Only the Hawk remembers Death

Imladris, January/February TA 3018

Gildor's POV

The Ashi'kha arrived in the morning. It was a cold, bleak morning towards the end of February, with a pearly sky that assured us there would be snow very soon. It was a small pack, yet Rivendell was in an uproar. As Raven had said, they had come as wolves, travelling the vast distance between their home in the dark mountains and the valley lightly and with little danger. These were the reason for unease even more than the Ashi'kha themselves. The guards had been forewarned, and Raven had been called to meet the pack. He had gone off as wolf, the only time I had seen him in a desperate hurry. He had pulled his robe over his head, shoved it at me, and set a group of elves coming from the bathhouses scattering as he tore across the yard in wolf form. I waited for them to arrive, screwed up inside. What would they be like? What would this change for Raven and me?

I went to stand at the edge of the first bridge, the last they would have to cross. The others waited in the yard, even Elrond. I was glad he left me alone. They did not take long to arrive, flanked, or rather followed, by three guards on horses. A large pack of large wolves. There were real wolves, too. Ten. They were slightly smaller and moved differently, too. I glanced around nervously. No dogs. Good. Ten wolves, eight Ashi'kha. Nine, counting Raven. Four of them were black, one grey, three brownish black. I tightened my grip on the stones of the bridge's side. Raven – to my own surprise I had no difficulty recognizing him among the other wolves – left the pack and ran across the bridge ahead of them. He reared, put his paws on my shoulder and pushed his muzzle under my chin briefly. Wolf-greeting. He dropped down and called the change. I gave him the bundle I held and he pulled the robe over his head. The pack had halted on the bridge. One of the black wolves came forward, ducked, and the Ashi'kha who faced me a moment later smiled. I was aware of the soft sounds of amazement behind me, the talk, but I could only look at him. He was shorter than me, shorter even than Raven, all muscles, sinews and tribal tattoos.

"This is Onakir, leader of the pack" Raven said "Nightchaser, in your language"

I licked my lips "My name is Gildor" I said "Be welcome to Imladris. Rivendell, in your language" I had not intended that formulation, only as I spoke realized it might sound like a snide reply. But Raven laughed, and Nightchaser did, too.

"Thank…you" he said in carefully phrased Quenya "We have been…called. We…came" he made a small gesture, encompassing the pack "We are…the first. More will come. My clan…will fight for…your people"

"Thank you" I said carefully. He had the authority to speak for his clan. I certainly did not "For my part, I am grateful that you will. Please come…with me now. My people are…not exactly used to dealing with changewolves"

Raven said something in Ashi'kha. Translating, I realized. Nightchaser nodded. He went with us, easily, unconscious it seemed of the looks he was getting. I glanced at Erestor, who kept to the back. A day after our fight in the council room I had sought him and tried to make my peace with him. I was not sure if I had managed, if he understood, but he had never spoken against the Ashi'kha coming here again. Knowing he was one of those with firsthand experience with werewolves I supposed that was the best I could expect. Maybe he could imagine now that the Ashi'kha were not the monsters they must have seemed to them.

We seldom carried weapons within the valley, but the scouts and guards usually had their knives with them, as now. But Nightchaser came with us alone, the pack waiting at the edge of the open space. Even to the most suspicious eyes he could hide no weapon – he was stark naked, after all. Inwardly, I had to grin. Let them hide their blushes.

I faced Elrond "This is Onakir, shaman of Wolf Clan and leader of this pack. In our language, his name is Nightchaser. Nightchaser, this is Elrond, Lord of Imladris"

Predictably, Elrond bowed slightly "Nightchaser, you and your…pack are welcome to Imladris. Please come inside with us. Was your journey here safe?"

