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Ryan knocked lightly on the door and swallowed hard, trying to steady the nerves that were building inside of him. Should he just turn and leave? Could he really do this? Could he really face her after everything that had happened? He sighed and dug his hands into his pocket remembering all the moments he and Marissa had shared, the embraces, the kisses, every 'I love you'. He did miss being with her but whenever he thought about her it made his heart ache. He wished everyday that she had never slept with that guy, or that he had never found out. Then maybe he'd be married to her, they'd have kids and be happy and he'd be with the woman he loved…but then he wouldn't have had Ellie. He just wished that things could go back to the way they used to be between them. When they were happy and in love. He was pulled from his reverie by the front door opening and Marissa's beautiful, flawless face appearing from around the door. She smiled nervously.

Ryan felt like all the breath had been knocked out of him. She stood there in a short, white, linen skirt and a baby pink tank top. She smiled slightly her deep blue, sapphire eyes sparkling and her blonde shining hair fell gently around her delicate shoulders. He forced a faint smile back, his heart hammering at 100mph as he stared into her intoxicating eyes.

"Hi" He said breathlessly. She blushed slightly

"Hi, um…Jake's running late so, he kinda isn't here yet." She stammered her heart pounding so loudly in her ears she could barely hear her own words. She looked him up and down and felt her heart skip a beat. His shaggy, sandy blonde hair fell just above his deep blue eyes which shimmered slightly, his shoulder's were broader and underneath his black shirt she could make out his defined, toned muscles. He had a little bit of stubble which made him look rugged…just how she liked it. She felt her knees shaking and she opened the door a little wider feeling stupid for just standing there and staring at him rather than inviting him in. She felt herself flush red slightly as she caught his gaze, his smile always managed to make her heart melt.

"Oh…um come in, hopefully he'll be over soon because I don't have a clue what all this house stuff is about." She said opening the door wider to let him through. He looked at her for a few seconds being brought back down to earth by the thought of her rich, famous actor boyfriend joining them. What was he doing? He was over her, he wasn't in love with her…she cheated on him…Then why did he feel like this? She waved him in and he felt his legs automatically push him forward into the lavish apartment.

She walked slowly forward and lead him into the lounge, she watched him carefully as he looked around in awe. She smiled slightly as she watched him but shook herself out of it. She shouldn't be doing this, she had a boyfriend, she couldn't love Ryan anymore…not after what she had done, and even if she did there was no way he would feel the same. She didn't even know if he had forgiven her, she didn't deserve to be forgiven. An awkward silence hung heavy in the air and she suddenly snapped back to reality. She hadn't said anything for a good two minutes she had just been staring at him! Oh god this was so awkward…she thought desperately

"Do you want anything to eat or drink? I can put some coffee on if you like?" she said motioning to the gleaming kitchen through the doorway. Ryan shifted slightly from foot to foot

"Um…yeah sure, I'll give you a hand." He said following her into the large, white and silver kitchen. She reached up and took two cups out of the cupboard and began making the coffee whilst Ryan watched feeling awkward. He still couldn't quite get his head around this. He was in his ex-fiancée's kitchen making coffee and waiting for her film star boyfriend to come back. He sighed to himself as another awkward silence filled the room broken only by the clatter of china.

Marissa tried to busy herself in making the coffee but she found herself stealing glances over her shoulder at him and watching him as he stared around the room taking everything in. She couldn't believe how much older he looked, and how good he looked. She kicked herself mentally and began pouring the coffee into the cups.

"You still take it black?" She called over her shoulder. Ryan smiled slightly

"Yeah, you still take coffee with your sugar?" He asked jokingly remembering how sweet she took her coffee. She laughed slightly and handed Ryan a steaming mug.

"Yeah sometimes." She said taking a sip and smiling over the rim of her mug.

"So, hows life treating you?" She asked trying to fill the silence with small talk…where on earth was Jake? Ryan paused slightly not sure how to answer, whether to tell her that he was a single parent after his partner became an alcoholic and abandoned her daughter? Or just to tell her everything was fine…the second option was easier. He didn't want to go into things, he couldn't just stand here and spill his heart out to a person he hadn't spoken to in years even though he knew she would listen.

