls. It's just amazing. By the way, have you made a decision?"

I stared at the captain for a moment "No" I said finally "If anything, Bearclaw has made it harder. It's really easy feeling at home with them, don't you think?"

"Sometimes I wonder. I like them, you know? Whatever they were before, or are outside of our deals, those that I met, and Bearclaw's lot especially, have all been decent and honest. They are excellent woodmen, hunters and fighters, they scout better than any hound, and I have a notion their groups are a far shot from our bickering and intrigue"

I looked down at Faire's neck in front of me "It's a damn hard life. I have only tasted it about a year, and I am nearly fed up. Once in their place, I suppose, you'll never have a chance to go back"

"You're thinking about joining them, are you?" Glorfindel looked at me, hard "Think about that twice. Not because of what they are. But because of what you will be viewed as if ever you stick your nose back into our business here. Our relationship to the elves that stayed here will not get better, and neither that to the rhevain, I think. There is a line between rhevain and others, just because of the extent of what you have to do to become one of them"

"I don't know anything" I said wearily "I have no time to find a clear thought on this trip, and all I know is that Bearclaw was the first to make me laugh in moons. Really Glorfindel, it is tempting. But I don't know. Your secret city seems as much a one-way decision as becoming one of the rhevain. Maybe even more so"

Glorfindel gave a small sigh "I wish I had an answer. To anything. No one here seems to have time to decide what he really wants" There was a whistle from the front to prove that "Curse it, I must be trotting"

The attempt to get the caravan through the valley-like space was torture. By the time we had them all squeezed into the opening and popped out on the other side, the host's order was in pieces, one wagon broken beyond repair, and several horses spooked no end from the haste, cramped marching and general chaos. The host pooled in the uneven meadow beyond, with near apoplectic guards circling around the wagons and Glorfindel swarming all over the place to restore order and command.

I sat on Faire's back and stuck my knuckles into my eyes. I had been riding tail-guard and was near asleep on Faire, riled no end.

"I swear to you, I will never try and herd civilians in a semblance of military order anywhere, let alone across land like this" I told her.

"Calathaura!" Glorfindel's voice shook me out of my vow "We stay here tonight. It's completely unsuited, so see what guards you can rout out. Sent outriders to circle, we must not be set upon here, with the hills at our back. We've got to get the horses calmed and reload the damned goods before we can even think of moving anywhere with speed. And see that you get some rest"

"Yes captain, sure" I snarled softly. At least he had not told the world that I used to be Inglor's son. I took stock of the situation for a moment, then set to give my orders. Night was falling, and for once, things were carried out as they should have been. "I'll never, never take on a command like Glorfindel's! Did I say this?"

Faire shook her head vigorously °Repeatedly°

A few hours later I spread my bedroll out beside Faire, who stood with her head hanging. Her lower lip twitched slightly, a sure sign she was fast asleep. I grinned. Well, I would tease her about that tomorrow. Right now, I wanted to sleep as badly as she, and not even the sounds from the rest of the company kept me awake long.

We left at first light. Some that had been on night duty were actually asleep in their saddles, but that day and the following we made good speed. Moreover, no incidents slowed us in any way. I could leave most of it to Faire and follow my own thoughts, trying to come to terms with what I could not even define as 'clearing my situation'. Sometimes I thought I should never have taken Glorfindel's offer to ride with the caravan, then I thought I should make some more effort to make friends with the captain. That is, Glorfindel made enough attempts to make me feel comfortable, and to find out things about me. That went on mostly on the basis of shared past, if shared it could be called. We had grown up in the west, and come across the Ice. It was just that he as captain was hardly supposed to get friendly with anyone outside a good working relationship. Other times, I was sure I should stay with the rhevain. But then, neither life, the city nor the wild, seemed truly appealing to my heart in its entirety. I was so screwed up inside that sometimes I wished for orcs to be found, just to be able to fight and relieve some of the tension.

So we came to the mountains, and were intercepted by a small force of scouts from inside the hidden city. They rode in perfect formation, and their livery was as uniform as it was magnificent. They appeared to be more guards than scouts, I thought. Silvery white or grey garments were not very suitable for scouting.

