Chasing the Night, Running from Darkness

4th Age 1, near Greenwood

Gildor's POV

"On the sea, on the ocean, on the island, on Bujan,

on the empty pasture gleams the moon,

on an ashstock lying in a green wood, in a gloomy vale.

Toward the stock wandereth a shaggy wolf, horned cattle seeking for his sharp white fangs; but the wolf enters not the forest, but the wolf dives not into the shadowy vale.

Moon, moon, gold-horned moon,

check the flights of bullets, blunt the hunters' knifes, break the shepherds' cudgels, cast wild fear upon all cattle, on men, on all creeping things, that they may not catch the gray wolf, that they may not rend his warm skin!

My word is binding, more binding than sleep, more binding than the promise of a hero."

Russian Charm

The black crouched in the shadows surrounding a clearing. A group of human hunters stood there, back to back, peering into the darkness around them. They carried torches, and the reek of burning tar almost made him sneeze. Also, they stank of blood, and fear. Blood of wolves, but the fear was their own. They were frightened, of the night, of the wolves, of the black wolf that was part of the night. Elation made him quiver. The wolf wanted to leap, leap now, and kill. But there was the matter of fire, and an unwolvish reasoning that kept him back.

Then there were howls, crashing underbrush, the hunters turned into the direction of the sounds, and the black started forward, half frightened, half furious. The heat of fire, the scent and taste of blood, and the screams of men and the wolf's own fear mingled in a maddening maelstrom.

I started awake, flinging the covers aside reflexively. It took me a moment to sort out dream and reality, see where I was. Alone, at the edge of the camp, where I had spread my bedroll under a large pine, so that the layer of dry needles on the ground kept the cold away. The icy night-air hit me like a load of water, cooling the sweat on my skin. I swore, pushing my hair back and staring into the quiet darkness for a while until my breath calmed. The wolf – Raven – was alive. I would know if it were otherwise. But the dream had been cruelly vivid. Had I watched through the wolf's eyes? Had I just caught an echo of his dreams, seen what the black might desire?

Nahar's balls! I swore again and got up, snatching my shirt. No use going back to sleep now.

The camp was still asleep, mostly. A few sat around the fire, playing dice. The guards were invisible. I walked to the small brook to wash, then rounded the camp aimlessly, walking out of the light cast by the scattered fires. The hunter's moon had passed and winter was coming swiftly. The days grew steadily shorter and the light acquired a thinly golden quality. The smell of frost was in the air, and the trees were bare. A crispy carpet of leaves covered the forest floor. In the morning thick mists crept over the ground, fading only when the sun rose higher. Hunting would now become harder. The easy prey of young ones would have grown and learned to be careful. No animal was as yet weakened by lasting snow and cold.

Yet it was clear still, and the mountain heights free of snow. Winter, always winter. Year after year passed. The Ashi'kha counted the years in winters.

Leaving, waning, that was what winter was to them. And always, winter contained the next spring. That their legends said also. In winter, the nights were longest, and clearest. Akh'khair'lar, the starlit dark, then conquered the Nighteater, bound his light and let it fall glittering to the earth. Winter, I told myself, was a season of beauty. As much as was spring or any other time of the year.

Winter was not a reason to think of leaving.

Our travelling group was slower than we had expected. We had stayed in one place for a long while during high summer, and so we had barely managed to cross the mountains before the passes would be snowed in. A few days more now, and we would reach the edge of Greenwood where Raven and I planned to leave the group and go on eastward. I walked aimlessly and inattentive, straight into a thorn-thicket. When I untangled myself my shirt tore and dry thorns came loose to stick to it. For the third time tonight I found reason to swear heartily, though silently. Irritated and frustrated I went back to my bedroll and cut the torn garment into pieces to use for rags. Somehow I was starting to run out of shirts – the trip until now had consumed far more garments than seemed reasonable. Or I was becoming more clumsy. I wasn't sure. I helped myself to one of Raven's spare ones. Being wolf so often when we were out of camp he hardly had use for his garments. I selected the largest one he had. That hung loosely on him but fit me comfortably. Black, but I no longer found it strange. With the world seeming to fade and dim around me, sometimes I could no longer stand grey. It was relief to see black. I grinned to myself. Raven would appreciate the word-play. I retied the knot on his small pack slowly, wishing he was back already. All of the few possessions he had, except his sword and the long bone-blade of his clan, fit into a handy bundle of sewn furs.

