Boundaries
By Joan Powers
Chapter 2
With her head slumped over leaning against the door of the Trans Rover and her eyes closed, Devon appeared younger and more vulnerable. Her protective barriers afforded by facial expressions and vocal intonations were absent. A softness which she tried to hide from the world was evident. Her shoulder length auburn hair attractively framed her face. Since she was asleep, John took full advantage of the opportunity to study the lines of her chin and cheek bones. Her long lashes. He paused as he took in her full soft lips. He remembered how wonderful those lips had felt against his when he'd kissed her.
Devon's recovery had been a slow ongoing process. While the Terrians had healed her and removed all traces of the poison, her body required time to restore itself. During the first days, she rested in the bed of the Trans Rover as they traveled. In the evenings, Bess and Julia had diligently massaged her limbs to stimulate her circulation. For a while, all of Devon's motions were stiff and painful to her. Her physical strength was being restored, but not at the rate that she would've preferred.
Since Devon had rejoined the group, John had been spending quite a lot of time with her. During the days, he took turns riding in the bed of the Trans Rover with her. Evenings, he usually pitched her tent and helped Uly relay her some food. Later, on many nights, he would drop in to check on her after her physical therapy session with Dr. Heller. Ostensibly it was because he was 'acting' group leader and he needed her feedback. He claimed that he wanted to keep her informed about the group's activities.
However, Devon was so weak that he didn't bother to mention several of their problems. Most of them, he and the others had been able to work out between themselves. John felt fiercely protective of Devon and didn't want undue worries to interfere with her recovery.
During his most recent nightly visit to her tent, he'd been telling her about the scouting reports. Or was it about the condition of the vehicles? Something like that. They were both sitting on her cot and he had her hand loosely covered with his. That was becoming typical during their visits. As he spoke, he gently moved his thumb over the top of her hand.
Suddenly Devon interrupted him, changing the subject. She cleared her throat uncomfortably as she struggled for her words,
"John...I..I've been meaning to thank you for looking after the group and Uly. You've done a wonderful job." She looked downward, her face was slightly flushed as she attempted to acknowledge her gratitude. "You've done so much for me...I don't know how to pay you back."
As she spoke, she tilted her head towards his. Her eyes met his and he'd grinned warmly towards her. In that moment, her defense shields were down, he could see her emotions clearly reflecting in her magical brown eyes. There was genuine gratitude, warmth and...longing? His heart had begun to beat faster as the emotions he himself had only been able to acknowledge for Devon after she had fallen ill, seemed to be mirrored in his beloved's face.
He leaned forward, running the tips of his fingers along the side of her face, from her temple to her cheek. She responded to his touch by turning in towards him to allow his palm to rest against her cheek. Slowly he edged forward and tentatively brushed his lips against hers. The two separated briefly then more confidently returned to meet again. Their lips parted slightly as they began to deepen the kiss. John wrapped his arm about her shoulders to hold her body securely against his. The two began to hungrily explore one another - tasting and touching. The warmth of her body and her growing response to his touch sent a surge of desire coursing through him which was so powerful, it caused him to pull back.
Yet, as he tried to catch his breath he sensed something was wrong. Something had changed - almost instantaneously. Devon's body had become tense - almost rigid. She too was breathing heavily but instead of desire, her eyes had become filled with fear. Her pure terror - like a trapped animal, cooled John's passion. He tried to speak, to make things better but she turned about and softly asked him to leave.
They hadn't spoken about it. And since then she seemed to be avoiding him.
Her reaction had bewildered him. Unable to lie still, he'd spent most of that night pacing about the camp, replaying those events in his mind. He hadn't done anything wrong. Their kiss had felt so right. He'd been longing to touch her, to kiss her for such a long time. Initially she seemed to be enjoying it just as much as he had. Why did she pull away?
