3020

Third Age 3020, near Imladris

Elrond's POV

I could not believe this. A hunting trip, a scout-foray, a simple patrol to see how the empty lands fared. Nothing special. The days had passed peacefully indeed. And now that we were near the valley again we got into this clam?

A small group of orcs, sodden and furtive creatures, the white hand on their ragged armour now soot-stained and hardly visible anymore, clambered in the ravine below. They were on our heels, on our tracks, and they outnumbered us three to one. Still, we could have taken them on, but our plot of cornering them in the ravine had failed. Hunted probably since their miserable escape from Isengard their wariness was so great that they had scented us already. And now they stopped. Our choice was to plunge down the steep walls and hope to have enough surprise in our attack that we killed their surplus before it came to hand-to-hand combat, or to run.

We would not run, but to charge down the near vertical walls was madness as well. If they came up our path, we would be cornered up here instead. And only Faranaur and Caltarin had bows. I swore heartily. A few moons ago I could have called on Vilya, brought the small rivulet at the floor of the ravine up into a roaring flood. It was connected to the Bruinen, after all. Now, I was stuck up here on the rocks' side like a beetle, small and helpless, and all others with me as well. I detested this, hated it, and smothered the feeling quickly. I had fought battles before I had borne Vilya, and I had survived then, too.

Raven crouched at the edge, flat on his stomach. The orcs knew we were up here. They had seen the path up, so much Raven had gathered that from their talk, but they had not yet seen us. It made little difference. Gildor and I stood with our backs to the rock-wall behind us.

"Would you attack?" I asked as we watched Raven worming his way along the edge.

Gildor shook his head "Wait what he says. I would attack, yes, but you know it would not be wise"

"It wouldn't" I agreed "It would be madness" I glanced at him, but he watched Raven and avoided my eyes. Raven slithered back and came over to us "They debate over coming up here. But they don't like the narrow path. We can wait till they come and try to defend the place where the path reaches our ledge-"

"Only one of us at a time could fight. We would be too vulnerable, they all have bows" I interrupted, but Raven nodded and continued "But if we act now, we can get them all. I know you do not like this, but I ask you to give me leave to do what I can" He gestured to the overhang on which he had crouched "You can feel this is all loose and waits to fall. I can make it fall"

And a few moons back I could have done the same. Another way, but the same result. He did not say it, but we all knew it. There was a shout from the bottom of the ravine.

"They attack" Raven spun and ran to the edge, dropping sharply to his knees there. Instinctively I moved forward as well, but Gildor jerked me back. I could feel Raven pulling at the forces within the living rock, the earth gathered among the loose gravel, pulling it towards himself recklessly. I shivered. With Vilya I had been able to move, to master those forces, but Raven connected them to himself, steered them not with his will but his mind. I could almost feel the ground quivering, answering. It was too great a strain. There was no boundary between Raven and the earth-force he was calling on. I realized what Raven was trying to do, and immediately knew he alone could not do this, try as he might. Gildor knew it, too. He let me go and ran over to Raven, grabbing him. He had been shielded against me always. Now, he had to abandon all his careful shields in order to help Raven, giving him the chance to fully draw on the bond he had never closed completely since Lorien. Raven drew on the additional strength Gildor offered him, and used it as his own to force the ground itself into budging. I did not think about breaking my connection to Gildor. There was a rush as of blood draining from a wound. Saelbeth jerked me back just in time, shaking me "Come to your senses! They know what they are doing, Elrond" Before I could round on him, there was a low roar which grew into a crash. Harsh orc-cries grew shrill in surprise. Dust rose from the ravine, making us choke.

For some reason the overhang the two crouched upon did not fall. Heavy dust settled around us. Saelbeth crept to the edge and looked down. He gave a curt signal, telling us that all was in order. I ran to the huddled heap of Gildor and Raven, glancing briefly into the ravine. There was an enormous amount of rubble there. In fact, the whole opposite wall appeared to have crumbled, along with a portion of the one we stood upon. The narrow and deep ravine had become a small flat valley. Nothing stirred there. Saelbeth took three guards and went down to check for survivors. Errive joined me. Even without Vilya, I remained sensitive of earth-forces. For a moment, I had lost track of the sparks that were both Gildor and Raven, but I realized with deep relief now that both were still breathing.

