Okay folks Chapter seven is here! Well I'm excited even if you're not….
(Note for this chapter characters speaking in italics are on the TV, hope that makes it clear for you.)
Violence on TV
Warning the next two paragraphs are a bit of a rant and not really funny or crucial to the story. So if you feel like ignoring them go ahead.
In today's world there is more crime and violence then there has ever been. And there is a very simple reason for that, it's because there are more people then there's ever been! You see more people means more criminals which means more crime, the fact is that the percentage of people committing and in evolved in crimes world wide is pretty much the same as it's always been. Don't let any sociologist tell you that society is breaking down. Crime and violence has been around since long before the even Ancient Egyptians. The only difference is that with TV and the internet, news of violence and crime can get around the world in minutes, only a hundred years ago it would been three weeks before anyone in Australia would know if a World War had broken out in Europe!
However TV and the internet have become victims of their own success. They have been blamed for a rise in crime and violence when they are really only responsible for a rise in awareness of crime and violence. Of course you might say that violent films do encourage murders, but TV footage from two world wars was enough to change wars whole image, from glorious adventure to mindless slaughter. Anyway the long and short of it is that due too rules about violence level this fight has to be censored, to remove any swearing, blood, injuries etc… in order that fighting might be shown without anyone having to look at the unpleasant consequences, great that really discourages violence doesn't it! Anyway that's enough of a rant from me, on with the show and my rather bizarre way of writing the fight.
Cell wondered into his living room. For an apartment in hell, (HFIL) it has quite nice really, there were some parts of the ceiling that weren't damp. A few piece of wallpaper still determinedly clung to the wall. There was a carpet, which admittedly was sticky in places, but only places. The TV even worked, some of the time.
There was the sound of electric spark and Freeza flew across the room into the near wall with a crash.
"Managed to change the fuse?" asked Cell.
"Managed to change the fuse." Confirmed his slightly blackened flat mate. Cell smiled and wondered over to the TV and turned it on (there are no remotes in hell). Static greeted him. Undeterred the deceased evil Android proceeded to wave the aerial around till he picked up some reception. Eventually images started to appear on the screen. They weren't TV images though but images of things going on in the world of the living. This was all they could watch, and as most people who have watched reality TV know, most of it is as dull as distilled water, (the actual phrase is as dull as ditch water, but I fine ditch water is actually rather interesting.)
"Rubbish, dull, boring," declared Freeza each time Cell go an image until eventually, "Oh look a police chase. Keep the aerial right there."
"Oh gee thanks!" Cell replied sarcastically, as "right there" involved him balancing himself awkwardly on a stool with the aerial held over, but just behind, his head.
"Oh just hold it up telepathically!" snapped Freeza. Cell sighed, he hated taking Freeza's advice, but the Icea did have a point.
"I would have thought of that myself," he declared sitting down on the lumpy sofa (and possibly a rat) next to Freeza.
"Of course you would of," sarcastically consoled Freeza. The two villains watched the car chase for a bit before something occurred to Cell.
"Is that a lawnmower driving the car?" he asked squinting at the screen.
Don't be ridiculous," said Freeza, "How cou…" but he was interrupted by a loud knock on the door.
"Cell, Freeza open up I know you're in there!" said a painfully familiar and friendly voice.
"Go away Goku!" shouted Cell "We haven't done anything!"
"And if you found a tunnel it wasn't ours!" added Freeza. "What?" he finished as Cell glared at him.
"Tunnel?" Goku repeated sounding a little confused, "No it's nothing like that, I just wanted to know if you where watching the fight."
"No," said Cell angrily "Can't you watch it up there with all the good people!"
"Nah they're all watching the Super Bowel," said Goku, "come on guys, I know we've been enemies in the past but since we're all dead can't we let bye gones be by gones."
"No we can't" snapped Freeza, "why is this fight so important anyway?"
"Cause my son is in it!" explained Goku "and no good farther would miss his son's first fight."
"Well your going too!" said Cell.
"Oh come on," begged Goku, before continuing slyly, "I brought nachos!"
The door swung open a second later.
"Nachos!" said Freeza eagerly with Cell leaning over his shoulder.
"Yep," confirmed Goku with a big smile on his face, "and pop corn and…"
"Come in!" said Cell who they hurried over to the TV, "Where is this fight again?"
"Tamaran," said Goku sitting himself down on the couch. The Saiyan hero paused suddenly and looked over towards the corner of the room. "Err…. Why dose Cooler have his head in a waste paper basket?" he asked.
"Oh he believes that it's a gate way to a parallel universe," said Freeza sadly, "he really hasn't been quite the same since you forcibly disconnected him from that Big Gete Star thingy."
"Well he was trying to kill me," pointed out Goku before leaning over towards Cooler. "Hey Cooler, how are you doing?" he asked.
