Well, this chappy is out a day later than I wanted, but little sister is FINALLY back from the hospital. She's still kinda fragile though...Oh, and in the summary it says ZADF (Zim and Dib Friendship), it's not really gonna be a friendship, it's gonna be a mutual agreement on certain things.
Yay! People reviewed! The teachers at my skool are EVIL. The damn chalk HURTS sometimes! Especially the sharp pieces! The best memory of my one teacher is:
Me: (helping friend) Here, do it like this-
Teacher: SHUT UP :throws sharp chalk:
Me: X.x :in pain:
Oh, and to CrazyMonkeyFox, you win (voice changes to deep male) Adhesive Medical Strips! (Voice back to normal) Riku is indeed from Kingdom Hearts.
Okey-dokey, onto the chapter!
Warnings: Sexual stuff, a baby making video, Zim and Dib agreeing on something, and Zim meets the porn world!
DISCLAIMER: I do not own in any way, shape, or form Invader Zim. I only own a new trenchcoat, that's black and warm and comfy and soft...(you get the idea.)
"Talking" Thinking 0000000000 scene changes
Chapter 3: Health Class
As Skool closed for the extraordinarily long day it had been, Lex could be seen walking up to Gaz. The girl was currently ignoring the world, preferring the comfort only video games (and Riku) could provide. But, no matter how hard anybody tries, it's almost impossible to overlook a rather good-looking person of the opposite gender when they are standing right next to you. However, Gaz was a master of paying no attention to others even if they are the new kid, but she decided that she should extend the hand of kindness to Lex. He did help her up after she fell in the bathroom, and that was enough for her to at least say "Thanks" to him. Gaz sighed, reached a save point, and shut off the game. Lex grinned.
"Hey, Gaz, right?" he started.
"Yes," she answered in a monotone.
"Cool name. Very original." Inwardly, Lex cringed at this, he hated being nice, but this girl was worth the hard tries. Think about the great lay you're gonna have, he told himself.
"Oh. T-thank you." That's weird, she thought, usually people tease me about my name. "What is it you...needed?"
You tied to a bed, naked and squirming under my grasp. "Uh, I was just wondering if, uh, I could maybe walk you home." Pleaseworkpleaseworkpleasework...
"Um. Okay, I guess." This was so new to Gaz.
Score! Was Lex's thoughts. Now I'll know where she lives! Taking her hand in his, he marched proudly to the crosswalks.
A lot like how Zim walks...Ahh! No Zim relations! Gaz pinked just slightly at her mind's musings, but quickly brushed it off and attempted to burry the incriminating evidence of her head's rebellious ideas. It was to no avail, as the purple haired teen couldn't help but enjoy random fantasies of a certain green-skinned alien and herself...
Shaking her head rapidly, she returned her attention to directing Lex to her house.
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Zim watched the teens go with squinted eyes. Damn you, Lex, was somewhat his brain process at the time. The alien barely even registered Dib walking up to stand next to him, also glaring at Lex.
"I don't trust him," Dib said bluntly. "He gives off baaad waves of energy. His eyes are crazy, his hair is terrible, and he seems...fake."
"While I also think that you are crazy, Zim agrees. I heard him mutter something about making her his girlfriend...something that has to do with human affections, correct?" Zim queried.
Dib, after throwing Zim a nasty look for calling him crazy, nodded his head slowly. "Yeah... a girlfriend is a girl who you feel strong emotions to... and you go out on dates with them, have dinner, a movie, make out a little... and in some cases, you...have..." Dib trailed off, realizing something. "Oh my god... I think I just figured out Lex's motive."
"What is it? TELL ZIM!"
"He wants...oh god...he wants to sleep with her!" Dib was sweating.
The alien, however, had an expression of utter confusion on his green face. "I do not understand.. What is so bad about 'sleeping' with another person?"
"He wants to get laid!" Zim was still confused. "Okay, he wants to be intimate with her!" Still no change in Zim's facial expression. "HE WANTS TO HAVE SEX WITH HER!" Dib screamed, drawing the attention of surrounding people.
"Ohhh...I, um, see. He wants to have-" Zim lowered his voice, "a relationship?"
Dib sighed. "Well, a relationship involving under-aged sex, yes. He's only what, like 17? And Gaz is 15! That's far too young in our society to be conducting a relationship of that level. Hey, at what age do your species reproduce?"
Zim winced. "I do not know. I came from a test tube, as are most of the other Invaders. I'm not sure if they have any sort of sexual reproduction on my planet. But I do know that we have all of the necessary components required to create a-"
"Ack! More information than needed, Zim." His face turned solemn. "But...I'm concerned...Gaz may be a strong girl, but she needs support..."
