And once again I'm going to go from first person POV to second with no warning…welcome to my demented little world where everything is confusing.
Part 4: Waking Nightmares, part 2.
Fearful ears listening for those carpeted footsteps
My life has become an empty cell
We walked into the kitchen the next morning. Piper was already there and so was Phoebe. Phoebe smiled at me.
"Feeling better this morning?" She asked compassionately. I nodded silently as I sat down at the table. Where Piper set a plate in front of me without a word. Leo orbed into the room and sat down across from me. There was a conversation going on around me, but I didn't pay any attention and I didn't participate in it.
"Okay, I cook; the rest of you can clean up." Piper announced. I stacked plates and brought them to the sink where I started washing up. I was staring down into the sudsy water when I was hit with a flashback.
(Flashback)
I'd finally escaped from him. I stood just outside the cafe for a few minutes, debating whether I should go in or not. I didn't want to be on my own. I walked inside slowly and sat down at the table where my father was already seated. He looked at me as I sat down opposite him. His eyes widened at my appearance.
"What happened to you?" He asked. Was that actually concern I heard in his voice?
"Wyatt's turned to evil. He did this to me." I said. He stayed silent for a long moment, and then shook his head.
"Wyatt wouldn't do that." He said.
"It was Wyatt." I repeated.
"He's your brother. There is no way that he'd hurt you, you're family." He said.
"Someone forgot to tell him that. Why would I lie about it?" I asked.
"Maybe he was playing around with you and you got hurt. It was probably just an accident."
"It was no accident what he did to me. He knew what he was doing."
"Come with me." My father stood up and gestured that I should follow.
"Where are we going?" I asked. I hurried to catch up with him as he went down a side alley; my father put his hand on my shoulder.
"Follow me." He ordered.
"Where are-" we appeared outside the manor.
"we going?" I finished. I turned incredulous eyes on my father.
"What are you doing!" He pulled me up the front steps behind him.
"You and Wyatt need to sort this out amongst yourselves. You can't come running to me every time you two have a fight." He banged on the door and it was opened by Wyatt. He smiled when he saw who it was; like he didn't know already.
"Dad! What are you doing here? Come in." He said. My father dragged me inside.
"I found your sister out roaming the streets. She says that you did this to her," my father pointed at the injuries on my face and exposed arms.
"I want you two to sort this out. I don't have time for this stuff." He turned to me.
"Your brother is looking after you. You're eleven years old, Grace. You're a child. I want you to do whatever he tells you. What he's doing is for your own good." I stared at him, not quite believing his words. He smiled at Wyatt.
"I appreciate what you're doing, Wyatt. I just don't seem to have much time with all the stuff that's going on at the moment. I've got to go. Listen to what your brother says, Grace." He looked at me warningly. What little courage I had in the presence of my eldest brother came out.
"No! I'll go with you. You won't even know I'm there. Please?" I begged.
"Stop it, Grace! I don't have time for this." He snapped.
"Please, daddy. I swear I won't bother you or anything. Daddy!" I screamed as he orbed away. I turned fearful eyes on Wyatt. He shook his head, smiling.
"You shouldn't have done that, Grace. Now I'm going to have to punish you." He said. He grabbed me by the arm.
"Noooo! Help me, Daddy! Don't leave me here with him! Daddy!" I screamed.
(End flashback; for you, not Grace)
"Noooo! Help me, Daddy! Don't leave me here with him. Daddy!" I screamed. I dropped the plate and it smashed into pieces as it hit the floor. Leo caught her by the arms as she collapsed to the floor, muttering words that made no sense to him.
"Grace!" He snapped. She ignored him, fighting against the hold his hands had on her.
"Let me go." She whimpered.
"What is it? What's wrong?" He asked. She struggled against him briefly, and then went completely limp, eyes staring into nothingness. Chris orbed into the kitchen, he had obviously heard her screaming.
