A/N: Cleanie says that Maria's hair is long in this now. Because we say so.

Disclaimer: I'M TOO SMEXEH FOR MAH DISCLAIMER! AND WE DON'T OWN FMA! OR MONTY PYTHON! DON'T SUE!

Chapter Five and Rabid Canadians
Roy, Ed, Denny, Riza, and Winry were sitting around the little coffee table in Ed and Denny's dorm. They would sit on the couch, if they had one. The only furniture in the dorn, actually, was a coffee table and two little plastic matresses. It was really just an old supply closet because Ed and Denny couldn't afford a dorm. But that's not important right now. Anyways, Maria wasn't there because she was getting a haircut.

Winry groaned in boredom, "Is there anything to do?" she asked.

"We can explore the whole campus...because for some reason, we don't have class today," Ed suggested.

"We don't have class because the writers want us to do other stuff first!" Riza stated.

"Writers? Who are these 'writers'?" Roy questioned.

"YOU HEARD NOTHING. LETS GO EXPLORE," Riza said like a robot.

"But Riza--"

Denny was cut off

"LETS GO FUCKING EXPLORE." No one protested for Riza was just plain scary. So, they went to explore things.

"O-okay..." Denny stuttered. "Don't...hurt me...please?"

"Menamenamenamena..." Riza mumbled. Roy became suspicious and hit Riza on the head. Her head fell off. Roy picked it up and removed her skin to reveal...

"A CLOWN!" Ed shouted.

"Not just any clown, Edward!" Roy pulled off the skin of the clown. "A ROBOT CLOWN!"

At that time, Denny threw up on Roy because Roy was now holding a bloody nasty clown skull with brains and gunk dripping out of it...GREEN BRAINS AND GUNK.

"Oh. ...Ew. Not a robot clown." Roy looked at the head, paused for a moment, and threw it at Ed. "THINK FAST!" He ran out of the room like a running-man.

Ed squealed like a greased pig, and looked at Winry, "Y'know how I never bought you a birthday present last year?" he asked.

"Yeah..."

"Well, HAPPY BIRTHDAY, WINRY!" Ed shouted and threw the clown head a Winry, Winry ducked at the head hit Denny in the face. He was now covered in Happy GUNK. A bunch on clown brain went his nose and he was now...

Just then, Maria and Riza (the real one) came marching through the door looking full of it. For some reason, they were in blue, tight 80's track uniforms. Their hair was poofed out into afros. The afros looked much huger than their hair could ever acheive, but everyone was too lazy and/or clownish to notice.

The two cheerleady-girls danced around Denny with an obnoxious look on both their faces. Suddenyl, they began to sing. "OOMPA-LOOMPA-DOOMPITY-DA, IF YOU DON'T MESS WITH CLOWNS YOU'LL GO FAR, OOMPA-LOOMPA-DOOMITY-DEE, IF YOU ARE WISE YOU'LL LISTN TO ME."

Maria took over. "What do you do when you're boyfriend's half...CLOWN"

Then Riza. "Considering he did this Roy should be wearing a...FROWN. He will be upset, pecause he will not get...LAID"

"At least he will not HAVE. TO. PAY!"

"I-am-not-a-whore-you-bitch!"

THen they started catfighting.

Ed looked at Winry. Winry looked at Ed. Ed looked at Denny. Winry looked at Denny. Then Denny looked at Denny. Then he exploded because of all the staringness. Roy imploded for no reason whatsoever. Riza and Maria finnsished catfighting and did a little dance. Then the writer stopped annoying the hell out of you all."Sadly, that is the most sense anything has made around here..." Ed stated.

"NNUUU MY DARLING!" Riza cried, and ran to the stain on the wall that was Roy.

"MY SPLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEN!" Ed shouted suddenly, writing on the floor in agony.

"OH NO!" Maria exclaimed. "HE'S DYING OF THE...CANADA DISEASE!" (OH NOES!)

