Disclaimer:
All the characters and places belong to J. K. Rowling, only the plot belongs to me, which is better than nothing… I hope.
Summary:
At the hospital Remus remembers the first time he ever talked to Nymphadora. So this is mainly a flashback from Remus' exclusively point of view.
A Bit Of His Past
Chapter IIIThe Day She Cast a Spell on him
Remus was sitting on a chair next to Nymphadora's bed waiting for her to wake up. He had decided he wouldn't leave her side until she had woken up. The doctors had examined her and told him that they had done everything they could but she still had to stay in the hospital for some time for observation. Although they had assured him that she probably would recover completely, and that there was nothing to worry about; he would only believe that when he had seen it. For now he was just too terrified about her unconscious state.
Dumbledore had been there already to lament what had happened to Sirius and to give him some support, but the fact still remained that Sirius had disappeared and nobody could bring him back. James, Lily, Sirius, all had gone forever and these wounds would never heal, somewhat like a Werewolf's bite. Remus wanted to go and talk to Harry, at least to give him some words of comfort but Dumbledore didn't let him, in his opinion doing that would only hurt them both even more. And anyway he wasn't about to leave his girl alone in that impersonal hospital room, it would be horrible for her to wake up alone in there.
Remus was now staring with renewed worry at Nymphadora; she was taking so long to wake up from her inertness. He ran his eyes over her endearing face, she seemed so peaceful, nobody would have guessed that, half an hour ago, she had been fighting with a group of dangerous Death Eaters.
He knew he had sounded ridiculous in trying to prevent her from going on that mission but he didn't care. He had only wanted to protect her and would have done everything again to stop her if he had to. His mouth went dry at the thought of the kiss he had given her, in his haste of stopping her, but he dismissed the memory quickly.
He knew that Nymphadora was brave and didn't need anyone to look after her, but he wanted to take care of her, to keep her safe. Yet he had failed, she had gotten injured and it was all his fault. He should have stopped her no matter what; he knew that she wouldn't make it to the end safely That's why he hadn't wanted her to go, and that's why he had been so worried in the Department of Mysteries. He knew she would get herself hurt. Not that he didn't believe her capacities, on the contrary, he knew she was bold and powerful and he was proud of her for being such a fearless womanBut though she was a great Auror, she was still new at it and she had been wearied by a bad week.
He closed his eyes, still disturbed by what had happened. He had never felt more frightened than when he had seen her there, lying on the floor of the Ministry, unconscious. The mere thought of loosing her caused him excruciating pain, he almost lost his sanity.He couldn't bear such pain; it would destroy him forever. Remus was grieving for Sirius, of course, he was his friend but… her… she was… everything to him, everything he needed to survive, without her he just wouldn't go on, he couldn't.
And Remus knew right then, when he thought he had lost her, that he had fallen forever, he wouldn't ever love anyone else the way he loved her… ever. This was insane, how could he love this girl in a way that made everything else fade away? How could he have fallen in love so intensely with someone like her, so young and reckless? What had happened for him to experience such a powerful feeling, what had she done, what had he perceived in her youthful behaviour that chained his heart forever? He couldn't explain how it had happened but the fact was that she was his most precious treasure, and though he knew he should not claim her he still couldn't stop himself from loving her endlessly. And only Nymphadora and her love would be able to keep him healthy and sane; he had no one else in the world, nothing else that was worth fighting for.
It was like Dumbledore had said to him twenty minutes before: Love is the wheel that spins life itself, Remus. Don't you ever forget about that! You might have lost your friend but you still have something to fight for. He had been looking at the motionless Nymphadora when he said that and Remus was still thinking hard in what the professor had said. It had been at the same time ambiguous, intriguing and motivating. Did Dumbledore know how he felt for her? Well it was almost certain he did; after all he was a Legilimens. Of course he hadn't exactly mentioned Nymphadora but… Anyways, Remus definitely had never felt such intense emotions chances were that some people might have had noticed something, especially after what he had done that same evening.
Voices in the corridor brought him abruptly back to reality and his eyes flew to the small figure laid on that cold hospital bed. She looked like a porcelain doll. He stared at her ivory features in dismay and observed her face closely. She was so pacific, so different from how he was accustomed to see her, so different from the girl he had met about a year ago, the girl for whom he had, so completely and utterly, fallen in love with right after their first conversation.
He could barely believe that she liked him, seemed to love him really. She almost confessed out loud that she did. And the way she had worried for him over the fight… Well, it probably wasn't more than a youth interest or attraction that would most certainly fade away as quickly as it had happened. Remus had been trying to convince himself with this facts but to no effectiveness.
The fact was that, despite all his efforts, Nymphadora had fallen for him, he thought miserably but at the same time he couldn't help feeling mesmerized. He already knew she cared for him more than just a friend; he had quickly understood to his happiness and utter despair that she liked him after the kiss she had given him over Christmas. He had figured it out, for his own consternation, by the way she had treated him after that day. Nymphadora had become even nicer and caring than she had been before, always finding a way to get close to him, to touch him and it had driven him crazy not to give in to her. She had tried to talk to him, probably about what had happened but he wouldn't let her. She didn't bring the issue up but he simply knew that she wanted to talk about the kiss, that wonderful, amazing first kiss. And if she had done so it would have destroyed his self-restraint.
It had been so hard to keep the distance after Christmas, especially with her always trying to talk to him about what had happened. To make things worse, his worries for her had increased and he couldn't stop himself from looking at her, constantly fighting the urge to kiss her, to hold her tight every time she was close or even within eyeshot. He hadn't once complained of their missions together because he didn't want to hurt her, but it was pure torture to have her so close and not be allowed to touch her.
He should have never given her that gift, he thought unhappily. She had interpreted that as a love gesture, which somehow it was, a love of a friend… Remus knew he was lying to himself. He meant it as a gift of a friend, of course, but deep inside he knew it was a love gift since he had unconsciously loved her for months. But the fact was that he had made a mistake and now she thought that they could be together. He wanted so much to make her happy but that was impossible. Remus knew what he had to do but it would be so difficult for him to reject her…
To tell the truth, he had been truly imprudent that day. He had let her come too close but the thing was that he had been so preoccupied that he couldn't help wanting to protect her. Remus had been reckless, that evening in the kitchen, for instance, he knew she had been about to kiss him and he had to admit he hadn't done anything to stop her. He couldn't even if he wanted to. Remus had wanted her so much and for so long, that he needed her; he needed her in order to breathe. And to tell the truth, Remus not only had wanted her to kiss him but if Sirius had not arrived in time, he would have been the one to kiss right then. The feelings had been just beneath the skin, so strong and desperate, he had found it extremely hard to control himself.
And then when she did kiss him after the meeting, while she was working magic with her words, he could barely resist, even though he had to. He could have stopped her anytime, preventing her from touching him; he should have stopped her but he hadn't really been capable of it. When she touched her lips to his in a soft kiss that evening he had held to his remaining self-restraint and finally he had given in when she insisted in the madness of risking her life on the Ministry. Although Remus had recriminated himself later because of that, he could not have resisted kissing Nymphadora that night, not even if he had tried with all his force.
He had had to kiss her, she had been so close, so warm, so willing and inviting. She had been drowning all his senses with her soft voice, her meaningful words, her closeness, her perfume, her beautiful face and Remus had missed her touch so much all of those months he had been avoiding contact with her that he could hardly resist any longer. The anxiety was almost unbearable and was only soothed when he stopped resisting it and gave in. If that was the only way to stop her from going to the Ministry he would kiss her endlessly, he would pour his heart to her but than she kissed him back and he lost track of thoughts for a while.
