A/N Thanks for the brilliant reviews, your comments were great! Especially Kari and EVCLGSB Thanks guys! I really hope you like this part, a lot of drama and angst of course! After all it is my favourite thing to write! So Julie Cooper is coming to New York and sparks will fly…I hope you enjoy it and please review and tell me what you think! Thanks guys!
Marissa rolled over in bed her covers tangled around her as her eyes fluttered open slowly. Beams of golden sunlight streamed through the gap in the curtains, bathing the room in light. Marissa squinted slightly, shielding her eyes from the glare and rolled over staring up at the ceiling with a sigh. She still wasn't quite used to waking up in Ryan's house. She gazed up at the unfamiliar ceiling and sat up slowly, untangling herself from the bedcovers she swung her long tanned legs out of bed and rubbed the tiredness from her eyes with the heels of her hands. She gently slid off the large double bed and shuffled over to the mirror checking her rather dishevelled appearance before shuffling over to the en-suite bathroom and turning on the shower. As she pulled off her thin silk slip Goosebumps prickled across her smooth skin as she shivered slightly. Why had she bought a slip with her? She was always cold in Summer in Newport let alone Winter in New York. Oh yeah, because half of her stuff had gotten soaked and the other half she had dumped in her storage vault. She watched steam billow from the shower and smiled before getting in. The warm water beat down upon her bare skin and she sighed, her thoughts turning to Ryan as they so often did now she was living with him. She loved being close to him again, fair enough they were only friends but just being able to talk to him again, to be around him made her so happy. Those years when they were apart she had felt so alone, even if she was surrounded by friends she would still long for those long meaningless talks she shared with Ryan late at night. She let the last of the water run down her back before turning off the shower and carefully stepping out and reaching for a towel.
She wasn't going to blow this opportunity this time, she had another chance to be close to Ryan and she wasn't going to screw it up. She knew how she felt about him but at the same time she had no idea. She knew she loved him, she always would but whether she was actually in love with him she couldn't tell. When he had held her and comforted her last night she had felt that old feeling ignite inside of her and now she couldn't stop thinking about him. She wanted to be with him, to be able to held in his arms and kiss him and tell him how much she loved him. But she couldn't…he didn't feel the same and they were 'friends' now anyway. She sighed again for what felt like the fifth time in only a few seconds before drying herself off and getting dressed quickly. She pulled a baby blue halter top over her head and tied the ends before running a brush quickly through her shining golden blonde hair and smiling as she left the room in a good mood. Things were finally starting to work out, Kirsten was okay with her, she was friends with Ryan again…even though she wasn't sure they had ever been friends…and she was happy for what felt like the first time in years. She bounced down the stairs happily when she heard a familiar noise that made her heart skip and her stomach dropped slightly. She could hear muffled yells from outside, clicks of cameras, people shouting her name…paparazzi. She broke into a slight jog and peered through the blinds to the driveway and was shocked by the flash of a camera and sudden yelling and a surge of reporters pressing closer to the window. She drew back sharply shutting the blinds and stumbling back a few steps her heart hammering in her ears. Shoot, she thought desperately. They had followed her here, maybe the cab driver had tipped them off?
She had to talk to Ryan, as if he didn't know already. She followed the sounds of voices to the kitchen were she found Ryan, Seth and Sandy talking in the kitchen. They looked up as she entered and Ryan silently offered her coffee. She nodded weakly.
"Ryan I don't know what happened but…someone must have told them and now…now they're all outside." She said desperately, fighting back tears of frustration. Great, now she was bringing all the crp from her world into his. This wasn't fair! Why couldn't they just leave her alone? Why were they so interested in Ryan anyway. Ryan looked up, he looked tired as he handed her a cup of coffee and sighed.
"I think I know why." He said quietly before reaching behind him and pulling out a paper and handing it to Marissa as Seth and Sandy excused themselves and went into the living room silently. Marissa took the paper with shaking hands and felt tears burn in her eyes as she read the headline and her eyes travelled down to the picture below. How? Was all that went through her mind. She looked up at Ryan with tear filled eyes and he sighed deeply before setting his coffee cup down.