Raven had not meant to be away for more than half a moon, but then something had come in the way. I did not know what, for a wolf had carried the message. A jumble of images and emotions, a message the wolf had carried with him like a drop of water in a cupped hand. He could not convey words, and many things Raven had obviously asked him to transmit did not concern a wolf brain. The wolf had repeated what he had been asked to carry like one would recite a song in a foreign language. Accents, details, connections could get lost in the process.

Men's land, cattle land he said. The direction where the sun stood at its highest point. Wolf pack, hunters, flight. The black lead them.

The message had probably been intended to ease my worry, but fallen short of the aim. The black had got into conflict with humans before, now that wolves were hunted in a rather organized way wherever human traders settled.

The rest of the night I spent awake, unable and unwilling to try and sleep again.

It was around midday, when the camp was buzzing with activity, for the few daylight hours had to be used well for any work, from tanning to preparing food and making arrows. I was lugging water from the stream half a mile away from the campsite.

Most of the elves present avoided working with the humans on close quarters. But water had to be fetched and always bickering around who was on duty now grated on my nerves. The mortals were amiable enough, so I had enlisted myself for water lugging four days running. I was not going to live with them, so that gave me some distance. I came to understand Tirion's view, though. It seemed downright impossible to live with these humans in peace for any real length of time. If Tirion had spent his entire life up to now among them I could easily appreciate his desire to get away from them.

The midday sun was warm, a sensation considerably added to by the weight of the buckets. I slapped down my buckets with a splash when I sensed the tentative mind-call from a great distance. Blessed Orome! The call I had waited for the past two moons. It was too fleeting to reach for it, exchange words. Relief flooded through me nevertheless, driving back the ominous feeling the ill-timed dream had left me with.

I waved for the man to go on when the human stopped to look why I was hanging back.

Raven was on his way back. That counted more than a screwed glance from someone who probably wondered if the bucket was too heavy for a slightly built elf, or whatever might be going through the man's mind. No matter that I topped him by a head.

That night I did not spent sitting around the comfortable roaring campfire with the rest of the elves but sneaked off into the forest. I went upstream for some time, bringing enough distance between myself and the camp that the occasional nightly trespassers from that place would not stumble on me.

The crisp cold had cleared the air and the stars seemed twice as bright as in summer. By now, comfortably enough light to see by. My night vision had definitely improved, I thought wryly. No wonder when half the time Raven and me were skulking around at night.

Since spring our share in camp responsibilities consisted largely of sharing in the hunting and gathering other edible things. With the wolf acting as tracker to find and chase the prey towards me our success had become a regular institution. If we went out to hunt, we brought something back. We had to range far to avoid over-hunting the region around the camp. Raven was not entirely happy with this rather uncompromising way of hunting – we could be relatively sure of making a kill when we wanted to. Two out of three wolf hunts failed, and that was what he considered the proper way and was prepared to put up with. But neither was he yet in a condition to chase prey over miles for the sake of The Way, nor did we wish to spent what privacy the hunts gave us only on chasing and lugging back deer.

I sat down near the river, leaning against the foot of an oak, and waited. I had judged the time well, and did not have to sit long.

'Wolf hunting?' he asked sardonically.

I smiled, turning away from the brighter glitter of the water "I'd be wiser than that"

The darkness under the trees seemed to gather itself on a spot and become solid. The black wolf stepped out of the deep shadows under the bushes and looked at me with amusement. Even on the crispy leaves he managed to walk softly.

'Then you walk pretty far out for a look at the stars' the wolf observed, waving his bushy tail gently. In the bright, cold starlight the tips of the outer hairs glimmered silver, and for a moment the black seemed to be surrounded by witch-light.

I had never thought I'd be so glad to see a wolf "Well, I'm certainly glad that I did" I stated emphatically "But do me a favour and move. You make my neck prickle, demon-hound"

'Your neck?'

The wolf had no expression to show teasing but I could almost feel the grin.

'But I am doing nothing' the black protested innocently.

I still found the black wolf's shadow-walking unsettling. For some reason, I simply did not manage it, though it was only a question of moving with the shadow patterns rather than concentrating on the light patches. Being black-furred probably helped the impression greatly.

'But I'll certainly humour you and move'

The black crouched to spring, and I shifted slightly to be ready for the impact 'I warn you, beast. I may not hunt them but I have learned well to fight wolves'

'I know' Raven said with amusement 'You even think of biting at the right moment' he trotted over and leant into me 'I have no intention of fighting, you know'

He looked unhurt and healthy, which was not always the case when the wolf returned. I buried my hands in the soft, thick pelt and breathed the scent of clean fur and wolf with relief. The black twisted his head and nibbled at my face gently.

