Disclaimer:

It's not mine, it's all J. K. Rowling, bless her for that! I only own the plot and by the way no profit is being made.

Summary:

It's around Christmas on the Order of the Phoenix and Remus Lupin wants to give a special gift to Nymphadora Tonks. He was insecure about her reaction but when they finally exchange presents he gets a surprise he'll never forget.

A Bit Of His Past

It was Christmas Eve and in Hogsmeade everybody was shopping for gifts for everybody. Remus Lupin walked the street all alone, hands on his pockets, his breathing making small clouds in front of his mouth. Not that he had much money, he thought sadly, but he wanted to give her something special. She was such a wonderful girl, always smiling and joking. She was, ever since they met, a good friend and she was one of the few people who definitely didn't mind that he was a werewolf.

Remus walked along shops full of classy clothing, but none of that had much to do with Nymphadora, she was just different her own way. He stood in front of a shop window showing amazing jewellery and though he hadn't got a galleon, even though those things wouldn't fit Nymphadora Tonks either, he suddenly felt the urge to enter the shop and buy her one of those beautiful necklaces or bracelets that were exposed on the windows.

Remus sighed deeply wondering what she would say if he gave her one of those and smiled imagining her reaction, she probably wouldn't like it, or felt awkward about such a present, after all they were just good friends. But then again she was not one to feel awkward at any gift, specially coming from a friend and anyway he couldn't afford it, so there was no point in thinking about it. So smiling he turned away deciding to disaparate directly to the shabby cottage he owned on the surroundings of London, aware that he couldn't buy any gift for anybody, or at least nothing expensive since he had already shop for the Weasleys and the others saving, absent-mindedly, Nymphadora Tonks for last.

Now that he thought about it, she was the only one for whom he hadn't buy anything, probably because he couldn't figure out what she would like to receive, being as she was, so much younger then himself, they surely not share many interests. Of course she would be happy with any gift, though she had her own and peculiar taste but he wanted to give her something special. He didn't know why though, maybe because she was so full of joy that made him laugh all the time, maybe because she was his dear friend and an outstanding professional, having saved several lives throughout the world ever since she became an Auror, or perhaps, he confessed if only to himself, because she was young, and beautiful, and charming, and funny, laughing smartly at his jokes and… he trailed off his dangerous line of thought. Sure enough she was all of those things but he didn't felt that way about her, not her of all people. He had been suppressing his emotional life long enough because of his differences to fall for a girl that deserved so much more than himself. Not that it made any difference how he felt for her, she wouldn't ever be romantically interested in a much older, poor and dangerous werewolf anyway.

Anyway Nymphadora needed a gift he smiled to himself recalling all the nonsense he had just been thinking about dear Tonks. He actually laughed aloud at himself for being such a thinker, he must have knocked his head while sleeping last night. Of course she filled his heart with joy and tenderness with her unique qualities and woke up all his gentlemanly manners because of her gracious clumsiness but he would never, ever think of her as more than just a dear friend. What was he thinking anyway, anyone who could read his mind would believe he was in denial, which it was a lie since he wasn't.

Gift! He thought thoroughly Nymphadora needs a gift and a very special one indeed! He decided as to prove himself that she still was a very special girl to him though he didn't… feel anything close to… that magical and frightening feeling that warmed people's hearts… for her.

He started gingerly searching for something to give her and then the answer came to his mind when he saw it in a shelf. Suddenly he realized why he had decided to go there in the first place, of course it was his parents' home, his only heirloom, and the only place he could find something of his own to give her, but he became conscious that all this time he had that particular gift on his mind for her. She would certainly love that and he wouldn't have to spend a knut though he definitely wouldn't mind to spend thousands of Galleons on her should he have them.

It was finally Christmas morning and Remus woke up with a strange feeling of nervousness that had nothing to do with Voldemort or his Death Eaters. It was just that he was uncertain of how people would receive his gifts, how would Nymphadora receive his gift actually, he thought wryly. Maybe it was why he had decided to sleep in his own place for that night, perhaps he needed to be alone to calm himself down. After all it was nothing special, only too friends exchanging Christmas presents nothing more, he reproached himself.

Half an hour later he was ringing the bell at Grymauld Place forgetting that the noise would wake Sirius mother up. He waited patiently while Molly yelled at him in time with Mrs. Black for waking her up, even as he helped her closing the curtains around the portrait.

"Merry Christmas to you too, Molly!" he said at last with a guilty smile when he was completely sure she had finished with him already. Suddenly Molly started to cry, hugging him limply over the shoulders. Remus was perplexed with her unexpected outburst.

"He returned the sweater I made him Remus, Percy that is!" she explained trying desperately to dry out her tears.