He had no idea what to say. I pitied him, a little. But neither had I. Wolf Clan had no greeting rituals. Or rather, they greeted each other as wolves would, as Raven had greeted me. But thatdid not seem favourable now, nor was it possible. It would not be understood, and the divisions of rank were impossible to clear. Nightchaser seemed much better informed than we. He returned the bow calmly, and replied something in Ashi'kha. Raven, standing tensed and wary beside me, translated with some difficulty. He was nervous as well "He says to thank you for your welcome, and ask a place where…where the furred ones might stay. They would not enter a...house. He says their journey here…was undetected. The furred ones they saw and that saw them, were no more troubled than ever"

A direct answer to a rather formal question. Elrond glanced at me "There is the meadow behind the kitchen gardens. There is water, shelter, and they will be left alone…"

When Raven did not immediately react, I gathered my courage and pieced the words together in Ashi'kha. Nightchaser nodded "I will show them the way" Raven said quietly. He went back to the waiting wolves, and we went inside. The shaman took this all with a calm that surprised me. He had probably never entered a house in all his life, and followed Elrond serenely across the threshold and into the small hall. Nightchaser spoke some Quenya, and amusedly asked Elrond to speak slower, so he might understand. I wished I had some of his calm as I closed the doors, wondering if Raven would return on time to translate or if I had to fumble my way through this.

By nightfall, the immediate things had been settled. The small pack of real wolves was in the deserted gardens. To hunt, Raven had said quietly, they would leave the valley. To them it was a matter of territory he said when I wondered if that was not a case of impoliteness, if not to the wolves, then to the Ashi'kha. The valley was Elrond's, then so was the prey. To hunt in foreign land set off a fight for dominance, but no wolf would keep you from resting there.

After a small exchange it was clear that the Ashi'kha would share that garden with their pack-mates. Elrond appeared more distressed than puzzled by that, but did not contradict.

"Is that alright?" he asked deeply doubtful this night as snow started to fall "We cannot leave them outdoors just like this-"

"You'll do them a great favour leaving them there, I suppose" I said "If you provide them with food, they will be fine. Remember, none of them has ever been indoors"

None of the other Ashi'kha spoke a word of elven either, and compared to Nightchaser's accent Raven was easy to understand. Tonight, inside the Hall of Fire, they were all unfurred. Raven and I had provided them with loose gowns, for politeness sake. They had had enormous fun with the garments. Now I watched them, trying not to stare as many others did. I had hoped being with Raven gave me a little headstart with these strangers, and it did, but they remained – other. Strikingly, obviously other. To have one elf around that could shape-shift was one thing, to be faced with the reality of the Ashi'kha as a whole was different. Compared to his clan mates Raven had adapted so well into the outsiders' community that he remained different, but not obviously strange.

Yet these Ashi'kha were also very much different from what I had expected from knowing Raven. They were a merry lot, with little shyness in dealing with the Rivendell elves. Of course they appeared uneasy with being at the centre of attention and they remained careful of not overstepping any bounds in such a foreign surrounding, but none of them was as quiet and withdrawn as Raven had always been. The only way they displayed the same high-strung tension I knew from Raven when he was unaccustomed to a place was in their constant awareness of the exits and the people at their back.

For the time being Raven had to translate for them, yet they had quickly decided to try and learn a least the basics of Sindarin. So most of their talk tonight consisted of inquiring the names of all possible objects in the hall, food, furniture or eating utensils. Knives and forks they all knew, but they had great fun with spoons and corkscrews, never hesitating to draw any passing elf into their discoveries and inquiries.

Nightchaser seemed to be their undisputed leader, and wherever he went willingly the others would follow without dithering. At least, without obvious dithering or discussion. I guessed that most of their communication happened on the level of half instinctive mind-speech Raven tended to use when he was wolf. A very effective method obviously, since no disagreement surfaced enough to be witnessed.

Saelbeth and Lindir acted as impromptu guides and coaches, starting to return the Ashi'kha's inquiries for Sindarin words for equivalent phrases in Ashi'kha. I had picked up enough from Raven to speak the simple code of Ashi'kha, sometimes well, sometimes crudely, and knew that most items one could find in Rivendell had no correspondence in Ashi'kha. They simply had no chairs, doors or drinking glasses.

I took a place by the fire and drew a platter with fruit towards me. This was the first time I saw Raven at least moderately relaxed in company that was not my own, joking and laughing freely. I started when someone appeared at my side and twisted to find Nightchaser standing an arm's length from me. He now had a feather ornament braided into his hair which marked him as the shaman. He smiled shyly and tilted his head to inquire in carefully phrased Quenya "May…I…sit? I…would…speak with you"

"Of course" I replied, nodding and indicating the free chairs, wondering what for the life of me the shaman could want. Raven was still with the rest of the Ashi'kha and not available for translating. Nightchaser cast a glance at the fire, the same I had seen Raven turn on some blazes, and sat down gingerly. It turned out the dark elf's absence was the reason for shaman's presence.