He couldn't believe that he was still thinking about the kiss he had given her, hours after his lips were still tingling with her warmness and her soft perfume was still mingling in him. It had been just thrilling the way they kissed each other, she had been so receptive, so eager… anyway he could have stopped sooner, he reprimanded himself, but he simply hadn't been able to. She had been so appealing since they had been alone in the kitchen that evening… and he would never forget the expression she had on her face when he had broken the kiss. Her eyes had slowly fallen open, revealing them to be bright, soft and dreamy, lighting up the room with her radiant glow. He had stared at her, stunned by such beauty but still completely astonished at his own daring.
Remus tried very hard not to think about that kiss but it was impossible seeing as the girl, lying unconscious on the only bed of the room, had touched his being in a way that he could still feel her in his very skin. It was like only her existence could make his heart beat, sending waves of love through his blood and warming his body so he could live. It felt like only the air could reach his lungs when they kissed, like he could only see through her eyes and sense her closeness, like only she could feed his hunger and satisfy his thirst. Nothing else mattered when she was around him, only her existence within a crowd, only her… forever and ever. She was so adorable, smart and intrepid and… beautiful, amazingly beautiful. She meant so much to him that she made his mind spin whenever she was around, and when she wasn't she filled his head with memories and dreams and…
Remus laid his head between his hands digging his fingers on his hair desperately. Why did she have to make him feel so weak and dizzy with just one kiss? Why did she have to make him feel so strong and protective of her, so incredibly attached to her; so involved with her it ached every time they were apart? It was right then he understood the graveness of it all, he not only loved Nymphadora Tonks, he adored her endlessly, to the point of no return, and he knew she loved him back with very much the same intensity. He belonged to her and she belonged to him but they couldn't be together, never, no matter how desperately they ached for each other, no matter how much he would suffer. Yes the pain of knowing he could not have her was ten times worth than all his Werewolf transformations put together. Yet still he would rather spend the rest of his life transforming then to do her any harm. And he would hurt her somehow if they got together, after all he was a dangerous Werewolf and she was just an innocent girl.
He almost cried out in anguish when he renounced his own happiness. He closed his eyes fiercely in an attempt of making the image of her disappointed face fade away, her suffering tears when he would finally have to put her down.
Why did he have to fall in love, he had tried so hard not to… When had this started? When had he become so fond of Nymphadora? He was now capable of answering that question. Ever since they first talked to each other she had been nothing but his everything though only now he was able to understand that. He could still remember the day they first met as though it were yesterday. He remembered that he hadn't been able to tear his eyes away from her. She was so different from the other girls and women he had met before and he started immediately to fall in love with her. He had lost the war of love on the very first day of battle.
Flashback
Remus glanced worriedly over the room; a man in the other corner was giving him an apprehensive look. Remus knew that he and the ones of his kind weren't well accepted in the Ministry of Magic's installations, after all he was nothing but a very dangerous Werewolf, he thought dryly. But the fact was that the Order of the Phoenix was in need of people and Dumbledore wanted to recruit Aurors for their cause. They would be very useful on the fight against Voldemort because of their improved skills to catch Death Eaters. So following Dumbledore's advice, Lupin and McGonagall went to the Ministry of Magic to recruit Kingsley Shaklebolt, a very skilled Auror according to Alastor Moody. Arthur Weasley had asked him a few questions and was certain that he fitted the cause.
Lupin had thought that Arthur or maybe Moody were the right ones to convince Kingsley, especially since Alastor had been an Auror himself. But the man had refused to go to the Auror's office, it brought him very bad memories. Besides he had other issues to analyse that day and Remus knew he was still disturbed by what had happened to him at Hogwarts, so he didn't insist on him. And Arthur was so occupied lately that he could not waste time in trying to convince people, and anyway Fudge suspected that he was related to Dumbledore so he couldn't do very much inside the Ministry or else he might have troubles with his job.
Without many options, seeing as all the others had work to do, Dumbledore had sent Remus and professor McGonagall. For all that mattered, she was going to help a former teacher of Hogwarts to resolve some problems with the Werewolves Liaison and that was a perfect excuse.
Kingsley proved, in fact, pretty easy to convince seeing as he was a recent Auror and was more than willing to help defeating Voldemort. So, after their short conversation in an empty room, Remus and McGonagall accompanied him to the Aurors office as if they were old friends talking lightly about trivialities.
They were just discretely settling the last details about a meeting they would have that same evening when Remus started to feel really upset at the glares he was receiving from the Ministry staff. Everybody seemed to know what he was, could it possibly exist someone over there who didn't feel bothered with his condition?
In that same moment a girl entered the room falling immediately to the ground and distracting Remus from whatever conversation the other two had been having as he watched her somehow amused. He made it to help the girl but she got up, smiled at him a little sheepishly and kept walking, dropping several things on her way and making him smile inwardly.
She had a bright, dark blue hair, almost black, which was short and spiky. Certainly she was coming from an undercover mission since she was dressed in a strange set of Muggle clothing, an orange blouse and a red skirt but she was very pretty nonetheless with her beautiful small, black and bright eyes and her pale heart-shaped face. Somehow she looked familiar to him and he couldn't stop himself from observing her as she destroyed half the room, getting annoyed reprimands from her colleagues. She had an apologetic expression on her face when she finally stopped in front of Dawlish, an Auror that all in all served Fudge's cause, and suddenly she assumed a professional look while talking about something to do with her mission with him. The girl observed a map intently and in the meantime she changed the colour of her hair, which became a light shade of orange clashing horribly with her clothing.
"Isn't it Remus?" asked McGonagall all of a sudden "Remus!"
"Wha…" he gazed puzzled at her. He had been so interested and curious about the young woman's eccentric appearance that, without even noticing, he had completely lost track of the issue. "Who is that girl?" he asked Kingsley pointing at the peculiar woman.
"Oh, that's Tonks!" he answered smirking sarcastically "And she hasn't got a boyfriend at the mo…"
"Is she a Metamorphmagus?" interrupted Lupin a little embarrassed at the other's remark. He couldn't really complain though since he had actually been watching the girl with much interest, his eyes never leaving her, telling the truth, but he concealed his embarrassment as best as he could manage. In fact he was so interested in his discovering about the girl having the special and rare power of changing her appearance that he almost forgot Shaklebolt's remark.
"As a matter of fact she is!" said Kingsley still smirking.
"How interesting!" exclaimed Remus, knowing that he was fuelling the other's sense of humour but he was incapable of remaining silent at her power. She had a gift only a few had been blessed with, that was just what…
"I remember her!" said Minerva sounding slightly interested, interrupting his thoughts. "Nymphadora Tonks, she was a Gryffindor, one of our best students at Hogwarts if you asked me. She, Miss Granger and you Remus, amongst only a few more students, have made me very proud. Though Nymphadora was a little bit sloppy and she and Charlie Weasley were always making a mess in classes." she observed the girl with wrinkles forming on her forehead "I always knew she would have a brilliant career as an Auror, always watchful and observant, keen in everything she put her effort into! I would, in fact, have chosen her for prefect if she had settled down but she was always so vibrant and… She's Sirius cousin did you know, Remus?"
"Nymphadora…" he creased his eyebrows while trying to recall something from a distant past and suddenly it came to him "Oh yes, I remember her, I saw her once or twice from a distance when she was a little girl."
"So Kingsley, as I was trying to say to Remus before, we need people, do you know someone else who would fit our cause?" whispered McGonagall returning her attention to the Auror. But Remus was still far too fascinated with Sirius' cousin to pay them much attention.
