They sat in silence. He absorbed everything she said and found his chest becoming heavy once more. He knew he had run her around in circles the last two years. As if kissing her last year and then asking her to forget it wasn't enough, he had to go and date her sister. But how could he open up to her the way she just had? He wasn't sure if he knew how he felt, let alone tell her. And the consequences—he just kept thinking about what potential chaos would ensue if he let her in.
She watched him get up off the floor and walk towards the window, feeling her heart drop. She had just poured her heart out and he couldn't come up with one thing to say in return? She felt tears forming, despite her best attempts to keep them down. She looked down and strummed a few chords on her guitar, not wanting him to notice.
He looked out the window at the falling snow. "Jude, I know what I put you through this past year. You have to know that I never meant to hurt you."
"I know," she murmured.
"I am really confused about everything right now, but the one thing I know for sure is that I hate myself for upsetting you. You don't deserve it."
She nodded and shifted on the ground to face him. He looked down at her and felt his heart break when he saw the tears in her eyes.
"Jude," he started, moving her guitar and grabbing her hands to pull her up to her feet. "You've become my closest friend. I really care about you."
"But…" she said, sensing his next words.
He sighed. "Yes, that kiss was amazing and I did feel something. But I can't explain it. Even if I knew, it's just not that easy to tell you. It might mean crossing a line that I'm not sure would be right to cross."
"So…you'd rather lie about any feelings you have?"
"I didn't say that."
"Well, you're not saying much! You're suggesting we just deny everything until you're ready to talk. Or until I turn 18…" she said, turning away.
"That's not it!"
"Whatever," she said, exasperated, walking towards the bed. "Look, I get it. I get that you're confused. I get that I'm only 17. I get that we're supposed to have this producer-artist relationship, that nobody would understand, they would only make it harder, and that it would be this huge risk that could end in complete disaster. I get all of that," she said, walking back towards him. "But what I also get is that I can't pretend to be something I'm not. I get that I've spent the last year running away from something that only came back stronger. And I get why you want to put this off, but I can't do that. I'm tired of denying who I am and how I feel."
He looked into her eyes, feeling completely taken aback by her maturity and profound words.
"I…I don't know what to say…"
"So don't say anything," she whispered, sensing himbecome tenseas she stepped in closer.
He felt his heart beat faster and his breathing become constricted as she closed in on the space between them. He tried as hard as he could to not feel nervous, but he couldn't help it—she had this impact on him unlike anyone else. He looked at the way her hair fell across her face, the way her eyelashes fluttered when she blinked. He felt like he was being pulled in to her, mentally trying to fight himself out of it but not being strong enough to look away.
She looked deeply into his eyes and knew he was battling internally. She broke eye contact for a moment to look down and take his hand in hers. She slid her fingers in between his and felt him return the exchange, tightening his hold. He looked at their hands interwoven, feeling touched by her subtle gesture. He took her hand and brought it closer to him, next to his heart. She could feel it beating rapidly and smiled. He then brought her hand up to his mouth and lightly kissed her fingers. She felt her heart race watching him.
They locked eyes and he took his other hand and gently brushed her cheek. She felt as though she was going to melt, right there in the middle of her room. He held her face in his hand and brought it closer to him as he leaned in. She closed her eyes, feeling her knees weaken as their lips touched. She wrapped her hands around his back and held him tightly so she wouldn't collapse. He returned the motion and held her waist. He felt the same rush of energy he had earlier when they kissed and immediately enveloped her mouth with kisses. She felt his lips take hold of hers, fully giving in to the moment. He kissed her passionately, releasing all of his emotions and things he wanted to say but couldn't.
They stood by the window, virtually in an embrace, getting lost in each other's kiss. He started to take a few steps forward towards the bed as she followed his direction. Feeling the edge of the bed against the back of her knees, she instinctively sat down with him not once taking his lips off of hers. She leaned back and held onto him as she felt him climb on the bed. He kissed her intensely, not wanting to release her from his arms. He ran his hands through her hair as she felt his heart beat against her chest.
She caught her breath as his lips momentarily broke from hers to start kissing her neck. She slowly opened her eyes, not knowing if what was happening was real, and watched him holding her and kissing the side of her neck. He came back up to her lips and noticed that her eyes were open. He looked into her eyes, which were warm but contemplative.
He lightly kissed her lips and whispered softly, "You okay?"
She gazed into his eyes and nodded. She didn't know if she could verbalize what she was thinking but she wanted to try. "It's just…I'm not ready…"
He watched her fumble for words and grinned in understanding. "It's okay," he said, touching her cheek. "There's no rush. I don't know if I'm even ready yet," he said, smiling at her and remembering that she was only 17. "We'll just take our time, okay?"
She smiled faintly at him and nodded, feeling relieved. He waited a moment to make sure she was content and then leaned back down lightly kissing her. She closed her eyes again and let herself fall back into her surreal world full of ponies, chocolate, and Tommy's soft kisses.
Hope you enjoyed :) Happy Holidays everyone!