'Don't you dare nip me'

'Well, bite back'

The wolf didn't nip me. He squirmed and instead I felt the teeth close on my arm.

'Raven-' I closed my hand over the wolf's muzzle and shook him slightly 'Let go or I'll pinch your nose'

'You don't dare'

'Well' I grinned sweetly. The black yelped in surprise and loosened his grip. I quickly seized his ruff and held him off, twisting so that the wolf could not reach me with his teeth. The black bared long fangs and growled, wrapping his forelegs around my arms and trying to pull us both to the ground. I let him go when I felt teeth on my hands again, laughing.

'You're going to get your fight all the same, aren't you?' I asked, pushing the black down and trying to keep him there 'Aren't you tired enough after running all day?'

The wolf shook himself as best as he could in my grip and flicked his ears 'Yes. No' He stretched out on the ground when I released him, giving me a sidelong wolvish glance 'I think not'

Raven got to his feet and called the change. I watched him thoughtfully, followed the shadow flickering over the black fur like wind rippling the hairs, blowing them back and, as they vanished, revealing the dark elf a moment later. Raven grinned, brushed his hair out of his eyes and sobered quickly at my wistful expression.

"I wish I could do that" I said softly. I had thought so to myself often enough, but to say so to Raven…to say it out loud when even Galadriel called the Ashi'kha 'more demon than wolf or elf'…it did not matter, right or wrong. I would decide for myself what was right. And looking through his eyes, feeling what he felt, that one time in Imladris, had been right. I gave my cloak to Raven, who wrapped it around his shoulders. He sat down beside me and took my hands "So do I" he said quietly "With all my heart"

I pulled him close, pushing the longing thought away "I have missed you. I am glad you're back"

"I did not want to stay so long. There is already snow in the mountains, in the nights. It's gone when the sun rises. There was trouble-" Raven broke off.

We needed not waste our time on things that could not be changed, maybe. I tugged at the black strands lightly "Do we stay out here?"

Raven smiled "I think so. Wait…there's the ruins. No one comes there -"

"They're closer to the camp" I pointed out, drawing my hand over the dry fir needles on the ground. Before dawn, frost would rime the ground again.

"Tirion said they thought the place was cursed" Raven said with thin smile "Though at least your forest cousins should know better"

I snorted and got up, holding out a hand to pull Raven to his feet.

The silence of winter lay on the forest around us as we walked. The pines and firs were not so thick here and the stars lit the ground, creating a cold, silver and black play of shadows.

Raven walked stiffly.

"What is it?"

He smiled wryly "You know, after a whole moon of carrying my own fur, my own warmth with me pelt that is not my own feels….chafing, I suppose"

My cape was dark grey. Instinctively keeping to the darker patches Raven walked the wrong side of camouflage. When he caught my gaze he stood for a moment surveying the forest around us "My people have a game. You scatter things on the ground and establish random orders in which to reach them. This is like hopping from one object to the next. It does not feel safe, this kind of hiding"

"I see grey's not your colour"

"No" He walked a winding line from one patch of half-light to the next, but gave up after a while, laughing when my growing grin told him he was showing up nicely against the dark undergrowth.

"But you should wear black more often"

"I had to borrow one of yours. I lost my last shirt to the thorn-hedge north of the camp"

Raven raised one eye-brow "What did you do there?"

I glanced at him, and had to laugh "Nothing you are thinking now"

He grinned as well "Well, I was making an honest compliment. About the shirt, that is"

"Point taken. You are a bad flatterer"

"I have no need to flatter you. It was the truth"

"So"

He shrugged "If you don't believe me, believe the wolf"

The ruins looked quiet and untouched under the starlight, rimmed by the black pines. We climbed the remaining part of what had once probably been a wall encircling houses, stable and orchard. The part around the orchard was almost completely gone or crumbled down. Where the house and stable still stood the wall melted into the outer walls of the buildings.

"What do you mean?" I asked as we crossed the orchard, walking along the rough rows of bare and knotty fruit trees. Beneath them the long grass of summer now lay almost flat on the ground. Raven did not hesitate once as he made for the buildings and slipped into one opening that was long missing the stable door. Inside, it was barely warmer than outside, and pitch black as the ceiling cut the starlight off. A thin shimmer fell in from the door but did not reach the hindmost wall. A soft rustle on the ground, and I found to my surprise that there was a thick layer of dry leaves underfoot which must have been blown in by the autumn storms. At the back of the long room Raven's eyes glittered in the dark, reflecting the thin light from the outside, making him look like some wild beast of prey. Demon-hound indeed.