Nighchaser made a small gesture and said slowly "I speak bad your words" he raised his hands and held them out before him "Two minds" he said, clasping them together again "I speak good then" he cocked his head slightly "You speak – yes?"

It took me a moment to see what the shaman meant. "Oh" I murmured, unsure. Well, this was not the time to be dainty. When I nodded, Nightchaser lightly placed a hand on my arm. Like Raven he obviously needed physical contact for mind-speech with more than just images. The shaman was very well shielded and made the contact easily, immediately adopting a repose that would allow us to exchange words and images while closing deeper emotions and stray thoughts out.

I was impressed, remembering the first shock when I had touched Raven's unshielded mind, where neither of us had been able to shield without closing mind-speech off completely as well. Nightchaser sensed my amusement and chuckled. 'But I am shaman. I do this so often, I should have some experience. Raven had none that way…You were there this morning, with him. He says you are his friend, yes?'

'I was there, yes' I agreed carefully. What Nightchaser associated with the 'words' he used was many-layered and complicated, and I had no wish to say more than I needed yet.

'Ah, but you are lovers. Don't you think he would not see a friend in you then?'

For a moment I was frozen. I considered pulling out of the touch, but that was neither polite nor of any use since the shaman obviously knew much more. Before I could think of phrasing a reply or question Nightchaser continued, obviously guessing what was going on beneath my shielding since he could not read me.

'Raven told me, and I would have known anyway once I touched him' he sent blithely, as if discussing the weather. That seemed to be the way with anyone of that profession, I thought wryly. Raven had remarked on Nightchaser's often maddening way. Knowing everything, and expecting everyone else to always remember that. Elrond sometimes had that annoying habit as well.

'We are kin. And I know him well – since he was born, in fact. I had hoped either he or Niy'ashi might take my place once, but Niy'ashi chose a path outside the clan, and where he went Kela'shin followed' He smiled. 'They were closer than lovers. When Niy'ashi died…– you saved his life, yes?'

'I am not sure' I replied, baffled at the shaman's quick jumps 'He was not…happy, at first'

'Yet he is with you'

'Maybe he is with me because I am the only one he knows' I said 'I do not feel talking about his private matters when he is not here, Nightchaser'

'I am not telling anything you do not know already' Nightchaser returned 'As I said, I know him very well, and while he was with the clan, he trusted me enough to let me show him a great deal of what I am doing as a shaman'

'He said he trained as…shaman for a while'

'Yes' Nightchaser watched me with bright, dark eyes 'If he would take it, he would have the power. But he would not. And he has changed since he and Niy'ashi left the clan, more even, I guess, with Niy'ashi's death. He has always hidden his heart. But now - he has also hidden his laughter. And in that, he has changed very much'

'I supposed so. He's easy with me, but I have not seen him laugh without scorn or mockery often before'

'Will you stay with him?' Another of those prodigious jumps, accompanied by a flood of different images. Travel. Ships. How did he know that? – Of course…Hurondil.

'I …– for as long as I can. - Yes'

Nightchaser's eyes reflected the fire glow for a moment as he shifted slightly. 'You do not think he will go with you'

'No. No I think not. Neither of us knows…if he will be…admitted. And he…the land as I remember it there – it is not like…this here. It is…without wolves'

'It is not the Hawk's world' Nightchaser said thoughtfully 'The Ashi'kha knew nothing of the Valar. Until his father came. Hurondil took a new name and learned our tongue, but we also wished to know where he came from. So he told us. I was a very young shaman then. I learned a lot from him. And since then I have wondered. We have wondered. Where our place is. If we are elves at all. What would happen if we tried to reach the West. But we are wolves more than elves, and so we never tried. And cared little. That way is not for us. Not by ship, in any case' Nightchaser chuckled 'That was a long speech. Forgive me, it is a habit sometimes. But I thought, maybe Raven would have…mentioned trying. He is one for rash decisions, you know'

'I know' I replied ruefully, feeling amused despite the gloomy thought of the west 'I resolved to try wolf way and to not think'

Nightchaser laughed softly and cast a look over his shoulder. 'That is well. Now…there comes our host. I believe I should meet him?'

Indeed Elrond had just entered the hall. I nodded. 'He will not talk business tonight, though, I think'

Nightchaser rose carefully from his chair, still clasping my arm and now squeezing it lightly in farewell "Now…we will dance. It…how say you? Breaks the ice?"