Winry whipped out her lacrosse stick, out of nowhwere I might add, and began to beat Ed senseless, although he already was. "DIE! DIE DIIIEE!" she shouted.

"HOW THE HELL IS THAT GONNA HELP HIM?" Maria spat.

"HEY! DON'T SPPIIIIT! It's not nice! AND IT WON'T HELP HIM BWAHHAHAHHAHAHA!" Winry laughed like an insane lacrosse player...wait...she already is, nevermind.

Suddenly, Ed's spleen exploded in his stomach (don't ask me how!). He scrambled to get up, "Water...I need water..." Ed cried out.

Winry handed him some bleach.

Ed, being a prodigy and all, drank the whole thing of bleach and sprang into action becoming...DAIRY BOY! "NUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!"

Ed cried as he suddenly had the urge to white juice secreted from a cow.

Roy and Denny were back to normal by now, or did I dream it? Anyway, Roy and Riza went to another room to make out randomly. Maria ran after Ed and for some reason, Denny undressed and did a naked dance. Winry stared at him.

SUDDENLY, AGAIN, They randomly went into SOAP OPERA MODE! While Roy and Riza were gettin' their groove on in a urinal. Roy broke down into tears, "Roy! What's wrong?" Riza asked.

Roy continued to cry, "R-r-r-r-r-r--rr-rr-rr--r-r-rr-r-r-r--r--r-r--"

"OH GET ON WITH IT!"

"RIZA! I have something to tell you!" Roy shouted.

"What?" Riza asked. "Riza, I have to PEE." Roy stated. Riza sweatdropped.

Riza hugged roy. "It's alright, roy, you can pee."

Roy sniffled. "I have something else to tell you, Riza..."

"What is it?"

"I...I want to be a woman. From now on, I want you to call me Loretta."

"WHAT! Why the hell do you want to be a woman, Roy!" She cried.

"I...I want to have babies. It's my right as a man." He said quietly.

"...You're weird, Roy."

"I LOVE YOU TOO LIONELLE!" Roy shouted and hugged Riza tightly.

"LIONELLE! MY NAME IS RIZA! R-I-Z-A!" Riza shouted.

Roy looked down, "Ohh, awkward..."

"Roy?

"ROY?"

"LORETTA!"

"Yes?"

"RUN GAL RUN!"

"AIIIEEE!"

Denny remained standing in the middle of the room, still naked. Winry stared at him and scooted toawrds the door, then ran out at top speed. She ran right into Maria. Ed had apparently immigrated to Canada, which was somehow 46 feet from the school.

"Where's Denny?" Maria asked.

"He's having...um...some...'PERSONAL IDENTITY PROBLEMS.'" winry made little quotation marks in the air with her fingers.

Maria and Winry stood there for a second. "Hey, whatever happened To Al? Did he die or soemthin'?" Maria asked.

WITH ARRRUUUUU

Al hid behind a wall, watching the object of his affection. No, supprisingly, it was not a cat. It was that one Spanish chick, Ella. Al stood there and watched and she hung out with her friends. Dang, he though, I really hope she isn't a lesbian..

Ella turned around and twiddled her fingers at the blushing Al. His face turned a darker shade of red as she smiled sweetly at him. He got up and walking inside the student union. Sat on the couch. Then began to turn into a pile of love goo.

To Be Continued, because if we didn't this fic would suck

Sigh, what a wonderful time to live! Yes, you must loooooovvveeee to be alive while we are still updating! HAPPY BIRTHDAY PEOPLE WITH BIRTHDAYS ON TODAY Oo I am too lazy to answer your reveiws. NOW GET OUTTA MAH HOUSE!

-Chibeh (because Mr.Clean IS SLEEEEEEEPing)

NOTE: WE WILL NOT PUT UP CHAPTER SIX UNTILL WE GETAT LEAST TWO REVEIWS FOR THIS CHAPTER.