"I…I'm so sorry, I've dragged you into this mess I call a life and…I'm sorry." She whispered shakily tears welling in her eyes as she suddenly remembered Jake. There was no way he wouldn't hear about this and he would be so angry…it'd be over. Ryan drew closer and she could feel his presence next to her as she looked down at her feet tearfully.
"Hey…it's okay, at least my company will get some extra advertising huh? It's not your fault." He said softly, tilting her face up to face his so she was looking into his kind, deep blue eyes. She felt her heart falter slightly and she smiled weakly.
"But Jake…he'll…he'll be so angry and…" She stammered dissolving into tears again, he was jealous enough as it is with her even talking to another man but this? This would send him over the edge. Ryan shushed her softly. He felt a stab of sympathy for her, he was so glad he didn't have to deal with the paparazzi. As much as it pained him he had to do the right thing. As much as it hurt to think of her with him he knew that she loved him and she wanted to be with this Jake guy. It wasn't his place to ruin things even if he wished he was in Jake's place.
"Look, give him a call. Explain to him what really happened and if he doesn't believe you then…he's an A$5." He said smiling slightly. Marissa laughed weakly and wiped her eyes and gave Ryan a nod.
"Thanks." She whispered feeling stupid for crying in front of him. She gave him a watery smile and he smiled back.
"You can use the house phone, it'll cost a bomb to use your cell." He said watching her sadly as she walked towards the phone and back to Jake. 'Forget it Ryan, she loves him not you. Things are too messed up between you two, there's too much history. Forget it'. He told himself as he watched her pick up the phone and shoot him a quick smile before dialling the number quickly.
Marissa smiled at him her heart hammering, 'see if he wanted you he wouldn't be giving you such good advice over Jake. He doesn't want you, it's over. You caused too much trouble for him to want you back again.' She told herself as the phone rang a few more times before Jake's familiar voice filled her ear.
"Hello?" He asked tiredly. Marissa swallowed nervously and breathed deeply.
"Hey Jake it's Marissa…I uh don't know if you've seen the papers but I need to explain something to you." She said nervously as there was silence across the line for a few seconds then a sigh.
"Yes I have seen the papers and it looks like you need some explaining. I'm gone a week and you run off with our architect!" He said angrily sitting up in bed. Marissa fought back tears and steadied herself.
"It's not what it looks like, you know as well as I do how the press twist things. Look this is what happened okay? The pipes burst in our apartment and the damage is going to take 2 months to fix. I had nowhere to go, April and Hannah are in London and you know how I feel about hotels and two months in a hotel is ridiculous anyway. I had nowhere to go and Ryan offered to let me stay at his. I was a bit upset over the apartment and he just gave me a hug okay? A normal friendly hug because I was upset and I needed someone and YOU are in Paris." She said pacing the hall as Jake fell silent and she waited for his answer. He sighed again and rubbed his eyes.
"Okay I believe you but why didn't you tell me?" He asked. Marissa ran a hand through her hair.
"Because I didn't want to worry you okay? I have to go, things are bit out of control with the paparazzi and I need to talk to my manager. I love you." She whispered glancing over at Ryan who was washing up his coffee cup.
"I love you too sweetie." He said before hanging up and lying back down in bed. He felt a soft hand creep across his chest and a soft voice whispered in his ear.
"What did she want?" The woman asked softly as she pulled the covers over her bare tanned body. Jake grinned and leant in.
"Nothing really, now where were we?...I think I remember." He said leaning in and kissing her softly.
Julie stepped out of the cab and looked up at the large beautiful house in front of her and frowned, okay so he had done quite well for himself but that still didn't change things. She passed the swarms of paparazzi that had now been locked outside the gate by security and police and smiled as they shouted at her and yelled. She drew nearer Ryan's house. She couldn't believe Marissa was living with him! God that girl was so stupid sometimes, jeopardising things with Jake for Ryan Atwood. What was she thinking? She had been so thrilled when she discovered Marissa was dating Jake Hayes, he was exactly the type of man Julie had hoped she would end up with. Rich, famous, good looking and successful. Someone who would boost Marissa's career even more. But now she was living with Ryan and there were pictures of them in all the papers and rumours flying everywhere. This was a disaster and only one Julie Cooper could resolve. She had to knock some sense into her daughter and she didn't care what it took, after all she had pulled out all the stops last time and she was willing to do it again. As she marched up the vast driveway she eyed the expensive cars in the driveways and looked the beautiful house up and down and scowled. She came to the large mahogany doors and rang the bell twice and stood on the doorstep impatiently. She had footsteps drawing closer and ran over her speech in her head. The door opened slowly and Ryan stood in the doorway a dishcloth thrown over his left shoulder and gripping the door with other. Julie faked a wide smile whilst Ryan just stared back.
