A/N: Wanted to thank you for the great reviews! I love them, and I am glad you like the story so far. Well, I know I said this will be a two chapter, but it somehow get out of control. But don´t fear, the third chapter will be the last, I promise:-)

Message

by Nicol Leoraine

Chapter 2

This time around, there was no pain when he get through the portal. Only a weird feeling enveloping him, leaving him a little queasy. He took a faltering step and bumped into Beckett, who was just few feets before him. Obviously, he should´ve waited those ten minutes. He didn´t even register when Ronon grabbed his arm and pulled him out of the way along with a slightly shocked Beckett. Just in time, when Elizabeth stumbled out.

"Wow! Everybody all right?" she asked, as Teyla and finally McKay came through the threshold in the following seconds.

"Well, my whole body is tingling and I am sure my heart is beating too fast, and who knows if I won´t get a heart attack or a stroke, do you think it´s possible, Carson? Because-"

"Rodney, you´re okay," Carson Beckett announced, stopping McKay in the middle of his tirade.

"Oh, well, that´s good," he said and fell silent, looking at Sheppard. He opened his mouth few times, but then closed it shut. Suddenly he felt tired. Maybe Sheppard had six months but Rodney had only hours, and he was quite in a rush.

"How long were we gone?" Elizabeth asked, looking at her watches, but realizing they won´t tell her the right time. So instead she tapped her radio and called the puddle jumper.

"Lieutenant? We´re ready to get out of here."

"Madam? You just told me to wait two minutes ago," the surprise could be heard through the radio, but it was the look in Sheppard´s face that made Elizabeth sigh.

"Well, we were quick," she said and saw the glint in Teyla´s eyes, while Rodney muttered something inapprehensible.

Sheppard for his time was leaning against the wall, breathing in the humid air and watching his friends. How many nights did he fell asleep, imagining their faces? And every time he asked the same thing - why weren´t they coming? He felt betrayed, hurt. But still, when Terra told him about their arrival, he jumped up stating that was the best news. And when he saw the beast ready to attack them, he lunged at it without a second though.

"Colonel? Are you ready?" Beckett asked him, and pointed at the retreating back of Ronon and Elizabeth. The others were still lingering around him, watching him. John shook off the fog that somehow settled in his mind and gave them an assuring smile.

"Why yes, lead the way."

xxxx

He thought it would be easy. To come back to Atlantis and act as if nothing happened. But even when he set his foot to the puddle jumper and saw the surprised look on the pilot´s face, he knew it won´t.

But essentially it wasn´t the people of Atlantis who were having problems to seeing him around, but it was Sheppard himself. For Atlantis, he was gone on a routine misson, which ended even sooner than it was supposed to. If not for the beard and the weird clothes, he would´ve gone unnoticed in the corridors. Also the escort of his whole team didn´t help, it just brought too many stares and suddenly John missed the calmness of the cloister. He almost laughed.

How could he miss something he tried to elude the last six months?

At least when they reached the infirmary, Beckett pointed him to the farthest bed in the corner. He gave the nurses some instructions to gave the rest of the team the post mission check up, then headed off after John. Pulling the curtain, so as they had as much privacy as was possible, he heaved a sigh and looked at the wayward Colonel.

Sheppard was sitting on the bed, hands touching the soft mattress, eyes downcast. He heard the sigh and grimaced. The smell of the antiseptic, hell, just seeing the familiar faces, made him want to cry. He didn´t know why. But he pushed aside the emotions, and when he looked up, his face was a calm mask. Beckett cringed.

"What about we get you out of those clothes, Colonel?" he asked and pointed at the scrubs lying folded on the bed. Sheppard gave them a short look, then snorted.

"I think I can get out of these clothes by myself, thank you. Is this really necessary? Like I said, I´m fine. The way back through the threshold wasn´t nearly as painful as the first time. And it was Ronon and Teyla who were flying through the air, remember?" he tried to revert the attention and Beckett almost smiled at the display of the old Sheppard. For a second it was as if nothing happened.