"The concept of lies does not apply to the wolf" Raven said out of the darkness "But my people see beauty as well as yours do. I see it"

I settled myself on the softly rustling ground "What happened while you were gone?" I asked after a while "Your wolf-messenger was not that detailed in his message"

Raven hesitated, then looked away. I knew because the two pinpricks of reflected light winked out "Same trouble as always. Wolves and men don't fit. The land could not be large enough, even if it was infinite"

I moved closer so I could see him properly "He said you were leading"

Raven rolled onto his belly and rested his brow on his arms "I had to" he mumbled reluctantly "They were staging a huge hunt. And you know that…wolves won't pass the…the nets they lay out to drive them into a funnel. Not if no one leads them and goes first-"

"Raven" I leaned back against the stone wall "Do you mean to say you were in the middle of their battues?"

Raven shrugged eloquently without looking at me.

"Do I have to look for more holes in your pelt?"

"They did not use arrows"

"That hardly makes a difference when they have spears. - What happened that they hunted the wolves at all? I think it is rather a great effort for the small villages to stage large hunts"

"Cattle. Sheep. Easy meat. Wolves are opportunists"

I reached out and pulled him around "Can you elaborate or do you want me to guess each word?"

Raven growled "I don't want to talk"

"If you want something else, you'll have to answer me first" I grinned.

"Bastard" Raven gave in after a while "They killed sheep. Sickly, late-born sheep. Wouldn't have survived the winter. Because the villagers hunted the damned forest empty. And the wolves couldn't move because it is all settled for miles around. I had to lead, or the villagers would have killed the whole pack"

"The whole?"

Raven made no answer.

"Demon-hound" I lay down beside him with a sigh "You cannot save all the wolves of Middle-earth"

"No" Raven returned fiercely "But some. And most"

There was something else. I knew the way Raven tried to evade my questions and my eyes. He was tensed.

"You are not telling me you…spread your revenge to the villagers?"

Raven pushed himself up on one elbow "And if? I am - "

"A wolf, I know. You can kill all the orcs you want. But please, don't start on men, will you?"

"Do you know what they do with wolves they capture?" Raven asked softly "Men are worse than orcs"

"Their sheep is all they have. They are not hunters, black wolf, they are farmers"

"They are stupid" Raven snarled "And they are mean and dirty trappers, and they do not even have the bad excuse of using the fur. If the wolves do not kill their sheep, they hunt them for fun nevertheless. Wolves do not take revenge"

I caught the emphasis on wolves "How many?"

"Wolves, or men?"

I frowned "Both"

"Two wolves" Raven looked at me and added calmly "Two men"

"Damn you, Raven, you are getting yourself into incredible trouble killing humans, even if you are doing it as wolf"

I knew it was no use rebuking him. Neither to try and reason. The dream had been pretty clear in the wolf's emotions. If dream it had been. In a way, I thought darkly, Raven was right, somehow. Men avenged their own, killing a pack when one of them was killed by a wolf. For Raven, the black wolf, that was not a challenge, but a call for retribution. Somehow, despite feeling horrified at the idea of the wolf killing men, I could understand him. If I found men killing elves, wouldn't I do the same? Well, at least I would want to.

We had our own worries. No use adding the follies of farmers far away, was it?

Raven moved closer to me. He was exhausted, and despite his cold report I sensed that it had affected him more than he would admit. He had not been happy killing the hill-men. And that had been a stalk-and-strike-thing, bow-fighting. The wolf killed without the assistance of weapons, without distance – demon-hound or not, Raven was not a cold-blooded killer, at least where other things than orcs were concerned.

"This is not what troubles you" Raven said suddenly.

"Who tells you that!" I grumbled.

"My nose" Raven squinted up at me "Or maybe the wolf's. Tell me"

"It is nothing"

"And I am closemouthed, hm?"

"Yes you are"

"And you are stubborn. I am not going to make the same mistake twice, khai'toh. It has to do with me, so out with it"

"It is nothing you can change, Raven"

"Maybe you should leave that choice to me. Tell me. What is wrong?"

"Sometimes I want to tell you to stay out of my head"

"I am not reading your thoughts" Raven said easily "I told you, right now my nose is enough. If you're going to dither further, though, I may resort to that"

I sat up "Fat chance. I am better at shielding than you"

Raven groaned and sat up as well. He reached out to lay his hand on my chest. I grabbed his wrist, turning a warning glance to him. Raven frowned "If you want me to lie with you, you realize I have to touch at some point?"