"Um…Mrs Cooper? Do you want to talk to Marissa?" He asked as Julie stood there smiling. She looked him up and down.
"Yes thanks Ryan, you're looking well." She said her voice sickly sweet. Ryan just stared back in bewilderment. How did she know Marissa was staying here? Maybe she had seen the paper? Julie Cooper coming never meant good news.
"Um…thanks. You too? I'll um get Marissa." He said nervously walking into the house.
"Come in." He said finding she already had and was looking around. He yelled up the stairs whilst Julie looked around. Wow she thought, this place was nice. Still, he may have a nice house but he was still an ex-con and was nowhere near good enough for her daughter. Marissa hurried down the stairs to find Ryan standing at the bottom looking slightly confused. Then she spotted her mother standing slightly to the left of Ryan looking around waiting impatiently.
"Mom?" She asked uncertainly. Julie turned around and applied another large fake smile.
"Marissa honey! How are you sweetie?" She asked brightly, again in that sickly sweet tone. Marissa looked across at Ryan who shrugged smiling slightly. He slipped out of the room to join Sandy, Kirsten, Seth and Summer who were playing scrabble.
"Seth, cupboardy is not a word!" Sandy said loudly grinning slightly. Seth opened his mouth in indignation.
"It is!" He protested. Kirsten stopped laughing and turned to Seth.
"Okay then Seth, what does it mean? Put it in context." She challenged. Seth grinned and thought slightly as Summer suppressed a grin.
"Fine, it means cupboard like…That box seems very cupboardy." He said triumphantly. Sandy laughed and spotted Ryan in the doorway.
"Hey son, who was at the door?" He asked as Seth and Kirsten turned to face him.
"Um…Julie Cooper." He said as Kirsten looked at him in surprise, Seth opened his mouth.
"Really? We better get the crucifixes and holy water ready." Seth said warily looking around him. Ryan and Sandy grinned whilst Kirsten fought back a smile and tried to throw a scolding look but failed miserably.
Marissa looked her mom up and down, she knew why she was here. She had read the papers and was coming for a rant about her and Jake. She might as well get it over with. Julie surveyed her daughter and took a deep breath.
"We both know why I'm here Marissa. I just don't see how you could be so stupid? You have something wonderful with Jake and you're willing to give it up for HIM?" She said with disgust. Marissa flinched slightly at her tone.
"Don't talk about Ryan like he's a piece of dirt, he's the one who let me stay here when I had nowhere else to go!" Marissa said angrily trying to keep her voice down knowing full well that Ryan was in the next room. Julie rolled her eyes.
"Look Marissa, you're relationship with Jake has too much potential to be squandered over some silly misunderstanding in the papers." Julie said her tone softened. Now it was Marissa's turn to roll her eyes.
"Funny, I seem to remember you saying that about Luke and look where that ended up!" Marissa said lightly throwing her mom a dirty look. Julie stiffened slightly and glared coldly at her daughter. She wasn't going to let her ruin things…
"Marissa, I'm serious. Being with Jake is the best thing for you, staying here with Ryan Atwood will only bring you down." She said looking Marissa straight in the eyes. Marissa looked at her in disbelief, how could Ryan bring her down? It was more like the other way around and how could she just stand there insulting him behind his back in his own home! Her mother hadn't changed a bit. She glared at her whilst Julie's fake smile faded.
"You don't know what's best for me!" Marissa retorted trying to get the conversation away from Ryan because just hearing his name made her heart beat faster. Julie scowled and sighed.
"I know a whole lot more than you do! Since you and Ryan broke up look how much better your life is! You're rich, famous and successful and have a wonderful boyfriend." She said listing them off on her fingers. Marissa shook her head and laughed.
