Woo! Finally, I wrote something! Damn writer's block...fantastic when I've just started my Creative Writing course too (grumble grumble) But anyway, here's just a short little ditty that I wrote yesterday..I'm not 100 percent happy with it, especially the ending, but like I said, I had writer's block, and sadly it hasnt gone away completely, so I ended up throwing a bit of a hissy fit and leaving it that way...it will do! As it turns out, this is my 50th story on (That's a bit of a lie, Drowning was, but 'Untitled' got taken off before I posted Drowning, so my number went down to 49...I still dont know why they took Untitled off, but anyway) So yay me for my 50th story! Woot, and all that jazz...And I will be updating Smoke and Mirrors either tonight or tomorrow..Man, I hope I do, otherwise I'm gonna get a letter! Oh, and Matty Perry fans, in case you didnt know, he's signed on to do a new TV show called Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip...I'm sure you all know by now, but I thought it might be fun to bring it up! I'm too excited! So please read and review and I love you!

I do not own friends/actors/characters, but I do own a need to brush my teeth because I have the worst taste in my mouth...hmm, another fact that you guys dont need to know!

To say that I was disgusted with myself would be considerably the biggest lie I had ever told in my life, and the lies had been plentiful.

I wasn't just disgusted, I was downright appalled, and even that wasn't strong enough. In fact, there were no words to describe it, and I gave up trying.

How this had happened, I had no idea, and I hated myself for that. Was disgusted by myself.

But however disgusted I was with myself, it was nothing compared to the hatred I currently felt for her.

"I'm so glad we finally did this," she purred, her face angelic. It was too bad that her halo was held up by her horns. "Aren't you glad?"

I stared at her, wondering how she could ask that question; how she could be so calm, so happy, so angelic and innocent when I could barely look at her, or even think of looking at myself.

She was different then me, it seemed. Guilt was obviously not a factor with her, and if it was, she was good at hiding it. Not an ounce of remorse showed on her beautiful face, and as she smiled at me, I felt myself melt.

That was how this had happened.

She was so charming, with her smile, her hair, her scent, her enticement, her everything.

And I had never been able to resist a charming lady, especially not one as beautiful as her. Back in the old days, if a girl so much as smiled at me, I fell at her knees begging.

Back in the old days, I would have done anything for this.

But the old days were in the past, and this was the present, and I had effectively ruined the future.

My wedding ring caught my eye and I struggled to stay composed. Why this, why now? My wondering didn't take me far, and I knew that it never would.

This and now was redundant. It could have happened at any other moment and nothing would have changed, except for the date.

I looked up to nothingness, and she moved to catch my eye, smiling with that effortless charm that made her the devil. Her eyes twinkled as they looked into my empty ones. Those eyes had haunted my thoughts for a while now, but I knew that they would never once leave my mind from that moment on.

"Chandler?"

She had always said my name in such a way; I couldn't explain it. Like velvet, but that didn't do it justice. Even when she was mad, it still rolled off her tongue in that way, making my chest tighten.

"Yes, Rachel?" I whispered, surprised that I could even manage that.

"Aren't you glad?"

Was I?

It disgusted me, and I hated myself, but that didn't stop my chest from tightening. I had wanted this all along, I realised, and it didn't really surprise me.

I had wanted her before the wedding, and still I wanted her now. I didn't know why.

But I did.

I looked up again, but the nothingness was gone, and her halo was there. She smiled, and I grimaced, but the corners of my lips turn up. I nodded, my stomach twisting in torment.

"Yes, Rachel," I repeated, but it wasn't a question, nor was it an answer.

I knew what it was, and she knew too. Smiling, she leaned towards me. I didn't fight her as our lips met, and I knew that I never would.

I hated her, but I loved her. I hated myself, but I always had. And most of all, I hated acceptance, but I didn't bother fighting it.

I accepted it.