"Well actually seeing as I know her very well I would say that…"
Kingsley stopped middle sentenced when Nymphadora, who had headed in their direction talking with a colleague, knocked against Remus and dropped a bunch of books from a table nearby. He prevented her just in time from falling again to the ground by grabbing her by the elbows. But when he touched her he felt a strange surge of boiling energy, rushing from his fingertips to the rest of his body. She was warm and her perfume was so fresh and soft, he felt shivers running through him. But Remus was awoken from his trance by the girl's voice when she talked and he decided to ignore all of that nonsense.
"Thanks!" she said smiling openly at him "I'm sorry, I'm such a mess… do I know you?" she said everything at once, furrowing her eyebrows in trying to remember and he smiled at her, still amused by her entertaining clumsiness.
"Remus Lupin!" said Kingsley, smirking sardonically once again, before he could speak for himself. "And as far as I know, he doesn't have a girlfriend so…"
"What?" she asked smiling bewildered while Remus gave Kingsley Shaklebolt a warning look.
"Never mind Nymphadora!" interrupted McGonagall annoyed with Kingsley for his clumsy remark but Remus tried to ignore him as much as possible. It wasn't difficult really, seeing as he was highly appreciating the fact that her perfume was still lingering on his clothing.
"Oh, hi Professor McGonagall, how are you?" began Nymphadora politely and Minerva opened her mouth to reply but the girl didn't let her "Well I definitely remember you, Remus! You were a friend of Sirius, weren't you?" she said looking directly at him with those shiny and friendly eyes of hers and he smiled again before he replied.
"Yes, I am!"
"What do you mean you are?" she stared at him with hope in her eyes "After all he supposedly did… unless you also believe that he is…"
Remus exchanged a brief look with McGonagall before returning his eyes all the more interestedly at the young woman who was in front of him looking inquisitive.
"So Nymphadora…" he began slowly.
"Tonks please!" she corrected him with an amused smile.
"Yes, Nymphadora do you believe in Sirius innocence?" he asked hoping she would give him the answer he, so desperately, wanted to hear.
"Absolutely, but it's Tonks if you don't mind!" Remus started to enjoy the game they were playing, a little too much perhaps, but he didn't care, he liked her. Anyway he had plans for this girl that he meant to fulfill right then so he would not let anything to distract him.
"I do mind Nymphadora but the thing is that… well Sirius is in fact innocent… no don't interrupt me, we have something important to talk about…" he said when the girl started to open her mouth and she closed it obediently, probably because she was so curious about what he had to say that she didn't even bother protesting or correcting him again about the using of her name "Now what do you think about Voldemort, do you think he is back?" he continued and thoroughly appreciated the fact that she didn't flinch at the use of the name of the dark Wizard.
"Well he is back, isn't he? I mean, if Dumbledore and Harry Potter believe he is back, than I also believe it!" she had a concentrated look on her face and Remus felt a sudden admiration for that young and brave witch, so different from many others who were afraid of even talking about Voldemort, nevermind his return. She remembered him of his times when he was a Marauder and after leaving school when he believed fervently in everything he fought for. Well Remus still believed in all the causes he fought for but he was not a teenager full of ideals anymore, he had experienced prejudice, exclusion, isolation, loneliness… this girl, however she was just so different from himself, she was still so full of ideals.
Anyway Remus wanted to know as much as possible about Nymphadora's values and beliefs and he started to question the girl under McGonagall's confused look. Kingsley, on the contrary, seemed to understand immediately Remus' intentions and for once wasn't making humorous observations; instead he was paying him much attention.
Nymphadora proved herself courageous, intelligent, smart, irreverent and completely against Voldemort, whose name she hadn't hesitate a brief second in pronouncing.
"Have you ever heard of the Order of the Phoenix?" he asked suddenly and McGonagall finally understood where this was going and glared at him while ordering them all to leave the room.
"Oh I've heard of you, of course!" said Nymphadora enthusiastically while he dragged her out of the room by her elbow with the others just behind them. The man that had been glaring at Remus and a few more were now looking at him aggressively but he didn't care. He was far too involved in his conversation with Nymphadora to feel bothered by them. "I mean, I know it is a secret organization and all but… Well actually not that I usually eavesdrop conversations but it just happened, I didn't mean to. You know the other day I heard Arthur Weasley and Sturgis Podmore talking about it. They didn't know I was behind a sofa picking some books I had dropped and… anyway I barely heard a word. I only heard the name and… that it was secret and… something about Death Eaters. Well, as I said…"
"I thought you might have heard about us!" said Remus smiling at her embarrassment "A person like you is bound to know a lot more than it should. So yes, the Order of the Phoenix is an Organization that fought Voldemort and his Death Eaters so many years ago and we are now reuniting forces against evil.
"Wow!" she whispered in amazement; apparently she had forgotten Remus' amusing remark.
"So what do you say" he asked after he had assured himself that they were finally out of earshot "would you like to join in?" Remus invited her.
"Of course I want to join!" she exclaimed when he had finished exposing his offer. Her eyes were shining, all her face was glowing and he smiled genuinely at her, feeling peculiarly well for having caused her such happiness.
"What, are you insane, Remus? You can't just go and invite anyone you want!" protested McGonagall, still thunderstruck by his attitude "There are certain rules we must obey, you know? New members must achieve some standards that…
"She's good in what she does, I'm sure!" Remus interrupted her firmly.
"That's not the point, the thing is that… Merlin we haven't even talked to Dumbledore, you just can't…"
"We were supposed to recruit more members today, weren't we?"
"Yes but…"
"So what about her? I'm sure she would be of great value to the Order!"
"Nymphadora doesn't have the qualities we are…"
"She doesn't what? Metamorphmagus are very rare and you know it!" retorted Remus starting to feel strongly annoyed at Minerva's stubbornness. "Besides she seems to be a very good professional by the looks of it, and you told me Minerva that she was bright…
"…and problematic!" interrupted McGonagall brusquely. She seemed close to despair and Remus made a pause and breathed in a few times to regain control of himself. Nymphadora was staring at both of them mouth agape, obviously puzzled at the discussion she was presenting.
"I strongly suggest her, she is brilliant" intervened Kingsley helpfully "a most accomplished Auror, if she doesn't find anything to trip over, that's to say."
"I want to enter!" said Nymphadora loudly ignoring her colleague's idiotic commentary.
"That's hardly the point is it, Minerva?" continued Remus as if the other two hadn't just spoken. He had to bring McGonagall to her senses before it was too late.
"Of course it is, Remus! I… It's nothing against you Nymphadora, you know what I think about you but… we need older and powerful people, or at least more experienced. You understand that, don't you?"
"I said I want to enter, professor! And my name is Tonks!" she protested starting to look pretty annoyed with McGonagall, although she had easily accepted Remus' teasing… but that wasn't the time to rejoice with something like that, he thought firmly.
"Sirius, James and I were probably her age when we joined the Order of the Phoenix… and she is brave, brilliant, I can't think of a more useful power than metamorphosing, and most importantly she wants to join us and she does have the right to decide, don't you think?" said Remus hotly, defending his point of view feverishly. McGonagall was now looking at him taken aback and she certainly had her own reasons, normally he wouldn't talk to her or anybody that way but he wouldn't retreat a millimetre. Maybe he was taking this too personally but he thought that this girl deserved a chance and he was going to help her in. After all, Remus had decided to offer her a place in the Order of the Phoenix ever since he discovered her uncommon power. He thought she was indispensable and couldn't completely understand why McGonagall wasn't listening to him.
"That's what I was trying to tell you!" said Nymphadora smiling candidly at him; somehow surprised at his attitude "I like you Remus; unlike some other people I know, you can recognize an ally when you see one!" she finished looking triumphantly at McGonagall.
