Disclaimer: 4 reviews? 4 reviews? That's all? Come on! Review!
Onasi: thanks. Looking at what stories you've written, I would have thought that you didn't like HALO.
Yomiko the Hellbuny slayer: yes, the Scantilyclad, how many parties have I been to there, I mean, yes, it is original (eyes move shiftily from side to side).
New Mombassa Parody
The Scantiylclad hung in the sky, looking more scantily clad than ever. Three Pelicans flew pass with a big 'swoosh!'. The Pelicans fly over the city Mombassa.
"The message just repeats- Regret. Regret. Regret."
"What sort of message is that?" asked Keyes
"Dear humanity, we regret being aliens who likes the colours pink and purple, we regret buying Danish made furniture, and we most definitely regret seeing Sergeant Avery Johnson in women's underwear!" said Johnson
"Sick!" said one Pilot. Johnson turns to the marines and Chief.
"Get sexy, Marines!". The Marines stroke their guns, looking sexy. MC stares at them all, disturbed.
"I know!" said Keyes "It's a text message!"
"No it's not!" said Cortana
"Is!"
"Isn't!"
"Is!"
"Isn't!"
"Is!"
Thankfully, it is at this point that the Pilot interrupts this bitch fight with an important announcement
"What?" said the Pilot "What announcement?"
"The thing about the drop zone" said the Author
"?"
"Have you read the script?"
"There's a script?" asked the confused Pilot.
Author hands the Pilot a script.
"I am getting married to my Co-Pilot next week" read the Pilot
"Ahhh, sweet!" everyone else in the Pelican says
"I'm a man!" exclaims the Co-Pilot
"Ahhh, sweet!" everyone else in the Pelican repeats
"Wrong script!" yells Author. Author hands the Pilot the right script.
"Drop zone in five" read the Pilot
"Amateur!" muttered Cortana
"Whoa! A giant crab- tortoise hybrid thingy!" admired the Pilot, as the Scarab came into view.
"PREEETTTY!" agreed the Co-Pilot.
"It's a Scarab" pointed out Cortana.
"I knew that!" said the Pilot, unconvincingly.
The giant crab- tortoise hybrid thingy or aka the Scarab fired a giant laser beam at the Pelicans. Two of the Pelicans exploded.
"Dammit!" Yelled Johnson "Those Pelicans had all the Caviar, Tofu and Vaigra!"
"You take Vaigra?" asked Cortana
"Nooooo" Said Johnson, his eyes moving shiftily from side to side.
The Pelican crashed upside down and everything goes black.
As his eyes focus, the MC notices that he was in a pool of saliva.
"How long have I been out for?" asked MC
"Approximately 2 hours, 43 minutes and 27 seconds. And all captured on film!" replied Cortana. All the Marines were staring at MC.
"Shinnny!" said one of the Marines and all the other Marines nodded slowly in agreement.
"Why are you all staring at me?" asked MC
"Well you know what happens to Marines, Chief, whenever they see something shiny, it zones them out" answered Johnson.
"Oookkkkaaayyy" said the MC running to the nearest exit. The MC ran straight into a Gangsta Grunt. Upon seeing the Green clad Warrior, the Grunt aimed a pimped out Plasma Pistol at the Chief. Before the Grunt could fire, the MC ripped the gun from the Grunt's grasp and beat the Grunt to death with it.
The MC, followed by Johnson and the Marines, ran into a wrecked out building, killed everything in sight and ate marshmallows. Then the Covenant started assaulting the Humans position.
Soon, when all enemy forces were wiped out, a suped up Pelican, sporting Turbo and Super Chargers, NOS (used to give cars a boost) and even had 5 cup holders. The Pilot spoke through the transceiver to MC and co.
"Yo, what's up me homies, I is going to a race meet. Wanna come?"
"Hmmm, must be some sort of Alien language. I'll see if I can translate it" said Cortana.
Before Cortana could begin translating, though, MC spoke up.
"Hey homie! We is like, killing some bad guys, and we can't come with you. Can you, like, gives us a lift?"
"Sure, homie, I'll give u a lift. I'll land someplace else, so's as to not scratch me ships paint job" replied the Pilot, and the Pelican accelerated off, engines roaring.
Suddenly, the doors that the Hunters come through started to vibrate erratically.
"Stupid glitch!" Complained Cortana
The doors swung open and the Tweenies stepped through.
"Tweenies!" Yelled Cortana
"Panic!" Added Johnson. The Marines started running around like chicken shits. MC sighed heavily and shot the Tweenies dead with the 50 cal. everyone stopped panicking and stared at the MC.
"What?" asked the MC
"You killed the Tweenies!" said Cortana
"Our savoir! Hail the Master Chief!" yelled Johnson
All the Marines and Johnson started to yell 'Hail'. MC sighed loudly and ran through the now open doors, followed by the Marines and Johnson. MC and Co ran around the corner. Five Jerkalopes stood waiting for their inevitable deaths, which the MC and Co were happy to oblige.
A Pelican dropship flew down and hovered over some random pile of rocks, concrete and some used condom's (I've been busy. joking).
"Oh look, there's that guy again" said Cortana
"Yo, homie, r u givin' us a lift?" asked MC
"Sorry Chief, I'm not that guy you met before. He went away and stole 50 ships in 72 hours on order to save his bro" said the Pilot.
"Wow" said Johnson "It's like that movie I saw"
"What movie?" asked MC
"You know, the movie where a guy has to save his bro by stealing 50 cars in 72 hours"
"What? Like to fast to furious?" asked MC
"No, that was another car movie"
"Coool" said MC
Everyone was staring at MC and Johnson.
"What?" said Johnson
"Just get in the Pelican" ordered Keyes over the radio
"Yes ma'am!" yelled Johnson. As he neared the Pelican, Johnson slipped on a used condom. "What the Fuck?" yelled Johnson.
"Innocent!" chimed the Author. Johnson glares at Author.
"Don't glare at me like that! FOR I AM YOUR GOD! Aaargh my eye!" yelled the Author, The condom hitting the Author in the eye. Johnson boards the Pelican, smirking and the Pelican takes off.
"You don't see that everyday" said Cortana. The MC and Marines nod in agreement. Eventually the MC and co rounded yet ANOTHER corner, into a group of Drones.
"Caffeine caffeine caffeine caffeine!" chorused the Drones. The Drones see a coffee shop and fly into it, sending coffee everywhere. MC was the only one left with enough sense left to prime and throw a Grenade into the shop, the Marines having taken to staring stupidly at random, shiny objects.
Eventually, though, the MC arrived at the bridge, and due to poor programming, the Marines that were with MC disappeared.
Disclaimer: yes, I know, at the end I did skip a lot of the mission, but it got tedious and I couldn't think of anything funny to put. Plz read and review, as you do (hey that rhymes!). Also, next chapter for HALO: Separate Events is up now.