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The Armbiter

The Armbiters eyes re-focus and he sees Tartarsauces ass move provotically in front of him. Either side of him, two Brutes are carrying him. Cells can be seen on either side of the group, with Covenant being held against their will inside them.

"Am I still at that party?" muttered the Armbiter.

"How much further must we heft this baggage?" complained Brute No. 1.

"My belly aches and his flesh is seared just the way a like it!" said Brute No. 2.

"Quiet! You sound like Grunts fresh of the BIG TEATY!" said Tartarsauce.

The Brutes enter the Armbiters burial place and Truth and Mercy are waiting for them.

"Holy Hierarchs, we have brought the Impotent one" said Tartarsauce.

"Very well, Tartarsauce, you may go and j—k yourself off now" said Truth.

"But!" said Tartarsauce, looking at Truth incredulously. After a few seconds Tartarsauce mutters; "Release the prisoner"

The Brutes release the Armbiter. Tartarsauce gets out a Brute nude magazine and leaves. The other Brutes do the same.

"Lets make this quick, we want you to be the next Armbiter, and you will do great tasks for us such as, mow the lawn, do the shopping and (shudders)… take out the rubbish. You will die like all the other Armbiters have done so before, so, ha. We know you did not blow up the GAINT SACRED RUBBER RING, but we're blaming you anyways. This is the true face of heresy (Truth taps a button and a figure appears there. The figure begins to talk, but then Truth switches it off) yeh yeh, we've heard it all before" said Truth.

"I haven't heard it before" protested the Armbiter.

"Suckers be to you!" said Truth "Anyways, we want you to go and pwn him for us"

"Because he is a Heretic?" asked the Armbiter.

"No, cause he put a pin on Mercy's chair" replied Truth.

"My ass still hurts!" complained Mercy, rubbing his ass.

"Eggs salad!" said Truth. Both the Armbiter and Mercy look at Truth.

"What?" asked the Truth.

"Did you just say 'Eggs salad'?" asked the Armbiter.

"Yes"

"Why?" asked Mercy.

"Cos' 'Eggs Salad' sounds like 'Exactly'" explained Truth.

"Riiight" said Mercy and the Armbiter, unbelievably. Then a big pod thing comes down and dramatic music plays.

"Stupid Hi Fi system!" complained Mercy, taking out a control and changing the CD in a nearby Hi Fi system. 'One Love' by Reggae starts playing.

"Oh yeah that's good" said Mercy.

The pod stops in front of the Armbiter, and the Reggae music stops playing. The pod opens and shiny Elite Armour can be seen. The Arbiter puts the helmet on.

"Ooooh, pppppaaaaadddddiiiiinnnnnggggg! I mean, what would you have you Armbiter do?" asked the Armbiter.

"I just told you, idiot!" said Truth.

"I wasn't listening" explained the Armbiter. Then the scene changes.

We see the Covenant Holy City, Getting High, with lots of shiny ships orbiting it. Then three Phantoms appear on screen and head towards the broken, burning form of Halo.

"When we first joined the Covenant, we swore an oath" said an Ultra Elite.

"All to his station, all without exception" chanted the Elites of various ranks.

A Grunt puts his nose to another Grunts Weed tank and releases some Weed from it, with a big hiss. The Grunt sniffs the Weed and mutters;

"Sweeeeet!"

"Did you just sniff some of my Weed?" accused Grunt No. 2

"Yes" replied Grunt No. 1.

"Well how would you feel if I did that to you? I mean…

(Interrupting) "D00d! I'm like, trying to make a dramatic speech here, dammit!" complained the Ultra Elite.

"Okay, no need to squeal!" said the Grunt No. 2.

"Respect ma authoritaaaaah!" yelled the Ultra Elite.

"Yes your stupidness" said the Grunt No. 2

"That's it! I'll kick you in the nuuuuuts!" yelled the Ultra Elite, kicking the Grunt in the Joy department. The Phantoms passes what looks like an abandoned space station.