"Help me get them away from the edge"

I rolled Gildor over and wrapped my arms around him to drag him away from the crumbling drop. Raven was out cold and did not even stir when Errive picked him up. He could not have been a heavy load, because Errive lifted him in his arms easily. Gildor made a small, growling sound and twisted to shake me off. It wasn't a feeble push but a quite directed attack that caught me completely off guard for a moment. I could hear stones and gravel still coming loose and rattling down the sides of the cliffs. I pulled Gildor back with me roughly, questing for his unshielded mind as I struggled with him. He was still connected to Raven's mind. I had unshielded to him, and faced the wolf squarely, only barely managing to break the strong tie between the two before he shook me off, both mentally and physically. Shocked, I crouched beside him with our backs to the firm wall. I glanced at Errive, who shook his head "Raven's alright I think. But we should get them into some warmer place for the night. Wasn't there a cave somewhere near, Elrond?"

"Yes" I said absently "Up this path and a little south. Saelbeth, what is down there?"

"Lots of rubble. Caltarin and Ergil will wait for a while, but we are pretty sure nothing lives under those stones anymore. There are quite some rocks come loose"

He knelt beside us worriedly "Will they be alright?"

"I think so. We will go to the cave and see when they wake up. I can do nothing here" I swallowed frustration. I could do precious little these days! "Tell the two down there that Rawegil and Faranaur will relieve them at midnight" I added and got up "It will be some walk if we have to carry these two"

After the unpleasant surprise with the orcs I was glad to find the cave deserted and empty. We dropped our packs and Rawegil and Faranaur went to get firewood. Saelbeth refilled all our water-flasks and Errive and I stayed with Gildor and Raven. Gradually, I could puzzle together what had happened, and my respect rose with my anger. Did Gildor not know what he was doing? Or did he not care? I had consciously refrained from remarking on anything that concerned his unrestricted bond to Raven. First and foremost because it was solely his personal decision and risk, and then because I knew he would probably kill me if I further interfered with him. When Errive crouched beside me, I jerked out of my thoughts, realizing that I had sat here for a long while. Errive held an apple and a hunk of bread under my nose "Faranaur has gone hunting. Saelbeth will take his place tonight. Eat"

"Thank you" I nibbled at the apple, but ate mostly because I knew I should. For a moment, I had faced the wolf, only the wolf. Not Raven-wolf, not Gildor, only the wolf, and he had stood against me. Without Vilya, that experience still made me shiver, even now. I tried to shake that off, finished my meal without tasting much, and checked on the unconscious Raven. He had always been lean, but whatever had happened in Lorien during the War had drained any reserves he had had. I took his hand, sinew and bone and little flesh, into mine and quested for his mind gently. But I did not meet the wolf, raw and roaring, only the fuzzy absence of consciousness. With some hesitation, I lowered my shields to check on him with proper healing energies. I found none of the angry red disturbance that went with hurt, and retreated, relieved. Whatever he had done, it seemed to have caused no lasting harm. Something I would not have sworn by a few hours ago.

In moments like these I missed the power of the Ring even more keenly. Right, the continuous strain of controlling her was gone. I could get used to the tiny things that had changed or ceased with the stop of her activity, I could even accept the growing weariness that left her nothing but a dead weight on my finger – but I could not accept the loss of her support of my healing powers. I touched Gildor with much more restraint. Not that I feared to find the wolf's mind still guarding him, but because I knew his own power and did not want to find myself on the receiving end of a startled strike by him. I could defend myself against Raven and whatever an Eldarin mind might do if it thought itself threatened by me – but Gildor might have adapted enough of Raven's mental techniques to be dangerous to me. He was not as deeply unconscious as Raven, but still I could not wake him. He was not hurt either, only deeply exhausted. Though he did not draw back from my touch to his mind I could feel his uneasiness. After a brief struggle with myself I conceded and pulled back.