He deduced that Devon was willing to accept his help because she had to - she didn't have a choice. But to let someone into her heart, especially a person of his social standing - that was a different story. He'd dealt with prejudice all of his life. Why should he be surprised to encounter it here? Ms. Devon Adair had someone to manage her vehicles, guide her group and even take care of her son. She was a woman who was used to getting what she wanted when she wanted it. She had what she needed from him, she didn't want anything more.
Fueled by his anger, he'd slammed his fist into the side of the Trans Rover. As he gingerly examined his injured hand, he hoped that the throbbing of his wounded knuckles would serve to dull some of his fury. How could he have been such a fool to think that she could love him?
But her eyes. He hadn't imagined the emotions that he saw in them - had he?
It was evident that she had no recollection of their unusual virtual reality encounter. Somehow the combination of Morgan Martin and the Dream Plane had allowed him to speak to Devon while she was in suspended animation. While their visit had been brief, those sentiments, which he thought he had glimpsed within her earlier that evening, had been in her voice and her expression. She'd told him that he meant a lot to her and that she knew she could count on him.
When she'd first collapsed, he'd managed to suppress his emotions, burying them deep inside of himself. He threw himself into his new duties as group leader and surrogate father to Uly. While he didn't allow himself to think about Devon during the daytime, his efforts to completely block her out of his mind were futile. Nightmares of him discovering her dead body haunted him and grew in their intensity each night. When Devon appeared before him while he was in that bizarre VR program, the grief that he'd felt over her absence nearly overwhelmed him. It had forced him to face his feelings for her.
As he finally collapsed on his cot that night, he'd managed to convince himself that Devon didn't care about him. Or at least that she had no interest in developing a more intimate relationship with him. Feeling angry and hurt, he wanted to pull away from her and ignore her.
But he couldn't just turn off his feelings towards her and simply return to life as it was before. Not when he had to deal with her every day, when she was so close. Not when her headstrong nature would inevitably get her into trouble. He couldn't live with himself if anything were to happen to her. No matter how Devon felt about him, he resolved that he would get her to New Pacifica in one piece.
Beads of sweat collected on John's forehead as the Trans Rover drew nearer to the wooded area. While Devon slept beside him, he remembered the first time he saw her. He was performing some routine checks of cargo pod release mechanisms when she passed by, touring the Advance ship with O'Neil. The two of them had been completely absorbed in their discussion so they took no notice of him. Immediately he had been impressed by her beauty. She had a striking figure, with just enough curves in the right places. But the feature which captivated him had been her smile. Her expression was rapt with excitement as she periodically craned her neck to examine the features of the ship.
As attractive as she appeared, the stories he'd heard about her made him wary. She was a powerful woman who was used to doing exactly as she pleased. She had resources beyond his imagination and was even the head of her own company. The authoritative manner in which she'd addressed the entire Eden project while they were gathered together in space dock left an odd taste in his mouth. Yet despite her status, people on the Stations had laughed at her behind her back, considering her crazy for sacrificing her successful career and place in their society only to pursue the Eden project's venture to G889, a desolate uncolonized planet fraught with unknown perils.
Even though he was physically attracted to her, he chose not to even consider acting on those impulses. He didn't need additional complications in his life. Besides, she was the rich boss, he was only head of the Ops crew. What did they have in common, coming from such different backgrounds? He also had his pride, he wasn't the type of man to have casual affairs. Given Devon's brash personality, he instinctively felt as if any involvement with her would only be setting himself up for future trouble and heartache.
His resolve only strengthened after they had crashed landed on G889. His main priorities became keeping his daughter safe and figuring out a way to get them home.
It should have been easy for him to avoid getting involved with Devon. He hadn't planned on falling in love with her. He'd already been in love, with Ellie - the mother of his child. He considered himself fortunate to have known her for the short period of time that they had together. And everyday he was thankful for their child, who made his life worth living.
When had it started? When had he fallen in love with Devon?
During their first days on the planet, he'd resented her. He was angry that his entire life had been so radically changed and he blamed her for their predicament. Her tendency to rush blindly into unknown situations, taking too many risks, made him uncomfortable. She was shouting orders to the group but she didn't always pick the best course of action. So being his usual undiplomatic self, naturally he had to interfere. He smirked, recalling Devon's reaction to some of his blunt comments. When he informed her that her that priorities had changed, that New Pacifica was no longer the main goal, she seemed shocked that some one would actually question her.