The ground became rocky and steep, and utterly nonnegotiable with wagons. We halted, and after a short exchange between Glorfindel and the guards took charge of some of our scouts, forming several groups of the large host. The sudden effectiveness with which the goods and people were distributed and went off reminded me of the systematic chaos on an anthill. Things dwindled and disappeared to nowhere specific. The wild elves would leave us here. They were neither allowed nor did they want to see any possible entrance to whatever city. I was in turmoil. I did not want to leave Bearclaw, who had turned into a tentative friend. Neither could I truly commit myself to a life as the wild elves led it. Not yet at any rate, a voice inside my brain whispered. So what was left? Going on alone, or going into the city. I could safely rule out going alone. I had even got a clear 'no' out of Faire – neither of us had a deep desire to spend another year like the last.

Sometimes I wondered if I should not return to Nargothrond. But whatever Finrod thought or said, I would be as alone there as I would be in the City. And somehow I felt Silmarusse's death had ended my time among Finrod's riders irrevocably. We were friends, yes, but he was also king now. As friend, I wanted to return and stay, but I would never be close enough that whatever I could do would be of use to him. Not now, not since I was Calathaura instead of Gildor.

So the city remained. But then – what would we do there? What would I do? Going there meant fitting into just that bickering court Silmarusse and I had gladly left before.

For a long while, I was busy helping with the distribution, but was told to stay and not lead one of the smaller groups to wherever they were going. For the time being, the wild elves were there yet, staying at the margins of our host. The day passed slowly and busily, but the night drew out even more. I took the first watch, wearily, but then sat wide awake and pondering. The next day was cold and windy, the sky overcast. Towards the horizon the clouds seemed to blacken into a dark haze. I was off duty regularly, and as no one informed me otherwise I rode a little further into the mountains alone. I did not get far because guards I had not noticed appeared and stopped me. I told them what I wanted to do, and, realizing I was yet scout-captain they let me go, passing on orders of Glorfindel's. If I wanted to go out I was to return before midnight, following the trail from our meadow eastward to find the captain. That was curious, but I did not question this and took my piece of freedom quickly. With Faire I followed several small tracks that looked likely to lead some shelter, hoping vaguely to find the rhevain before they left completely. Going uphill we finally came to a steeply sloping meadow in which a few scraggly trees grew. There we stopped. I found no rest and paced back and forth slowly while Faire tore grass from the hard ground. Repeatedly she tossed her head in irritation when the gales blew her mane into her eyes. The high mountains towered sullen and ominous behind us as we lingered in there. The ragged trees around the grassy patch bent this way and that in the wind rushing over the mountainside.

"We should go back now, you know?" I said into the wind after a long while staring at the hazy patches of the lower lands that were visible.

°Yes° Faire did not stop in her systematic reduction of the last fresh grass of the year.

I sighed "You're just waiting for me to say now, do you? That's easy, horse"

Faire snorted and replied nothing.

"Calathaura?"

I spun, and Faire jerked her head up in surprise. Neither of us had heard Bearclaw approach over the sounds of rushing wind.

"Bearclaw!" I exclaimed in surprise "What are you doing here still? I thought you had turned back already" I felt inordinately grateful to see the wild elf leader once again before literally closing the door on this life. Bearclaw dropped the reins of his shaggy brown horse and came towards us slowly, smiling "No. I am surprised he let us stay on so close to that mysterious entrance of your city, but here I am. Glorfindel wanted a word with me, he said you were still out here somewhere, so I came looking"

"They're waiting for us" I said "There are still guards around, also, so we could take our time until they close the doors"

"Not terribly excited about it, are you?"

"Don't rub it in, wild elf"

"I won't" Bearclaw eyed me thoughtfully "So. I was going to say farewell"

"Yes" I plucked at Faire's mane "I'm sorry. It was not an easy decision"

"Well, no, I can imagine" Bearclaw smiled briefly "Do not apologize for your decisions, least of all to me. Here" He rummaged around under his ragged bearskin cape "Keep that. If you ever want to track me down, use it"

He pushed a small round metal plaque on a tightly woven leather thong into my hand. There was an artfully detailed picture of a mantling hawk engraved on one side, a series of symbols on the other. I turned the small badge around. Metal was precious to the wild elves, and this was no crudely made thing "I… – what is it?"