Faranaur returned with a hare. We prepared a small meal, setting a little aside for Caltarin and Ergil, then Saelbeth went off with Rawegil to take over their watch. Errive and I shared the night's watch-duty, an arrangement that had always one healer awake. The next day Rawegil returned alone, saying Saelbeth had gone to try his hunting luck. I nodded, but looked down at my hands thoughtfully. Always before, it had been self-understood that neither I nor any other healer was expected to hunt. With Vilya, I had been glad that I had not needed to kill, but right now I wondered if it would still make a difference. I was not more sensitive or bound to sharing pain than any other healer anymore, and still they all acted as if we should not touch a knife to hunt or kill. And Saelbeth himself was not keen for hunting, I knew.

At least I managed to wake Gildor around midday. He was quite groggy and unable to stand on his own, but ignored my worried inquiries until he had checked on Raven for himself.

"You can trust me to speak true when I say he is not hurt" I said, all my frustration with myself and at his recklessness combining to make me snap.

Gildor rounded on me sharply "The ring is dead and you can trust me when I say you could not have released the force he did to save our asses down there"

We were alone and he did not hold to the little respectful distance he still kept towards me when others were around.

"He nearly killed you in this mad scheme, don't you realize that?" I demanded.

"Elrond, I stood back once when I should have gone forward, and there was more at stake then than here! I will not make the same mistake again!"

"No one blames you for that, damn you!" I hissed "I am not talking about us or anyone, I am talking about you. Do you care so little what becomes of you?"

"Are you telling me that again?" Gildor demanded in an equally soft hiss. He was shaking, but I did not know if it was weakness or fury. Once more, he was tightly shielded against me.

"Do you know what happened when we tried to get you off that damn edge that was crumbling to dust beneath you? You nearly knocked me down, you did. Because there was a wolf's mind controlling you!"

"Nothing controlled me!"

"Oh yes it did. How can you do this? Allow this? Are you becoming a beast yourself?"

"Would you rather end up stuck full of orc-spears, Elrond of Rivendell? How conceited can you get?"

"Answer my question!"

Gildor snorted and turned away. Angrily, I jerked him around and pushed him back against the rough stone-wall. For the moment he did not have his full strength and I knew that was the only reason he did not fight me. Even with Vilya faded I felt his anger as searing heat and wondered if I had not gone one step too far finally. Gildor closed his eyes for a moment "Let me go"

"Answer me"

"Let me go, Elrond. Now"

I was familiar with his temper, and with the way he could turn a seemingly deadly challenge into a jest. I half expected him to add one absurd boast that would turn all this into a laugh. But this was a different Gildor than I knew. He only stared at me, breathing hard, the demand hovering between us. Suddenly I knew that for a moment we were two wolves staring at each other before one gave in or they fought. I curbed my own anger and slowly released him, finding the furious heat in me gone quite cold. I was still angry at his foolishness, but could not describe this new feeling. My hands shook suddenly "Answer me, Gildor" I whispered.

He nodded, slowly "If that is what it seems to you is happening, I will not say it is bad"

Practice kept my jaw from dropping, I guess. My own world crashed into another one I had up to then not known could exist. One in which he would be alone forever. Couldn't he see that?

"You were born Elda. Would you be half a beast just to stay here? Just to fight the sea?"

"If I could be thrice as much beast as Raven is, Elrond, I still would not be half a beast. I have been born Elda, you are correct. But it helps me little, it only hinders"

He was turning my words around even as I spoke them. I stared at him, unable to form a reply. I remembered well what he had said before the war. How far had he gone into that world he built for himself, that he built around a creature neither wolf nor elf?

Outside the cave Errive called my name "Give us a hand here, please, can you?"

"Coming"

I looked at Gildor once more, feeling suddenly desperate. Was it not enough that our world was fading without mercy? Did Gildor have to try and shatter what remained? What did he hope to gain? There was nothing along this way he walked, except the remnant of the ancient doom. Would he rather become a houseless fёar drifting powerless and regretful in a world it could never inhabit again? Would he sacrifice the last hope of the West for his pride?