Initially he'd continued to give his input to guide the group because he was no fool, he wanted to survive. He had a little girl to protect. G889 frightened him with all its potential dangers.
And while he felt at odds with Devon, his heart ached for her son who seemed so helpless in his immunosuit that he couldn't just stand by. He felt obligated to help transport Uly and rig the ATV for him so he could be mobile. He was a good kid who didn't deserve to feel useless. Likewise, he felt compelled to search for Uly when he disappeared into the Terrian tunnels.
Later when Uly'd fallen ill again, he'd unilaterally made the decision that the group would travel out of their way to assist the Terrians. He thought he'd made that snap judgment for the boy's sake, but with hindsight he realized that the desperation in Devon's expression influenced him as well.
When had it happened? It seemed like there should've been a definite moment. While he searched his memory, he couldn't recall any such incident. The transition in his feelings towards her had been gradual. Somehow it had quietly snuck up on him.
Only when the Elder accused him of being in love with Devon did he realize that it was too late, that he was in trouble. At that point he strove to deny his feelings for her, coming up with the idea of a long range scout to try to put some distance between the two of them. But that hadn't been successful.
He didn't want to love her. But he did.
This is stupid. She doesn't care about me. I don't mean anything to her.
For the first time in three days, he began to feel calmer and able to think more rationally. As memories of the past few months on the planet continued to flash through his mind, he tried to convince himself that he was more than a mechanic to her. Devon had confided in him about her concerns for Yale when his mind wash was beginning to fail - that had been difficult for her. She seemed to have trouble opening up to people.
While he'd been stuck in that claustrophobic tunnel, his heart nearly leapt into his throat as he heard the catch in her voice when she expressed her fear that something might've happened to him in the spider caves. Later that evening when they spoke on the beach, he sensed that there was an unspoken admission of feelings between the two of them. That there was an attraction between them, but neither were ready to act on it yet. That subtle acknowledgment had provided a sense of peace for him.
But had he read more into that moment than was truly there?
He began to smile as he remembered how frightened Devon had seemed as she forced him to take his medication after he'd inhaled that awful flower pollen. He'd woken up in the middle of the night to see her asleep in his tent with her head lying on top of a table.
She just didn't want to lose her main mechanic, a cynical part of him argued.
That's not true, his heart countered back. She'd asked him to watch over the group and her son. Devon took her responsibilities to heart and would never casually hand them over to just anyone. She trusted him with what was most important to her.
As he looked once again towards her sleeping form, another explanation for her behavior that night dawned upon him. She did care about him, maybe she wasn't ready for a closer relationship. After all, if her illness hadn't forced him to face his feelings for her, he probably would still be experiencing reservations about getting involved with her.
What were her reasons? What held her back? Had Uly's father abandoned her once he learned that they had a Syndrome child? To his chagrin, thoughts about Uly's father had entered his mind more than he cared to admit. Had she loved him? Did he break her heart? Was she afraid of setting herself up to be wounded again?
Or perhaps her overall reserve was a product of her social status and upbringing? His discussions with Yale led him to realize that many people had tried to take advantage of her since she was wealthy, ingratiating themselves in her presence only so she could fund their ventures or so they could use her influence to fulfill their goals.
Devon had described her parents as strict. Had they taught her how to construct her walls to protect herself from those types of people? Or had they been part of the reason that her barriers were constructed in the first place?
While he didn't have the answers to those questions, he realized that he'd inadvertently taken advantage of Devon. He'd kissed her while she was still recovering from her illness and thus was in a vulnerable position. He'd crossed a line when she wasn't prepared for it. In order for them to carry their relationship further, he'd have to wait until she decided that she was ready, and allow her to make the next move. It might take a while, but he could be a patient man and he wasn't about to give up easily.
TBC