"That's my job Nymphadora!" he continued, and though his heart had jumped slightly at her words he was still glaring at professor McGonagall who remained silent.
"No matter what you call them!" protested Tonks laughing with Kingsley. "Nymphadora, please" she rolled her eyes with despise for her name.
"I can't believe I'm discussing this with you, Remus but… how do you know this girl is not wanting to gain our confidence to find and arrest Sirius?" she asked him with concern "After all she is an Auror and he is supposedly Voldemort's most dangerous ally." Tonks looked at her completely scandalized.
"I am not…"
"She is Sirius' cousin why would she want to betray him?" he retorted angrily now and Nymphadora interrupted her sentence with a soft smile in his direction.
"I've just told you why, Remus!" said McGonagall in a menacingly soft tone of voice.
"She believes in his innocence, Minerva and that's enough for me!"
"That's what she said to convince you!" continued McGonagall stubbornly and Nymphadora glared at her still extremely shocked at her words.
"Well I trust her, and Kingsley too!" decided Remus and the girl's eyes flew in his direction with great gratitude.
"Not as much as you do, I'll have to say!" said Kingsley smiling indulgently and Nymphadora frowned at him indignantly for his silly remark."
"Well let's see what Dumbledore has to say, alright?" finished Remus determinedly.
"Fine!" said McGonagall her nostrils flaring "We'll take a chance with this girl but if she fails us it will be your responsibility Remus!"
"She's not going to fail anyone!" he replied confidently, relishing secretly at the beautiful smile she offered to him.
"Alright!" hissed McGonagall "You've won Remus but we're talking about this with Dumbledore and the others."
"Fine for me!" said Nymphadora with a satisfied look on her face "Professor Dumbledore always liked me anyway so…"
"Don't count on that Miss!" interrupted McGonagall severely, "This is not a question of like or dislike, if it was, Professor Snape wouldn't be among us, most certainly."
"He is?" she seemed astonished as she searched Remus' eyes for confirmation.
"Well yes, but you won't have to worry about him. He will be the least of your problems if you join us!" Remus answered smiling "It's going to be a fight almost everyday, but I'll bet that's what you usually do Nymphadora.
"Pretty much, yes!" she answered ignoring completely the purposeful use of her name. He wasn't the kind of person to bicker but it was so amusing to watch her face contort in despair every time she heard that name. He simply could not resist. Besides, he liked her name very much, it was really catchy and he couldn't comprehend why she hated it so much. He felt slightly disappointed when she didn't retort his teasing but he tried to ignore that feeling.
"Well as it happens, tonight we're having a meeting in our Headquarters to receive new members and such." he said after discreetly clearing his voice "So we're taking you both with us. I'm absolutely positive that Dumbledore isn't going to oppose to you Nymphadora!" He finished softly, using her name this time just because it sounded gorgeous to him rather then because he wished to tease her.
"Thanks!" she said smiling friendly at him, which surprisingly warmed his heart in a way he had never felt before "You really are nice, no wonder Sirius is your friend. He always picked the best people.
They had decided to meet in the Leaky Cauldron that evening so that they could go together to the Headquarters, otherwise Kingsley and Nymphadora would not be able to find the place even if they knew the address, due to the Fidelius Charm. Professor McGonagall was extremely bad tempered when they reached the door of the Inn, she had talked to Dumbledore about Nymphadora and he hadn't had anything against her admittance and was even willing to see her and talk to her.
As for Remus he was thrilled at Dumbledore's reaction and felt a strange nervousness about seeing Nymphadora again and to give her the good news. Although he wasn't sure if McGonagall would allow him to say anything seeing as she had been acting a bit cold around him as if it had been his fault that Dumbledore had recognised the girl's abilities. Of course he had tried his best to convince their leader to the point of making Dumbledore laugh at both his and McGonagall's discussion, but there was no need because he would approve Nymphadora anyway.
As soon as they both entered the Leaky Cauldron he ran his eyes anxiously through the space and there she was, sitting on a table with Kingsley Shaklebolt laughing radiantly at something. She had a brilliant laugh, he thought distractedly while he absorbed the sound, examining her from where he was standing. Her hair had returned to the same blue shade as it had been that morning; she seemed to like that colour at the moment. Nymphadora had dressed her robes, and she looked almost a common Witch. He smiled inwardly while thinking that he liked her no matter how she looked, this young lady seemed always so candid through her wild appearance.
"Hi!" he complimented both Nymphadora and Kingsley though his eyes barely left her face, so anxious he was.
"Wotcher Remus, professor McGonagall!" she answered still laughing. "We were just talking about…"
"Spare us from your amusing conversations Nymphadora, because we're not here to talk about that." retorted Minerva as they sat down. Remus didn't like the professor's tone, especially when he saw the embarrassed expression on the girl's face.
"Forgive Professor McGonagall," he said gently "She is just upset because professor Dumbledore is willing to receive you on the Order of the Phoenix."
"Really!" Nymphadora almost shrieked, her eyes brightened and he felt very happy for her all of a sudden, drinking in her reaction. "Oh you did it I'm sure, you convinced him, didn't you?"
"Well… well it was not really necessary, you know… I think you were right, Dumbledore likes you, that's all." said Remus flattered with her confidence but slightly embarrassed at the look Kingsley had given him. Anyway he ignored his new colleague and concentrated instead in the girl's beautiful smile while she looked triumphantly at McGonagall.
"How did you do it?" asked Nymphadora and he told her everything relishing in her joyfulness. He felt the urge to impress her or at least cause a positive impression of himself. She was so interesting, he thought wanting desperately to cause her very much the same good impression she was causing him.
Tom, the landlord, interrupted the enjoyable conversation, wanting to know if they needed something to drink and Remus ordered butterbears for everyone.
"Now what were you laughing at?" he asked kindly and the two Aurors exchanged amused looks.
"Oh there was just something Kingsley was telling me about Snape…" Nymphadora trailed off her sentence when she looked at McGonagall's expression. "Well never mind!" she finished apprehensively and smiled at Remus warmly. He smiled back secretly amused while he imagined, what they had been talking about Severus Snape.
They decided to stay and talk a little bit to disguise their true meanings. While talking about trivialities he couldn't help but being nice to her, to make funny remarks and to have even some fun with her. This was eliciting some ironic remarks from Kingsley who seemed to find them quite amusing. Minerva on the contrary, being as she was particularly aggravated that evening, showed her dismay in heavy sighs.
Finally Remus decided it was time to leave and guided them all to an old, white car. It was a calm, warm evening in the end of June and for once he wasn't thinking about the rising moon. He was too involved in getting to know Nymphadora Tonks better. She was not only an amusing girl, she was also fascinating and, he couldn't explain why but there was something about her that made him felt extremely light-hearted.
"Are we travelling in a muggle car?" she asked curiously.
"Yes, we need to be careful in approaching the Headquarters, you know?" he clarified making her enter in the back seat for McGonagal had already occupied the front one. Remus then settled himself in the driver's seat.
While he drove through the streets of London, they started a light conversation and, even as he talked, he couldn't help observing Nymphadora through the mirror. She was so captivating, he thought to himself, when she laughed again at something Kingsley had said but he hadn't quite catched it, having been so involved in his reverie.
Remus tried to concentrate and turned his attention to the conversation which he now made an effort to take part in. He was feeling very good-tempered that evening, in a way he hadn't felt for a long time and he wanted nothing more than to gain this girl's confidence and friendship forever. It was great having friends again, Sirius, Arthur, Molly and now… Nymphadora. He could just sense from what he already knew about her character that they could be such good friends once they got to know each other more closely.
