Message
by Nicol Leoraine
Chapter 3
"Oh, Colonel," McKay stuttered, and the raised hand prepared to knock on the door slowly fell to his side. "I- I just wanted to talk with you."
"Later, McKay," Sheppard growled and pushed around the scientist. He wished the man would take his words and for once leave, but this obviously wasn´t his lucky day - or half year, whatever.
"Look, John, I-"
"I said later," Sheppard hissed, letting some of the anger know. Maybe that would scare him off. Not waiting for anything else, he turned away and started running toward the gym. The excercise sounded better by every second.
He was already by the gym, when the scientist caught up with him.
"No, we need to talk right now."
Sheppard finally stopped and turned to look at McKay. The scientist was nervously grinding his hands, and his eyes were blinking much faster than normal. For a moment John pushed back his own feelings.
"McKay, what is so important it couldn´t wait till the morning? I am quite tired."
Rodney snorted and looked behind the Colonel´s back.
"Yeah, sure. That´s why you´re heading to the gym. Cause you´re tired."
"Rodney," it was more an impatient hiss than a warning, but McKay swallowed and suddenly didn´t know what to say. He was sure he needed to talk with Sheppard, he wanted to tell him how he was sorry, that it was all his fault and that they really, really tried to get to him sooner. The only thing he wanted was to hear that it was okay, that Sheppard understood and that everything was cool, so McKay could return to the lab an push away the horrible feeling of guilt.
But Sheppard didn´t look very forgiving right now. No, he looked more like a person who was ready to beat the hell out of something - or someone. And Rodney suddenly wasn´t so sure it couldn´t wait till the morning.
"Uhm, perhaps you´re right," he drawled and took a step back. "Maybe I should wait till morning."
And Sheppard wanted to sigh out in relief and tell him good, see you later then. But he couldn´t. As much as he wanted to get rid of the anger in the gym, he wanted to hear answers. He knew well enough that even after a gruelling workout, he would still lie in the bed and ask why. And then the anger would vanish and turn into a much more dangerous depression. He knew, because that´s what happened in the Sanctuary. It took him long days, if not weeks, to overcome the simple fact that he was left alone with not more than three packets of water and few power bars. And if Sheppard knew something, it was he hated depression. It was too close to being sucked out by the Wraith - both took your life energy
So when Rodney took that careful step back and was about to turn and leave, Sheppard stopped him.
"No, we shouldn´t wait with this. I need to know something."
McKay jerked and Sheppard had to smile.
"Geez, McKay, chill off. I don´t bite."
Rodney gave him a snort and mumbled something unintelligible. John just shrugged it off and they both walked to the gym. If nothing else, it was empty at this time of the night. McKay settled himself on the bench and watched as Sheppard took a five minutes run on the machine to get his muscles warmed up. Then he walked up to the dummy they used for the workout if they didn´t have any sparring partners and looked at McKay.
"You wanted to talk. Then talk."
"Uhm, I thought you wanted to ask a question?"
Sheppard hit the dummy, and the scientist cringed.
"Okay, that´s it. I know you´re angry and I can understand that, but you should try and understand that we were really doing everything possible. It wasn´t like we were sitting there few hours idly chatting. I took the Jumper right back to the gate for some equipment, and even Dr. Weir came back with me. We hoped to get you with the Jumper, but there was that shield and-"
Sheppard hit the dummy several times. Each of the hits felt good, and he needed it, because with every word McKay let out of his mouth, Sheppard felt the anger returning.
"So..." McKay swallowed. "Just... wanted to know... if we´re okay."
"A minute - at - most, - Rodney," Sheppard let out in a whisper, breathing hard. Every word was accompanied by a thud when his fist landed on the figurine.
"What!" Rodney´s eyes narrowed. He didn´t understood.
"That´s all it would´ve taken to you to send a message. Just a minute."
"A minute was almost a day for you, Colonel."
At that, Sheppard abandoned the dummy and looked up at McKay. Sweat was running down his face and he wiped it off. His breathing was hard and he was sure that Beckett would probably kick his ass if he´d know how lightheaded he just felt. But nothing of that mattered, because John wanted the answer. He waited for it too long already.