I watched the shaman making his way over to the group of Ashi'kha and Elrond. A space was cleared in the Hall and Nightchaser announced their intention. Lindir went with the players to find suitable instruments and they returned quickly with drums and flutes. Someone of the minstrels had collected instruments of various people, and the Ashi'kha had chosen those that came closest to what they knew - wooden flutes and skin-covered drums were positively crude, but the Ashi'kha set up their two players unconcernedly and then came into the middle. They had fabricated some sort of paint during the day, and the small group gathered around a flat clay pot filled with a black stuff. There was a muted discussion between them, and much snickering as they poked the substance which had obviously not turned out as it should have. The dancers took off the borrowed tunics and robes so that they had freedom of movement and the artful tribal tattoos elicited some curious glances. They distributed their roles in the dances, painting different patterns according to that. I found that Raven with his tattoos on arms and shoulders was almost moderately equipped. Half of the Ashi'kha dancers sported twisting patterns over the whole body. Probably for modesty's sake the two women that had come with the group did not take part in the dance and instead were in charge of the instruments. After a while of watching the preparations I wanted to see more of what was going on and made my way through the hall and towards Raven, who had taken a seat on the floor beside the drummers.

"Gods, were have you been?" Raven breathed when I sat down beside him "I thought I had insulted you"

"My, no" I was puzzled "I did not want to get in the way. These are your people, after all. I do not know them enough to start meddling in…politics"

Raven snorted softly "And I'm the right person for politics? After all, this is not politics yet. This is just…fun, I suppose you can call it. And at least you don't have to ogle so that we must fear there will be even more eyeballs lying around after tonight"

I snickered "Is that why I assume the women don't dance tonight?"

Raven managed to keep a straight face "Right"

He was prevented from adding a succulent comment when one of the dancers called out a question to him. I followed the brief exchange with some fascination. Just from hearing the sounds I would have thought two mountain cats were cursing each other.

"He wanted to know where east and west are. They can't see the sky from in here" Raven explained when he saw my blank look "He also wanted" he added with a soft growl "That I dance with them some time tonight"

In the meantime the six dancers had lined up so that they were facing each other in a circle and started moving around with the first slow drumbeats.

"Are you going to?" I glanced sideways at Raven, who had sat back on his heels, watching the dancers through narrowed eyes. They were turning with the sun, so I was spared asking what east and west had to do with this. Raven did not seem thrilled at the prospect, but nodded firmly. I turned my attention to the dance. The speed picked up and after some time of circling and shifting of speed and rhythm each of the dancers followed his own rhythm and direction.

'Kaiara means what? Changing?'

Raven nodded slightly 'Change, circle, or seasons. We count six seasons. Snow-time, thaw and first green, flowering, summer, leaf-turning or berries, and hunting time or leaf-less. That is why six dancers' We count winters, not summers. I noticed the unconscious starting of Raven's list with winter. Ashi'kha mentality in practice. Had I been asked for the count of the seasons I suspected I would have started out with spring without second thoughts.

There were now two dancers to each of the two drums, and one dancer to each of the two flutes. The flute-dancers almost flowed through the motions while the drum-dancers held a wild hopping rhythm. With each clapping and stomping a different dancer dominated the circle for a while.

The music ended with all the dancers in the middle, and one after the other moved to his original place in the circle, flushed and out of breath. Aside from the music there was a stunned silence in the Hall. Then a great cheer went up in the Hall. Nightchaser came over and talked softly to Raven. He held the pot of dark paint in his hands. Raven stared at it for a moment, then nodded. He shook off his gown and freed his hair from the leather thong holding it back before joining the small group. One of the Ashi'kha dancers took the pot from Nightchaser and carefully traced a bird-like pattern on Raven's face and arms. The shaman was left alone in the middle of the cleared space.

"Next dance" he announced when the noise had died down and the dancers were ready "is sacred dance" He turned to Raven and held out one hand "Hawk Dance"

That probably meant little to the onlookers, but I knew what it was about. Hawk, shadow world, shin'a'sha. Raven paled slightly, and I sensed him steel himself, though little of his tension showed in his movements when he walked into the circle to take a position opposite of Nightchaser. I wondered if shaman-ways were as inconsiderate of personal reservations as some healers' were single-minded, and if the shaman had told Raven just which dance he wanted him to do. But no. Raven would have known from the paint pattern and also would have flatly refused the request if he had been completely unwilling.