"What happened?" He asked. Leo glanced back at him, he shrugged helplessly.
"I don't know. She started screaming, something about not to leave her here with him." He replied. Chris nodded once and came over to them. But suddenly she came back to herself.
"Leave me alone!" I screamed in Leo's face.
"Get away from me!" Then I orbed away. As soon as I got where I was going I hid myself from them so that neither Chris nor Leo would be able to find me. I sat down and stared down into the ocean.
(Halliwell mansion)
"What was that about?" Leo asked. Chris stared at him for a long time; he wanted to go after her sister. She had hidden herself as soon as she orbed, but he knew where she was.
"Are you sure you want to know?" He asked.
"I wouldn't have asked if I didn't." Leo snapped back. He was sick and tired of having her completely ignoring him, or if she chose to acknowledge him at all then she was sniping at him, backhanded comments that made no real sense to him.
"Okay," Chris said. He thought for a moment about how to explain in the shortest time. He needed to go after her, make sure she was okay.
"She really has reason to hate me, doesn't she?" Leo asked.
"You could say that. She never really told me what it was that you said or did, but from what I've been able piece together she went to you. She told you what was going on, what Wyatt was doing to her. You refused to believe a word she said. In fact your way of helping her was to bring her straight back to Wyatt and telling her that she had to sort it out with him and to stop coming to you every time she had a problem."
"So they had an argument and she refused to back down. That happens with brothers and sisters." Leo said. Chris shook his head and glared at his father.
"You don't get it do you? Believe me she has more reason than anyone here to make sure Wyatt doesn't turn evil. She showed you the injuries he had inflicted on her. He tortured her, starved her, and wouldn't let her leave the house. He kept her locked in the attic where almost every day she was raped by him or by demons while he watched. She begged you to help her and you brought her right back to him!" Chris was getting really angry now. His father had a look of disbelief on his face.
"The second time she escaped she didn't ask anyone for help. That was what you did to her! You made her believe that anyone she turned to would just bring her back there. I found her less than a week after she escaped from him." Chris closed his eyes in pain, remembering exactly what had happened.
(Flashback)
He walked down the street; the eighteen year old was on his way to meet another member of the resistance. He saw her then, she wore clothes that were to big for her and she moved as if she carried the weight of the world on her small shoulders.
"Grace!" He called. Her head came up and she stared at him, the look of a scared rabbit who's about to get caught by the fox and knows that they can't escape. She turned and started running away from him. He froze for a moment, he and his sister had always been close and that certainly wasn't the reaction he had been expecting.
"Grace!" He ran after her. It didn't take him long to catch up to her and he grabbed her by the arm.
"Grace, stop. It's me, Chris." He said.
"I won't let you take me back there!" She screamed. He let her go and she turned to face him.
"Why aren't you with Wyatt?" He asked. He could see her eyes move away from his and knew she was lying when she answered.
"I just came out for a while." She said.
"Grace. I know you're lying. Just tell me the truth, I'm not going to get angry or make you go back if you don't want to." He said. She stared at him for a long moment, and then made a move to dash past him. He caught her before she could; pulling her back against him so she couldn't run off again.
"Let me go!" She howled. Whatever it was that made her leave the mansion must have been really bad if she was reacting this way.
"Tell me what happened." He said. Her head moved and he saw her looking up into his eyes as if trying to figure out if she could trust him and he could see the fear in her grey eyes. Then she renewed her struggles, he had his arms wrapped around her and was holding her tightly.
"Let me go, Chris!" She yelled.
"Not until you tell me what's wrong." He said. She struggled even harder against him, but he wasn't letting go. Eventually she stopped.
"I'm not going back there." She whispered.
"You don't have to." He told her.
"Can't…can't do it anymore. I don't want him to." Her voice was hopeless. He knew that despite the fact that he had told her he wouldn't make her go back if she didn't want to that she fully believed he was going to make her anyway.