And how blind had I been not to see how much he really meant to me? Like my sons had later become he had always been a vengeful being, stubborn and proudly always going the way he chose. He had never depended on me, my judgement, or my wishes. But Glorfindel had been right, Gildor had always been loyal to me and true to his word. I did not want to lose him to a life of senseless existence in which only instincts ruled. I could not imagine that was what he desired. But he only returned my gaze flatly, having not moved once.

"Forgive me" I muttered, and hastily left the cave.

Once he was awake, he did not leave Raven alone in the cave with me. It was when Saelbeth returned from watching and, reporting we could drop our surveillance of the ravine, sat down beside the dark elf that he finally went off to the near brook. I was put off by that useless lack of trust in me, then decided Gildor was not doing it because of me but for Raven. The younger elf had never ceased to fear me, though he would travel with me or give as tart replies as anyone else. It was the involuntary and by no means personal objection I thought I had against specially Gildor's doing that made Raven wary of me. This was grating more on me than the loss of the rings and the inevitable consequences of that. I was reconciled to the end, in a way, though it was bitter. But I wished to have no grievances until that end overtook us. I waited for Gildor to return, but he took some time in coming back. He had only growled at our discreet offers for help and it would cost him considerable effort to go down to the brook and climb up here afterwards on his own. Finally I heard him swearing as he slipped somewhere outside, reaching the ledge in front of our cave. He did not come in, though, and after a while I went out to speak to him. I found he had already refilled our water-flasks, which were bundled up at the foot of the rock he perched on. Caltarin and Ergil would finish their circuit tonight, and we could start our way back to Rivendell if Raven was awake then and capable to travel. Which I doubted, though I would have been glad to go as soon as possible. It was a cool day, full of fitful light and shifting clouds. Half the time it looked like rain, then the sun would break through and for a while it would be fine and hot. Gildor gave me a resigned glance when I came out of the cave. He was barefoot and looked bedraggled, wearing only breeches and a shirt he had not bothered to lace up after his bath. Water dripped gently from his tousled hair. It had grown into a long reddish mane he wore mostly unbound these days, braiding only the strands that would permanently fall into his eyes otherwise.

"I don't want to argue" I said in greeting, feeling as weary as the land looked today. I moved to stand beside him and looked out over the rocky, almost barren area around and below. In the changing light, there was a dismal look to the sheer rocks and clinging bracken, remindful more of late winter than early spring. Well, in the mountains there was not so much difference between the two anyway. But in the valley, the first trees would be flowering now, when we returned.

"I cannot understand your motives, so let us put the differences aside" I said softly "The time we have left is too precious to waste on that. Let us use the year we have left better, my friend"

He looked at me, deeply startled, then stricken.

"Did you not know it?" I asked gently "It is the last full year for the former ring-keepers. It is all a long leave-taking and settling of affairs. In the Shire, the Halfling will find his world changed to exclude him in the end. And so our world here becomes smaller and greyer, too. To exclude us in the end. I am starting to realize I will be glad to leave. And to go in peace"

Gildor shook his head slightly, turning away to stare down at the rocks. For a moment he lost control of his composure and I could feel his pain at this announcement. I moved to embrace him and felt him stiffen, making a grab for his calm shielding before relaxing against me.

"I did not know. Maybe I did not think about it" he said finally. When he continued, I had to strain to hear him over the growing wind that came with a new bank of clouds "We have always shut it out, Raven and I. As a result I fear I have shut everything else out as well. Including you. I am sorry"

"You have found a way to survive" I said slowly "I see that, at least. I suppose you can walk only one way without tearing yourself in two. I know, I had to decide between commander and ring-bearer often enough"

He made a soft sound that might have been a laugh or a snort "At least you decided consistently an did not oscillate like an oil-blotch between Imladris and the wild"

I had to laugh wryly "I did not have much choice in the matter, Gildor. I could not afford the freedom of a winding path. If I rebuked you for it, maybe you should discount it as envy"

"And now that you can – do you no longer want to?" It was barely a whisper above the wind.

"I wonder" I said "I do not have the strength anymore, I fear. For a year, maybe two. But I find I do not want to leave the valley even then. So long. So far. I am getting old, my friend"

It was a joke, and he knew it well. It elicited at least a feeble snicker.

