Chapter Two: Changes
Dear Diary,
It's amazing how your whole life can change in one moment. Yet, what's more amazing is that sometimes it changes and you don't even know it. Go through every day not knowing what's coming. Even when it's been there with you the whole time…
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For the past three months, Jude has been in New York. A few days after she first arrived Kwest came and saw her when he heard from Georgia that she was there. Georgia wanted to make sure Jude was okay, her immediate departure was confusing. Kwest knew something was wrong but didn't ask, and Jude didn't tell. He left, and told Georgia that Jude was doing just fine, even though he knew it to be the furthest from the truth.
Jude got a job at Kat's work, Frenchy's Café (completely made up). On the days she had off, usually Kat and Jamie had school, so Jude usually went to play guitar in the park. She started getting regulars who came to the park just to listen to her. One was an older man; one day when she was putting her guitar away he sat next to her and told her about his days in the military. Jude knew he just needed someone to talk to, and she was happy to do so. As the weeks passed, she became closer and closer to the elder man. Still, no matter how close she got to the man or to Jamie and Kat, Jude couldn't bring herself to talk about the incident that happened three months before.
"Hey, little missy."
Jude looked up from putting her guitar in its case. The older man sat next to her as she looked up.
"Hey, George," Jude said.
"Are you headin' home?" George asked, "I just got here."
"I'm sorry, George. But I really don't feel so great today." Jude said as she pressed the last buckle on her case closed, "I thought getting out of the apartment would help, but it just made me feel worse."
"You haven't been feelin' too good a lot lately," George stated, "maybe you should go get looked at. I would hate it if something bad happened to you."
Jude smiled softly at George, "Thank you, but I'll be fine. It's nothing, just a little bit of the flu or something. In a few days I'll be as good as new."
"I sure hope so…" George said worried.
Rising, Jude turned to face George, "I would love it if you walked a young girl like me home."
"It would be my honor," George said as he got up. As they started walking, Jude put her arm through his. It was more for him than for her, but it made George feel better if he thought it was for her. Jude knew he should have a walking stick, but his pride wouldn't let him.
After twenty minutes, they reached Jude's apartment.
"Thank you George, for the walk home. I work tomorrow, but I'll be in the park on Saturday." Jude said as she let go of George's arm and fished her keys from her pocket. "I've even got another new song."
"I wouldn't miss it for the world," George said with a smile. "But promise me you'll at least go see the doctor. You wouldn't want an old man like me worrying about you, would you?"
Smiling, Jude kissed him on the cheek and said, "I'll think about it. But I don't think you have anything to worry about."
With that they said good-bye and George stood there waiting for Jude to get into the building.
With a frown George thought to himself, there's definitely something wrong with that there little miss. I've seen this once before… a long time ago. When things were good…Don't think about that anymore! It's gone, dead, buried in the past. No need to relive those memories…
Shaking his head sadly, George turned and left.
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"Jude, I'm going to call in sick for you" Kat stated with her hands on her hips. "You're too sick to go to work."
"No, Kat, I'm fine, really." Jude said as she washed her mouth out.
"Every morning you're in here throwing up and you think you're fine?" Kat asked in disbelief. "You could be seriously sick, Jude."
"Kat, I'm not going to die, so please, drop it." Jude said as she walked past Kat and into her room.
Kat followed on her heels and stood in the door way, watching Jude collapse on the bed with her head in the pillow.
"Fine, if you think you're not sick, then please, enlighten me" Kat said angry, "what is wrong with you!"
"Kat…" Jude mumbled into her pillow.
"Don't you 'Kat' me! I want to know what is wrong with you." Kat said as she advanced into the room, standing next to the bed, "Ever since you got here, you've been like this. I know some things wrong, Jamie knows some things wrong. We knew it the second you called three months ago. So don't you dare try and tell me nothing is wrong. I've let you try and work through whatever it was, but I can't anymore! I have to know what's going on! I'm not going to watch you-"
"Kat! Okay… Okay!" Jude yelled as she sat up on the bed, "I'll tell you, okay! Just please, stop!"
"Okay then…" Kat said calming down.