"Great really, company's doing well…Seth's just about housetrained." He said smiling slightly. Marissa looked surprised and took another sip of coffee

"You're still living with Seth?" She asked raising an eyebrow.

"Oh yeah him and Summer, well they're kinda crashing at my place whilst I'm building their new house." He said shrugging. Marissa nodded…so all three of them were still friends and she was here alone, mind you she deserved it.

"Wow, what's Seth doing then? Obviously I know about Summer, everyone at work watches her show!" She said leaning against the counter.

Ryan gripped onto his coffee cup his hands shaking as he watched her. He was so confused right now. Just sitting here and talking to her was bringing back so many memories, good and bad. It was bringing back all the stuff he had tried to hard to forget and the stuff he never wanted to forget…

"Um, he's managing his own Comic Book company…his dream job really. What about you? Famous supermodel, great apartment…" He said looking around trying to shift the topic away from him…where was her damn boyfriend? He needed to get back to Ellie.

"It's great really, sometimes miss Newport though." He said immediately regretting it, she looked up and caught his eyes and then looked away guiltily flushing slightly. She set down her coffee cup too close to the edge and it fell hitting the floor with a smash and the familiar tinkle and breaking china. She swore and bent down slowly, Ryan followed suit and helped to pick up the pieces of china carefully avoiding her gaze.

"I'm sorry, I'm so clumsy." She said almost to herself. Ryan reached out for a piece of china and Marissa reached out for the same piece…her hand landed softly on top of his and invisible sparks shot between as they looked up both meeting each other's gazes. They locked for a few seconds, Ryan's heart beat quickening as he felt her soft touch against his, he swallowed his heart hammering against his ribs as she drew her hand away softly and cleared her throat.

"Sorry." She mumbled standing up and emptying the shards into the bin. Ryan rose slowly, aware of his face burning and his stomach churning nervously. He stole a quick glance at her and found her watching before smiling slightly and looking away…There was a long pause and Ryan cleared his throat.

"So I um…" He was cut off by the door opening and a rather flushed out of breath Jake rushing into the room.

"I'm SO sorry I'm late, hey sweetie…Traffic was a nightmare, Hi I'm Jake Hayes." He said sticking a hand out. Ryan eyed him up and down recognising him from a film he had seen lately and eventually took his hand and shook it.

"It's ok, shall we get started then? I've got to be back by 3." He said glancing at Marissa who was staring down at her shoes.

"Sure, sorry again…"

Marissa looked up and watched Ryan disappear with Jake into the next room and sighed. Jake was sweet and kind and loving but…he wasn't the same as Ryan…that was the only thing wrong with him, he wasn't Ryan Atwood. If only she hadn't mucked things up…then maybe things would be perfect

"Marissa honey, come in here!" jake called from the other room, she sighed and entered sitting next to Jake…wishing she was next to Ryan and in his arms again. But she had made sure that that would never happen.

Ryan signed the end of the last form and put his pen down with a sigh keeping his eyes on the page so he didn't have to share another awkward gaze with Marissa. Jake grinned and stuck out his hand

"Thanks very much, it's a pleasure doing business with you. I'll check my schedule and pencil in a meeting maybe in a few weeks but it depends whether I get this new role or not." He said airily and smiling across at Marissa who smiled weakly back.

"Riss doesn't want me to get it because it means I'll be in Europe for 4 months and she'll miss me wont you honey?" He asked taking Marissa's hand, she nodded slightly and offered a pathetic smile as she flushed pink and looked across at Ryan who was staring down at the floor awkwardly. Suddenly the tinny buzzing of a cell phone filled the room and Marissa jumped and pulled out a small sleek phone from her pocket and flipped it open.

"Hey Marco…yeah, I remember…Really? But I thought Jess Capri was doing it?...No way!...Um yeah sure, my car is being serviced right now but I'm sure Jake can give me a lift…6? Yeah sure…thanks, see you then!" She finished brightly before flipping her phone shut with a click. She turned to Jake who was talking to Ryan about cars.

"I got the Chanel job!" She cried happily hugging Jake tightly. Jake wrapped his arms around her whilst Ryan stood to the side looking uncomfortable.