"Don' t worry Mum, his nothing but rat droppings!" said one of the twins entering the room while the other laughed hard and Remus gave them both a warning look, making them fled up the stairs shamelessly, probably with the intent of making fun of Harry and Ron or Hermione and Ginny, who knew.

He had just managed to calm Molly down, sending her to the kitchen where she would cook a nice breakfast for everyone, when the bell rang again.

"Who's there this time?" shouted Sirius, who had minutes before merely wave his friend from one corridor, choosing to run away from Molly's shouts. He strode in large and heavy paces to the front door. With a thud and a metal sound a girl's yelp filled the room and Remus smiled inwardly guessing who had just rang the bell.

"Oh for Heaven's sake Tonks, haven't we told you yet you should not ring the bell?" asked Sirius while Remus, all alone, attempted desperately to close the curtains on the face of the screaming woman "And why Tonks, why can't you see this enormous umbrella stand that is standing just in front of your nose?

Finally Remus turned his attention to the entrance hall and sure enough there, fell on the ground, with several colourful wraps spread all around her, stood Nymphadora Tonks, the girl he was just hoping and frighten to see. When he watched her fallen helpless on the ground he felt the most strange stirring run up his spine, like he wanted nothing more then to sit down there with her all day long, all life long. He shook his head dismissively, wanting desperately to change the track of his thoughts.

"Hi Nymphadora!" complimented Remus with the softest smile on his lips while he shot his friend a pleading look. It was Christmas and she was his cousin after all. Remus offered his hand to the girl on the floor who took it more than willingly with an embarrassed smile towards him.

"Wotcha, Remus! I'm sorry Sirius, you know how clumsy I am and… Remus, have I mention that I don't like people calling me Nymphadora?" He wanted to tell her that she was not that clumsy but he refrained himself before anyone misunderstood him.

"Yes, now you talk about it I do recall you mentioning it once or twice Nymphadora!" he joked with her, his increasing smile never leaving his face and Sirius started to laugh. "Though I must say in my defence that I am not just any person, am I? Just so you know I am your friend and I don't like having to use your surname when you have such a beautiful given name." He told her against his best judgement. She looked mesmerised but didn't say a word and Sirius laughed even harder.

"Oh you two, always making me laugh! Now come on little cousin I forgive you, after all it's Christmas." He hugged her tight and she smiled lightly at both of them and followed Sirius towards the living room where he was rearranging the Christmas tree.

"You see, I'm having lunch with my Mum and Dad!" she was saying and Remus felt an unexpected prang sinking in his stomach, of what exactly he didn't know… disappointment perhaps "I just stopped by to leave my presents." she finished offering a wrap to Sirius and placing one another in Remus hands.

"Great!" Sirius immediately unwrapped his gift and whistled in appreciation. "Now that's a thought Tonks, giving me this new set of robes, I haven't realise I was in a lack of new clothing. Always considerate like your dear mother, thank you very much!" he finished giving her a kiss on the cheek but she smiled distractedly.

"Aren't you going to open your present?" she asked anxiously staring at Lupin and only then he realized he had been analysing his own wrap cautiously.

"Oh yes, of course!" he said nervously starting to unwrap the present while Sirius resumed his work whistling cheerily. All this time, Remus acknowledged, Nymphadora had been looking at him intently, while biting her lip nervously. Apparently she was as nervous as him about what he would think about her own gift, but there was no need because it was a wonderful present, a golden clock with a large and heavy chain.

"Well, well, well!" said Sirius approvingly "Gold from a lady, that's new Remus!" Lupin shot him an annoyed look and smiled frankly at her.

"That's really nice of you Nymphadora since I've actually never been given gold by a lady before, I'll thank you for that!" she looked somehow sheepish but smiled anyway and he smiled back at her happily "Not that I've been given much gold from anyone, anyway." This time all of them laughed cheerfully.

"Don't call me Nymphadora, Remus!" she said very softly and something inside him melted at her voice though he couldn't exactly define what did it. "Now it's my turn boys!" she said laughing brightly with her hands outstretched.

"Oh, oh, of course, sorry!" said Lupin nervously, searching for her gift and Sirius gave him a strange look that he smartly ignored. Remus waited for her to open Sirius gift that he had thrown her through the air and she didn't took long scratching the paper to see some colourful, but somehow classy, dress robes.