Bearclaw tapped his chest lightly "Hawk Clan. That is what my group belongs to. Remember? We have five clans or whatever you want to call them, hawk clan is the smallest. The symbols here tell you where to find our main caches. You remember the map we showed you?"

"Yes, but-"

"Bah. No but. Anyone making trouble when you and your lady turn up, you show them this. It's the best token I can give you that will not shrivel in fire or water"

"Indeed" I stared at the symbols, once more wondering if I was not making a mistake in going into the city "Thank you, Bearclaw"

"If my people have learned one thing it is that no city lasts forever" the wild elf said after a moment "Even if it is so well hidden that not a whiff of smoke escapes"

"You're so cheerful"

Bearclaw looked grave for a moment, but then grinned "Always…houses don't last, but forests do. You know where you can find me"

"That can be in a terribly long time"

The wild elf spread his arms "I have no urgent appointments in the next few centuries"

I smiled wryly "Well, barbarian, if you are willing to wait. It will certainly make things easier" I embraced Bearclaw tightly "Take care they don't dig you up in your burrow one spring"

"Not a chance, I don't hibernate. My lady -" Bearclaw turned to Faire "Don't forget how to kill orcs in that city of theirs"

Faire dipped her head once, and gave him a friendly shove. Then he mounted his horse and turned him downhill, waving back at us once. I watched him go, grateful that he had managed to keep this easy, and feeling my heart sink as I thought of the city. I knew no one there. If I passed those gates, there was nothing beyond where I had a place. Whatever I would have to do, where to go, I would have to find out. On my own but for Faire. The thought was frightening.

I followed the directions the guards had given me. Faire and I soon came from the path to what looked like a river of jumbled stones, winding narrowly through the mountains rising on either side. Night fell slowly, and we went cautiously because Faire had to pick her footing with care. I went ahead, keeping to a thin strip where the ground was hard and even between the loose rocks. Faire followed mutely. The land was empty and silent, but I felt tired and dismal enough not to worry overmuch what may be around us. I had been told this was the way to go, and that it would be watched. The only thing worrying me marginally was that I might not come on time now that night came early. But the way was watched, and soon I was challenged by a voice that came, once more, from nowhere particular. I halted, and declared my name and orders. A grey-clad elf came out of his cover among the stones and approached me "You have reached the end of the Dry River. I will lead you from here. It is just a short way to where Glorfindel awaits you, but you would not find the way which is possible for your horse to cross"

He was right. At a nondescript spot the grey-clad guard left me and returned to what was obviously his assigned place. Exhausted, I walked on with a hand on Faire's neck, relishing for a moment the feel of coarse grass underfoot instead of shifting rocks. It was a narrow, sloping meadow, but I mounted once more. The grass-covered ground wound on similarly to the Dry River for a while before ending in a small dell. Another guard, this one looking jumpy and overtaxed, caught me at the dell's edge, saying he would take me to Glorfindel. I wondered vaguely how he knew my name and destination but focused mainly on my surroundings. The wagons had disappeared some miles below, at the beginning of this winding path. No one was to be seen, nor any traces of such a great passing as the host would surely have made. The guard did not bother to introduce himself so I, tired and glum, did not bother to dismount and rode behind him on an equally disgruntled and tired Faire as he led me to wherever I was supposed to go.

"I don't know how, but we made it here unnoticed. I cannot believe it" Glorfindel greeted me as we turned a corner behind the guard. He was alone, waiting where the grass-grown floor ended among more rocks and boulders.

"And I finally have them all off my hands. Turgon owes me. Oh he owes well"

"What is going to happen now?" I asked, looking around at the empty land.