"And a spying older brother, keeping watch over her to make sure she doesn't do anything stupid?" Zim added, smirking a bit.
"Yeah...Yeah, that's it! I have plenty of SpyGear somewhere. I can dig that out and it will be assured that Lex makes no moves on Gaz." Dib smiled, encouraged by the prospect of being able to protect his baby sister. It was usually her saving him, from Zim nonetheless. Now the tables were really turning: Dib was watching over Gaz, Zim wasn't the negative force here, and he an Zim were actually having a civil conversation! The oldest Membrane chuckled inwardly at the irony. It seemed that some things could really change...
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Later in the evening, Zim was sipping at one of his Irken sodas when his head suddenly throbbed angrily. "Augh!" he screeched painfully, dropping his drink on the floor in the process of twitching. "What the hell-?"
Holding his head in his hand while unsteadily making his way to the kitchen, Zim searched for an Advil pill. He hadn't, at first, thought that they would be effective relief for headaches in his case, but it turned out that they doubled the effect, and his migraines had been a thing of the past.
"Gir!" He yelled for the SIR unit.
"Yes, milord!" Gir flashed red.
"Find an Advil for me, then contact the Almighty Tallests," Zim commanded. Gir, still in duty mode, 'hopped to it,' as the humans put it. Zim groaned and walked haphazardly to the sink, which he had plumbed so that it would only give out Irken liquids. Turning on the faucet, he got a glass of his equivalent to water. The alien panted at the effort, not used to a headache of this level. It feels as if something is attempting to crack open my skull...
Gir appeared next to him, holding out a small, blue pill. "Here is the medication you requested, master!" He saluted and ran to the screen to open a line with Purple and Red.
Zim placed the pill in his mouth, swallowing it along with a generous gulp of the liquid. What in the seven hells was that all about? He wondered, already feeling the relief the Advil provided.
"Yes? What is it?" Zim made a squeaking noise and turned around to face the current Tallests. Red was looking at the screen in an irritant way, because Zim had woken them. "Zim? Are you there?"
"I-I am here, my Tallests. I have multiple things to report, some of them pressing issues. One is that the race here is slowly but surely becoming influenced by my decisions." Purple and Red dismissed that immediately, because this was the fifth-hundred or so time he'd said that. "Also, I have been chosen."
That sure as hell got their attention. "What?" they both yelled at the same time. "Repeat that!"
"I have been chosen. I will become a Tallest. Be prepared, for soon my reign will begin, and the earthlings shall become my personal slaves! HAHAHAHA!" Zim ended, not aware of the horrified stares he was getting from his leaders.
"Oh, no," Red whispered to Purple, "This is very bad. Very bad indeed."
Purple, even though he was rather thick, agreed. "Yes, but I have an idea. Just follow the story." He turned to the screen, where Zim could still be seen laughing evilly. "Zim?" he said.
"Yes, Tallest Purple?" Zim said smugly.
"You know the rules, right? That you can only be an Almighty Tallest after the current ones have died?" Red caught on to Purple's plan, and nodded vigorously.
"No." Zim frowned. "No, Zim did not know this. I shall wait, then. However, I have some questions. Are there side effects to this?"
"Yes," Purple answered without thinking.
Red stomped on his foot, and added, "But they should only include headaches. Nothing more. Tallests out." he signaled for the technicians to cut the transmission.
After the screen went black, Purple turned to Red. "Wasn't it kinda mean to not tell him? I mean, he IS gonna be a Tallest after all..."
Red chuckled. "No. He will die first, so that the empire doesn't have to put up with him. Telling him that his sexual drive's gonna increase will only result in an embarrassing talk about sex. And I have NO desire to be in that discussion."
"Oh..." Purple said. Secretly, he still thought it was rather mean.
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That night, at about 10:00 pm, Zim was still awake. He didn't know why though. I feel...hot, he decided, but not a bad kind of hot. It feels nice. "Computer!"
"Yes, master?" it answered.
"Computer, analyze my condition."
The room beeped for a second or two, then said, "You are having sexual urges."
"Is there any way to, um, relieve these urges?"
The computer beeped for a second time, then replied, "Human males watch erotic pictures of human females."
"Erotic? What does that mean?"
"Tending to arouse sexual desire. Dominated by sexual love or desire. Is that of any help?"
"Somewhat, it basically means to see films of FILTHY human females naked, yes?"
"Affirmative."
Zim pondered this for a moment. One side of his brain was begging to not see such terrible things, while the other, louder part was demanding porn. The alien succumbed to the dominating, lust-crazed side. "Very well, where may I find these pictures?"
"The internet is the prime resource where erotic items can be found."
"Connect to the internet, then."