"I know very well what you wanted to do that for"

"Gildor, please!" Raven hissed, a note of desperation creeping into his voice "If it's not dead men bothering you, tell me what it is, because maybe that can still be changed! And don't break my arm, I beg you"

I released him slowly "I have missed you, demon hound"

"So" Raven grinned "Good to hear. What else?"

I eyed him in exasperation, then shook my head "The rings are gone"

"I know that" Raven stared hard at me for a while "You feel it. And it is not a good feeling, I take it?"

"I have been in Imladris a long time. And often. Maybe too often. It is – good that we left. Too much is changing there without the ring working anymore"

"I can't say I miss the feeling" Raven said dryly "But why does it affect you? Just…just because you lived there for some time?"

"Some time was a very long time. A very long time in which there was outside world and inside world…you will have noticed that Imladris was quite…constant"

Raven nodded slowly "I see, but I still do not understand what it has to do with me, and I know that is what really bothers you"

"You" I said quietly "are continuing where the rings failed"

Raven blinked "What do you mean?"

"I mean" I said "That time is not simply passing swifter. It writhes in my grasp. And it is worse when you are gone. Far, that is. Since, as you said, I idiot linked my life-force to you in Lorien I can sense your presence much better than before. But there are limits to the distance that it works. You…keep me in the here and now. While you are there, I have a direction. I mean that literally"

Raven was silent for a long while. When he reached out this time I did not stop him from taking my hands.

"The wolf lives in the moment"

"More than any elf could, yes"

"It is not that time does not touch me-"

"But you do not grow weary. We depended on the rings for too long, too much. And all the time passing we did not feel while they worked comes back at once now"

Raven looked up "I will not go like this anymore"

I interrupted him sharply "Hold it. You wanted to hear what bothered me, I told you. I won't try and chain the wolf, and I will not ask you to do it"

"What is not asked can be freely given" Raven pointed out quietly.

"I would never have said this but for your prying!...What an absurd situation!" I added after a moment "I am caught in the past, and you are chained to the moment"

"No. Not really, at least. I am caught in between. The wolf's now and the elf's memories. I am both, and can be neither fully"

When I looked at him in surprise he continued slowly "At least there is a balance. I can flee in either direction, whenever the other gets too complicated" Raven shifted to close the distance between us, pushing me down gently "Escape with me, will you?"

The ground was dry, but cold nevertheless. And as the night passed, it became colder even more. Slowly, we became aware of the cold again. I shivered despite Raven's warmth along my back.

"It's amazing how one so thin can produce so much warmth" I grumbled "Or have so much energy, for that matter. You are still so bony, you look like Walking Death. That is alarming, dark elf"

Raven laughed and twisted to look over my shoulder without pushing himself up "Stalking Death, please. And it's just the pack was pretty short on good prey while I was there. I have looked worse after the Long Winter – I catch up in no time, don't you worry"

"You have changed" I said after a while.

Raven grinned into my hair "What, in the last moon?"

"Not that, silly"

Raven chuckled "Of course. I am capable of learning"

"Definitely. And you know very well I was not referring to that"

"Well, I chose to ignore it. I'm too tired to give you a remotely intelligent answer. Tell me again tomorrow"

"Go to sleep, wolf" I grinned "But pass me cloak first, or I'll have to shift you halfway through the night"

It was some time yet from dawn when I was woken by an inner alarm call. I woke Raven by mind-touch at once. After two moons of little rest he had given in to the luxury of falling deeply asleep beside and half upon me. When something was close enough to trigger my awareness without me scrying for it, it was far past Raven's usually high-strung wolf senses. And time to get worried about being surprised. I pushed the cloak away I had pulled over us. Raven was wide awake in a second. I had reached for my knife without needing to think about it, now feeling the cold handle against my palm.

"Stay" Raven's voice was barely a whisper. He moved slightly to lie on his belly beside me, one hand on my sword-arm.

"Tirion"

For a brief moment, I felt panic. Up to now, we had remained…well, undetected. Never mind the whispers, no one knew.

'No one comes here, yes?' I asked scathingly. Raven only shrugged. 'They would not send someone to look for us with no good reason. If they wanted a spy, neither would they send Tirion, would they?'

There should be a reason someone took the pains to search thus for us. We had a few moments to roll up the cloaks and disappear. Or appear unconcerned. Raven had the same idea and had followed my thoughts.