Glorfindel shrugged "We are going inside. Don't ask me what they will do with the mortal horses, but I know ours will have the climb of their lives. Caves and tunnels to mole through, and ridges I have no idea how we are supposed to get them across"

"You know I won't leave her. No way"

"Calm down" Glorfindel frowned "If we cannot go this way, there will be another. They get the mules through, somehow, and the big stuff. No one would dare ask you to leave your horse"

I shrugged, staring at the mountains. We were in the foothills yet, but the way we were to go the mountains towered high enough to have snow-covered tips. Cold wind seemed to fall down from the heights. For a moment, the wild impulse to tell Faire to run and not stop until she could run no longer was almost overpowering. Madness. I squeezed my eyes shut. I was hungry, tired and cold. I had wound the wild elf's pendant around my wrist, having had no time to tie the thong properly to make a necklace. Now I clutched the plaque tightly, feeling the edges cold and sharp against my palm.

"Come on" Glorfindel said softly.

I jerked out of my confusion, and Faire fell into step beside Glorfindel's horse. We were following another guard who I had not noticed coming to us. He wore a long mail-shirt, with a long grey cloak over it. A landing eagle was embroidered on the back, and also stamped on his leather-hauberk. I saw that only when he turned to check if the horses were keeping up with his swift pace. Turgon's arms, I remembered. The same eagle was on the silver pendant Glorfindel had shown me. Though we were going deeper into the mountains we were descending down into a narrow, winding ravine. The walls rose higher and higher as we descended, and the very air seemed to darken in the gloomy day.

"We are the last of the company to enter" Glorfindel answered my unspoken question.

"Why?" I was genuinely startled "Did I delay you-?"

"No, of course not. For a while I thought you would not come at all, anymore. But I was to see my company safely inside before going in, right?"

I frowned "And why am I here yet, then? I was part of your company"

"So you are. But you also are scout-captain. So you ride with me"

"But I am not-"

"You will be once we are inside the city and I have the freedom to form my own company" he said calmly "If you accept, that is"

"What do you need scouts in…there?"

Glorfindel grinned "I wonder in where you would have said had you freely spoken. But we need scouts, of course. Locking the doors and never peeking out will hardly do, except to have us fall sooner than we built"

"I am not the right choice" I said stiffly.

"So?" Glorfindel slowed his horse a moment so Faire came directly alongside him "Why not? Because you waived a title that would have availed very little inside these walls? Will you never dare to be Gildor on your own? You lost a title, not your name. What do you want to do, Calathaura? Don't you still know it?"

"No" I said angrily "I still don't, captain"

We followed the guard in silence for a while. I wondered what he had heard or would make of our little argument.

"Listen to me a moment. I have never told you what you are to expect here. As long as I was not sure you would come here, I was not allowed to speak. If you think it is bad enough you have to swear fealty to a king you don't know and don't want to have an assignment on your hands that would keep you busy especially in the first moons, that is well. But I think you still misjudge the size and scope of this. The plain and the mountains around the city are wide and wild. We will need scouts, and that would be your chance to be out of the city when you wish"

"At someone's behest"

"Mine, admittedly. But would that grate on you so much? I would find ways not to send you if you would not want to go"

"I would be a poor scout then, and a poorer captain, don't you think?"

He sighed "You manage to turn whatever I say"

"Then please speak plainly. What are my choices, what my orders? What am I to expect?"

"That is what I am trying to tell you! You still have the chance to determine what you want to have. What you think you need. I know nothing of you. What did you do before you fought? Were you artisan, singer, craftsman? You have all the freedom to do what you wish here"

I shook my head "Scout or guard, it is fine. But have you looked at them? And have you looked at me? I don't think I could or would want to fit in such a company. And I think I have little energy or will right now to hold that place against all naggings and challenges you know will come up. If I accept your offer"

"Alright. You evade my questions, so it is hard to give satisfactory answers. I will try to be plain. Turgon has made it clear, very clear, that this city is to function – without bickering that would drive a wedge between the different groups right from the start. There are Eldar here, Noldor who were born in Middle-earth, and Sindar from Nevrast and the adjoining lands. There are no fixed rankings, very little orders that will be taken as blueprints from the outside. Some companies and regiments are formed already, yes, but they will have to accommodate changes or simply risk dispersion and new mixing by Turgon himself. What you have seen were Turgon's personal riders and guards. I daresay they are a bit…unreachable in a way. But you know that my house is small, and a great part of those who wear my badge were not born into that. I intend to keep it that way. From within the house, you will have to fear neither naggings nor challenges. From without, well, you have the king's authority to hold against that, just as anyone else who gets into new or higher positions than before will have"