"I…am beginning to see what you really meant…last year. About the wolf. About Raven" I admitted finally "Is that your little trick, where you get the strength to stay year after year without feeling everything goes to dust around you?"

"If so, it is a gift, nothing of my doing, least of all a trick" Gildor said after a while "It is too alive for that"

"I see the sun there shining on that patch of heath" I said when he remained silent "But I know it is shining warm there more than I feel it. I know, and it is well, but I would not have the will to go there, for the little time the light will be there"

Gildor gave a small nod "You said your world has become small and grey. Despite the fact that Sauron is gone and all lands would be free now for us to travel in. But my world has become small, too. Only in another way, I think. There is nothing that drives me from this shore for that, but only tells me I could take that small world wherever I wish on this side of the sea. Because my little world is revolving around Raven. Around the wolf. And he has endless energy, it seems, enough for the two of us. It may be a small world, but it is yet full of life and colour. I know if the wolf were awake now, he would chase me over to that spot for a nap in the sun"

"Do you…miss the rings?" I finally dared to ask. Suddenly it seemed to be possible to talk to him as before, to simply pass over the pitfalls we ourselves had dug "Do you feel it that they are gone? You never…well, you never spoke your mind about Vilya to me, really. Only to Gil-galad"

Gildor gave a small sigh "You know I spoke against the rings when I was asked. But what should I have said to you other than what I did? I did not like what they were supposed to be doing, the knowledge that they depended on Sauron and that all that was accomplished with them would fall if ever he did. It never was nor is now my part to counsel others on what I think they should or should not do…But yes, I do feel the absence. I did not like it, but it used to be a relief for a while to be in Imladris back then, for the peace it gave not to count every sunrise. I would have been careful to go before it felt comfortable, but it never did. I had to leave every time I did, Elrond, or they would have strangled me. That is why I find it much harder to say that I now miss their effect nonetheless"

I nodded slightly. The clouds thickened and the rising gusts spoke of rain "Aren't you cold, just half-dressed?"

Gildor shook his head "You get used to it pretty soon, with the wolf"

He sat up, and I let him go, looking at him. He met my eyes squarely now, but without challenge.

"You were so upset about…the wolf's mind guarding me, Elrond. But I…find it easier to open myself to a beast that is completely itself than to a force whose final source lay in the Dark Lord. That would have dragged me before him the moment I lost control of it. Whatever the wolf might lose control of, it is nothing that I could not find in myself as well"

I mulled that over for considerable time before finding an answer. I had promised him I would not quarrel, and though everything in me revolted at the thought, I knew it had some merit. But I was not a wolf, and I had never been meant to be one.

"That is one thing that made me…react as I did" I said cautiously "Yet it is not so truly the wolf alone, I think. You…are right, there is not so much difference between a wolf's mind and our's, though believe me, I would never have thought I would say this. We are the Children of the One, not wolves or other beasts. But…Gildor, when Raven touches those energies that flow in the land, there is no barrier between him and what he touches. I said so when I realized what he was doing with the werewolf-spirits. We know the land itself can be under the shadow, and all the malice that may reside in such a strip of soil he would encounter unprotected. I think. Maybe his people would not even be affected by it so much. I know Sauron is gone, but pockets of his power remain, and he was not the only evil in the world, though maybe the greatest. You know that shaman of theirs, Nightchaser, he was in Imladris with his...pack all the while. I have seen what he could do, and he had no restraint to mesh his powers with mine, ring or no ring. So maybe I fear something they are not even aware of or vulnerable to" I trailed off.

"I do not know" Gildor said quietly "But I have never felt a shadow over what he did or what we did. I trust my own sense, Elrond. And if I come closer to the wolf in that than you would ever wish, I said it is not what worries me. Indeed I desire it"

I nodded with some effort "I promised to accept that, so I will. Let us go inside. If you are not cold, I am by now"

Chapter Notes:

Caltarin – (Q) bright morning

Ergil – (S) single star

Rawegil – (S) lion-sword

Errive – (Q) first of winter

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