Expectations

Chapter 17

"Aren't they precious?"

Jim lifted his head, turning toward the sound of people entering Christie's room. He could make out the voices of his parents, Christie's mom, Marissa, Shannon, and even Marty, but the buzz of confusion made him want to huddle in the corner with his girls.

"Look at them! They're exactly alike!"

Unfortunately, the girls were the main attraction.

Someone was going nuts with a camera and people posed around Jim, getting into shots with him and the babies in his arms. Before too long, Addison and Katie were passed around so they could be photographed in different groupings of family members. Jim didn't know which way to turn, so he sighed.

Then he heard it. A distinctly doggy kind of breathing.

"Hank?" he said, patting his leg.

That beloved muzzle was in his hands a moment later as Hank begged for attention and gently chastised Jim for having neglected him so.

"I took him out a little while ago," an unfamiliar voice said. A child's voice.

"You must be Jordan," Jim said, smiling.

Jordan gasped. "How did you know that?"

"Who else could you be?"

"I hope it's okay that he walked Hank," Marty said. "My ex dropped him off here and Karen had to leave a couple of hours ago so Jordan said he'd watch Hank."

"I'm very grateful to you, Jordan," Jim said, feeling the corners of his mouth turning down so the smile he felt forming wouldn't seem condescending. "Did Hank behave himself?"

"Yeah," Jordan answered in his high little boy voice. Jim thought he sounded like he could be anywhere from seven to ten years old.

Christie's mom's voice broke through the din of baby-gushing chatter. "…Christie's forehead," she was saying. "and Jimmy's ears and eyelashes. Christie's nose. Jim's chin …"

"How can she tell?" Jim muttered, thinking of how squashed-up he remembered newborn babies looking.

"They look like a couple of aliens to me," Marty muttered back.

Jim jumped, startled that anyone had heard him, but then he laughed. "That's how I'm picturing them," he admitted.

"That's not nice," Shannon said, placing one of the babies back in Jim's arms. "They are beautiful. Perhaps not at their best just yet, but give them a few weeks and they'll be stunning.

Jim cradled the baby, kissing the top of her downy head, wondering which one she was. "I'm not in any hurry for them to be stunning," he said, shocked that the warmth was behind his eyes again. What was going on with him? Why did he feel so close to the edge each time he held one of his babies?

"Which one is that?" Marissa asked.

"Their names are on their little wristbands," Christie said, "but give them both to Jimmy. He can tell them apart."

Jim felt himself blush at the pride in Christie's voice.

The room grew silent.

"Really?" Jim's mom asked. "How do you do that, Jimmy?"

He shrugged, not really confident of his weighing abilities yet, but a moment later someone handed him the other baby. He held them both, one in each arm with his palms gently cupping the backs of their heads, and raised first one and then the other. It was a slight movement, but enough for him to make the distinction he needed.

"This is Addison," he said, nodding toward the heavier baby in his right hand.

Someone fumbled through Addison's blanket for a moment, apparently going for her wrist.

"He's right," Shannon said, sounding excited.

"I'm sure you could all do that," Jim said, happy to be handing the babies off to the relatives again as the chatter rose to its former level. He didn't like being the center of attention in this group.

"Hey," a gruff voice said as someone sat in the chair next to Jim's.

"Hi, Dad."

"Congratulations." The word seemed awkward on his father's lips. "You've got your hands full now, I'm guessing."

Jim laughed, noticing that it was the nervous too-loud laugh he emitted sometimes when he didn't know what else to do. "I guess I do," he replied.

"Pretty babies."

"Thanks."

"Yeah."

With the Dunbar groan Jim knew he'd develop a little later in life, his father stood and walked away.

"The man just never shuts up," Marty said under his breath, sounding like he was leaning in so only Jim could hear him.

Jim smiled, realizing with surprise that Marty's presence at this family gathering was somehow right and comforting. If Jim could see, he knew he and Marty would be exchanging knowing looks and gently mocking everyone—and somehow Marty was enough of an insider to mock without causing any offense.

"How'd it go?" Jim asked Marty, keeping his voice low. "You know. The meeting? My sister and the kid?"

"It's going just fine, I think," Marty said back. He took the seat beside Jim, probably so he could get in closer with less chance of being overheard. "He seems to like her, but who wouldn't like Shannon?"

"Where's Bradley?" Jim asked next.