"I can't believe there is no one among your original following who would not better deserve the position you offer me. You must have just as well or even better experienced scouts than me"

"Maybe I would have. But no one with the ability to lead"

I snorted softly "I have temporarily led wings in skirmishes. The riders in those companies knew as little of me as I of them. You ask me to lead what will become a closely-knit company where each knows the other well"

"And you are afraid they get to know you?"

"Yes" I said bluntly.

"But do you doubt your ability to lead? Do you really doubt it?"

I said nothing. I could say nothing.

"Let me ask otherwise: Can you see yourself really taking orders from someone else, who in turn takes orders from someone and then from someone? Was my way just a bad alternative?"

I had to smile "Are you bribing me?"

"No" he grinned "I am just leading you on a chase to catch the goose you yourself set free. And now we have come full circle. Scout-captain might mean taking orders from me at one point – but it will also mean the immunity of my word"

Well, I could imagine that if I joined an existing company the bickering might be nastier and meaner than if I helped building one up from little basis.

"That is an easy way then, for me, to escape whatever I fear"

"It is an easy way for me to find someone who does not lead because he thinks captain is the equivalent of honour. Will you think on it? Or will you agree?"

A few steps more and we could see a tunnel ahead, separated from us by a field of gravel and boulders. We would have to dismount here, and laboriously and slowly cross this. With one of the mortal horses, I would have felt my heart sink right now.

I sighed, and stared across the grey rubble for a moment. You did not throw away such a gift. And I was not thinking of the position as scout-captain, I was thinking of the friendship Glorfindel offered between the lines.

"I think I will agree" I said finally.

"Good" Glorfindel preceded us, following the guard towards the tunnel by another near invisible trail that was just barely wide enough for a horse to walk slowly and carefully. I watched the opening worriedly, but as we approached it became wider than it had appeared. Still, Glorfindel's stallion had to duck to get in. This would never have worked with wagons or horses. Mules maybe, but never with the mortal horses. Faire turned her head briefly as I dismounted, giving me a bitterly reproachful glance.

For indeterminable and unending seeming time we stumbled in the tunnel, following the hard, blue light of the guard's lantern before us. At times, the horses were forced to literally crawl on their knees, and I grimaced, knowing there would be bruises to treat and grazes to salve once we were out of here. Not to mention a sore pride. Glorfindel swore repeatedly. His mount was much harder put to it than the comparatively small and agile Faire.

As endless as it had seemed as abruptly the tunnel ended. Or rather, it widened out into a cave "This is the cavern of the Outer Guard" our leader said, the first he had spoken in all the time except to warn us of obstacles "Would you rest here a while, or go on to the Second Gate straight away? It is a longer way, but there you can feed and see to your horses as well"

"Go on" Glorfindel decided, glancing at me "The horses are not hurt and will prefer a rest out from underground to this cavern as much as we will"

On leaving the cavern the floor became even, and both we and the horses could walk easily. We passed a wooden gate, and came into a ravine that looked as if it had been cleft by the stroke of a mighty axe. Unreachably far above the tips of the mountains were visible, black against the pale sky. I glanced at the sky in surprise. Dawn? Had we spent all the remaining night scrambling in the mountains and the tunnel? I certainly felt like it. I was stiff, weary and cold. The road we followed climbed steeply now, but it was paved and the horses' hooves rang dully on the smooth stone-tiles, casting soft, ominous echoes into the dark ravine falling away at our side.

"How many gates are there?" I asked softly.

"Two so far" Glorfindel said glumly "But the way is long to the first, and several times longer from the second to the entrance of the city. We have to go far yet, I fear"

He was right. It was possible to ride on the steep but smooth road, and finally we mounted, feeling quite selfish as we did so. Time dragged on. We rested for a while when we came to the top of the rising road. It was late afternoon and we went on far too soon. I wondered if I could fall asleep on my feet when finally we approached an enormous wall built right across the ravine, topped with dark, uninviting towers.