"Anywho, that armour suites you" said the Ultra Elite.

"Thanks, Truth gave it to me" thanked the Armbiter

"But it cannot hide that mark" said the Ultra Elite

"Nothing ever will, apart from Plastic Surgery" said the Armbiter

"Yes, I should have Plastic Surgery to, cos' I lost my Mandibles. Anyways, you are the Armbiter, the Hierarchs sex slave, but these are my Bitches, they're lives matter to me, cos' they're cute. You are not!"

"That makes two of us" countered the Armbiter.

"YOU CALLING ME UGLY? THAT'S IT! I'LL KICK YOU IN THE NUUUUTS!" yelled the Ultra Elite, attempting to kick the Armbiter in the nuts, but missing.

Then the Phantoms approach the structure that, for some stupid idiotic reason, is hanging from the main structure on a large metal rope thing.

"Leader, there is no doubt, the BIGASS storm will shit on the facility" warned Tartarsauce.

"Don't worry, we'll have run away like chicken shits long before the storm hits. No need to get our new, shiny armour covered in shit" replied the Ultra Elite.

The Phantoms hover over the structure, and deploy their troops.

"Armbiter! Use your sword to carve the Heretics into round, edible pieces, so that we can have Heretic Hamburgers tonight" said the Ultra Elite.

"Heretic Hamburgers! My faaavourite!" said the Armbiter. The Armbiter looks at the Phantom. "You're not coming with us?"

"Nope, I staying right here cos' it's safe" said the Ultra Elite.

"N000b!" said the Armbiter.

"I heard that! I'LL KICK YOU IN THE NUUUUUTS!" yelled the Ultra Elite. The Phantoms fly away.

"He he" mutters the Armbiter, walking over to the rest of the squad. An Elite is busy at a computer console.

"Dammit! Stupid Windows XP!… No, I don't want the Internet!... No I don't want to see nude pictures (a pic of a nude female Elite appears on screen) okay… maybe I do…"

Eventually, the Elite opens the door and the Covenant enters the structure. The Armbiter and his allies fight through the level, pwning Heretics as they go. The Armbiter and Co. enter a room and the Heretic Leader appears behind an IMPENETRABLE WINDOW.

"An Armbiter! I'm so privileged!" said the Heretic. The Heretic jumps into a Banshee and flies away.

"I'll leave you to die here while I go kill the Heretic" said the Armbiter to the Covenant.

"Oh thanks" said one Elite, sarcastically.

The Armbiter gets into a Banshee and flies after the Heretic Leader.

Eventually, the Arbiter comes face to face with the Heretic Leader.

"Who has taught you these lies?" asked the Armbiter. The singsong humming of 343 Guilty Spark can be heard and 343 Guilty Spark appears.

"Omig3d, the Oracle from the Matrix!" exclaimed the Armbiter.

"No, it's 343 Guilty Spark, and he will answer your questions about the Prophets and the Great Journey" said the Heretic Leader.

"MORE QUESTIONS! YAY!" yelled 343 Guilty Spark, frothing at the mouth. Then the Heretic Leader fires at the Armbiter. The Armbiter retreats behind a box thing.

"That stung!" complained the Armbiter. The Heretic Leader drops two Holographic Balls and two Heretic Leaders appear. The Armbiter kills the Heretic Leader and his Holographic Clones. Then a Phantom appears and Tartarsauce steps out. Tartarsuace then grabs 343 Guilty Spark using his big rod thing.

"That's the Oracle" said the Armbiter.

"It is?" asked Tartarsuace. Tartarsuace looks at 343 Guilty Spark. "Damn, I thought it was Ben Affleck! He's such a crappy actor! I'd love to shove this pole up his ass! (Tartarsauce makes 'shoving poles up peoples asses' gesture with his pole) anyways, were outta here, cos' the storm is gonna shit on this places" said Tartarsauce.

The Armbiter and Tartarsauce leaves.

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