The Hawk Dance retold the story of hawk and raven meeting after the hawk had returned from the newly discovered spirit world. As shaman, which translated as hawk-caller in Ashi'kha, Nightchaser of course take the hawk's part in this. It seemed a little ironic that the raven's part now fell to Raven. I vividly remembered his words about the raven being the living bird, the one with a dislike for sacred business.

There were no drums at first, only flutes, and Nightchaser danced alone while Raven crouched on the ground. Judging by the sudden stunned silence no one had expected so much grace from the Ashi'kha. The shaman's motion mimicked a circling and diving hawk so clearly that I could almost see the shadow of that bird following him.There were two abrupt changes in the shaman's dance, subtle shifts in speed and motion which were nevertheless perceptible to the audience. I could not say what exactly Nightchaser did to make these visible. The hawk crossed out of this world into the spirit world, breaking through the shadow at the edge of the world, so the tale said. The flutes stopped and Nightchaser ended up on his knees in front of the crouching dark elf, his arms spread to recall a posing hawk. The flowing, almost haunting melody of the flutes shifted into a swift, rising and falling motion and the drummers set in. Both Nightchaser and Raven leaped up and began a swift dance around each other. The raven teased the hawk as he returned from the spirit world.

In the seasons-dance the performers had only circled each other or mirrored the other's motions without touching, but now the dancers actually moved together. They linked arms or hands, whirled around, dropped to the ground and leaped over the other. I had never, never seen Raven dance before, and found myself trying hard to keep my jaw from dropping. I had thought my seeing sword-fighting as a dance was fancy – now I knew where he had got his weird, dirty fighting from: Ashi'kha dancing!

The rhythm of flutes and drums separated and so did the dancers. Hawk and raven went their own way when they reached the mountains. The raven did not understand what the hawk said about the spirit world. In single dancing the difference in their motion was as striking as the difference between a hawk gliding on motionless wings and a raven rising and falling with a gale. Then Raven and Nightchaser moved towards each other once more and Raven dropped to the floor into a hunched position, his hair falling forward to hide his face. The posture recalled a raven ducking into the storm and flustering its feathers. Nightchaser knelt down behind him and held his arms slightly spread above him. The drums stopped, but the flutes continued while the dancers were absolutely still for a long moment.

I expected the dance to end, but then one of the women stood up and began to chant. Her lines were taken up by the Ashi'kha who had previously helped Raven with the paint, creating a strange echo. All eyes flew towards the singers for a moment. Chanted Ashi'kha was indescribable. The sound made my skin prickle. The dance continued, now only following the flute and the chanting. Nightchaser leaned forward and lowered his arms until they lay on Raven's, then followed Raven's motion as he crossed his arms before his chest so they almost embraced. They both got to their feet without breaking the physical contact. The hawk leads the osh'ar of the dead into the next world. The pair stood motionless for a moment, and Nightchaser seemed to be speaking to Raven, whispering into his ear. He closed his hands on Raven's wrists and slowly spread his arms. I could see the muscles in Raven's arms stand out, but he did not fight the shaman's pull. Someone entered the Hall, opening and closing the great doors, and the strong stream of air made the torches flicker. Shadows raced across the dancers. I flinched and looked up. For a second, the trick of light and shadow had given the impression of black wings fluttering on the ground, spreading and rising up to the roof as the torches burned calmly once more. Instinctively I glanced around to see if anyone else had noticed something. Glorfindel was across the space nearly opposite me. I caught his eyes over the crowd and received a small nod back. There was no time to wonder. Nightchaser continued to lead through the slow, flowing motions that followed. When music and chanting ceased, the last echoed line dying away in a hiss, the dancers ended up on the floor once more, kneeling close behind each other with their arms spread wide and their hands joined. Nightchaser bowed his head, resting his cheek against Raven's, who held his eyes closed.

There was along moment of silence before everyone realized the dance had ended, and the ban was broken. Clapping and cheering followed, and the Ashi'kha dancers returned into the clear space. One of them dragged Lindir and Saelbeth with him and there was a short discussion before Lindir shouted for volunteers to join a festival dance.