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The following day, Zim walked into class slumped over and had bags under his eyes. For some reason that Dib couldn't figure out, he felt like leaving the alien alone for the day. Maybe it was the fact that Zim hated Lex just as much as he did, or perhaps it was because Zim hadn't been bent on world domination for a while, but Dib was in a forgiving mood. He even restrained from poking, prodding, and barbing Zim with threats.
Zim glanced around the class tiredly. He'd been up till the wee hours of morning on porno sites, and was exhausted. Suddenly, he remembered what today's topic was about, and grinned. The heat had gone away eventually, and he'd been able to sleep. However, when the green teen had woken in the morning the warmth had come back forcefully. Hopefully the upcoming video would provide some relief to his current situation.
"Okay class, this health thing is a skool-wide assembly, so gather up your stuff and move to the auditorium," their sadistic, chalk-throwing teacher instructed. Zim, Dib, and Lex happened to all be in the same class, and while they were walking down the hallway Lex pulled up to walk beside Dib. Zim followed behind a few feet.
"So, Dib," Lex began, "your sister...is she single?"
Dib shifted uncomfortably, because if he said she was then he risked Gaz losing her innocence. If he said she was taken, then he ran a higher risk of Gaz throttling him and dooming him to an eternal world of pain. "Um, you know, I don't actually take an active interest in my sister's love life."
"She's my girlfriend," Zim said, stepping up beside Lex and glaring at him. Dib choked on his spit, his eyes widening. What the hell is Zim DOING?
"Oh, congratulations," Lex said in a false voice, while actually frowning and cursing inside.
'Sit next to me,' Zim mouthed at Dib behind Lex's back. Mutely, Dib nodded, spotting Gaz.
"Gaz! Over here!" he called to her, wanting to keep her in his sight. She glanced around, momentarily confused as to who was trying to get her attention, but realized it was Dib and pushed her way towards him.
Lex speedwalked in another diection, to where he could observe them without them noticing.
"What, Dib?" Gaz questioned in a monotone. "Your voice is stupid."
"Um, Zim wanted to know if you would sit next to him at the assembly!" Dib said quickly.
Gaz raised an eyebrow while Zim threw a nasty look at Dib. "Oookkkaayy..."
Zim twitched violently, and felt a piece of chalk hit his head. "Get into the auditorium!" the evil teacher roared, pelting Dib and Zim with chalk. The teacher carefully avoided Gaz, because she was the kid that had doomed a teacher last year.
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Once everyone was situated in the assembly hall, the principal stood up to announce some stuff. "Right, you're here as punishment - I mean, to learn about the development of the human body and sex. And related things. Just role the damn film!" he stepped off the stage, and the 3...2...1...thing played.
Dib turned to Zim. They were seated like the following: Dib had the outside seat, Zim had the next one in, and Gaz was next to Zim. "Okay, space boy, spill. Why did you claim that Gaz was your girlfriend?"
Zim shrugged. "You needed assistance. I provided it. Was that a problem?" he was smug looking, Dib decided, too smug.
"Yeah, a slight problem. Now Lex is gonna try to seduce my sister, because he thinks that she likes you! Plus, you'll have to spend lots of time with her now, and convince her to actually become your girlfriend!"
Dib thought that might knock Zim down a few pegs, but the alien just smirked and said, "I like challenges." Zim turned to Gaz, who was alternating playing her GS4 and watching the rather disgusting video. Zim could hear what sounded like screams of pain in the background, but ignored it. "Gaz."
"Mmm...yes?" Right now she was playing her video game. "What do you want?"
"Um...I was wondering... if you would maybe...go on a date with me? To Bloaty's?"
Gaz was startled enough to pause her game and look at Zim. "What?"
"Will you go on a date with me to Bloaty's Pizza Hog?" Zim hoped that this was a good idea.
Gaz blinked, that was what she thought she heard. "Um. Sure."
Zim was pleased. "This Saturday at 6:30 okay?"
"Yeah, that's fine," Gaz replied, going back to her game.
Zim turned haughtily back to Dib, who was sitting with a shocked expression. "How was that?" the green kid asked.
"But... she's a human!"
"Yes, but a very attractive one at that," Zim said.
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In the row above them, Lex sat glowering. A slutty girl plastered herself to him, but he was paying her no attention as he pondered what he'd just heard. So, they aren't actually boyfriend and girlfriend...and Dib seems to have a problem with me, as does green boy. He didn't really care, but it pissed him off that they had lied to him. This means plan B must be put into action...
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Hmmm... just what is plan B? Why did Gaz agree to the date? All these questions and more will be answered in the next chapter of Gaz Warz...!
...That sounded horribly corny. Oh well.
Please review. It quite simple, all you must do is press that bluish purple button at the bottom of the page and type something. Thanks for all comments.
Next update: ...whenever I get around to it. Eventually.
-Spazzyfries