"Well, seeing as I was trapped here for six months, I don´t think one day would´ve made any difference. But I sure as hell know how I felt when I didn´t know what the hell happened. Why weren´t you guys coming, or why did you sent me supplies, but not a damn note!" his voice rouse and he took few steps closer to McKay.
"I wanted to, John. But in all the haste... I was already back in the Jumper when I thought about it. And Teyla did sent back the camera, but you was already gone!"
"So? It´s so hard to scribble down few words? Hell, you could´ve used one of the stones lying just under your feet!" Sheppard was shouting now and McKay stood, ready for a retreat.
This really wasn´t what he hoped for. He just wanted to make sure that Sheppard was okay. Well, he obviously wasn´t. The mask of normalcy he wore upon his return just slipped and McKay wondered if it was even there. Didn´t he see the signs? Sheppard was distant from the moment they met and the only reason he didn´t start shouting at them was probably the threat from the beast and later the whole ascending stuff.
He looked up and he came face to face with Sheppard. For the first time had Rodney seen the raw look full of hurt and betrayal and he flinched. No, this wasn´t what he wanted. But then something in his mind clicked. He had a damned hard day too, trying to persuade everyone that time was off essence. And McKay knew that this time he really did everything to help the Colonel. So taking a breath and some courage with it, he looked straight at Sheppard.
"A message. That´s all about it? The message? You aren´t angry because I let you walk through the portal that took six months of your life, but you are angry because I didn´t sent a message? And just what would´ve made you happy, Colonel? Oh wait, I know.
Dear Sheppard, thanks to the time dilation field, the time is running much faster on your side. We´re working on the problem but it can take days to figure it out. Hope that we´ll see you before you turn eighty.
Would that do? Huh?" McKay asked, this time putting some of his own frustration into the question, waiting for the reply. It came.
"Yes, it would," Sheppard said slowly, his eyes reflecting his emotions more than McKay would´ve said was possible.
"Would it really be better if you knew that a day for us meant few years for you? Would you be able to cope with that?" McKay gently asked.
"Anything would be better than thinking you left me there to die alone." Sheppard repliedin raspy voice and McKay cringed.
"Never leave anyone behind. That´s what you taught me Colonel, what you taught every member of your team," McKay spoke softly. "You should have some trust in us, John. We will sooner die trying, than abandon one of our own. And you better believe me, because there´s no way I will repeat this. No matter what, someone will come. It just can take a little more time."
"Like six months?" Sheppard asked, his lips curling up in a slight smile.
"Yeah, like six months," McKay replied with a smile of his own. He knew it wasn´t as simple as this. He knew it would take some time to regain the Colonel´s trust and maybe there will be setbacks. But there´ll be always someone to let him know he isn´t alone. If not Rodney, then Teyla. If not her, then someone else.
"So, we´re okay?" McKay asked tentatively and looked at Sheppard, who was staring at the wall, probably remembering something. But it couldn´t be a bad memory, because he had this smile on his face.
"Huh? Sure, Rodney. Just next time, I would really appreciate to know what´s going on."
"Hope there won´t be next time," McKay muttered under his breath, feeling tired and sore. He really needed to get some sleep.
"Hey, should you be even there? I thought Beckett told you to stay in your room."
"And by all means, that´s where I am heading. And if you know what´s good for you, Rodney, you will forget we had this conversation." With that, Sheppard menacingly ruffled the scientist´s hair and walked out of the gym.
It took McKay a second to realize he was alone, then he rushed after the Colonel, ready to protest. But a second thought came to his mind and he smiled as he caught up with Sheppard.
"So John, why don´t you tell me what´s it with you and the ascended women?"
THE END
A/N: Just wanted to thank everyone who reviewed, I really appreciated it. Maybe I will write something longer in this fandom, it looks pretty interesting and fun to write - especially Sheppard angst.
Till then, you´re welcome to leave a review:-)