Raven extricated himself from the dancers and slipped out of the circle 'Just a moment' he told me and was gone. Lindir actually found seven volunteers to pair off with the dancers and the Ashi'kha started out to teach them the basic motions of the dance. That worked quite well as it was a dance intended for partners and each Rivendell-elf was paired up with one Ashi'kha who could take the lead. Raven did not return after 'a moment'.

Fine, and where was he? Probably out on the terrace. That was Raven - when in trouble, go out.

I followed the wall under the gallery to the terrace-doors. I pushed them shut behind him without entering the terrace. Raven stood at the parapet, grasping the stone slabs so tightly his knuckles were white.

"Raven?"

No reaction. I leaned against the wall and waited. Raven sighed and turned around. He was still out of breath. I glanced at him "I…didn't know you…could dance that good"

Raven gave a short laugh "Neither did I"

Far below, the Bruinen rushed. The night was wintry cold and full of stars. A slight wind stirred our hair, and the silence seemed welcome after the music in the hall. Raven seemed to hover somewhere between anger and sadness, unable to decide for either. The dark paint made him look pale and sharp. I had taken the pattern for a bird-mask, but now I saw that it recalled a wolf's face as much as a bird's. A combination of the two traditional outlines. He did not pull away when I closed the remaining distance between us to embrace him, unheeding of the paint. He only pressed nearer to me, shivering.

"So that was the Hawk Dance" I said softly. I pulled my cape forward to wrap it around Raven as well.

"It is a sacred song" he said quietly "It is never…sung without truly invoking the Hawk spirit. It is never sung when there is no one to…to be…escorted somewhere by…that spirit. The only song we have that calls to a power. Vach'khan, you know…"

I rested my cheek against his for a moment, not knowing what to say. If that dance was never done without actually invoking the Hawk to escort a fёa…at least that dance they had not done simply to 'break the ice' as Nightchaser had said. But Raven knew of the Valar – he knew the other way, and therefore the Hawk could never give him the security it was supposed to do.

"And…what do you…feel now?"

"I don't know" Raven said softly "I really have no idea. It was…right to do it. So my people's part…my own part…is finished…I didn't know it would be this hard. But if the…Ashi'kha part holds true, he is…in the right world now, and maybe Nightchaser can…can walk shina'a'sha one day and tell me –'

I looked past Raven's head into the night. It was no use to ask this of the wolf. But of Raven…- "And what…will you do then?"

"I don't know" Raven seemed very well aware the question carried further into the future then what it sounded like at first "It…depends, I suppose. On…"

"O what?"

Raven squeezed his eyes shut "When you sail…" he said finally "and Nightchaser can assure that the hawk flies…why should I stay?...But it is not fair to say so"

"If you had known for sure back then that…you would be taken into the Hawk's world – you would not have…waited a moment, then?"

"I have no reason to…leave as long as you are here"

Raven did not stop shivering "You are cold" I said "We should go back inside"

Raven shook his head "I don't want to go inside yet. Just…just stay with me, will you?"

"I…there is one thing I just realized" Raven whispered suddenly "Niy'ashi means Laughing Wolf…

The sand keeps my tracks

As long as the waves sleep –

Yet bright is the Hawk's flight

And the wolf's laughter"

That was the verse that went with him…his name. I see now…"

I bit my lip "Maybe sometimes…maybe in a way your brother was right…saying the Valar aren't fair. But I keep thinking the whole world-circle has a wicked sense of irony"

Raven was very still in my arms. There was a catch in his breath, but he did not look at me or speak at all. After years with him I knew the worst I could do was trying to make him talk. Words of comfort were always empty. So we stood in silence for a long while, wrapped in my cape. Muted snatches of music and laughter sounded from the hall and mingled with the steady roar of water.

"They…what did they sing?" I asked then, hoping to shake Raven out of his paralysis "I mean, the little I know of Ashi'kha was no use in making sense of the words. I couldn't even tell where one ended and the other began"

Raven gave a half-hearted laugh "Should be. They used the Ritual Code"

"Is it a…secret song?"

"No. No it's not secret. Coming to think of it, we would be fools to keep of our tales secret anymore. The more who know, the better the chance someone remembers"

A piece of wisdom I wished the Eldar had taken to heart a bit earlier "Chances are you get misunderstood rather than remembered" I said quietly.

