Sword-edge

late summer, TA 3018

Glorfindel's POV

The day after Elrond's agreeing to have Raven call his people was filled with tension. Elrond called a small council first of all, comprised of myself and Erestor as his chief counsellors, Saelbeth for the healers, Faranaur for the scouts, and of course Raven and Gildor. The speculations concerning the stones were repeated in full, Faranaur reported no further findings but a doubled guard, and Saelbeth remained silent, listening. I, too, kept silent, as did Raven until he was forced to explain briefly what his people's motivation was to join this war. There was so much scope for argument I knew there would be endless hours of disagreement. For the time being, Elrond kept this short. It was early afternoon when we broke up again. Raven was exhausted, and for once truly looked it.

"I am going up to the rooms" he said as soon as he and Gildor were out of the door. Gildor nodded "You go ahead. I have to walk yet, or I will get mad"

I followed them out of the room, then decided not to address him. Better wait until he looked less harassed. There were reports to order, but from the window of my study I saw him after while in the glum sparring-grounds, working out against the pells. I shifted the papers into a heap with a sigh, took my cape, and slowly made my way down into the yard. I went the long way round, taking the vine-covered walkways. It was summer yet, but for today as foul as early autumn, cold and damp. There would surely be rain tomorrow.

Elrond had joined him, I saw when I turned the corner to go down the steps into the next lower walkway. I hesitated and watched a moment, thinking I should perhaps leave them alone. There were things to clear between them alright, but I was not sure if it was wise to let them do it with swords in hand. They were sparring cautiously, more moving around each other than actually fighting. Their styles had become so different that almost half their strikes went far astray of the other's blade, and it showed in their uncertain motions.

"If you want me to answer that, fight me properly" I heard Gildor say, and I knew the tone of his voice boded ill. I increased my pace, vaulting the rail of the ground walkway. Gildor attacked, but Elrond did not retreat as before and instead moved in, letting Gildor's forcefully guided sword slide up along his own blade. The crosspieces locked with a chink. It was a simple move, and very effective – by rights he had easily won. Elrond had no dagger to use with his free hand, but with their swords trapped like that Gildor's whole side was exposed and it needed no dagger to point to that.

"Even if I knew I could truly defeat you I would not sink to that" Elrond hissed softly "What happened to the Calathaura my foster-father told me about?"

So that again. I did not know what else had transpired in the time before, but more than enough obviously to have them both fuming. They had not noticed me hastening across the meadow, and I did not shout. I rued it a moment later, because Gildor seized the blade of his trapped sword with his naked hand and jerked the sword around, wrenching Elrond's blade from his hands when he used the locked crosspieces as lever. Stumbling, he drove Elrond back a few steps, and then dropped his own sword "Calathaura died in the blood and mire beside Silmarusse, that is what happened" he shouted.

"Then what are you, that you still live and breathe and walk the world?" Elrond demanded harshly, moving around and picking up his blade again.

"I was made to promise, Elrond" Gildor snarled "I was made to promise that I would lead the survivors! And that took away the one moment I might have ended my life!"

"Stop this madness" I finally reached them and, since Gildor had dropped his sword a moment ago, I dared to walk in and push them apart. They stared at me for a moment, panting, and I was not sure if they considered me another target.

"Elrond, go inside, I beg you. Leave us" I said "Please. This is useless"

Maybe I should have ordered Gildor to leave instead of the lord of Imladris, but I was sure he would not take any order right now. Elrond obeyed, turning sharply at the edge of the sparring grounds "You are right" he said hoarsely "We are coming to dark times indeed if all we can is inflicting pain on each other when war gathers on our borders"

Then he marched off. Well, I would see to that later. I turned to Gildor, who had dropped to his knees, burying his face in his hand. He looked as miserable as I had ever seen him. I knelt beside him, and after a moment took him in my arms.

"So you have finally come to blows, have you?"

He made no answer, but I could feel he was shivering. When I reached for his bleeding hand, he clenched it into a fist and pulled it close to his body. Even without reaching for him, just holding him I could feel his anguish. Cautiously, I lowered my shields, intending only to soothe the turmoil I could sense without even coming close enough to mind-touch. He flinched, jerking up his shields. I drew back, puzzled and a little hurt. He reached for my hand and held on it, hard.

