Boundaries
By Joan Powers
Chapter 4
WHAM.
Bess chopped a squash with a savage blow. WHAM, her blade came down again. Her brow was furrowed as she concentrated on her task with her long curly hair held back loosely by a ribbon.
"Whoa honey, what's the matter?" Morgan asked, startled by the sound of his wife's activity. Before moving any closer to her, he quickly reviewed the events of the last day or two - did he do anything to cause her anger? Drawing a blank, he cautiously edged towards her and gave a tentative smile. As Bess looked up at him, her tense expression turned into a more pleasant one. He sighed, what ever it was - it wasn't his fault. He could handle this.
"What's wrong? What are you upset about?" He placed a hand on her shoulder and began to massage it gently.
She was slow to respond. "Let's just say that Devon and I had words."
"Oh" Morgan's eyes opened wider, indicating his understanding. "Where is she now?"
"I don't know," Bess quickly replied.
"What - what do you mean? You don't know exactly - that's it, right?" He stammered, trying to lead his wife into giving a more acceptable response.
"No, I don't know. She told me to leave her alone." Her words were terse, her anger still evident in her tone.
"But Bess, it was your job to keep on eye on her today. She's still not well." Beads of sweat began to break out above his upper lip, in addition to the heat of the day, he was fearful of incurring Danziger's wrath.
"Morgan, don't tell me what I already know. She's probably fine. She went to the stream to take a bath. She had her gear. I'm sure she'll be back soon. I just couldn't stand the thought of putting up with her attitude all day. I couldn't do it. She keeps insisting on doing things she's not ready for."
Her husband sank down beside her onto the fallen log which served as her seat. He grasped one of her hands as she continued,
"I thought we were making some head way. I know Devon and I will never be best friends but... I don't understand her. All we're trying to do is help her and she's acting like she resents us. The entire camp has gone out of their way for her and she has yet to act the least bit grateful."
"She did thank us all the first night she was strong enough to join us for dinner" her husband gently reminded.
"But that's it. Now she's acting like we're the enemy and I'm sick of it."
A gear transmission issued from the set about Morgan's neck interrupted their conversation. " Hey Martin, hurry up. We haven't got all day."
Morgan rolled his eyes and commented sarcastically, "Duty calls."
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Devon's hands flew forward as she stumbled, her foot landing on a protruding root. As the ground rushed up to meet her, her hands and arms scraped against the rocky path. Grimacing in pain, she gradually pulled herself up to assess the damage. A gash in the palm of her right hand which was bleeding profusely commanded her attention. She yanked out her shirt tail to tear off some of the fabric and used the cloth to apply pressure to the wound. As she held the cloth tightly against her palm, she noticed several scrapes and bleeding cuts on her arms as well. She managed to control the bleeding of her palm wound then fashioned a crude bandage using more of her T-shirt.
Unnerved by her clumsiness, she remained seated on the ground as she collected her thoughts and dabbed at her other cuts with a clean piece of cloth. Why was she having so many coordination problems? More importantly, how had she managed to get herself into this situation?
When she realized that a Grendler was watching her at the pond, she had dressed rapidly to follow it. Her immediate thought was that it could lead her to food sources or at least to his lair. She acted hastily, for her swim had rejuvenated her and she was anxious to help out with their food situation. Unfortunately she'd forgotten how quickly those creatures could move, he eluded her within fifteen minutes. While she was disappointed and it wasn't in her nature to give up easily, her tracking skills were adequate at best so she decided to return to camp to alert the others to the Grendler's presence.
Returning to camp. Seemingly a simple proposition. Yet, she'd been in such a nasty mood that morning, she hadn't paid much attention to her route during her trip to the pond. To make matters worse, during her most recent trek her eyes had been fixed upon the Grendler, not on her path or any distinctive landmarks along the way. This wooded area was much larger than she had originally perceived it to be.
Keeping her wits about her, she reassured herself - it was still early, there was plenty of daylight left and she had her gear with her. Though she was loathe to call camp to tell them that she was lost and needed directions. Especially in the condition she was in. Everything within her being resisted that approach. She didn't want to give the camp, particularly Bess, more ammunition to use against her. She would rest a few minutes then try it again. She'd been in worse situations. Her cuts had stopped bleeding and once she caught her breath, she was confident that she could figure this out herself. She didn't need to be 'rescued'.