"Yes. Maybe it is better to be forgotten wholly then. I don't know"

Raven fell silent again. When he spoke, I had to lean even closer to hear him "Much of it is lost if I…have to translate into words only, but anyway. This is the Hawk Song as they just sang it:

black-winged passes

winter's night

bright blazing

into winter

once more

bright cold, blinding

they went

and now it is gone

shelter high and dark

forbids

all paths

disappears

cold-bright

it sleeps burning

they went

follow, hunting the dark

out in wide-plain

black-winged passes

night forever

into day

You must remember" Raven added softly "that for us dawn is the time of death, and the starlit dark passed with the rising of the sun. The word for hawk also means day, and the…spirit world was discovered only because the sunrise startled him into flight - but still he…flies for the dead. So this is one meaning. You'll find hardly any song in Ashi'kha that does not have at least two levels of meaning. Hope and despair always go together in the songs. We…even have only one word for them, and just the connected images tell you which side it refers to"

"If one word means both day and night, or hope and despair, no wonder you cannot figure out the old songs anymore" I said with wry smile.

"No" Raven agreed quietly "They were made to reflect the moment, and what they meant that instant is invariably lost over centuries – within days even, maybe"

It was not a comforting idea "But then nothing is left. Not even words"

"No. Especially not words" Raven looked at me, then straightened abruptly "Only the moment. That is what the wolves teach us everyday. Come" he turned around and took my hands "Let's go back inside. They will be doing their festival dance still, and I – I don't want to miss the chance to see you dance"

"Me?" I asked, horrified "I can't dance Ashi'kha way. Absolutely not"

Raven smiled "I have seen you dance before. You can do it. And I did not say I would only watch" He pulled the doors open and nudged me inside "I want to dance with you"

We did dance that evening. And more Ashi'kha way than I had expected. While we waited for the previous dance to end, Raven suddenly held out the pot of paint.

"Kil'tor" he hissed softly "Dance as pack-mate tonight"

I blinked, eying the paint suspiciously "Are you sure that is wise?"

"For my people, yes. For yours, I don't know"

"Alright" I said after a moment "I will"

Raven patted the ground and I sat down with him, turning my back to the watching audience. Raven gestured for me to take off my shirt.

"You care to explain what you're doing?" I whispered as he set to drawing a large design on my back. The paint felt cold, but I wished his touch would not have the effect on me it most definitely had.

"Khai'toh" he said softly, moving around me to trace a series of two symbols on my arms which were connected and inverted to form a complex-looking pattern.

"The wolf" He finished the triangular design I was very familiar with by now, and grinned briefly when he noticed my reaction.

"Pack-mate. Hunter" Raven added a stripe across my eyes, which ended in two claw-like swipes on each cheek, and nodded in satisfaction. I had not braided my hair tonight, and he reached out to touch the long strands briefly "Kil'tor. Raven-dance. You know that one"

I nodded. He had shown me one dance, and one only, in all the years we had been together, the Raven Dance. It had, as far as he had informed me, no further ritual meaning than to evoke the raven-nature as opposed to the Hawk. It was a wild, whirling and hopping dance, which repeated a number of set movements in free combination. If it was danced with a partner or in several pairs at once, it became a sort of sword-dance without weapons. Still I was relieved when Nightchaser and one other got up also, and there were four people dancing instead of Raven and I alone. I felt a curious mixture of temerity and defiance, doing this in front of the whole valley. But after a moment, there were only Raven and the music to concentrate on, and reckless elation. Maybe as the hawk-shadow had fluttered across the Great Hall tonight so the raven-spirit asserted itself as well.

When the feast ended and the Ashi'kha retreated to their shelters near the gardens I followed Raven outside as well, to the place where the wolves stayed. Most of the pack was asleep when we arrived, but a few came to sniff at us. There was a wider variety of wolves than I had expected. Mountain-wolves mostly, but also slightly smaller forest-wolves and a few slender plains-wolves. Wolf Clan had gathered all lone wolves that would follow them, it seemed. We sat for a while and watched them, scratching the fur of those who came to us and enjoyed a rub.

"You know" I said after while "You effectively live in my world, but it is you who can give all these things – names, for example"

"You mean, Kil'tor or Nok'ashi…"

"…Kela'shin"

Raven glanced at me "Not everyone is…strong enough to carry their own name openly"

"Or foolish enough" I smiled "So you said in the beginning"

"So I did…And I also asked you then if Kil'tor is your name"

I hesitated "I did not understand you then. I still do not"

"But you are…still far from the place you belong, aren't you?"