As Jude shifted to sit criss-cross on the bed, Kat sat next to her in the same position. For a few minutes they sat in complete silence, Jude trying to face the demons in her head and Kat trying to be patient.
"There's no easy way to say this, Kat. And I think the best way for me to say it is to just get to the point…" Jude said quietly, then took a deep breathe, "Early in the morning on my birthday, Tommy and I finished my album. To make a long story straight, I tried to get him to talk about how he feels, and he wasn't going for it. Instead I made him angry. He was coming at me, completely enraged. I thought he was going to kill me, but instead he ended up kissing me. Basically, things got a little out of hand, and we… we… slept together. And being stupid old me, I thought he cared. But no, he loves Sadie, or so he confessed. When he said this, I just wanted to leave, but he pulled me back and made me promise…"
"Promise what?" Kat asked in shock.
"That… it never happened…" Jude squeezed her eyes shut as she relived the night, the moment. She could feel her heart breaking, but for some reason, it felt worse to relive it than it did to actually be there. Tears kept escaped from her eyes as Jude lost what little of control she had. No… Jude thought I can't give into this. I can't be weak! No more tears… no more… Oh God, it hurts!
Kat watched as Jude's control slipped, and gently took her into her arms. Letting her cry on her shoulder. Silently, Kat started to cry. Kat and Jude held on to each other desperately, one of them reliving her misery the other feeling it for the first time.
Twenty minutes later, Jude and Kat finally stopped crying. Kat still holding Jude ran her hand over Jude's hair, calming her.
"Give it time Jude, the pain will go away," Kat whispered, "Tommy is not worth this."
"I know Kat, but that's not all," Jude said as she shut her eyes again, "I'm… I'm pregnant."
Kat's eyes open wide in shock. Wow.
"You're disappointed in me, aren't you…?" Jude said softly as her eyes teared over again. Jude pushed herself away from Kat and looked away.
"Jude, no, I'm not disappointed." Kat said, taking Jude by the shoulders to get Jude to look at her, "Shocked, yes. Disappointed, no. Are you positive, though? Could you be wrong?"
Jude gave Kat an are-you-kidding-me look, "It's been three months, Kat, three. I think I would of known by now."
"Oh, right…" Kat said, "Then you haven't been to see the doctor?"
"Um… no not really…" Jude mumbled.
"Jude! You have to go and get checked out!" Kat told Jude in that motherly tone of voice.
"I know! I know!" Jude said as she threw her hands up, "I just don't like the doctor very much…"
Kat gave Jude a look then said, "I have an aunt who is a doctor around here. I can call her and see when she can fit you in, okay?"
"Kat… I really…" Jude started.
"No, Jude. You are going. If I have to drag you to that car, you're going," Kat declared as she got off the bed and left the room.
Jude watched her leave, and then laid back down. Her stomach still hadn't calmed down all the way.
Great I hate doctors, Jude thought, but Kat's right. I have to go… if nothing else then for the baby. Wow, that's so real. A baby. Oh God, a Tommy look-a-like. Oh God! Tommy! He can't know. Nobody can know. They're going to find out sooner or later, you know. Can't I just hide some where? Maybe go to a third world country, they'd never find me there, that's for sure! You can't run, it won't change what's about to happen…Fine! I'll stay! But nobody can know its Tommy's… especially not Tommy. Duh! What do you think I am? Just don't tell him! Wow… wait, did I just tell myself not to tell Tommy? I really have lost it! You think? Oh stuff it already!
Groaning, Jude turned on to her side and beat her pillow a few times. Then promptly laid on her back staring at the ceiling.
"Jude, your appointment is in half an hour." Kat said as she walked back into Jude's room. "So you better get ready, we have to go."
"What? So soon?" Jude asked more than a little nervous, "I thought it would at least be a few days!"
"Honestly, so did I. But a couple patients canceled last minute, so she has a spot open." Kat said, "Now enough of this. Get up and get your clothes on. I already called work for you. Boss lady said you can take the day off. Evidently she noticed that you haven't looked too great."
"Oh goodie, another person to pester me," Jude said sarcastically as she went through her clothes.
"Just wait until you have to tell Jamie," Kat said as she left the room.
Jude stopped rummaging through her dresser to look at Kat. But Kat wasn't there anymore.