'He's not stupid. We would leave traces'

Certainly traces.

Raven had once been concerned not to be found out. Right now, I knew no one and nothing meant anything to him beside us. He was the wolf, and the wolf was what he was – he had no reason to hide from anyone. Not he. Not anymore. I could feel his sudden anger "I am sick and tired of concealing everything with these fools, sick and tired of stealing looks and touches, of doing the oddest tasks just to have some time for us" he hissed.

"I know" I said. I had nothing to protect, no name and no position, had I? Raven could face anyone with the cold indifference of the wolf, but he had no right to decide that for me. This had become a different world, and the one in which we moved was no longer fit for our little secret. But this was Tirion, and in addition to annoyance at the need to hide Raven felt bolder towards the young elf. After all, he was only a cub. For a long moment we lay quietly, each listening to the other's soft breathing. Then a voice called our names. At the edge of the orchard.

"How much do you trust him?"

I tried to find an honest answer. A true one "Enough, I guess"

"You guess"

"I have no choice but to"

Raven looked at me for a long moment. Then answered "We are here"

There was a slight hesitation, then Tirion's footsteps came towards the stable. He stopped short in the door "Gildor?" he asked uncertainly, peering into the darkness. Tirion pushed the door wider which I had not realized had been half closed. Starlight fell into the building and Tirion came inside, feeling along the wall.

"Use night-sight" Raven said suddenly, his voice dripping with irony "Before you're stumbling on us"

I wanted to kick him for that, but supposed Tirion would have enough to deal with now without the two of us getting into a fight in front of him. The younger elf made a curious sound and backed away. Raven was on his feet with one fluid motion. He grabbed Tirion's arm before he could flee and pulled him around.

"Most certainly not" he hissed. Tirion gave him a wild-eyed stare and drew his knife "Are you mad" he almost shouted "How can you – how dare you-"

"How dare we what?" Raven demanded, ignoring the knife. There was something decidedly unwolvish about him, I thought darkly. More like a cat surveying his prey. Raven released Tirion and moved around slightly, ready to fend off an attack "Do you want to find out in a few moons and feel we have betrayed you? Couldn't you have guessed?" he said on dangerously soft "Do you want to shriek about now like a trader's woman?"

Tirion flushed a glorious scarlet, which I even saw with night-sight, though I could not tell if it was fury or shame.

"You-" Tirion almost spat like a cat, his eyes fixed on Raven, who returned his gaze stonily, unperturbed by the fact he was stark naked at the moment and Tirion probably on the edge of melting into the ground "You come out here to-" the younger elf broke off.

"What do you expect us to, do it in the camp?" Raven moved to block the door and Tirion circled around to keep distance between them "Of course we come out here. And if you come too, be grateful you walk in on us and not someone else less happy with having their cover blown"

"Stop that idiotic thing" I said sharply, sitting up "Raven, come here. And you, too, now" I added to Tirion. 'I certainly appreciate your decision to get this over with, but for heaven's sake, stop playing him up like this' I told Raven silently.

He stared back at me, pale and sharp in the darkness 'I am not playing him up. I am trying to tell him he should stop acting like a fool'

"You have been Gildor's friend for quite a while now, Tirion" Raven snapped aloud "What difference does this make? Except that I come into the whole thing? Will you stop acting as if all your mortal priests are still breathing down your neck?"

"Raven!" I jerked him around to face me 'Stop this now. What is up with you suddenly?'

"Nothing" Raven gave me a strange look, not bothering to use mind-speech "You tell him then as you see fit. But I am going to leave before I scream"

He got up and stalked out of the barn.

"Damn you" I snarled after him before turning to Tirion again "For all his idiocy he was right, you know?" I said more gently "Would you have felt better finding out about us much later? I can't imagine"

"But-" Tirion stared at me helplessly "Why-"

"Why what? Why Raven, or why a male partner?"

Tirion looked back mutely.

"See, before you burst with shame, I could pick you out at least five male or female couples in this camp, Tirion" I said. He buried his head in his hands desperately "Oh my. Gildor, I did not mean to – I would not have come looking for you if I-"

"So we assumed. We have been…well, call it inattentive, otherwise you would not have got into this…predicament"

Tirion winced slightly at my formulation.

"We could have avoided you. So – you know now, make of it what you will, but do at least me the favour and keep the knowledge to yourself"

Tirion sat motionless for a long moment. He nodded, and got up, turning towards the entrance. Raven blocked the doorway as Tirion tried to make a hasty escape "Remember the wolves" He moved aside to let Tirion pass and turned a burning glance on me before coming over to me.