"I´m sorry, John. But you was away quite a long time and as I heard, you had several encounters with the beast. I would rather check you through than miss something."

"It´s okay, doc. Hedda healed me," John said, hoping it will do, then cringed as his own words betrayed him.

"Healed you. I see. And just from what did she needed to heal you, Colonel?" Beckett asked, business like and Sheppard recognized the "don´t mess with me" look just too well. No six months could´ve erased the instinct of self-preservation from the big needles, and he knew Carson well enough to know he had plenty of pointy objects he could stick him with. Without a word, Sheppard reached for the scrubs.

xxxx

Five minutes later, Carson Beckett studied the new set of scars on his patients back and neck in fascination. He almost whistled in surprise. Just two days ago he saw Colonel on another post-mission check up and he was sure none of the scars were there.

"They´re all from the beast?"

"Yeah," Sheppard replied noncommittaly.

"Must´ve been painful," the doctor judged, seeing the scars on his back.

Sheppard shrugged.

"Don´t really remember what happened after the beast attacked. I just woke up in the bed, healed."

"Awesome," Beckett muttered and Sheppard turned, frowning.

"I don´t think it´s so cool, Beckett. Try to face this thing twice and then speak about awesome."

Beckett looked puzzled by the sudden anger and gave Sheppard another critical look.

"I didn´t mean the fact the beast attacked you was awesome, Sheppard. I am merely fascinated by the state of the wounds."

"Why?" Sheppard asked, puzzled. "They´re all healed."

"And that´s exactly what I am talking about. This," he pointed at the scar on his neck that he acquired the last week. "-looks at least several months old, and the ones on your back practically faded. If I´d never saw you before, I would´ve thought you got them several years ago. The fact that I see them at all indicates it was a deep tissue damage. And you say you was healed? How? Perhaps they had used some kind of plants? A new medicine?" Beckett was getting excited but Sheppard quickly corrected him.

"Sorry, doc. No medicine. It was Hedda, the little girl. She was a healer."

"Oh," Beckett´s face fell, but then he quickly recovered and put on a smile. "Good thing she was there."

"Yeah," Sheppard mumbled and suddenly felt the urge to get out of the infirmary, to the open. For the last six months he lived practically outside. Sure, he slept in the hut, but even that was more open. The infirmary was stiffling, the voices behind the curtain making him nervous.

"Can I go, now?" he asked and cursed himself for the slight stutter and the whining quality of his voice. He sounded almost like McKay.

Beckett´s eyes narrowed even as he shook his head.

"Sorry son, but I need to do some tests. And I would like to keep you here for the night."

"No!" Sheppard fiercely protested, then in a calmer tone added: "I really need some time alone, Carson. I want to take a shower, get rid of the thing on my face," he pointed at his beard with a slight smile, which faltered. "I need to think. In my own room, without nurses checking on me every hour, or a bunch of people playing visit. I just... need time."

Carson Beckett eyed him warily, noting the dark circles already forming around his eyes, the pale skin and hunched shoulders. He really thought Sheppard should stay, though he wasn´t sure if it was more for his own calm than the Colonel´s. What convinced him though was the pleading look and the haunted eyes.

"Under conditions."

Sheppard opened his mouth to protest, but then realised he will get what he wanted and simply nodded, a grateful smile playing on his lips.

"I´ll do whatever test I like and you will wait here until I get the results. You can sleep in your own apartment, but you´re off duty for as long as I will deem fit."

Sheppard frowned at the mention of the tests, but then agreed. He knew there was no other option and as much as he hated being cooped up in the infirmary for the next few hours, it was still better than to stay here through the night.

"Deal," he said finally, though he couldn´t hide the shiver when Carson gave him a satisfied smile and called at the nurse.