"Oh by the way I know who you are, I mean, I knew I've heard your name recently!" she interrupted his thoughts becoming suddenly very serious "I was just talking to Kingsley here before you arrived… you're the one who quitted from Hogwarts because you were a Werewolf, aren't you?" he felt a prang of apprehension sinking in his stomach. Well he always knew they had to get there. Nymphadora had to know someday and besides, she had the right to know with whom she was dealing with. It needn't have had to be that day though, he thought bitterly. "I've heard them talking about you in the Ministry. You were a professor at Hogwarts and you left the school, didn't you? Because you were a Werewolf, am I right?" she continued persistently against his heavy silence and he could see through the mirror that she was biting her lower lip curiously.
"Well, yes!" he admitted with the sinking feeling growing deeper in his stomach. This nice girl would certainly run away from him now that she knew what he was; and he wouldn't have a chance to know her better as he had wished. He liked her, vibrant and colourful yes, but nice, frank and quite adorable, she resembled some the few good people from the Black family he met but so much more… amazing. He certainly had never met a girl like her before and he was sure he would never again. But now it was over, he would never see her again and the thing was that the fact he might have just lost a friendship that had barely began was making him feel extremely unhappy. Ecspecially because Nymphadora had seemed to like him. And he couldn't forget her words in the Ministry about him being nice and Sirius picking the best people, that had been extremely flattering but now…
"Absolutely ridiculous if you ask me, the way Werewolves are mistreated in our society. This kind of prejudices make me sick of anger, Werewolves must have had the same rights as any other Wizard!" Nymphadora contiuned, her voice filled with passion. Remus breathed out in relief and suddenly felt very good again, so good he almost laughed out loud. It was so difficult to find people who accepted Werewolves as equals but she accepted them… she accepted him. "It must be a heavy burden. And I truly think you receive enough pain to have to put up with prejudice!" she finished shaking her head in pure admiration. Remus felt thunderstruck, he wasn't definitely expecting this kind of reaction to his curse. Nymphadora was so kind and she had such warm eyes when she had said those things.
"So… aren't you afraid of me for being a werewolf?" he said tentatively, still disbelieving of his luck as he stopped the car in an alley.
"Why? Is it a full moon's night and I haven't noticed?" she mocked when she had stepped out of the car and smoothed her robes with distraction.
"No!" he smiled.
"Thankfully!" she said jokingly, keeping her game and then she faked a worried expression. "Are you planning to bite me right now? Cause if you are I'm warning you that I'll hex you to oblivion!" she said feigning an alert position. Both of them and Kingsley laughed hard at that; McGonagall rolled her eyes impatiently but remained silent, it was like she had decided to make a silent vow.
"It's nice to know really!" said Remus still amused "Is she always this nice with people?" he continued now talking to Kingsley.
"You wait until you know her better" retorted Shacklebolt with a loud laugh "she can be the most irritating woman in the whole world and…"
"Now, shut up, both of you!" interrupted Nymphadora half-smiling "You two are really starting to annoy me!"
"You're quite frank, aren't you?" asked Remus after a brief moment with a friendly smile. Her words about his condition were still making him think.
"Quite, yes!" Remus fell silent as they started to walk the rest of the way from that dark alley to Grimmauld Place in order to better disguise their meanings.
"Well, just so you know Nymphadora, I don't have any plans to bite anyone and much less a girl I've just met. I don't think that's the best way to make a good impression." he continued half-seriously although she had found his remark pretty amusing judging by her laughing "And anyway Werewolves are not supposed to bite without the full-moon. But you know when I'm a wolf I don't really know what I'm doing… I could attack anyone so…"
"So what? When I'm in a bad mood, and I am frequently, believe me, I'll hex my whole family and people don't run away from me… usually that's to say." she corrected herself and Remus laughed again though he seriously doubted that anyone could possibly run away from her. "Seriously though, I am a walking disaster and I destroy everything I touch with my hands, now does that diminish me in others' eyes?" Kingsley coughed loudly to indicate his disagreement. "Well, maybe I didn't choose my words wisely, at least not in my dear friend Kingsley Shacklebolts' point of view!" she corrected and they all laughed again, while McGonagall protested to herself in a low tone of voice.
"I don't think about that as a flaw!" said Remus politely after a short silence being immediately awarded by her sincere smile.
"That's because it's not your work she always ruins. It's my parchment that always ends up on the floor and my quills flying through the air." said Kingsley and Nymphadora looked at him sideways.
"Thank you very much for your compliment, Remus!" she said smiling all over again "but as much as it costs me to say it, Kingsley is right,I am really…
"Nothing you have said can be slightly compared with the fact of me being a Werewolf!" he said suddenly very serious.
"Why? I make much more mess in just one day than you would ever do in your entire lifetime." protested Nymphadora stubbornly.
"Thanks for the trust but… this is not an issue to play with!" he said even more gravely, and starting to feel extremely worried with her fearless attitude, though it was really gratifying the fact that she wasn't afraid of him. "Werewolfs are extremely dangerous creatures when they are transformed and…"
"Can't you understand that you are not going to scare me, Remus?" protested Nymphadora firmly.
"She's got a point there, Remus!" said Professor McGonagall talking for the first time since they had left the Leaky Caulderon. "Nymphadora, was never one to get easily scared."
Remus remained silent for a while. He felt extremely confused right then. He thought he knew what to expect from people in general but this girl surprised him, so young and still so audacious, so unafraid of Voldemort, Death Eaters and… and Werewolves, it felt so good.
"You really don't mind that I'm a Werewolf?" he asked with a hint of fear about what the answer would be.
"Do you mind my looks?" asked Nymphadora unexpectedly.
"No, not at all! Why would I?" he asked her, now totally astonished.
"Most people don't like it, they think it's weird!"
"Well, you are what you are… in fact I think you are a very special person, but what does this have to do with…
"There you go, you are what you are and that's what makes you special!" she continued, her eyes brightened with wonder "Just so you know, I couldn't care less if you're a Werewolf or anything else unless you were a Potions teacher. That would be creepy because it would remind me of Snape, and believe me; it took me months when I left Hogwarts to get rid of the nightmares he caused me while he was my teacher."
"Nymphadora!" reprimanded McGonagall but they all ignored her and laughed over and over again at the slight about Snape.
"You aren't a Potions teacher, are you?" she asked in a more serious tone once the laughter had died down again.
"No, I taught Defence Against the Dark Arts" he replied smiling indulgently at her. She made him feel liked this, it certainly would be very difficult to be angry with her, she was just so nice.
"Thank goodness!" she placed an hand over her heart in mock relief, "Well, that's cool! Defence Against The Dark Arts was one of my favourite subjects along with Transfiguration, of course. In fact professor McGonagall is one of the best teachers I have ever met." she complimented, using her intelligent manoeuvre to convince her former teacher to accept her in the Order of the Phoenix.
"I would say that being a Metamorphmagus would give you some advantages in Transfiguration!" observed Kingsley out of the blue.
"Some, yes!" confirmed Nymphadora with a smile "Anyway I had seven Defence Against the Dark Arts teachers, is the place still cursed?" she asked to Remus curiously.
"Enough silliness!" said McGonagall roughly although she was still clearly flattered with Nymphadora's remark about her subject and herself as a Hogwarts' teacher "We arrived and we must go in!"
Remus felt overwhelmed as he thought about everything Nymphadora had said. She truly didn't mind if he was a Werewolf and he felt very light, this was one of the best things that had ever happened to him. He glanced at the girl in awe, the more he knew about her, the more he admired her, the more he was certain he had done the right choice… the more he wanted to know about her.