As her eyelids fell shut momentarily, her level of fatigue frightened her. Immediately, she sprang up and pushed herself to continue to search for the pond or their camp.
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As she finished preparing some vegetables for their evening meal, Bess looked up to discover True trudging into camp. The young girl was moving sluggishly, practically dragging her feet.
"Hey True, what are you doing back?" Bess asked with rising concern. She'd seen the children and Yale go off exploring over an hour ago. "Anything wrong?"
She shrugged and mumbled, "I don't feel so good. Yale told me to come back and lie down." She began to move towards her tent.
"I'll contact Julia and your Dad " She reached for her gear.
"No! Please, you don't have to bother either of them. I'll be fine." True insisted as she whirled about and approached her. "I think I just got too hot."
It was hard for Bess to tell if the redness in the little girl's cheeks was caused by too much sun or embarrassment. True didn't like to attract undue attention to herself.
"It is pretty warm today." Bess removed the ribbon which contained her own long locks and she began to braid her hair as she spoke, "I know a place where we can cool off. Can you walk further or do you need to rest first?"
"I think I can make it to the pond if we go slowly. But do you think it'll be okay with my Dad?" A worried furrow appeared across her forehead. Her father seemed so edgy lately that she didn't want to do anything which might add to his concerns.
"I'm sure your Dad would want you to feel better. Remember what happened to Magus and Cameron the other day? They got sick because they became over heated. We don't want that happening to you. C'mon, I'm going to let Yale know that you made it back to camp safely then we'll get some canteens and towels and head over to the pond. I need to see how Devon's doing anyway."
The afternoon sun shone relentlessly upon the two women whose bodies glistened with perspiration as they hiked through the woods towards the pond. They moved slowly, taking in the scenery -- not wanting to further aggravate the young girl's weakened condition.
"Is Devon ever going to be completely well?" True meekly asked. It had scared her to see someone she had remembered as a vibrant, energetic person become so weak and for a short time, subdued. The fact that almost three weeks had elapsed since Devon had returned to the group and she still slept more than half the day as well as the night disturbed her. It didn't seem right. Were the adults hiding something from her?
"Of course she is. It just takes time -- that's all" Bess assured her.
"But I thought the Terrians cured her. Uly was better overnight - why isn't it the same for Devon?" The young girl pressed her -- eager for answers, for it bothered her father to talk about this issue.
The older woman paused thoughtfully. "You know, I'm not sure True. Alonzo seemed to think it had something to do with the fact that Uly is a child and Devon, an adult. There are lots of things I don't understand about the Terrians and this planet. Let's just be glad that the Terrians have helped us out." She placed a friendly hand lightly upon the girl's shoulder as they continued to walk and chat amiably.
"Here we are." Bess paused and nervously scanned the pond area. Devon was no where in sight. God, where is she? she gasped. She turned to True who met her gaze with wide eyes.
"Where is she?" the little girl echoed.
Don't panic. Think a minute. Bess assured herself. Then it came to her. "I'll bet she was walking back as we were coming down here."
"Wouldn't we have run into her?"
"Not necessarily" she admitted with a pang of guilt. She averted her eyes as she explained, "Um, Devon and I had...oh...a disagreement before she headed off to the pond. I'm probably the last person she wants to see. If she heard us approaching, she may've purposely avoided us. She was pretty insistent that she wanted to be alone today."
True stared at Bess, not fully comprehending all that she'd said. Sometimes grownups just didn't make sense. "Why is she mad at you?"
She tried to be diplomatic, fully aware that whatever she told the child would be relayed in some fashion to her father, whom she didn't want to offend. "True, have you ever been sick?"
She nodded. She had the usual childhood ailments -- occasional colds, flu and once she had the chicken pox. And she'd been afflicted by the near failure of the bio-stat implants just as everyone else had.
"I mean, really sick -- for weeks or longer. I know I haven't been."
True peeled off her outer garments and eased herself into the water as she considered Bess's response. Ah-- that was nice, she was already beginning to feel much better. Oh, back to Bess-- well...what was the difference between the two? Nobody liked to feel bad.
"I think Devon is starting to feel stronger so she thinks she's completely cured and wants to do everything that she did before her illness. But her body isn't ready yet, it won't allow her to do all of them. This is bothering her so she's taking out her anger on us." Some resentment crept into her voice as she finished her statement.
The young girl quietly absorbed this information. Hmm...while it didn't make complete sense to her, perhaps that would account for part of her father's moodiness.