I sighed "What was that about? You know what he is like. With all that stuff of years with humans in his brain. Couldn't you have been a little more…tactful?"

"No" Raven said down beside me wearily "I couldn't have. If it was just that…that he is shy, I would have been, probably. But he is so damn self-assured that he knows all. Spent all his life with stone-headed humans and now tries to place his morals here. Damn it, he makes me want to shout"

"So I noticed" I said dryly.

Raven rubbed his eyes "If you can keep calm, that is wonderful. But I don't have the patience for that nonsense"

"I just think we could have told him smarter. Well, it is his to figure out now. I don't think he will start avoiding us"

"He won't start avoiding you" Raven corrected "I know loathing when I see it"

"You did little to make him feel different" I took him in his arms and pulled Raven down with me "Imagine what you would have felt like in Rivendell had you been alone. The last thing you would have needed would have been snide comments. He is not Ashi'kha. By now you should know better than to judge people by that measures. And what was that threat about the wolves? I don't think acquainting him with the changewolf would be a wise idea after this"

Raven growled softly "Who says it was a threat?"

"I do" I smiled thinly "By now I know how your threats sound like"

"It was a reminder" Raven said coldly "I do not trust him to hold his tongue"

"He will" I assured him "Whatever conclusion he comes to, Tirion is not the one to blab it to anyone. And what in Middle Earth have the wolves to do with that?"

Raven let out his breath slowly "He wanted to tell me wolves were worse than elves as they kill each other. But so do elves, I hear, even though wolves do not need jewels to start a war"

I groaned "You threatened to kill him?"

"No" It was Raven's turn to smile thinly "I just reminded him of the way wolves can fight. And by the way, I do not judge anyone by Ashi'kha standards, you of all the world should now that. They are not all blessed with your amount of understanding"

"That's what you call it" I laughed softly.

Raven shook his head and pulled me closer with a certain amount of desperation "Lie with me" he whispered harshly, knitting his hands into my hair.

"Here?" I returned, amused "Who else do you want to shock?"

"Who cares?"

"Should I feel flattered or worried?"

"Pick your choice" Raven said quietly "What else could go wrong?"

"You are pessimistic"

"Well. Make me feel different"

A patch of thin sunlight crept into the barn, but it was bitter cold and our breath steamed in the air. There was frost outside, I could tell from the glittering quality of light. Not that it made any felt difference to the cold inside the ruin. I curled up tighter into the curve of Raven's body, debating whether it was worth it to leave our own company for the camp.

It wasn't.

Raven wrapped his arms around me in an effort to give more warmth. There was a catch in his breath.

"Raven?" I uncurled a little to look at him. Raven felt my motion and abruptly turned his head so that his hair fell over his face "It's fine"

I reached up and brushed his tangled mane aside, feeling cold tears on Raven's cheeks "It is not. Raven -"

Raven blinked and finally looked at me "I hate them, you know?" he whispered without preamble "I hate the Valar for their damned arrogance that cursed more lives through the ages than Fёanor ever managed. I hate them for that…presumption of theirs, sitting over on their island and letting the world go by outrun laws, I hate them for placing a whole damn ocean in between, I wish I could fight them with a sword, I wish I could fight that cursed sea with a sword -. I hate them for taking our time away without even noticing it…" he faltered.

I looked at him, taken aback. Some time ago…very long ago…I would have shivered at the blasphemy of that. Now, I only shivered at the viciousness behind Raven's words, the accuracy with which he echoed my own secret thoughts and accusations, my own words in Lorien. I had to blink back tears of frustration myself suddenly "We can't help it, you know? We just can't help it"

I hated to acknowledge that. Until now, I had not thought of admitting it. Through all the years, I had always thought, always hoped, there would be a way, that I would have the strength to fight the sea. Galadriel's words had not made things better. That I had walked away from the Haven's was only a small, a temporary victory. And Raven was the reason for that, Raven was the one being keeping me here. A wolf against a whole damn sea.

Ravens don't cross the sea –

"Glorfindel spoke of hope" I whispered.

"Glorfindel is gone"

I hesitated "That does not make his words void"

"There is nothing I can do, is there?" Raven's voice was muffled against my chest "Nothing at all"

I squeezed my eyes shut tightly. To the flames of Mordor with all curses and doom and piety and prophecies, I would not cry. Not now, not for the Valar. It was unsettling enough that Raven did. In all our years together I had seen Raven cry only once, after Shina'a'sha.