"Sssshhh!" came the voice from the bottom of the basket, "You are disturbing my research!"
"Okay I'll leave you too it," said Goku before turning back to the TV. "That's it Cell leave it there!"
Cell froze. This particular position was even less comfortable than the last one but the evil android was able to levitate it there so he could return to the couch. There they all sat as the fight unfolded in front of them on the, admittedly slightly fuzzy, TV screen.
Goku had to admit that Vegeta had a pretty good stance as the Icea (whom the TV guide identified as Thermos) charged at him, Further more Vegeta was a Super Saiyan, so he would be stronger than his opponent. Thus he and his companions where surprised when Thermos easily broke Vegeta's defence and smashed him into a wall!
"What the?" exclaimed Freeza, who had apparently had as little faith in the Icea as Goku, "How did he manage that?"
"Maybe Vegeta is playing with him," suggested Goku, "he's not at full power and you all know how arrogant he can be."
"He's not," said Cell bluntly, "I know a lot about toying with people and having your face repeatedly smashed against the wall is not a good way to go about it."
"Ssssh, I want to hear what their saying," said Goku. The others shut up and soon Thermos's voice emerged from the speakers.
"Had enough Saiyan?" he asked.
"Nope," replied Vegeta, "So I hope you brought seconds!" and with that the Saiyan Prince flipped over a kicked Thermos in the stomach sending him flying up into the air. The Icea stopped himself easily but Vegeta followed it up with a huge energy blast. There was a flash of blinding light as the shot struck home and Thermos vanished from view, wearing a rather surprised look on his face.
"Nice move," commented Cell "shame about the trash talking."
"Yeah Vegeta was never any good at that," mussed Freeza, "all this, "I am a Super Saiyan", or "I'm a Saiyan prince and your just a common Clown", stuff."
"Boy do I know that last one," agreed Goku, "Still doesn't look like the fight lasted very long dose it? Sorry about that Freeza you must be a little bummed seeing one of your relatives blown up like that."
"Don't be daft!" snapped Freeza, "I don't want any young pretenders beating a Super Monkey, that would mean that they were more power full then me and no Icea is more powerful then FREEZA!" he finished leaping to his feet and striking a heroic pose.
"Do you have any idea how stupid you look?" asked Cell. Freeza paused and looked around.
"Yes," he admitted and quickly sat down, just in time for the blinding light to fade away.
"So much for him" declared Vegeta slowly turning round to find Thermos standing right behind him!
"Boo" he said before punching Vegeta in the chest. The Saiyan Prince went flying but didn't hit anything as Thermos over took him a kicked him again. The Icea proceeded to knock Vegeta around like a volley ball for almost a minute before someone intervened. Goten charged in a kicked Thermos hard in the chest sending the Icea flying.
"Leave him alone!" the little Super Saiyan declared as Thermos smashed into a wall.
"Stay out of this kid!" snapped Vegeta as he landed beside him, "I can handle this; I don't need your help!"
"Translation: I'm being thumped here but would rather die then except anyone's help!" joked Cell.
"This isn't funny!" said Goku seriously before shouting at the TV, "Don't listen to him Goten he needs your help!"
"He can't hear you," pointed out Cell.
"That's not a reason not to try," declared Goku.
"Yeah," agreed Freeza, "maybe if villains had that attitude, we wouldn't be beaten so often. COME ON VEGETA, PROVE THAT THERE'S NO ICEA BETTER THEN ME."
Cell stared at them to check neither one of them was foaming at the mouth before turning back to the fight. By the time there attention had returned to the TV screen Vegeta and Thermos had started fighting again. It seemed to be a fairly even tussle but the three fighters' on the couch could tell that Vegeta was seriously on the back foot. He was so busy defending that he hadn't got a hope of landing a blow on his opponent. Worse still Goten seemed to be obeying Vegeta's orders and staying out of the fight.
"Come on Goten!" cried Goku (this is a high pitched shout, he wasn't actually crying just in case any one is confused,) "Fire a Kamehameha, at him or something!"
"He looks like he wants to help," said Freeza, "but he's too scared. I've seen that look before."
"No, he's not scared," said Cell, "he just knows that he can't help, like Krillin or Tien at the Cell games."
"No," said the voice at the bottom of the waste paper basket, "he just doesn't know how to fly!"
"What?" said Goku in a state of shock.
"HE DOSEN'T KNO…" Cooler repeated helpfully.
"He heard what you said" snapped Freeza causing Cooler to shut up and return to his "research".
"Why did no body tech him how to fly?" moaned Goku, "He's in big trouble now."
"Well perhaps the fight will come to him," suggested Freeza, "You know after Thermos has destroyed Vegeta."
This didn't comfort Goku very much, and neither did seeing Vegeta smashed into the ground.