"Thanks cos'!" she said hugging him after putting the robes in front of her, spinning around to see the effect. Remus's mind raced in images of her dressing those same robes and he felt warm and giddy at the same time. Therefore he couldn't fight the sudden bit of jealousy he felt towards his best friend who could afford the best, while all he could offer her was…

"Now open Remus's gift before he has a fit!" Remus didn't like Sirius's tone of voice, it sounded like he had some suspicions of his own but ignored him all the same and offered her the purposefully colourful wrap, his hands trembling when she took the gift softly, her hands rubbing his and making him shiver slightly at the contact. Sirius never took his eyes from them, interested as he sure was now about their exchange of courtesies. For Remus delight and nervousness Nymphadora took her time unwrapping his present as though to truly appreciate the moment. He was observing the movements of her hands in awe and just as anxiously as she had done it before with his own. He couldn't tore his eyes away from her beautiful face and he swallowed hard at her sight. She was biting her lower lip distractedly, her bubblegum coloured hair framing her pale heart-shaped face and brown eyes. Suddenly his mouth went dry, his heartbeat accelerated and he felt a knot forming in his stomach. She was definitely beautiful if not stunning just standing there in front of him.

Finally she got rid of the wrap paper and was looking at it. An old, very used book, with its cover bending with the weight of the pages. She smiled candidly opening the book with interest.

"That's fantastic Remus, I've always wanted to have a copy of this book! Thank you very, very much!" Her smile was truly sincere and Remus breathing went out freely, he did not realize his breath had caught in his lungs and he smiled encouraged by her words.

"I…it's nothing really, I just thought since I couldn't buy you a present myself I should at least give you something I bought, even if it was in a distant past." He shrugged his shoulders dismissively but smiled sheepishly at her, relishing secretly at the fact that she hadn't commented on the shabbiness of the book.

"What's with that?" asked Sirius looking surprised at the book.

"This, Sirius, it's the very first compendium of Transfiguration ever made, and there are only a few copies of it, isn't it Remus? And… Where did you got it, by the way? asked Tonks looking at Lupin with a sudden curiosity.

"You see Nymphadora, I got this book a long time ago in an auction!" he said ignoring both his friend sharp commentary and Tonks mocking annoyance by the use of her given name "You see, back then I was just has poor as I am right now but… anyway sorry it's falling to pieces, I read it a few times myself!" he apologized nervously.

"You mean it's used… you liked it very much didn't you? she asked looking truly satisfied.

"Well, as a matter of fact…"

"Wait a moment is that what I think it is?" Sirius lifted himself from the ground where he had been checking the tree's structure.

"Well actually…" Remus began, suddenly frightened since Sirius had discovered that, he shouldn't have known. Now he was going to be mocked for weeks for giving such a stupid thing to such an amazing girl.

"What's with it?" she asked curiously.

"It was the first thing he ever bought with his own earned money and he told me and James that he would keep it forever, even if he lost everything he would never get rid of that book. Weird isn't it Tonks?" yes, Remus remembered saying those words, he thought feeling all of a sudden very embarrassed. Well he did not intended for this to happen, now Sirius and Tonks would jump out for the wrong conclusion, or was it? Of course it was, he reprimanded himself. "I always told James though that if a beautiful girl wanted the book he would give it to her. And there he is now giving it to you willingly, that is saying something about yourself isn't it… Nymphadora?" said Sirius in an infuriating mocking tone of voice. Remus felt warm by his friend remark, not daring to meet her eyes. He didn't mean it that way, though definitely he wouldn't give that book to anyone else but her, so…

"There's a dedicatory inside!" he said wanting desperately to change the subject "Just read it please because…" he finally met her eyes and trailed off when he saw that they were full of something he could not totally define but that made him feel very warm inside. She was delighted and honoured beyond believe, but there was also a hint of fascination and something else he couldn't or didn't want to define just yet. She then lowered her eyes to the first page and, though Remus couldn't read it from where he was, he knew it by heart. He could even see his firm handwriting on the back of his head:

To the most fascinating girl I have ever met! The girl whose eyes never once told a lie, let them always show the truth. Don't ever change your attitude Nymphadora, you are wonderful and the most beautiful and kind human being I have ever met. I can't give you anything valuable but here's to you a little bit of my past, a little bit of me!

Remus Lupin

He had wrote it in a stroke of inspiration and reflected very hard on changing it, seeing as it was giving to much away, but anyway that was how he felt about her so he gathered his Gryffindor nerve and hadn't change it even a little bit.

"He wrote you something, have he now?" asked Sirius with a loud laugh. When Remus finally dared looking her on the face she was taking the book from Sirius's sight who apparently was very curious about what he had written his cousin. But what made Remus falter was that she had tears in her eyes and that caught him by surprise.