As soon as the newcomers were able to enter Grymauld Place Nymphadora started to eye everything appraisingly.
"I've never been to this house, thanks to Merlin! I can see it's horrid, it's so creepy I just can't imagine how awful it would be growing up in this home"
"Shush…" hissed McGonnagall "Please just try not to make any noise because…" too late Nymphadora had just tripped on an Umbrella's stand and if Remus hadn't been quick enough into grabbing it, Sirius' Mum would have destroyed their ears for a week. Nymphadora definitely didn't need that on her first day in Grymmauld Place, he thought worriedly, feeling elated with her grateful smile.
"Thanks again, I think you are bound to correct my messes!" she said forcing herself not to laugh and he wanted nothing more than to laugh himself at the situation but concentrated instead in not making loud noises while he walked.
Remus guided the others through a dusty corridor into the living room and, as soon as they entered, Nymphadora yelped and ran to the only man who stood there.
"Sirius!" she said hugging him.
"Nymphadora?" he asked in disbelief looking from her to Remus, McGonagall and Kingsley…
"It's Tonks please but… You remember me?"
"Well I haven't met many other girls with a liking for such strange hair colours." he remarked. She laughed with him and didn't argue his reasons for remembering her. "Now, isn't she adorable, she's my cousin!" explained Sirius smiling at Remus who preferred not to make any compromising commentaries "By the way what are you doing with my cousin, what is she doing here, certainly she didn't pass by for a visit, did she? Tell me, what are you doing here Tonks?"
"I could ask you the same question, but I'm here to join the Order of the Phoenix!" she informed proudly and her eyes met Remus' for a brief second full of gratefulness.
"Not if I can put a stop to it!" said McGonagall sternly, "Just so you know Sirius, she is here today completely against my will."
"Why? She can perfectly…"
"Oh, never mind professor McGonagall! She doesn't think I fit in, it was Remus who offered me a place." Nymphadora smiled at him candidly and he felt, all of a sudden, incredibly proud of himself.
"Remus did that? And by the look of things you two are getting along very well now, aren't you?" joked Sirius "You choose well Remus… Members for the order I mean!" he smiled sarcastically and Remus decided not to respond. Sirius always loved to make fun of everybody but, anyway he was right, Remus and Nymphadora were getting along very well. That was fair and it was nothing to be ashamed of, especially because true friendship was something only few people achieved.
"Sirius is also in the order as you can see!" he clarified to Nymphadora who was looking from one to another a little bit confused while professor McGonagall guided Kingsley out of the room, hissing complaints. "I didn't tell you sooner because I thought you would like to see him first!"
"And you're surprising her too!" Sirius said ironically "That's nice, really nice!" Well, Remus had to admit that he secretly enjoyed the idea of surprising Nymphadora, her face was shining in a way that…
"So you really are innocent Sirius!" she said unperturbed, ignoring her cousin's embarrassing remarks "Well I was still a little girl when that horrible thing happened but I always believed in your innocence. I assumed it must have been some kind of mistake and, when Remus here quitted from the school and the Minister came with a story about Harry Potter believing in your innocence I thought, well, if Harry Potter believes than it must be true!"
"That's my little Nymphadora!" said Sirius proudly to Remus and only this time she didn't correct his use of her name "We've seen each other only a few times when you were a little girl but you still believed in my innocence… unlike my best friend!" he finished hugging her tenderly while giving an ironic glance to Remus who shrugged his shoulders dismissively.
"You thought I was the traitor, remember?"
"Fair enough, Remus, fair enough!"
In that exact moment McGonagall came to call them and they all headed together to the meeting room, where everybody was gathered talking in low whispers.
"Hi Nymphadora!" Bill Weasley came to greet her cheerfully "I haven't seen you for so long!"
"Bill, how are you?" she said a little louder than she should have done and some people looked at her with annoyance. This was a bad start, thought Remus worriedly. But she seemed not to have noticed a thing since she had continued to talk vivaciously with Bill Weasley, who seemed to be very amused with her spontaneous way of talking and didn't make a move to stop her. "I've been very occupied with my Auror training, you know? How about you, still in Egypt?
"No, I asked to be settled here in London so that I can help the Order of the Phoenix."
"So you are also a member of the Order?" she asked approvingly.
"Yes, and you?"
"We are going to start!" interrupted Molly approaching them in quick paces.
"How are you Mrs. Weasley?" said Nymphadora politely.
"Oh Nymphadora, dear I haven't seen you since you graduated from Hogwarts. What are you doing here, by the way?" asked Molly half distracted and Remus sensed she would be a strong opponent to the girl's acceptance and acted quickly before Nymphadora could answer the question.
"We have to go Nymphadora!" he said touching her shoulder gently and signalled the table where everybody was gathering now.
"Yes, yes, you're right Remus… now sit up all of you." Molly ordered them and he felt relieved, he didn't want to put up a fight with Molly even before the meeting had started.
"Anyway Charlie is still in Romenia searching for foreigner militants, he is also in the Order, you know?" continued Bill while following them since Remus started to guide Nymphadora to a sit next to him.
"Oh, I've missed him, we got along very well at Hogwarts!" she finished smiling sweetly at Remus "I could even say Charlie was my best friend at school!
"Professor McGonagall told me you two were… well let's just say she didn't fancy your friendship all that much!" said Remus trying his best not to sound acid. He didn't know why but he wasn't appreciating the way she talked about Charlie Weasley.
"Well we hadn't the best of behaviours, you know!" she said laughing but Remus still felt annoyed about her friendship with Charlie.
"Welcome, welcome my friends!" said Dumbledore solemnly interrupting his strange thoughts "I believe we are gathered here to receive our most new members, or at least the ones who could come today. Bill Weasley…" Molly groaned in dismay, she had been against the entrance of her children in the Order, of course "… and Kingsley Shaklebolt! Welcome my friends and I expect the best from you in this organization. Now I think Remus has something to say!" finished Dumbledore after all of them had greeted the new members.
"Well yes, this is Nymphadora Tonks!" he introduced after clearing his throat and ignored her impatience for the use of her given name. She might hate it but he couldn't call her anything else, her name just wouldn't leave his head. He paused uncertainly feeling nervous all of a sudden. He had offered Nymphadora a chance and he depended only on his words to convince the others. If he failed she would be out without even a chance to prove herself worthy. She would be very disappointed if that happened and he couldn't fail this girl, he could not loose her friendship "We've talked to her today and I invited her to become a Member of the Order of the Phoenix. She accepted so…"
"You can't just ask anyone you spot, Remus!" said Elphias Dodge severely after a brief silence had filled the room at Remus' words.
"She's not just anyone, she's my little cousin!" defended Sirius steadily, before Remus could retort.
"Which means?" asked Snape brusquely.
"Nobody asked your opinion Snivellus!" continued Sirius hotly.
"I have the right to interfere since we have to deal with her everyday if she's in." said Snape malevolently "And we don't even know if this girl is trustworthy being, as she is, cousin of a criminal."
"Hey criminals aren't all that bad!" remarked Mundungus Fletcher with a snort.
"And who are you to talk about me you filthy traitor?" said Sirius ignoring Mundungo's interference.
"The fact is that she's good" defended McGonnagal cutting through the fight between the two men "though I think she's not right for the job! She's an Auror for about what… a year?
"I think she's just what we need!" intervened Remus still breathing heavily because of his anger towards Snape "She is young, quick thinking, brave, besides she is an Auror and a Metamorphmagus!" at his last word some people watched Nymphadora intently. Snape was the only one who smiled sarcastically but he ignored him, he would not waste his time fighting Severus Snape.