"Alright" I said with an effort, pulling him closer "It is alright"

"What must you think I have become?" Gildor whispered after a while, bitterly "Why, why did you make me promise that, Glorfindel?"

I bit my lip, feeling tears sting my eyes suddenly "I think very highly of you" I said when I could talk again "Elrond may be right when he says you are no longer one of us – not as he perceives the Eldar. But you are not throwing away what was given to you. You let it go, because you have the strength to relinquish it when it would hinder more than help you"

"I have no strength" he snapped viciously "Not even to stand up to Elrond's challenge, not even to stand up to their judgement of Raven and me"

I shook my head "You ask the impossible, my friend. You made a life for yourself after Gondolin, which many cannot claim to have managed. And you alone of us have the strength to keep denying the rings' power over you. Do not give that up for their understanding. You must take what you and Raven have, even if that means breaking with some of us. Is it worth it?"

He gave a small nod.

"As for the promise" I said at length, aware that he had not just said that in a bout of anger or frustration "I admit I made that decision for you. They say certainty of death often gives clear foresight. Maybe that was mine: I knew you had a future beyond the pass. What sort, no. But that, yes. And I can tell you now, not with authority but with knowledge, that had you died there, too, and gone to Mandos, you would not have been allowed to return"

He was very still in my arms. I could not see his face, hidden against my shoulder.

"I will not say your decision was wholly unwise" he whispered finally.

"Good" I said after a moment "Very good. Because here comes somebody who loves you. And whose love you can still return"

I left when Raven took my place beside Gildor and walked back into the houses to seek Elrond, forcefully cooling my temper somewhat. I understood both their anguish, but maybe I was prejudiced because of what Gildor was to me. He had changed, incredibly in the long centuries I had known him. And not known him. One age in Mandos stood against one age in the wilderness, with Avari and rhevain. But Gildor alone of my people had been capable of such a change. I was puzzled and hurt at his involuntary reaction today, but I did not share the sense of betrayal that so gnawed at Elrond. My friend had done what I had prayed he would be allowed to do – he had gone on. And if he now had a werewolf by his side that was as utterly true to him as Raven, that was far better than if he were alone or with one of his kind who would only share the doubts of Elrond.

But I knew also by knowledge and experience what Elrond had to endure each day of using Vilya. And every moment, the ring's power demanded his attention and control. And Elrond had to use her daily, continually, if Imladris was to remain hidden, if the hundreds of small news and message should be exchanged with Galadriel. Long ago, he had first lost Celebrian, and then his sons to their continued revenge against the orcs, and now, whatever happened in this war, he would lose either his world or his daughter. Should the war end as we hoped and Aragorn survive, Elrond would lose both. If his temper was frayed, he had every right to it.

My anger at the stubbornness that had them clash time after time over always the same thing did not abate. I walked into Elrond's study without knocking and found myself in a dark, cold room. Elrond stood by the window, staring blindly into the cold dusk.

"Why did you do that?" I demanded "Why did you have to say THAT?"

Elrond gave a small sigh and turned around to face me "I did not intend that" he said wearily "I did not want to hurt him so much, I did not know I could. I did not think at all-I…felt it was unfaithfulness, Glorfindel. Now I realize it is only disappointment. Everyone who says he is their friend must see it only means losing him over again"

"You still speak in anger" I said "He is not a steady companion, maybe. But if you called he would come to you wherever he were, or you. Our disappointment is inevitable as long as we expect him to be something he no longer is. Maybe never was. I knew him in the West, Elrond. Not well, but I know what was said in my house. And I knew him well in Gondolin. I still know him better than you do, I think"

Elrod sighed "Maybe"

I rubbed my eyes, feeling desperate. I went to the hearth and poked the ashes to life, adding wood.

