Standing at her door, padd in his hand, Chakotay went over and over what he'd say to her. Or rather, tried to. The only problem was, he didn't know what it was that he was going to say in the first place. Sighing, scratching his head, he waited while the door beeped for her to answer.

Sure enough, from inside the room came a good natured "Come in." He obeyed, the doors opening with the rythmic hissing sound they were all accustomed to. Only this time, it seemed about ten times louder and more...hissy.

Kathryn Janeway looked up at him from one of her chairs, curled up like a cat and formerly reading a book. She smiled and half closed it when she saw him. "Hi," she greeted.

Everything he had rehearsed, thought about, planned, dropped from his mind. "Hi," he said, not exactly knowing what to do next. Remembering the padd he had in his hand as an excuse to come down here, he stepped forward and handed to her.

She took it with a sigh and laid the book aside, folding the page down in the way she always did, making the FIrst Officer smile slightly. She had also said she wanted to break that habit, but from the looks of things it wasn't working. Nodding, she stretched, and yawned daintily, femininely, behind a hand, almost making him laugh.

When he didn't go, she looked back up at him. "Was there something else?" she asked casually. Since the "realizations" of two months prior, they had been even more comfortable with eachother, spent even more time together as they had before. There was no going around it, they were romantically involved, no matter what Starfleet said. She was her own woman, capable of making decisions. And she had. A big one. He knew it had been huge for her to accept this, he knew it went against everything she had been taught. But she had done it.

"Actually, I wanted to run an idea by you," he said, weighing his words carefully.

She straightened a little, playing with the padd in her hands unconciously. "Shoot," she told him, cocking her head.

She probably thought it was some plan for Warp Core efficiency, or some new way to get home or something. Boy, was she way off the mark. "Well...let's just say, hypothetically, that I wanted to, ah...ask you a question."

She raised an eyebrow. "Okay."

"And...let's say that, hypothetically...That question was really, ah...A proposal." He watched her for her reaction, which was every bit as...startled as he'd expected.

Her eyes widened, the constant fidgeting stopped abruptly, letting the padd clatter to the floor. She had frozen completely, staring at him like a statue. "Wh...what?"

He kept his face in a slight, calm smile, while his insides were squirming sickeningly. "You heard me. I'm asking you to...marry me."

Her eyes were the only thing that moved, scanning his face for some sign, any indication that this might all be a simple joke. But he wasn't teasing her, he wasn't kidding. It wasn't a joke. "Chakotay," she said, seeming to finally find her voice. "You're serious?"

"Yes," he said plainly, clasping his hands behind his back in his normal report-making stance. She looked almost distraught, and he frowned. "What's wrong?" he asked, anxiety gnawing at his mind. When she stayed silent again, he pressed forward. "Kathryn, if I've done something...If you're upset with me in any way..." he started, but she interrupted him.

"No...It's not that it's just..." She trailed off, biting her lip.

"What?" he asked again, stepping forward and crouching in front of her to look up into the saddened blue grey eyes he loved.

"Don't you see that I...We can't?" she asked finally, still staring at him.

His frown deepened. "I don't understand..."

"Chakotay..." Kathryn shook her head. "I am Voyager's Captain, you are the first officer. We can't get married!"

"Why not? We're already in what one might call dating, for lack of better word." He stood up, still watching her, thoroughly confused.

"Y-yes, but..." She stood as well, and proceeded to pace aimlessly around the room. "It...It..." It was almost as though she knew there was a reason but she couldn't think of it. "What if we had a fight?" she asked finally, after several tense moments of silent pacing. "A disagreement on the Bridge, where my authority-wise superiority allowed me to make a decision which you would not agree with. What would happen to our personal relationship, should we get married?"

Chakotay had been watching her walk around her quarters, silent, letting her think. Now, he shook his head at her reasoning. "We sort it through and get on with our lives," he said, wondering why she had to make this complicated. It had all seemed so simple when he had decided to ask her.

"Alright, let's turn it around then." Kathryn faced him, her arms crossed, having pushed auburn hair behind her ear to get it out of her face. "Suppose we had a fight inside our personal relationship. How do you suppose that would effect our conduct on the Bridge? We are the two highest ranking officers on this ship, Chakotay! If our judgement were to be affected in any way, it might put Voyager in danger. We can't risk that."

"Kathryn," he said incredulously, "any of that can, and has happened, even though we're not married. We've had our share of disagreements, professional and personal. But are we any worse off than before? Are we not closer because they allowed us insight into eachother's personalities, points of view, interests? Has Voyager ever been put in danger because of our arguements?"

"That's different, we don't live with eachother every day and night...Yes, we can sort things out, when we've had some time apart to think about it. But what if something big happens? Chakotay...I just don't think it would work..." Her brow creased as she gazed at him.

"You don't think so, or you know?" he asked her.

"I don't know, that's the problem."

"Exactly, it's not a certainty either way. But nothing is ever knownuntil it's tested. All I ask is that you think about it, Kathryn. I know you're a By-the-Book Captain, but we've already broken through Starfleet's restrictions by admitting our feelings, two months ago. By acting upon it at all. I think it could work, if you just gave it a chance."

She looked away for a moment. "I have to..think..." she said quietly to the floor.

He nodded. "That's all I ask," the Commander assured her. "Good night, Kathryn." He turned, and left her to the troubling thoughts he knew clouded her mind at this moment. She hadn't downright refused...There was hope.