"Yes but she is a bit sloppy!" remarked Mad Eye Moody "I assisted some of her exams before she became an Auror and, although she really is good and brave, she is a total mess and all too young, if you ask my opinion!". Well at least he hadn't put her down totally, thought Remus dryly.
"Hey Charlie is the same age as I am!" she protested talking for the first time, for she seemed to have been controlling herself until then.
"Charlie Weasley knows exactly what he's doing!" retorted Moody harshly.
"And I don't? Oh please spare me!" said Nymphadora fiercely "You don't like me all that much just because I'm not as paranoid as you are."
"Well as I said she's my little cousin and I like her nerve, for me she's in!" interrupted Sirius when she started to clench her fists angrily.
"And she is truly a good professional!" admitted Kingsley fairly.
"Well I know her very well!" said Arthur Weasley with a warm smile "She's an Auror and a Metamorphmagus, which is valuable to our cause, don't forget about that. I know for sure she is an excellent professional and anyway I trust Remus' judgement!"
"Me too!" said Bill Weasley "I've known her since school and I assure you she knows exactly what she is getting into. You've got my vote Tonks."
"Thanks Bill! Thanks all of you!" Remus didn't like it all that much, he was helping her in, not Bill, why was she thanking him anyway, he thought angrily.
"Well I think she's just a child like my sons, you can't Nymphadora!" said Molly folding her arms "I am completely against!"
Everybody started to talk at the same time discussing the issue. Remus was trying to convince Dedalus Diggle and Elphias Doge who seemed to be against her but Emeline Vance, Sturgis Podmore and Hestia Jones were defending her right to join in, as for Mundungus Fletcher he clearly didn't care about the issue. Dumbledore was the only one who remained silent with a faint smile playing on his face.
Nymphadora was still discussing fervently with Molly about being old enough for deciding her life for herself and not even letting her mum interfere in it.
"You just can't Nymphadora!" insisted Molly obstinately.
"What, I…" started Nymphadora but was interrupted by no other than Severus Snape.
"Well I think that if Lupin wants to get himself a girlfriend he doesn't need to put her under our noses, we've got much more to worry about." he said loudly. Everybody fell silent instantly, some of them smiled discretely and Kingsley and Tonks actually laughed at that.
"I don't think that it is your business what I do with my personal life, Severus!" answered Remus after a brief pause, not wanting to respond directly to that rude remark since this had nothing to do with romance. Remus had to admit though that he definitely was trying to impress this girl, so Snape had a point there, but he was not using this to seduce anyone. He would never asked Nymphadora to join the Order if she wasn't good enough… well maybe… maybe he would have found any other way to get to know her better, he wanted to be friends with her but… anyway a girl like Nymphadora wouldn't ever be involved with him even if he wanted to, so Snape had nothing to worry about. He forced himself to focus his attention in the conversation "What's really important here is that she…"
"It matters to me and all of us if you are using an important association to get a girl's attention!" persisted Snape sardonically.
"I am not…" Remus started firmly but trailed off, Snape wanted a fight so he wouldn't have it "Look Severus, Nymphadora deserves a chance to prove herself worthy and…
"We are a little touchy about this now aren't we Lupin?" asked Snape ironically. So what, maybe he was but he only wanted to show the others that this girl had qualities that only a few achieved. Nymphadora deserved a chance and, as far as he was concerned, she was going to get it. "Having all this trouble just to force us to accept this girl among us, it can not be just because we need allies, is it? What do you think about this Nymphadora?"
"Well, what can I say? Certainly you would need more than to offer a place in the Order to get a girlfriend professor Snape, more like a spell, a very powerful one indeed but Remus doesn't need that, does he?" she said smiling cheekily. Almost everybody laughed hard at her statement but Lupin felt a little embarrassed "Personally I think he is quite charming, very handsome and if you really want to know, a bit of a catch!" she finished without a hint of embarrassment and she seemed quite sincere as she stared defiantly at Snape ignoring everyone's wild laughter. Remus was feeling all of a sudden slightly awkward at her honesty and Snape seemed to have drunken a cauldron full of Wolfsbane. Well anyway it felt good to know that she thought he was better than Severus Snape.
"You know, for such a supposedly smart Auror you look to me a bit infantile!" retorted Snape acidly "Well I always knew at school that you would never get far, no matter how much the other professors praised you."
"You weren't my favourite teacher either!" she snapped with a small chuckle and even Lupin had to laugh at that, she really was a funny girl, no matter what.
"Don't count on me to watch your back girl, that's all I have to say!" said Snape sharply, folding his arms insolently.
"Severus…" began Dumbledore but Lupin didn't let him finish.
"You heard Kingsley, Nymphadora is a very accomplished Auror and doesn't need you to look after her, not you nor anyone!" he defended fiercely and some people looked at him astonished, he didn't usually talk like that to anyone, not even Snape.
"Not that anyone would trust you with that task anyway!" added Sirius in a superior tone of voice.
"If she needed protection, which she doesn't, Sirius and I would take the job, thanks!" finished Remus looking a little bit more controlled.
"There you are professor!" said Nymphadora laughing brilliantly and he enjoyed the sound very much. The more he knew this girl the more he liked her, she was so irreverent and he liked it, liked it very much indeed, she never shut up not even to Snape or McGonagall and he respected her for that.
"That's enough Nymphadora!" interrupted McGonagall trying very hard to suppress a smile.
"All right professor, I'm sorry if I offended people with the truth!" finished Nymphadora still smiling mischievously.
"Well, well, well ladies and gentlemen!" said Dumbledore finally with an amused smile in his eyes "If I am allowed to say a word, I think that Nymphadora has the right to talk in her defence, do you want to join us?
"Of course I do, I want to fight!" she said clearly.
"That should be enough!" Remus pointed outglaring directly at Snape "We are in need of people and therefore, everyone with the will to fight against Voldemort should be allowed, especially someone as valuable as Nymphadora! And she is not afraid of calling Voldemort by his name unlike some other people I know. She is just perfect for the task and I hope most of you will understand that!" he stated fervently ignoring the shivers that ran the room at the sound of the dark wizard's name. He could only notice that the girl was staring at him in high regard while everyone else seemed to be pondering his words.
"Very well then, I really think Nymphadora would fit our cause and I have to compliment you Remus for the find!" commented Dumbledore with a large smile "It's not everyday we can find Aurors willing to fight for us, never mind Metamorphmagus. You definitely have a knack for finding suitable people Remus." Dumbledore smiled over his halfmoon spectacles and Remus felt extremely flattered.
"To be quite frank Remus put it in a simple way and I think we should give her a chance" said Dedalus Diggle. "after all she is putting a real fight for it!"
"And she's got cheeky answers we have to admit." continued Dumbledore with a laugh.
"Always had!" protested Snape angrily but nobody paid him any attention since most of them were nodding approvingly now at Nymphadora.
"I must admit you were right as usual, Remus!" said McGonagall a little bit upset "So I think you are in, Nymphadora and though I still think you're quite clumsy, I also recognise your qualities so… welcome to the Order of the Phoenix!" she finished half-smiling. Everybody started to talk and some were leaving the chairs, the meeting had ended.
"Thanks, professors!" said Nymphadora smiling triumphantly "And thank you Remus, I will not let you down!" she finished kissing him softly on the cheek and looking daringly at Snape right after. Remus was still surprised with how quickly he had convinced almost everyone who was against her admittance, and was caught by surprise by her kiss when he felt a soft warmness on his face. Her simple gesture only made him feel even better with himself and he had to stop himself from laughing at the look on Snape's face.