"For once take my counsel without turning every word around thrice" I asked "Rest. Rest for a few days, and do not touch this ring that eats you alive"

"I know you are right" Elrond said after a while, sitting down heavily in a chair by the fire, shaking his head "But if I let her lie idle, her own power seeks out to the one. She comes close to alerting the dark one's mind itself. The more I rest, the more revealed is the valley. No Glorfindel, this will have to play itself out to the end now"

I stared into the fire for a long while "Will you apologize?"

He sighed "Of course"

"He will go to the Towers in two days" I said "You know that?"

Elrond nodded.

"He told you?"

"No" Elrond said softly "Glinael did"

The next morning when I came into the Great Hall Raven crouched at one of the small tables in the corner, looking wan and tired. The remains of a half-eaten breakfast were still on the table. I approached him cautiously, taking the chair opposite.

"Did he sleep?"

"After I made him drink carlam-wine, yes" Raven rubbed his eyes wearily "He cried, Glorfindel. I…he never cried before"

I stared at the patterned wood of the table. Gildor must have been pretty desperate to touch even carlam-wine, the weakest version of that herb "I know that Elrond did not intend things to get so far out of control" I said at length "There have always been differences between the two. But not such as now. Things are winding down to a decision in this world. The long way to the solution chafes on Elrond's temper. It…it must seem to you like there is only anger and disgust between them"

He shrugged uncomfortably, mutely.

Well, right, what should he say?

"Maybe it is well that you are going to the Towers" I said "The less the two see of each other, the better. It is just…Elrond is my friend, just as Gildor is yours. We may not be lovers, but that changes little. No one who does not carry such a ring could see what the bearers endure in these days. This is a reason, but not an apology. That, I think, is still Elrond's duty"

Raven gave a small nod "Whatever his pain I can not understand it. It is part of a past that was centuries ago, long before I was even born. Was it my…presence here that caused their strife? Or is it just that Gildor's bringing me brought some old conflict to the peak?"

"Both" I said "And none"

Raven was silent for a long while, not looking at me but neither giving the impression he would rather be left alone.

"He…is alone. Except maybe for…me, really. That is it?" Raven asked after another long while "His people…never left Valinor. He…was the only one of the Vanyar to leave…in the rebellion. And not return after the…war of wrath?"

I nodded slowly. I had not known how far he was familiar with Eldarin history.

"I think that is part of what Elrond cannot understand. In the beginning, it was hard for him and his brother to make their place. They were foster-sons of Feanor's sons. At a time when the attack on the Sirion was fresh in everyone's mind. He had to work hard until he was accorded the respect he now has, despite being Earendil's son. And Gildor…"

"Would just have needed to be willing to take the place you are willing to give him – in everybody's esteem, in the council, in Imladris…"

"Yes" I admitted "That is what it must sometimes seem to Elrond. He does not have the real memories we two have of the West. It is very different if you stand in front of the highest leaders of your people and the gods themselves and say you are no longer Inglor's son than if you read about it, or even hear it from the one who stood there. That past…is much more vivid to Gildor, I think, than it could ever be to Elrond"

"And I am just a wolf" Raven said softly "I can give him nothing except rolling up on his bed. Not even understanding. And there are times like now when even my presence seems to grate on him"

"No" I reached across the table, startling him when I took his hands "I know for sure that it is not so. Take it at face value that you do not understand. But do not fool yourself with such doubt. Do not leave him"

"I could never" Raven whispered "It will be him who must leave. Ravens…don't cross the sea"

"Do not give up hope yet" I asked softly "Go back to him"

Raven looked up for a moment "In my people's language there is only one word for both…hope and despair" he said softly "But I will go back to him" he got up and then hesitated "Thank you"

I nodded, and watched him walk from the hall, soundless on his bare feet. The way he sometimes was so lost among my people gave the wrong impression that he was young. Numbered in years, he was about Elrond's age even. Nobody thought about that, it seemed. Not even Raven himself. I wondered if he even counted his years.

If I looked with other sight, I saw the wolf, sometimes beside him, sometimes around him as shadow, then only the wolf, then only Raven. It was impossible to see just one aspect of this oscillating picture with other sight, and I dropped the attempt. Whatever Elrond saw through Vilya, it must have been different.

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