"Yeah because I'm SO happy. I was so much happier when I was with Ryan and I would give anything to go back to then!" She said her voice shaking slightly. Julie just sighed and shook her head patronisingly.
"You might think that Marissa but it isn't true. I'm not going to let you screw things up after all I sacrificed and all I did to get you away from HIM and into the life you have now!" She said angrily her voice rising slightly. Marissa stopped, staring at her mother confused…get you away from him? What did she mean? What…what was she talking about?
Julie stopped still her heart hammering…oh god, she had said too much. The truth was coming out…She watched as Marissa's expression changed from anger to confusion and disbelief. Her heart hammered faster and faster as she stared at her mother.
"W…what are you talking about? What do you mean?" She stammered not taking her eyes off her mom's guilty expression. Julie remained silent staring down at her shoes uncertain of whether to tell her or not…
"What do you mean!" She demanded. Julie remained silent once more and Marissa grew angry again her blood rushing in her ears and her heart pounding.
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN?" She yelled her hands shaking as Julie slowly looked up into her shining blue eyes.
"Didn't you ever wonder how you got so drunk that night when you weren't even drinking? Didn't you ever wonder why you never remembered getting into bed with that guy? Never remembered actually doing anything with him? Only waking up? Why I called Ryan to come and pick you up when you weren't going anywhere?" She asked softly her voice steady as she stared straight into her daughter's wide desperate eyes as they overflowed with tears.
Ryan stood rooted to the spot unable to move as Julie's words ran around his head…she couldn't mean…but why would she? This was so messed up. She couldn't mean what he thought she meant could he? No…that was ridiculous…that would mean.
He couldn't even process it. Why would she though…?
Marissa was numb. She stared up at her mom in horror her whole body trembling with suppressed rage and anguish. This wasn't happening, this wasn't happening. She repeated to herself. Julie smiled slightly.
" You didn't sleep with anyone honey…I just made you think that you did. See that's all it took to split up that so called relationship with that ex-con toe rag." She said as Marissa just stared at her in disbelief. She couldn't believe it…she…her own mother…she couldn't…
Kirsten looked across at Sandy's dumbfounded expression then back to Ryan who was standing staring down at his shoes looking blank and disbelieving.
"Ryan sweetie?" She whispered softly, but she got nothing back. Ryan just stood there blankly.
Marissa stood staring up at her mother with a mix of horror and disbelief, her eyes were wide with anguish as tears flowed freely down her face. Her whole frail frame trembled as she stared into Julie's cold and remorseless eyes. Her heart was hammering hard against her chest and the rushing in her ears was deafening. She couldn't even process what was going on, her mother had…she had…she had set the whole thing up? She had ruined her life and destroyed her last hope of happiness and she wasn't even acting like she was sorry! She felt numb, how could this have happened? She opened her mouth and found that no sound came out so she swallowed hard and blinked back her tears.
"Why?" She whispered shakily as a thousand thoughts rushed through her head, her mind buzzing. She hadn't really slept with anyone? So her and Ryan had been through hell and back for nothing! Julie sighed and looked down at her leather cowboy boots before facing her daughter with a steely glare. She could see she was practically destroying her right there and then but it was for her own good.
"I wasn't going to have you marry him. He's not good enough for you and he was only going to bring you down. I would not have my daughter marry some trailer trash boy from Chino. When you were dating I thought it was just a faze and soon enough you'd realise he wasn't good enough but no…you were still living in some fantasy land where you thought he would actually stick by you and support you. I had to do something because you were too infatuated to see the truth." She said calmly not flinching as Marissa let out a strangled sob, her hands shaking with fury and distress. She couldn't believe she was just standing there and coming out with this like she had done nothing wrong, she had ruined her life and she didn't even care. All those years she had spent crying and wishing she could go back, all the guilt over something that wasn't even her fault! All the pain and hurt Ryan had suffered thinking she had betrayed him all because of Julie. Marissa felt white hot anger bubble deep in the pit of her stomach and something seemed to snap. Her hand swung out through the air and collided with the side of Julie's face with a sickening slap. Julie stumbled backwards a few steps clutching at the area on her face where Marissa had hit her. Her mouth was open and she looked furious. Marissa edged towards her shaking with fury as tears slid down her cheeks.