"I don't…no. Nothing, except being there" I said finally, stroking Raven's tensed shoulders and wishing I could say something else.

Tirion intercepted us at the edge of camp, just behind the line of sentinels. He glanced at Raven uncomfortably, taking in the dark elf's shaken appearance. Raven looked at him for a moment "It has nothing to do with you" he said stiffly. He touched my shoulder lightly and walked off into the camp. Tirion turned to me "Did you quarrel? Because of me?"

He sounded anxious. "No" I said with a sigh "Raven can be mean, but he is no liar"

Tirion looked as if he wanted to ask something but obviously sensed me unwillingness to elaborate.

"Got over the shock?" I inquired instead.

"I never felt so…terrible as last night" Tirion admitted, subdued "But you – I think I – would not have been happy finding out some time…other. You realize I was not spying?" he added worriedly.

I snickered "We thought at first. But you looked much too stricken. But what did you want, coming out there at night looking for us?"

Tirion looked at his feet "Actually I was looking for you. I knew Raven was gone and we had not talked for quite a while" he shrugged uneasily "That's about it. I wanted to talk"

We followed Raven's earlier course into the camp "What is between you and Raven?" I asked after a while "You are like wolves considering a fight over a pack. You got along with him very well until last moon"

"I don't know" Tirion raised his hands in frustration "We didn't fall out with each other or something"

"But?"

"I don't know Gildor! He is just so…bitchy the last weeks. I…I wonder how you can bear him when he is like…like…"

"Last night" I finished for him "I don't know why he blew up like that. After all it was his decision to answer instead of trying to block us from scrying"

Tirion fell silent. We stopped by the fire place. There was always something to eat available there, and we helped ourselves to sweetened oats and wild apples.

"And do you still feel like talking to me or has this driven all thought of small talk from your mind, Tirion?" I asked finally when Tirion stared into his bowl absently. The younger elf started "Given Raven's…view on things I think the problem has just…solved itself" he said slowly "Actually, I…meant to ask if you would not stay…some more. A year or so. I know you are going to…somewhere, but-" Tirion shrugged and stirred his porridge "Anyway, it's just you…are the only friends I have here…the only ones that is who are…well, willing to help rather than just frown"

"Hm" I looked at him thoughtfully. I wanted to get to the Ashi'kha. As soon as possible. To stay was…well, I could imagine that, but…the question was, would Raven be willing to spend another year here? Probably not. The elves would not be travelling on with the humans after winter. Raven would not stay with a camp full of humans, and neither did I feel up to it. We could go with the elves.

We could also go on on our own – then the question remained, would Raven be willing to put up with Tirion? I did not feel like arbitrating between two stubborn, thick-headed and short-tempered younglings. For that was what Raven could be like if he wanted to be really vile. Tirion probably could not help seeing things quite…human, but Raven was unbearable when he did not want to see things. Including the fact that Tirion seldom meant to truly rile him, he just had not figured out where Raven drew the lines.

We had kind of taken charge of Tirion, yes. It was not really fair leaving him half-way to figure out 'elf-things'as Tirion called it on his own, was it?

"Look" I said "I would not mind so much waiting another year – but neither am I willing to leave Raven"Or able, for that matter. And he may want to go on to his people alone and tell me to follow when I see fit – but that would not work so easily. Tirion coloured slightly, obviously thinking only of my second reason why I did not relish the thought leaving the dark elf. No need to tell him how it felt when Raven was so far away that I could barely sense him.

"I will talk to him if you wish. Maybe we will not go on this winter then. But I assume he will not want to stay here. You could think it over if you would be willing to travel with us, for that seems the most probable thing Raven will agree to"

Tirion glanced over at Raven, who had taken a seat on the ground under a low tree, watching the camp activities from his sheltered spot, and sighed "If that is the choice I won't need having to think about it. Anything Raven could come up with can't be as terrible as floundering about among a mass of foreign elves" he stated, then added "Should I apologize to him?"

I shook my head "Hell, no"

Tirion shrugged "Well, I don't feel like dealing with him right now. I had better leave you here. Will you tell me what he said, then?"

"Sure"

Tirion got up but then turned and looked back "But - there are no thorns between us, are there?"

"No" I said "There are not"

Chapter Notes:

If you wonder who the heck Tirion is (obviously not the city and tower in Valinor), the chapter before this telling you that is not finished yet.

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