"What are you talking about?" He asked. She bent her head down and he could see down the neck of her oversized t-shirt and the burn that marred the skin there.
"What did he do to you?" He asked gently. She let out a long sigh and collapsed back against him, he could feel her small body trembling and then she started crying, great heaving sobs that tore into his very soul.
(End flashback)
Leo stared at him for a long time; unable to quite believe what Chris was telling him. But he knew the younger Whitelighter wasn't lying, that much was clear from the look on his sons face.
"You know how long it is since she laughed? I mean really laughed. I'd give anything just to hear that sound again, but I can't because it was taken away and you helped that to happen. That's another reason I came back; to stop Wyatt from turning evil, because then he wouldn't be able to hurt her like he did. She didn't deserve what he did to her." Chris said.
"Where is she now?" Leo asked.
"I think that you're the last person she needs right now. We'll be back later." Chris said and orbed away.
I heard someone orb in behind me, I didn't even turn my head to look.
"Go away, Chris. I want to be by myself for a while." I said. He ignored my words as he sat down next to me.
"I'm serious, Chris."
"Do you really think that's a good idea?" He asked.
And I am the prisoner
My wings have flown away
"Why do you do this?" I asked.
"Do what?"
"Most people probably would have just given up and said to hell with me. When something's wrong you listen to whatever it is that's bothering me and I know that sometimes you just want to put your fingers in your ears and pretend that everything's all right. You keep coming back; I didn't know you could read minds." I said and smiled humorlessly at him.
"What do you mean?" He asked.
"You seem to know that what I sometimes say is the exact opposite of what I actually mean." I explained. He shrugged his shoulders.
"I have no idea. I just know that you're hurting on the inside; I also know that you don't like talking about it. You know I'm here to listen to you no matter what it is you want to say, right?" He said. He looked over at his sister, her head was bowed and I was staring down into the water. I nodded once.
"That's what I'm talking about. You keep listening to me and I know I'm not always the easiest person to get along with." I shrugged my shoulders and looked over at him; I had to squint because the sun was in my eyes.
"I'm taking it all out on you and other people and it isn't your fault. I don't know how to…not be angry. I just…" I stopped trying to find the right words wasn't easy. Chris didn't interrupt; he just waited for me to continue. My shoulders slumped as it finally dawned on me just what exactly it was I was trying to do.
"I feel tainted. I feel I let him do that stuff to me and I should be on my own. I don't deserve people like you, good people. I sometimes feel like I've betrayed you and because of that I don't deserve to be treated in the way that you treat me. Like all I deserve is to be locked in that attic and for him to do that stuff to me, for the rest of my life. Because that's all I'm good for anyway. Maybe he got what he wanted and that was to make me afraid of sleeping, afraid of trusting people, afraid to be on my own and at the same time I'm afraid of being with people because then they'll see me for what I really am; a miserable person who doesn't deserve to be free." He moved closer to me and put one arm around me, I laid my head on his shoulder.
"I'll make a deal with you." He said. I looked up at him.
"What kind of deal?" I asked.
"You know I love you, right?" He asked.
"I don't deserve that either." I whispered.
"Yes you do. Here's the deal. I'll love you enough until you can start to love yourself again, okay?" He said.
"How did you know that I didn't…?" I trailed off. He shrugged his shoulders.
"It isn't too hard to figure out. So do we have a deal or what?" He asked.
"I guess so." I mumbled. I didn't really believe that I'd ever be able to love myself, but if it would keep him happy then I was going to try. I guess I've been like that for a long time. Other people can tell me to do stuff and I'll just ignore them. If Chris asked me to do something I'd usually just do it, no questions asked.
"Not good enough. I want you to actually say that like you mean it." He said. I groaned loudly and then nodded.
"Okay, okay we have a deal. Happy now?" I said.
"Very. You want to go back now?" He asked. I nodded and we orbed back home.
And my soul lays scattered,
Flung into broken memories.