"Devon? Devon? Are you there?" Bess crouched down near the ground as she spoke into her gear. "Devon" Her tone became more insistent as her own anger began to rekindle. Had that obstinate woman actually turned off her gear to ensure her privacy?
True reached up, tugging her arm with a dripping hand to offer an alternative explanation. "Maybe she's asleep back at camp. I don't think she'd hear the signal."
Bess breathed a sigh of relief. Yes, of course that was it. They both could attest to how solidly that woman slept these days. Before joining True in the water, Bess tried to reach camp to confirm this but no one was responding to her. While she was uneasy about the situation, she noticed her young charge was looking better. She needed to rest and cool off longer before they could return to camp. Besides, they wouldn't be out long.
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"What do you mean you don't know where she is?" the image of Danziger, barely containing his fury, growled at Bess over the eye piece of her gear.
"I thought she was sleeping in her tent" was her stricken reply. "She's not answering her gear. We're concentrating our search efforts around the pond. That was where she was going when I last saw her. Morgan and I are taking the southern end." Her guilt was overwhelming her, practically suffocating her. She knew she couldn't rest until Devon was located.
"No. Just keep a close eye on the kids. Danziger out" he barked.
Morgan put an arm about his wife's shoulder, "Honey, you did the best that you could. They'll find her."
She drew back, "No Morgan. I didn't do the best that I could. I made some poor assumptions and used bad judgment. After fighting with Devon this afternoon, I forgot that I was actually dealing with a sick woman." She turned towards her husband and added, "Oh God, Morgan. What if something has happened to her? She's not answering her gear. What if she's fallen and hurt herself? And it's all my fault." She rested her head against her husband's chest as he stroked her hair.
"It's going to be all right Bess" he crooned.
"I have to help look for her. It's gonna be dark soon. The poor woman is probably exhausted. What if she gets weaker? What if she gets sicker?"
And it's all my fault.
"Stop torturing yourself Bess. Um...Alonzo and I are going out to join the others searching. We need you to watch the kids."
Bess withdrew, feeling somewhat betrayed by her husband.
Sensing this, Morgan ineptly sought to comfort her. "You know...you did a good thing helping True out today. Somebody needs to make sure that she stays okay. You're good with the kids, I know you'll do a great job honey." He kissed her forehead gently and met her gaze, which had softened some.
Stepping away from his wife, he turned to join the pilot who'd been discretely hanging back, "Let's go."
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The sun was descending in the horizon, night was on its way. Devon's head rested against her knees as she sat on the ground leaning her back against a large rock. She took slow, deep, deliberate breaths to try to keep herself calm. After briefly wandering around, she hadn't located any landmarks or even seen a trace of the Eden Advance team. To make matters worse, at one point she sat down to rest and inadvertently fell asleep. She wasn't completely sure how much time had elapsed during that period, the impending darkness indicated that it had to have been several hours. Yet her body was still weary and she was having trouble maintaining her rising anxiety as well as her body temperature.
She knew she couldn't walk any further, she didn't have the strength. With no other options to consider and the threat of darkness, she finally broke down and decided to swallow her pride and contact camp. She'd figure out how to deal with the humiliation later, presently she was too exhausted to care.
She placed her gear on her head and pressed the buttons to activate it. "Adair to camp. Anybody there?" No response. She couldn't see or hear anything. Then she realized that she hadn't heard any familiar bleeps of the electronics. In a panic she ripped the set off her head and fiddled with some of the buttons. Nothing -- it was dead.
Didn't John repair her gear last night? He would never have returned the set to her unless it was fully operational. Had Uly grabbed the wrong set or had it broken during a fall? What had happened?
But the actual answer to that question was irrelevant. Her safety net had fallen through. Now she was in a difficult situation and only had herself to blame. Biting back a sob, she slammed the gear against the ground.
What was she going to do?
Eventually the Eden Advance would locate her, or at least she could try to rest and resume her search in the morning. Neither of the two prospects was particularly appealing. The twin moons hadn't been shinning as brightly so the approaching night sky seemed ominous to her. Her stomach growled for food and her aching muscles screamed from unaccustomed exertion. The stinging of her wounds added to her misery.
The idea of the group searching for her distressed her as well. It would be mortifying to be found in this condition - covered with dirt and bloody scrapes from her falls. And everyone knowing that she'd brought this situation on herself.