"Wha… don't cry Nymphadora, that's just a book I… I never meant to make you cry, please forgive me I…" Remus trailed off, instead of saying anything Nymphadora strode towards him and kissed him softly on the lips. He lost all sense of reality. He felt a strange surge of energy run through his veins when he felt that warm, soft, perfumed girl kissing him. He barely registered the thud of something falling to the ground but it ended all too soon and she broke apart leaving him panting breathless.

"That is not just a book and you know it!" she whispered in his ear, her hands around his neck sending shivers all over his body "Thanks, that was my best gift ever!" she said pulling herself slowly away from him, a smile full of tears on her beautiful face. He was left speechless and mouth agape after what had just happened but his brain was racing in his head. She loved his book, loved it more than any other gift she had ever received, and she kissed him, Nymphadora Tonks had just kissed him in her own impulsiveness way and it was… wonderful. All of a sudden, he felt amazingly well with himself and with the world altogether. "Well I have to go, you do tell Molly and the others I stepped by to leave my presents, all right?" she said drying her tears with a faint smile on her lips. Remus watched her leave in awe, she was holding on to the book as if her very life depended on it. With his heart hammering hard against his ribs, he moistened his lips abstractedly.

Suddenly a sarcastic laugh brought him abruptly back to reality making him quiver slightly and close his eyes in embarrassment. He had almost forgotten Sirius was there, since he had kept silent, and when Remus dreadfully eyed his friend he was staring at him mouth still agape and a little angel on his hands. That certainly explained the thud he had heard, Sirius must have dropped the angel in utter surprise by Nymphadora's unexpected attitude.

"My, my! Moony's got kissed by little Nymphadora… and Moony liked it…" he said in a sing song tale tone of voice, laughing again and resuming his way up the ladder to fix the angel on the tree. "… liked it very much indeed."

"Oh shut up, Padfoot!" Remus replied looking distractedly at the door from where Nymphadora had just left and he ran his fingers nervously through his hair, still tingling in the absence of her contact.

He had to admit, if only to himself, that he secretly wanted that kiss a long time ago, ached for it and that probably was what made him search for something special for her. Though he honestly hadn't expected that turmoil of emotions, he had never felt that way before, for anyone.

"You would say she is overreacting over a stupid old book, wouldn't you Remus?"

"Would you please live me alone, Sirius?" he asked a little bit nervous by the sudden intrusion of his thoughts with such an amazing remark, barely noticing that he was playing with the chain of the clock she had just gave him.

He searched desperately for something to do that distracted his friend from what had just happened but he felt dizzy just to think of her, to think of how good the kiss felt, how wonderful it would be if they could be together. But that wouldn't do, she was so much younger than he was, she had a well-connected family, was a well succeeded professional and most of all too beautiful to give her life away by binding herself to an all too dangerous Werewolf. She deserved so much better than him, he thought, almost groaning at the frustration he felt. And then he suddenly understood what was happening to him, why he had felt the urge to buy her clothing and expensive jewellery, why he had had to give her something special, to give her that same book, why he unconsciously had been longing to kiss her. He was deeply in love with Nymphadora Tonks, so deep it hurt him. But he was not about to give it away, not to Sirius anyway he wasn't all that good in keeping that sort of secrets. It wasn't him who, for several times, had almost made it public that he was a Werewolf?

Suddenly Remus realized that Sirius was still watching him interested, humming softly to himself with a large, sarcastic smile on his face and he left without a word. Right then he wanted nothing more than to be anywhere but near his best friend.

Why, he thought, when had this happened? Of course they got on very well despite of the age difference and people even made jokes about how could they be such good friends being, as they were, too very different people, being actually exactly the opposite. He was a discrete and even aloof man at times and she was a bright and inquisitive girl. But no matter what he always had fun with her, and it was very easy actually, seeing as she was always nice and vibrant and didn't care a bit if he was a poor, old and quite dangerous Werewolf, including him always on her jokes and funny remarks. But despite all that he always had seen her as a good, even if dashing friend.

Right now he was pretty confused, why did she had to go and kiss him, why did she had to be so impulsive, why did her sincere eyes had to show him so many promises. Surely she didn't… feel the same way as he did. Of course she was always nice, her reaction to his gift was … thrilling really, even though she had left as if nothing had happened… well to tell the truth she seemed extremely unsettled by all that happened. But even if she could possibly like him more than just a good friend it could only be a crush or fascination for an older man, and anything else… or would it be… could she possibly… he shook his head vigorously, her reaction it was just… as confusing as his own feelings.

Well right now all he could do was hope for her to be careful not to fall for him as he already had fallen for her. Heading to the kitchen Remus decided in her best interest that he would not make a move to encourage Nymphadora or himself in such a dangerous field as… love.

Author's note:

I hope you enjoy this little fic as much as I do. Please read and review, I will appreciate it a lot.