"Could you give me a lift to the Hilton?" She asked pulling away from Jake still smiling. Jake frowned slightly

"Um sorry babe I can't, I have a meeting with Greg and Julia in…now Can't you get a cab?" He asked glancing at his watch. Ryan watched them praying he wouldn't ask what he thought he was going to ask…It was obvious Jake didn't have a clue about their history otherwise there was no way he would have hired him.

"Ew, you know what cab drivers are like!" She whined reminding Ryan slightly of Ellie when she was having a tantrum…or Summer for that matter. Jake frowned and ran a hand through his dark hair and glanced towards Ryan causing his stomach to drop, he knew what he was going to ask and he knew he wouldn't be able to say now. The Hilton was on his way home! Oh damn it…Why did this always happen to him?

"Ryan? Could you possibly give Marissa lift to the Hilton? Looking at this address it's…it's right on the way there. Please it will only be this once normally I'd do it myself but I really have to go" He pleaded. Ryan sighed deeply hoping it wasn't too loud and glanced across at Marissa who was now a deep shade of crimson and was trembling slightly

"Oh no Jake it's ok, I'll get a cab…"She started but Jake cut her off

"Look it's on his way home! He might as well, it's not everyday you get to have a beautiful model in your car is it?" He said smiling and looking at Ryan who forced, what he hoped would pass as a smile back.

"Yeah sure…" He mumbled weakly not really letting the words sink in. As if this wasn't awkward enough now he had to give her a ride…Someone up there really didn't like him.

The large, black range rover was silent as it crawled along the busy roads through the traffic. Ryan tapped the steering wheel impatiently as he waited for the lights to change, he was looking anywhere else except for the passenger seat where Marissa sat stiffly and staring out the window. She glanced across quickly at Ryan who was staring at the road in front of him blankly and then she looked up at the rear view mirror and something caught her eye. She glanced up at the two photos that hung from the mirror as they swung in time with the car. The first picture didn't surprise her especially, it was the chrismukkah photo from Ryan's first Christmas in Newport. He looked so young and carefree, not like now…thanks to her. It was the second photo that caught her eye, it was of Ryan and was pretty recent…He was smiling and bouncing a beautiful blonde haired baby on his lap. The little girl was smiling but what kept Marissa staring at the little girl was her extraordinary eyes, deep blue…just like Ryan's. Could it be his…he hadn't mentioned anything about a girlfriend or a wife? Unless maybe he didn't really want to talk about it with her…She glanced across at him again her heart pounding just like it did whenever she saw him…should he ask him about it?

"Um…who's this?" She asked faintly, pointing shakily to the swinging picture as the car moved steadily forward. Ryan glanced up at the picture briefly his expression back to the road, he sighed deeply. He wondered how long it would be till she asked him that. Might as well just get it over with, the Hilton was pretty near anyway. He kept his eyes fixed on the road as he started to speak.

"My daughter…her name's Ellie and she's 2" He mumbled glancing across the road but withdrawing his gaze as he spotted another billboard bearing Marissa's smiling face. Marissa swallowed hard and stared back out the window…why was she feeling like this? Ryan wasn't hers anymore, she was with Jake and things were over between them…then why was she feeling…Jealous?

"Who's her mom?" She ventured curiously regretting the question as soon as it echoed out of her mouth. She cringed and glanced across at Ryan who was staring determinedly at the road and was gripping the steering wheel tightly. Why was she asking him this? Why did she have to bring it up now? Awkward or what? That word just seemed to describe his whole day…he sighed

"Emma, she doesn't live with us…she left when Ellie was one." He said blankly his voice void of any emotion. Silence hung heavy in the atmosphere as Marissa stared down at her hands not having a clue about what to say to him. Silence seemed like the best option right now so she simply stared out of the window. She couldn't believe how different his life was to hers…why had this Emma girl left? Were they married? There was so much she didn't know about him, before 'that night' she had known almost everything about him, things that no one…not even Seth knew. The uncomfortable silence was broken by Ryan's cell ringing loudly, he put it on hands free seeing that it was Seth.

"Hello?"

"Hey man, um I think you should get here. I think Ellie's sick, she's got a fever and Sum's really worried." Seth babbled quickly. Ryan felt his heart beat quicken and he glanced across at Marissa then at his watch. She smiled weakly at him

"We have time." She said, Ryan half smiled

"I'll be right there…"

So...Marissa goes back to Ryan's house, sparks will fly! Review and I will post the next part!