"Oh man… Jamie…" Jude groaned.
Jude and Kat spent a good two hours at the doctor's office. Once they got back to the apartment, Kat had to leave for class; leaving Jude home, with a kitchen full of food. Taking advantage of the stocked food, Jude grabbed anything her arms could carry. Munching as she watched anything on TV. It was a good two hours later when Jude realized she had ate almost everything she brought with her to the couch. Putting what was left away, Jude walked back to her room. Grabbing her guitar, she played a few notes, humming to herself.
"mmm… It never happened… mmm…more mistakes you realize way too late…"
Jude played a few more chords, getting a feel for the song.
"…Whispered words in my ear… mmm… It never happened…"
"That sounds great. Did you just get started?"
Jude shrieked as she jumped around to face a grinning Jamie.
"Jamie! What are you trying to do? Kill me!" Jude asked annoyed with a hand at her throat.
"I'm terribly sorry, but if you were paying attention, you would have heard me and Kat getting in." Jamie said still grinning.
"Well, still! Don't go sneaking up on people. It's not nice." Jude told him as she put her guitar back on its stand.
As she walked by Jamie at the door, she punched him in the arm saying, "Don't do that again."
She walked out to the living room, and plopped down next to Kat on the couch.
"You know Kat; you could have kept him from almost giving me a heart attack!" Jude said glaring.
"I tried, he just wouldn't listen." Kat said smiling.
"Who ate my cheese balls!" Jamie yelled from the kitchen.
Kat looked at Jude who was trying hard not to laugh.
"Jude, you didn't!" Kat said laughing, "You know Jamie loves those things!"
"I couldn't help it… they were there… I was there… it just felt right at the time…" Jude said laughing.
"Jude!" Jamie roared as he walked over to her and Kat.
"Yes, Jamie?" Jude asked innocently.
"Why? Dear lord… why would you do that? To me," Jamie said looking hurt as he pointed to himself.
Kat and Jude started laughing hysterically, rolling around on the couch.
"You two think this is funny?" Jamie asked offended.
"No…" Jude said between laughing.
"It's more like hilarious-" Kat said as she fell off the couch, which only started the laughing back up again.
Jamie, absolutely offended by this barbarous display, walked away. It took Jude and Kat twenty minutes to finally stop laughing. They sat back on the couch grinning at each other.
"One of us should go find him," Jude said.
"I vote you." Kat declared, "After all you did eat the mans cheese balls."
"Okay, fine, I'll go…" Jude said as she got off the couch.
Jamie sat in the kitchen eating Jude's pop tarts.
"Hey! What do you think you're doing?" Jude asked trying to grab the box of pop tarts.
Jamie held the box away from her, "I don't think so! You ate my cheese balls! You owe me."
"I owe you cheese balls, not my pop tarts!" Jude said reaching for the box again only to get it pulled back again.
"You took what was mine, I get what's yours." Jamie said simply.
Jude gave Jamie a pouty look, sticking out her bottom lip. Jamie looked at her with a slight smile then began to eat the pop tart while groaning and moaning.
"Mmm… so delicious… oh yes… it just melts in your mouth… so tarty… yummy tasty toaster pastry…"
Jude watched as Jamie closed his eyes to give the air of ecstasy. Quickly she snaked her hand out, grabbed the box and ran.
"Jude! You had better run!" Jamie shouted.
Running into the living room, Jude tossed the box to Kat who caught it and ran down the hall. When Jamie came after Jude, she put her hands up in surrender then pointed down the hall.
"Kat!" Jamie called as he ran down the hall.
Jamie ran in the room grabbing Kat and tackling her on the bed.
"Do you give?" Jamie asked tickling her.
Laughing, Kat yelled, "Give! I give!"
Smiling down at Kat, Jamie kissed her.
"Oh, knock it off already… others live in this house too." Jude said grinning at the doorway.
Jamie turned his head to look at Jude, "Others? You mean you."
Smiling Jude said softly, "Sure I do." Then walked away.
Jamie looked at Kat, "What was that about?"
Kat just smiled and shrugged.
Later that night the three of them were watching TV when Jamie noticed an envelope on the coffee table.
"Hey, what's this?" Jamie asked grabbing the envelope.