"Congratulations!" said Moody examining Nymphadora with his blue eye.
"I always knew you could make it!" added Kingsley smiling at her.
"Oh, leave me alone, I'm in but not thanks to you two!" she retorted to Moody and Kingsley "I only counted with Remus here, who doesn't even really know me.
"Oh but he would have liked it I'm sure!" murmured Kingsley, "And… hey I helped you!" he added, "though I have to admit I didn't fight the way Remus did!"
"That much is true! No one helped me like he did!" she said smiling brightly and he felt once more overwhelmed by this girl.
"I… I only did what had to be done and you deserved it, you know that!"
"Yeah, but if you hadn't helped me I wouldn't have made it" she continued still smiling "This is just great! Does it mean that I am finally going to meet Harry Potter?" some people rolled their eyes at Nymphadora's joviality but Remus smiled at her genuinely.
She was very pleasant and made him feel a strange happiness. He felt good with her like he hadn't felt with anybody else for a long time. He knew she had truly appreciated his gesture of helping her joining the Order of The Phoenix, though he had done only what was right but it made him feel proud anyway. All in all he was very pleased he had found a person like her, she would be certainly a wonderful friend for himself.
End of Flashback
She started stirring and he woke up from the reverie that had been caused by his memories. He looked at her expectantly, anxious to see her wake up, to certify himself that she was fine.
He wanted so much to caress her face right then, to run his hands through that soft bubblegum hair of hers, to kiss her forehead, her hands… to hold her tight in his arms…
Remus resisted the urge to plainly lay his forehead on hers and hide his face on his hands with a sobbing sigh. He couldn't… he wouldn't destroy her life, he thought feeling his heart broke into a million pieces. Even so he glanced at her painfully. For once he allowed himself the pleasure of watching her freely. Although it was at the same time a torment to him, looking at Nymphadora but not touching her endearing features, at least it would not harm her.
She was so different, so beautiful, so… perfect ever since they met. He had never allowed himself to love anyone and now he had fallen without warning. She had transformed his numb and half-lived life; he became alive near her, and only near her could he breathe freely. He wanted nothing more than to pledge to her his worthless life.
He should have known that first time he had touched Nymphadora when he had helped her to not trip… he had never felt anything so thrilling by only touching a girl before. He unconsciously decided to quieten his emotions back then for the best of everyone, but every time he had touched her after that he enjoyed the feeling of her warmness secretly.
After she had been accepted into the order, Remus had appreciated her presence even moreso. She was nice and bright, she filled any room with joy when she entered and he couldn't tear his eyes away from her even if he tried. Moody was the first to notice his attachment to Nymphadora, even before Sirius, even before himself really. Probably it had been that strange eye of his who could see far beyond the eyes, or perhaps he simply perceived what nobody had understood yet.
Remus remembered clearly that Moody had told him to be alert of his own feelings towards the girl so he wouldn't hurt her or himself. He had tried to deny it, embarrassed as he was, but Alastor Moody seemed somehow amused by him and his little crush on the young Witch, although he hadn't came to terms of what was happening to him yet. He liked her of course, found her beautiful, attractive and interesting yes, but he thought they were only good friends and nothing more but anyway, after that he started to be careful and observed Nymphadora more discretely.
It was very difficult not to notice her really, especially because she was always giving him attention and calling his own attention to her; making him laugh with her. He didn't mind having her around and he actually grew fond of it, he liked having her always close to him. Maybe that was why Dumbledore usually put them together in the Order missions. They seemed to understand each other without speaking and that was rare on those days; or maybe because he also had understood what was really happening between them.
The best of it, anyway, was that she seemed to truly enjoy his company; always paying him compliments and making him feel important to someone whenever she asked him help. She flattered him with her youthful fascination with his knowledge of books and the war itself and he secretly relished in her admiration. Nymphadora always had made him feel almost normal and she made him feel like he was a better person than he really was. She believed in him, like only a few in his whole life ever had.
Remus appreciated her gestures so much that he wanted to make her feel as flattered as she made him feel. He paid her all the attention he could manage and laughed condescendingly at her jokes but he was always anxious for anything else though he did not know or didn't want to know exactly what it was. When she had kissed him for the first time he had understood that this was what he so desperately wanted.
He hadn't seen his friendship turning to love but Nymphadora had meant more to him than he could understand just back then, so much he couldn't bear any other man coming close to her. At first Remus thought he wanted to have her friendship only for himself but now he knew he had felt jealous when watching her talking to others, especially Bill Weasley, even before he had found out he loved her. And when she talked about Charlie he felt so… absurdly jealous.
But now, watching her, knowing the risk she had just been taking he knew he couldn't loose her, and that would happen if they got together. She didn't deserve the kind of life he had to offer. She had so much passion inside of her heart, so much life… he couldn't take that from her, he was a Werewolf, he thought as to try to convince himself. He couldn't ask her to live a clandestine life, to be afraid everyday of loosing him or herself because of his curse; a life of fear, of being judged and excluded of the rest of the society. And she had lived so much less compared to him… besides he had practically nothing of his own, not even a decent job. He just couldn't do it, he shouldn't give her any kind of hope, he shouldn't even dream of her. If they ever… it would only hurt them both even more.
Remus touched her warm face tenderly and his fingertips ached when he withdrew them. He left them there, inches apart her skin, and he felt like dying in the pain of being so close that he could feel the heat radiating from her and not allowing himself to close the distance again. He knew now he had loved her ever since they met, but he didn't expect it to be so difficult to resist her, he had always been so under controlled. Why did she have to go and kiss him again, why couldn't he just resist her? Why did she have to love him back? It would have been so much more easy if she hadn't feel the same feelings for him. It would have been only a matter of controlling himself around her, but with her feeling the same way his worries doubled.
Remus recalled again the day he first met her and smiled sadly at that. Although they were meant to be apart; although they were as the sun and the moon, complimenting each other but never allowed to be together as one, he would keep this treasure hidden in his heart forever. When they first met… it all started that day, the day she cast a spell on him.
A/N: So what do you think about this chapter? I hope I have done a good job!
Please read and review, it's really important to me!
I would like to thank all my reviewers I haven't thanked yet, Karla Marie and Kylie (Pervy Severus Snape Lovers); blackolives10 (Ginny), thanks for having this story on your favourites and in your alert list; Alex Nelson (Alex202), thanks for your support and for having this story and myself on your alert lists, keep reading please; and a special thanks to Godsgracie12, keep reviewing my chapters and thanks for adding this story to your favourites list. To all of you thanks for reviewing my last chapter.
I would also like to thank all of you people who put this story on your favourites list Gorgeousabs1, Nymphadora85, Ynaneila; and to everyone who is waiting for this story to continue, having it and myself on your alert lists Alli-Baby, Eliria, FyAnnwn, Withered Quill, Sexyface and Sharivari. Last but not least I would like to thank all the readers in general, I hope you keep enjoying this story and please leave me your precious reviews.
To end this note I want to say a very special thanks to Courtney (Kara)! Thank you so much for editing this chapter and making my story all the more enjoyable for everyone. You did a great job with my grammar and I couldn't make it without your help! I want to thank you also for your support (and reviews by the way) and for including me in your favourite Authors and in your C2 community The Witches and Wizards of Fanfiction. I highly recommend this C2 Community to everyone who likes reading really good stories. I've read some myself and they are great.
Well this was a really long note but I hope I haven't forgotten anything. Anyway I hope you all have enjoyed this chapter and if you please read and review I would be extremely grateful.
Now, if you want to know what happens next in St. Mungus… keep reading!