"All right then, Colonel. First thing to do, we´re going to get some blood samples."

xxxx

Five hours full of poking and prodding later, Sheppard would´ve sweared that he was still partially trapped in the time dilation field, because it sure as hell felt like eternity to finish the tests. Carson still didn´t have all the results, but the ones he got didn´t indicate any problem. So under a promise that the Colonel will go straight to his quarters and will be in the infirmary the first thing in the morning, he let him go. Sheppard was sure he got a pair of burn marks on the back of his head from the doctor´s frowning glare, but he didn´t care.

It was a small miracle that he managed to avoid his team. For a while they were hanging around the infirmary, wanting to play him company. Even if they hadn´t missed him for so much time, they realised - well, all but Ronon - that the time for the Colonel ran faster. They wanted to give him support and he had a hard time to convince them he didn´t need it. Finally, they gave up the effort to keep some conversation with him, and Sheppard used Beckett´s tests as an excuse to be left alone. He wasn´t sure though if it was his own actions or something the doctor told them, because they really left. And he felt relief.

Now that he was heading for his quarters, the corridors familiar but strange at the same time, he felt bone tired. It was getting dark and he felt ready for a bed but he knew he won´t sleep tonight. There was just too much his mind had to proceed. The time dilation only one of the things.

Sliding into his quarters, he took a minute to take in the room. Nothing changed and he wondered if it really wasn´t just this morning when he left for the mission. But when he wandered into the bathroom and started to take off his clothes, his head started spinning and he had to lean against the wall for support. It was the smell that hit him, making his mind go into overload.

He could still smell Terra, and he could feel her body close to his.

The flashback came with frightening clarity - the night he returned from another of his trips to the cave, this time bringing the backpack with the supplies. He was so excited he almost tuned her out, but then she asked him to sit next to her and he obeyed, the backpack, along with Atlantis, forgotten. She spoke about dreams, about seeing his face for her whole life, about seeing them ascend together. He doubted her then and he was right, he realised now. But it didn´t change the feelings between them, the kiss they shared.

Suddenly he missed her. Not the cloister, not the meditations, just simply her. Because she was the only thing that kept him sane for the last six months.

Sheppard shuddered, pulling himself to his feet. The world stayed unmoving, just as it was supposed to be and he quickly get out of the last reminders of the Sanctuary, throwing the clothes to the farthest end of the bathroom. He needed to get back his hold on the reality, but he was afraid it would require more than a shower and a good nights sleep.

The water on his skin felt good and he had to grin, because one thing he truly missed in the last six months was a shower. The strong spray almost hurt his skin, but it was a good hurt, that pushed away all the thoughts and left him in a slightly dazed state. He shortly contemplated to leave the shaving for the morning, but he wasn´t sure he´ll stay in his quarters till then and he needed to get rid of the stubble, if for nothing else than because it pulled attention. He already heard the surprised whispers of the Atlantis personnel, when he walked the corridors with the beard and the weird clothes. They just saw him few hours ago clean and shaved. It wouldn´t do him any good to start a gossip about another experiment with an ancient technology going wrong.

Finally shaved and in his own clothes, he lie down into his bed, arms under his head. He stared at the ceiling and tried to convince himself that everything was all right. That his team didn´t left him to die, that they cared for him and were doing everything they could to help. But one thing kept popping into his mind, one thing that didn´t allow him to sleep, to forget - or to forgive.

He felt the anger rising inside him and he tried to push it back, tried really hard, because he don´t wanted to be angry, not at his friends. He kept repeating himself that for them it was just few hours, that they were in a rush and they simply forgot. But then some dark side of his mind reminded him that they knew it wasn´t just hours for him, that they knew it were already weeks, no - months - for him, yet still they didn´t found the time.

The room became too small and Sheppard felt hot. No, in truth he felt as if his blood was boiling and he knew he needed to get out. Jumping off the bed, he grabbed a pair of sneakers and headed out. He needed to get off some of the steam, before he would do something rash. He just hoped he won´t meet anyone on his way to the gym.

He hoped wrong. The doors opened, only to reveal a rather nervous looking McKay.

TO BE CONTINUE