"Oh it's nothing…" Jude said reaching for it.
Jamie pulled out an ultra-sound picture and just stared at it.
"W-What's this?" Jamie asked not taking his eyes from the picture "Is this what I think it is?"
"Yes, Jamie. It's an ultra-sound picture." Jude said as she took it away and put it back in the envelope.
"Ultra-sound means baby… right?" Jamie asked horrified.
"Yes, Jamie, an ultra-sound can mean baby and yes, in this case, it means baby." Jude told him like an adult talks to a child.
"Baby...? Whose…?" Jamie asked.
"Mine." Jude stated matter-of-factly.
Jamie stared at Jude's face then he look at her stomach, then back to her face. He repeated the process for a good ten minutes before Jude punched him.
"Stop staring at me like I'm a freak."
"I'm sorry… I just can't believe it…" Jamie said still staring. "When… how…"
"How? Um… Jamie I don't really want to give those details, I'm sorry." Jude said, "As for when…"
Jude told Jamie the story. By the end tears were falling from her eyes. Seeing how bad it hurt her, Jamie tried to hug her, but Jude pulled away.
"No, I'm fine… really. I just hope that's the last time I have to repeat the story." Jude said wiping her face.
"What are you going to do Jude?" Kat asked. "Are you going to tell Tommy?"
"No, Tommy is not going to know this baby is his," Jude avowed, and when Kat and Jamie were about to argue she continued, "I know it's wrong for me to do this. But this baby is all I have, and I mean to keep it."
"What are you going to tell your family, Georgia, everyone?" Jamie asked.
"That's simple, when I first got here; I went to a party with you guys, got a little tipsy and met this guy I barely remember." Jude announced.
"That's definitely a story." Kat remarked.
"And they're going to buy it, got it? We, as in us three, have to make sure they do." Jude stated. "Okay?"
"Okay." Kat and Jamie said, "Fine."
This is not good, Jamie thought, secrets are no good. They always end up falling down around you. Never staying secrets for long…Jude is too stubborn for her own good. Otherwise she'd see this plan is not going to work… at least not forever…and when it gets out, all hell is going to break loose.
Jamie looked at Kat, knowing she was thinking the same thing.
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"Jamie, Kat, I've decided to go back home."
It was the next day at breakfast that Jude told them. Jamie with his spoon suspended in mid-air looked at Jude.
"Jude are you sure? I mean you can stay here you know…" Jamie said putting down his spoon.
"I'm positive." Jude said as she sat down with her pop tart across from Jamie and Kat. "I want to go. I need my mom for this."
"She's going to freak out, you know." Jamie told Jude.
"Jamie, I know. But she's going to find out sooner or later, I have to tell her." Jude responded, "But I really do need her. You won't understand, you're not a girl."
"Well I sure hope not," Jamie said as she started to eat again.
Kat smacked Jamie, "Shut up, Jamie. Jude, I think it's good you're going home. You'll probably feel a lot better."
Jude smiled at Kat, and then suddenly she sprang up and ran into her room. Running past Jamie and Kat she yelled, "I'll be back in a little bit."
"Jude! Where are you going?" Kat asked.
"I have to say good-bye to George!" Jude shouted as she closed the front door.
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"George!" Jude said as she hurried to the older man sitting on the bench.
"Hello to you too, little miss." George said smiling brightly, "I thought you'd never show up."
"Sorry, but a lots happened lately." Jude said as she fell on to the bench taking a deep breath.
"Well, you look much better," George told Jude, "Where's your guitar? I thought you had a new song."
"I didn't exactly come here to sing…" Jude trailed off.
"What's wrong? Is everything okay?" George asked worriedly.
"Oh, yes, things are fine… I, uh… just needed to tell you that I am leaving…" Jude said facing George.
"Leaving? Where are you going?" George asked frowning. "Is there something wrong?"
"No, nothings really wrong, but I am… uh… I mean to say…" Jude couldn't finish.
"You're pregnant?" George asked.
"Well… yes actually… how did you know?" Jude asked taken back.
"Experience," George said as he looked away, "I was in love once… and I think she loved me too. Only, some things just aren't meant to be. So, where are you going?"