"This is the second gate" our guide said "Up to now the last. More will follow, but there was no time yet, and we did not have the craftsmen for the work nor the materials"

One more step away from the free wilderness far below. I bit my lip and followed behind the guard and Glorfindel through the strange gate that opened before us. It fell shut noiselessly behind us, and our guard led us to the side, where there were cavern-like chambers in which small lights shone. There were a number of guards here. Some came and gave us buckets with water and grain. I silently appreciated the self-understood order of horses first, but was deeply grateful just to slump beside a munching Faire and shut my eyes against the strange and unsettling sights.

Glorfindel shook me awake a little later – very little later, I saw, because Faire had not yet finished her small pile of hay.

"Vingaear here says we had better stay here. The hardest part is yet to come, and it will be night soon"

I nodded "Then why do you wake me? I had just started to feel blissfully oblivious"

He smiled, and I didn't know if it was amusement or sympathy "Because you have to eat. Here – simple guard-fare, but better than what my host had the last few days"

I took the small platter and earthenware mug with relief "If that is what comes with being scout-captain I feel a bit more reconciled to the idea"

"So if I couldn't bribe you, at least now I know I can bait you with food?"

I shrugged. For a time we ate in silence, hunched between the loose straw and the little supply of hay-bales in the cavern.

"I dread that court, you know?" I said finally, unable to keep that overpowering notion to myself. Glorfindel glanced at me, but I could not see his face clearly in the dim lantern-light.

"You will be alright. You know your way around a court" he said matter-of-factly.

I blinked "Fine that at least one is confident - and what makes you think that?"

"You betray yourself with little things, you know?" Glorfindel said happily "Even if it's just the way you always kept half a horse's length behind me, or let exactly the right people precede you out of a tent or door. You know the little trappings. You fit in without wanting to. That's why you never get into great, great trouble"

"I am too tired to point out that Silmarusse and I both knew the trappings"

"And I am too tired to tell you would have to remember and act on them for a while more at any rate. Who can say how many trappings will remain valid? I trust you don't plan to fall out with Turgon's law straight away"

"We never planned to fall out with any law" I said "I still dread the possibility. And the court. And now I will call it a day because I almost fall asleep chewing"

"We can sleep in one of the guards' chambers as well" Glorfindel said as I rolled up in my cloak.

"We'd have to get our bedrolls" I objected, and as neither of us seemed particularly enthusiastic about that, we slept in the stables that night. The following day took us steeply upward for a long and weary climb. Cold wind blew constantly against us, and we were near frozen stiff until we reached what appeared to be not the top but at least the crest of the mountain. We had finally wound our way high above from where we had entered by the dry river, and had climbed through the mountains that encircled the city. From here, our way went down into the plain of Gondolin, and towards the city. It was dark and dreary, but nevertheless the city seemed to shine. A high tower stood far above the rest of the buildings, all made of white marble. Thin tendrils of cook-fires and hearths rose from some roofs. Quite a number of structures were unfinished and looked uncomfortably remindful of ruins, but after the barren rocks and dark tunnels I yearned for even that sanctuary.

Still I was not sure if I felt terrified, awed or glad. I listened to the brief description our guard gave us, naming the greatest buildings we could see from here, the plain and the hill upon which the city sat as upon a throne. Then we continued the narrow and steep way down, going on foot and in single file behind our guide, trailed by the horses. At its end was another cave for guards, this one obviously artificial. There our guide obtained a horse for himself and when we rode on to cross the plain it was in sudden sunlight, the green of the wide expanse of grass contrasting strongly with the white of the city before us. The distance from the mountains to the hill was far greater than I had expected. Even riding at a swift trot and occasionally gallop it was early evening before we reached the foot of the hill. Once more, we began climb, this time towards the city-gates. There had been no time and no opportunity to wash, so when we arrived in Turgon's court that night we were not only tired and dishevelled but we also smelled of horse.

Chapter Notes:

Vingaear: (Q) foam-sea