"How could you? You ruined my life! Ryan meant everything to me and you just destroyed my whole life and my last chance at happiness! I hate you" She yelled her voice rising and shaking with anger as tears burned in her blazing blue eyes. Julie shook her head.
"Face it Marissa, if it wasn't for me you wouldn't be where you are now. You'd be a nobody living in the numbered streets with a bunch of kids and you'd be miserable" She said her composure slipping as she grew angry. Marissa shoved Julie hard.
"No, I'd be happy! I would have been happy if it wasn't for YOU!" She yelled shoving her mother again who shoved back angrily.
Ryan swallowed hard realising he had to do something before they ripped each other apart. He still couldn't process what had happened. All those years he had been thinking this whole ting was Marissa's fault, blaming her it hadn't been her at all. She hadn't even done anything. He could feel the Cohen's concerned gazes burning into his back and he knew he had to get out of there before they started asking him if he was okay…because he wasn't. He could be happily married with Marissa and living a perfect life if it wasn't for…that woman. How could someone do that to their daughter? He walked forward slowly dreading coming face to face with Marissa but he had to stop this. His mind was buzzing and his heart pounding as he stepped out into the hallway his legs feeling like jelly. Marissa was pulling Julie's hair and Julie was yelling at her. Ryan watched Julie was an uncontrollable feeling of hatred rushing through him. He walked steadily forward aware of Kirsten calling him name but he ignored it. He was trying so hard to keep his emotions under control. He just didn't know where to put this…if he thought things had been awkward before what would they be like now? Why was everything so screwed up?
"STOP IT" He yelled surprising himself slightly, Marissa and Julie stopped both still holding each other's hair but looking up at Ryan.
"Julie, I want you out of my house before I call the police." He said warningly, his eyes flashing dangerously. Julie and Marissa let go of each other gingerly and stepped back a few paces. Julie straightened up and regained what composure she had left and tossed her hair back. She smoothed down her clothes and looked up meeting Ryan's cold, intense gaze.
"I'm going, but I just want you to know…it wouldn't have lasted between you two anyway. I was just adding fuel to the flames." She said. Ryan forced down the bubble of anger and hatred that was threatening to burst inside of him and held back Marissa as she lunged at Julie again. Julie left with one departing smirk before leaving, slamming the door hard behind her and causing the windows to rattle in their frames. Ryan let out a sigh his heart still racing and his hands shaking as he turned to face Marissa who was standing alone in the hallway, her breathing ragged and her whole body quivering as tears rolled steadily down her flushed red cheeks. She slowly lifted her gaze so she was looking at Ryan, her vision blurred by the continuous stream of tears. She met his sad blue eyes and they stood there staring at each other for a few moments that felt like a life time. She just knew that she would never be able to see eye to eye with him again, not after all this. Not after all HER mother had done. Would he ever even talk to her after everything that had happened…this was so unbelievable, this couldn't really be happening could it? Oh God why was her whole life a screw up? I mean yeah, at least she hadn't actually slept with anyone but would that really change things now? It had been four years for them both to get used to the fact but would it really change things between them? She looked into his face and sighed deeply her breath shaking. He looked back into her eyes and he knew she wouldn't stay with him now, not after everything he had said to her when she hadn't even done anything. Everything was such a god damned mess. He couldn't wrap his head around it. He had to say something to her before she bolted. Even though if he thought he spoke all his emotions would come tumbling out at once, anger, hurt, pain, guilt all mixed up at once…he couldn't handle this. Why couldn't they have just gone on thinking things were like they were, at least he and Marissa were talking and the awkwardness had gone. Now it would be back full measure.
"Marissa I…are you okay?" He whispered his voice trembling. She met his gaze again, of course she wasn't okay. At least he was talking to her though. She couldn't handle this, she couldn't just stand in front of him and say everything was alright. She had ruined his life…she couldn't do this. Not again.