Jude watched George a second before answering, "Back home to Toronto. I just need my family right now, you know?"
"I understand." George said. "So when are you leaving?"
"In a few hours," Jude said, "I should be leaving."
"I'll miss you girl, you gave an old man like me something to look forward to," George said as Jude and him rose to their feet.
Jude reached over and gave him a hug saying, "I'll miss you too. You gave a young girl her smile back. I'll be back someday and I'll expect to see you sitting here."
George pulled away and smiled gently, "And I'll be here, waiting."
"Do you want to walk me home?" Jude asked.
"No, you go ahead. I think it's best to say good-bye now." George said.
"Okay. Bye, George. I'm glad I met you." Jude said with tears in her eyes.
"Not half as glad as I am to have met you, little miss." George said choking up, "Now you go, get back to your family."
Jude smiled then turned and walked away. She looked back over her shoulder before she turned into the street. George stood there watching as another girl walked out of his life.
There goes one more… George thought, but I have a feeling that this one is going to come back. Rosie, love… why did you leave me?
Sitting back on the bench, silent tears streamed down Georges face as he looked in the distance; seeing only the past.
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For hours Jude sat in an airplane, and for twenty minutes she sat in a cab. Finally, she was home. Jude paid the cab driver, grabbed her bags and walked to the front door. Taking a deep breath, Jude opened the door.
Here goes nothing…
"Mom? You here?" Jude called out.
"Jude!" Victoria screamed as she ran from the kitchen to the entry way. She captured Jude into a fierce hug, "I am so happy you're home! It's been so lonely with out you and Sadie."
"I know," Jude said as she hugged her mom, "I really missed you too."
Pulling away Victoria looked at Jude beaming. "So you're home to stay, right?"
"Yep, home to stay." Jude said softly.
"We should get you settled," Victoria said as she grabbed Jude's bags, "You're probably tired."
"Dead tired," Jude said as she followed Victoria up the stairs.
Once they were in Jude's room, Victoria put Jude's bags on the floor and turned to face Jude who was sitting on the bed.
"Well, I think I'll leave you to take a nap. I'll have dinner ready by the time you wake up and you can tell me all about New York." Victoria said as she walked to the door.
Should I tell her? Should I wait? I should just do it now and get it over with…
"Mom…" Jude called before Victoria could get to the door.
"Yes, Jude?" Victoria said as she turned around.
"Um… there is something I need to tell you…" Jude said with out looking at her.
"Jude, honey, what's wrong?" Victoria asked worried.
Walking over to Jude, Victoria sat next to her on the bed.
"There's no easy way to tell you this…" Jude said softly still looking away, "But I'm… uh… pregnant."
Jude sneaked a glance at her mom but looked away quickly.
Victoria stunned could only stare at Jude with her mouth open. She tried moving her mouth, hoping the words would come out but they continued to be silent.
"Mom, please, say something…" Jude said quietly, tears filling her eyes.
"I… I don't know what to say, Jude…" Victoria said, getting her voice back, "you're… oh my god! Jude! How could you?"
"Mom, I'm sorry…" Jude said sobbing quietly, "You don't know how sorry I am…"
Victoria took Jude in her arms, trying to calm her down. "When? Who's the father?"
"It… it was when I first got to New York… there was this party and then there was this guy… and… and…"
"Sh… Jude, its okay I get the picture…" Victoria whispered into Jude's hair.
"I'm sorry… so sorry… please forgive me…" Jude whispered into her moms shoulder. Her eyes were closed tight trying to stop the tears, but they kept coming back hurting more each time.
"Jude, shh… don't worry, it's going to be okay… I promise." Victoria told Jude as she rocked her a little.
It took Jude half an hour to fully calm down and stop crying. She laid on her side with her mom sitting next her on the edge of the bed.
"Mom, are things really going to be okay?" Jude asked suddenly.
"Yes, honey, they are. You've got me, Sadie and your dad. It will be okay." Victoria reassured her.
Jude gave Victoria a watery smile and then slowly fell asleep.
Watching Jude sleep, Victoria thought to herself, Jude…Jude…Jude… what have you got yourself into? What have you got us all into?
Victoria rose and walked to the door. She looked back at Jude then silently closed the door.