She pulled her knees closer to her chest, it was already getting cooler. And the muscles in her legs were getting stiffer. Would she even be able to walk in the morning? Julia had warned her repeatedly not to wear herself out, stating that her immune system was still recovering and not yet fully functional, making her more susceptible to diseases. The last thing in the world Devon wanted was to feel worse.
What types of wild creatures lived in these woods? Would they scurry across her chest if she lay down to rest? She shivered -- that was a revolting thought. What if there were penal colonists around the area? She was completely defenseless -- what was she going to do?
A familiar litany began to automatically repeat in her head. She didn't need help from anybody. She wasn't used to being rescued - she knew how to take care of herself. She didn't need anyone.
A small voice inside of her threatened to tear down her precarious frame work.
You don't need anybody? What about Yale? Could you have faced those first board meetings without his support and constant belief in you? He was always there, providing you with sound advice. He has always believed in you. Remember -- you cried yourself to sleep in his arms many nights - when you found out Mother had died, when Uly was officially diagnosed with The Syndrome. Don't be a fool Devon. Everyone needs and depends upon other people, you're just too stubborn to admit it.
Just as she was about to agree with the little voice to make it shut up, it had to add, And what's this business about not used to being rescued. True, your parents didn't make it a habit to intercede in your business, but what about Sheppard?
Her lower lip began to tremble and she bit down to steady it. Tears threatened to spill from her eyes. While that was certainly an unconventional relationship, he'd provided desperately needed emotional support and had shown her the key to her son's salvation.
/I heard your cry so I had to come./
Maybe she wasn't as emotionally self sufficient as she thought she was.
But that wasn't what her former husband Mark had felt. It hurt to think about him so she generally kept a tight lid on those memories. One day she would have to tell her son about his father but...she was afraid. She was frightened that her son might accuse her of chasing away his father and that her news would alienate her from him.
Mark was a wonderful man. Handsome in a sophisticated manner with broad shoulders (though not quite as broad as John Danizger's), smart, sometimes funny, very imaginative. They'd made a stunning couple. They met during the early days of Adair Enterprises when she'd been continually elated by the novelty of her phenomenal success. Their courtship had been a whirlwind process - parties, lunches, the whole social scene. Getting married seemed to be the best way for them to coordinate their hectic schedules.
Her tears began to flow freely. The lid had been moved and she didn't have the strength to push it back -- she was obligated to continue. She still didn't fully understand why he left her. Their lives had been going so well, or so it seemed to her. They had friends, successful businesses and both exerted power and influence in their own circles. Unfortunately, her circles had been much larger than his. She always thought that had been his problem, coping with the fact that his wife had more prestige than he did.
The scene of their farewell came to mind. She'd come home earlier than usual, especially excited about the upcoming arrival of their child within several months and the success of her latest design project. Her radiant mood was irrevocably altered when she opened the door of their bedroom to find her husband packing his bags. Stunned, she hung by the doorway.
"Our contract is up" he mentioned as he turned to place some sweaters into a bag. It was a feeble opening and he knew it.
"What?" Her heart sank. This was totally unexpected.
He became braver and actually looked into his wife's face, "Four years, they've gone by."
She tried to laugh, this had to be a joke. A bad joke. Otherwise there was no reasonable explanation. "You..don't want to renew?"
"No" He turned to snap shut his suitcase then placed it on the floor.
"Why not?"
"There are many reasons, let's just leave it at that." His obvious discomfort revealed to her that this hadn't been a spur of the moment decision.
"Come on. We have to talk about this. I don't understand." Devon drew nearer to him.
"No, we don't. I'm sorry Devon. I just can't stay." He pulled back from her as he spoke, continuing to gather his things.
What a coward. Devon thought while looking back, Even Danziger would have given me hell about his reasons. Not...that.
Mark picked up his bags and moved towards the door. "I've taken the assets we originally agreed upon in our contract. I'll come back later for the rest of my things."
"But what about your child? Don't you have an obligation to him?" she replied angrily. Don't you want to be with me? screamed inside her head but she couldn't bring herself to say it. She did love him and she didn't want him to leave.
"Devon, a man has obligations to himself that he has to fulfill too. I can't do that here. I'm sorry." He stepped into the living room with Devon trailing close behind.
"You can't do this. You can't leave me. What am I going to do?"
Before he walked out the door of their unit, he said "You'll be okay Devon. You see, you never really needed me." She never saw Mark again.
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TBC