"No…I'm not. I…I can't be here right now. I…I need to go and clear my head, get some space. I'll…I'll be back later okay?" She stammered tearfully reaching for her jacket and grabbing her keys from the pocket. Ryan nodded, numbly as she walked briskly past him wiping her eyes as more tears fell from her eyes. She left through the front door shutting it gently behind her leaving Ryan alone in the hallway with his buzzing thoughts.
Ryan POV
This is so screwed up, Marissa probably hates me and everyone heard everything. Now everything's going to be totally awkward and I don't think I can handle it. I can't even take in what's happened it's just so, messed up. She never even did anything and I said…I said all those things and I can't just take them back now. God I feel like such an idiot! I shouldn't have let her go out by herself, she's not thinking straight. I know I'm not. Who knows what she'll do? It's Marissa Cooper afterall, I'm such an idiot why did I let her walk out? The past four years have all been a lie basically, I've been blaming her for everything and in the end she didn't even do anything to be blamed for! Where does that leave us? We shouldn't really have ever broken up… I'm just so confused, I know I love her…but I'm not in love with her. Am I? What if we'd never broken up? I'd never have had Ellie…all I do know is that I have to go and find her before she does something stupid.
Ryan looked up, pulled from his thoughts by a timid voice. He spun around and saw Seth standing in the doorway with Sandy, Summer and Kirsten behind him. Great…They were all looking stunned and awkward.
"I…Are you okay man?" He asked quietly. Ryan looked up and thought about the question. Truthfully no, maybe he wouldn't respond with the usual fine he was so used to giving.
"No…look I have to go and find Marissa before she…you know. Can you watch Ellie for me?" He asked looking at Kirsten. She nodded and looked up at Ryan with tears in her eyes.
"I'm sorry Ryan." She whispered. Ryan nodded not really knowing what exactly she was sorry for but he didn't really have time for explanations and questions. He had to find Marissa. He had to apologise…he had to talk to her. He grabbed his keys from the hook of the wall and ran out the door closing it behind him leaving Sandy, Kirsten, Seth and Summer in a stunned silence.
He fired up the engine and reversed the range rover out of the driveway and past the few remaining reporters who had decided to stick around. She couldn't have got too far, she didn't have car. Unless she had caught a cab. Where the hell was he going to start looking for her? New York was a pretty big place. Why had he let her leave? He just hoped she was okay, he couldn't handle it if anything happened to her. It would be his fault, well Julie Cooper's really but still partly his. He just hoped she wasn't doing anything stupid! If he lost her, he wouldn't be able to handle it. He would never see her shining blue eyes again, her beautiful smile, hear her voice or hear her laugh…then it dawned on him. He…he was…He did love her, he was in love with Marissa Cooper. Great…even better. He thought darkly, but he was right. He should have realized all along, the moment he saw her again there had been that familiar feeling deep down inside. He had to find her. He stopped at the traffic lights drumming his fingers against the steering wheel trying to think of where to look first. Where would she go? Come on…think like Marissa. Okay that was difficult seeing as he wasn't a girl.
"Come on think Atwood." He muttered to himself as the lights changed green, he needed to choose a turning. Suddenly the thought of it, he remembered Marissa telling him that sometimes she sat in Central Park by the lake just thinking…maybe she would go there? It was worth a shot. He sighed feeling a little better and turned right heading towards the park at top speed.
Marissa collapsed down on the bench and placed her head in her hands, dusk was settling over the city and the breeze was cold. She shivered slightly and stared out over the rippling water and sighed, tears rolling down her cheeks. She couldn't take this…another screw up adding to the mess that was her life. Things with her and Ryan were definitely over now, her mother had ruined his life for no good reason. It's not fair, she just wanted to be with him but everything just kept getting in her way. Maybe it was a sign. She shivered again and looked up at the cloudy sky, great it was going to rain. Perfect. She couldn't go back to Ryan's now, not yet. She needed time. For what she didn't know, just for her to straighten things out in her head…she just wished Ryan would come take her in his arms and tell her everything was going to be okay. Like that was going to happen, not after today's fiasco. This was it for them…for certain.
A/N So...Drama! Tell me what you thought! You review and I post...deal?Hope you enjoyed that! I wont be posting next week as I'm going on holiday so this will have to do!
Next Time: Ryan finds Marissa and they share a passionate moment...