"Raven…I am as close to anywhere I belong when I am…here"

"In Imladris?"

"No" I looked at him "With you"

He sat beside one of the clan's wolves, a huge beast whose head was higher than his at the moment. I knelt down beside him but refrained from touching.

"I do not know who I am any longer" I admitted softly "Maybe I never did. You are the one for names. Maybe you can tell me"

Raven blinked "Come…come here" he pulled me closer, wrapping his arms around me "My people do not believe in chance, or coincidence, or fate. If you are Gildor, you are also Kil'tor. And you are more Kil'tor than Nokashi, because Kil'tor you have always been"

He was silent for a long moment "I…there is an Ashi'kha song…

Oshara, osha, shin,

toh vach khan'un;

akh'nosh, akh'ashi,

n'sakeshi har.

Do you…know what that means?"

"No" I said quietly "You spoke the ritual code"

I could feel him nod "In Quenya, it means something like this:

Breeze, wind, storm,

The power is mine.

Black-winged, black-furred,

I am alive.

You…see that meaning?"

"…You. It is…about you"

Raven gave another small nod "It is me. My song. Before each name, there is a song. Like Niy'ashi's. That…is the way we give names…I offered you the name of Nokashi…But as I said, you are Kil'tor, too…There is another song…:

Toh ashu

kehansh n'toh,

thu'ka noshr'ir hinyan kagar,

i toh han

n'kopar.

In Quenya it means:

A wolf

I thought myself,

but the owls hoot,

and the night I fear…

I said once that I am…Khaniru'a'rel, keeper of the songs. I still am. I keep the old songs, but I also have the…right to make new ones. I give this to you. It is yours, both for Kil'tor and Nokashi"

I was very still for a long while, listening to Raven's breathing and the soft sounds of the wolves in the night.

"Once more, I can give you nothing in return" I said finally, but Raven interrupted me "You are here now. With me, with the wolves. Is that nothing?"

"You are right, maybe" I said after a while "That is everything. I should listen to my own words"

I did not care that we were in the old gardens, surrounded by wolves. With them here, no one else would dare to approach. After a while I turned a little in Raven's arms, returning his embrace for a moment before gently stroking his face and shoulders. I traced the dark strip on his cheeks "Pack-mate"

"Yes" He kissed me, but then let me bear him down on the grass and shift my touch further down. When I fought with the knot of his loincloth he laughed and twisted as well to tug my belt open "So many layers, and a simple knot stops you"

"Not…for long" I promised softly. It was fascinating just what great obstacles leggings and boots could prove. We wriggled around for a while, then one of the wolves decided to join Raven's tugging and dug his teeth into my remaining boot, pulling it off.

"Go away, beast" I gasped, pushing at him "Raven, I would prefer not to share this with your other pack-mates"

Raven grinned, panting a little as he rolled me over on my back and shifted to straddle my thighs "Ignore them"

"It is hard to concentrate on other things when the grass if freezing and wolves gnaw at my heels" I managed.

Raven laughed softly "Be glad…it is…your heels. But if the grass disturbs you…we can just as well…exchange places"

Chapter Notes:

The line "where only the hawk remembers death" is of course shamelessly taken from the Solamnic prayer to Paladine. You can find it in full in Dragons of Winter Night by Margaret Weis&Tracy Hickman. The short version runs:

Return this man to Huma's breast

Beyond the wild impartial skies;

Grant to him a warrior's rest

And set the last spark of his eyes

Free from the smothering clouds of wars

Upon the torches of the stars.

Let the last surge of his breath

Take refuge in the cradling air

Above the dreams of ravens where

Only the hawk remembers death.

Then let his shade to Huma rise

Beyond the wild, impartial skies.

I took a fancy to it long before starting on RDCTS, and it finally provided a sort of key-line for my Ashi'kha people's belief.

Niy'ashi's song is based on a Choctaw warrior's death song of which I only have the German translation:

"Wenn ich vorübergehe

bewahrt die Prärie meine Spuren

solange

wie der Wind schläft"

The one Raven gives to Gildor is a Lakota dream-song (given in Barry Lopez, Of Wolves and Men):

"A wolf

I considered myself

But the owls are hooting

And the night

I fear"

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