"So long Saiyan!" declared Thermos as he fired a huge energy ball into the creator that Vegeta had landed in. There was a huge explosion filling the coliseum with rumble. The rumble also caused the TV to shake but that was mainly due to a faulty base system. As the light of this explosion faded away it revealed Thermos standing alone in the crater, Vegeta was no where to be see.
"Well I'll go prepare the welcome wagon for Vegeta!" said Freeza cheerfully as Goku slumped in his seat.
"Hump," mussed Cell, "I would have thought that Vegeta would have at least left Goten with an inspirational speech before he died, oh well."
"At least," said Goku trying desperately to look on the bright side of life, "I'll get to know my son sooner than I expected." But he quickly gave up, "Darn it Goten, run you idiot!"
Zibon and the King of Tamaran ran over to Thermos as he stood victoriously in the crater.
"Well done sir!" said Zibon, for once genially impressed with his bosses performance.
"Remember this pose Zibon," declared Thermos in his grandest voice, "I want a portrait of me standing like this when we get back to Planet Freeza One."
"Very well sir," said Zibon suddenly reminded of what a pratt his boss was.
"Well as you have certainly proved, the gem works" said The King, handing him a copy of the treaty again, "So would you be willing to sign?"
Zibon watched in glee as Thermos picked up a pen and went to sign. At last this nightmare trip would be over. But then, to his horror the Icea stopped.
"I have a better idea," he declared suddenly.
"Oh no," thought Zibon dreading what it could be. However the idea was even worse then he had expected!
"With this gem I'm the most powerful being in the universe!" he declared, "so why should I just sign this treaty and then give the gem to Fridge? Why don't I use its power to take over the Icea Empire myself?"
"Because it would be suicide!" burst out a shocked Zibon, "This is the stupidest idea you've ever had!"
"Why? You have seen my new power," said Thermos smugly, "can you think of anyone who could stop me?"
"No but…"
"Silence then!" Thermos bellowed. Zibon wisely chose to shut up. Thermos turned to the Tamaranean King who was still standing there, "I'm not going to sign your treaty," he declared. "As the new leader of the Icea Empire I declare this Planet Thermos one. All its inhabitants are now my slaves."
The King stared at his furiously;
"Why you," he began suddenly taking a swing at Thermos, "We had a deal!"
Thermos easily caught the punch.
"Had is the operative word." He declared throwing the King away. Zibon watched it all in horror. He had to stop this, or else his career would be as dead as Vegeta.
"Very funny sir!" he declared suddenly bursting into a fit of exaggerated laughter, "Ruining all the negations and declaring that your going to over throw our government, a classic, you really had me going there!"
Thermos stared at him with contempt. The Icea calmly raised his hand above his head and started firing blasts which crashed into the coliseum crowd, causing the intended panic.
"Be serious for once Zibon" he snapped, "the universe is mine for the taking! No one can stop me! NO ONE!"
"Want a bet!" said a voice. Thermos and Zibon swung round to see the little Saiyan standing behind them.
"Big words for a little Kid!" mocked Thermos.
"Really," said Goten sounding slightly concerned, "I thought that was what the good guys said to the bad guy before they kicked his butt!"
"Yes and Thermos was just doubting you're ability to kick his butt," pointed out Zibon trying to help the kid, "It's a pretty standard response for a villain."
"Oh yeah, I forgot about that!" said Goten.
"Hey!" snapped Thermos, "are you saying I'm the bad guy here?"
"Well what part of your plan is good exactly?" asked Zibon.
"It's good for me," said Thermos before conceding the point, "Yeah your right. But the Bad guys get to have more fun!" he finished eagerly.
"You know in most TV shows the fight would have started by now," said Goten.
"Good point!" agreed Thermos powering up a ki ball, "Die kid!" he declared throwing at Goten…
"We Now interrupt this show for a Commercial break!" declared the message on the TV screen.
"Oh Come on" growled Goku, "You can't do this to me!"
"Yeah well this is Hell," said Cell in a resigned voice, "We have a lot of Commercial breaks."
"Well I guess it give me a chance to use the toilet," said Goku finding another silver lining, "where is your toilet."
"There's an out house in the flats garden," said Freeza, "but you're a braver guy than me if you're going to use it!"
Goku laughed and went to the door.
"Watch out for the Python!" advised Cell.
"Very funny you guys," said Goku as he left. Cell and Freeza looked at each other;
"If he thinks we're joking," said Freeza grinning, "boy is he going to be surprised…"
Boy that's my longest ever chapter. I hope it still managed to be funny despite the rather large problem of putting quite a serious fight in a humour story. Any way if you have any questions, comments, requests or constructive criticisms please just send me a review.
Oh yes this story was paid for by the "Vote Thermos" 2006 King of Icea election campaign. If you would like to donate please let us know…