"He's here. Sleeping in his stroller. Jordan seems to like him too. Played with him until Karen gave him Hank. It's a little eerie, really, having my son here in the middle of this throng of Dunbars. That's a little more than I had in mind when I planned this weekend."

"Well, hopefully the rest of your weekend won't revolve around us," Jim said. "He seems like a nice kid, Marty."

"Yeah," Marty said with a husky laugh. "He really is. Thanks."

Jim turned toward his wife's bed. "How are you feeling, Christie?" he asked, hoping his question, spoken above his usual volume, would thin the crowd a little. He was glad everyone was getting to see the babies so soon, but all he wanted was to be alone with his new family for a while.

"I'm okay," she said, but her voice sounded tired. Jim felt cut off, unable to look at her and sum up for himself how she was doing so he could know how to control this crowd.

"It's pretty late," Marissa said.

You could always count on Marissa to take a hint, Jim thought. "What time is it?"

"Almost ten."

Everyone started saying their goodbyes.

"You should go home and get some sleep," Christie told Jim.

Leaving had never entered Jim's mind. "I'm staying here."

"Jim." Now her voice was firm. "I need sleep too, and so do the girls. There's nothing to see here!"

Jim's laugh felt bitter as it came out. "I know what you mean."

She sighed, sounding like she was verging on annoyed. "Really, you can come right back in the morning and we'll all still be here."

The room had an almost empty feel to it, but Jim sensed at least a couple of people lurking in the doorway.

"I was hoping to get some more time alone with you. With them."

Her hand covered his. "You'll have plenty of time for that. I'd rather you left now while you can still get a ride."

He nodded, setting his lips grimly. "Okay. But I'll be back early."

"Good."

He leaned in and kissed her, finding her cheek and then her mouth by an instinct that always seemed to guide him at such moments. Hadn't he always closed his eyes when he kissed her before? Each time he held her in his arms, his lips brushing against her skin, he felt, for a moment, that he was the same man he had always been in Christie's eyes.

"I love you," he said, straightening.

"I love you too!"

He turned toward the door. "Where's Hank?" he asked.

"Right here!" Jordan said, rushing back into the room. "Here he is. You got him?"

Jim's fingers closed over the handle of the harness. "Got him. And who has my daughters? I can hear one of them."

It felt weird to call anyone his daughter. His face grew warm at the thought and he couldn't help but smile at the sound of that word.

"We've got them," Marty said. "Me and Shannon."

"Thanks."

Someone moved into his space, holding something up to him.

"Say goodnight to Katie," Shannon said, gently guiding Jim's hand to Katie's head so he could lean in and kiss her. "She's being so good! Now Addison."

Marty stepped in and Jim said goodnight to his other daughter, who was working herself into a good cry. Marty didn't need to do any guiding for Jim to find this one.

"I'll take you home," Marissa offered.

He was unusually quiet on the way home, dwelling on all that happened that day and wishing he could have had a little more time with just his little family.

"You're really lucky," Marissa told him.

"I know."

"I mean, what if they had been early or if there had been complications? You'll have your babies home in no time, but imagine if you had to leave them in the NICU for weeks until they were big enough. I'm so glad nothing like that happened."

Jim nearly shuddered at the thought of having to leave his babies at the hospital. How did people do it?

He thanked Marissa as she pulled up in front of his building and then took the elevator up to his floor. How had it never occurred to him that, after this enormous day, he would be returning home, alone and empty-handed?

"THERE you are!"

"Cara?"

Her door slammed shut and she rushed toward him—wearing her slippers, if his ears were not deceiving him.

"I went to a movie today and then to see a friend and when I got back, Christie was gone so I called the hospital and they told me…is everything okay?"

Jim unlocked his door and held it open for her, smiling. "Come in, Cara. Yes, Christie is fine and the babies are healthy."

"And I wasn't here to take her! I know she was so worried about getting to the hospital when her time came and—of course, the one day I made plans…"

"It's okay, Cara," he said, going to the refrigerator for a beer. "We got her to the hospital just fine. You want one?"

"Yes, please," she said meekly.

They sat together at the bar, drinking their beer as Cara continued to talk .

"…and when I tried to get you on your cell phone…"

Jim's conscience twinged. "I turned it off and never remembered to turn it on again."

"Well, you had a lot going on. So, what are they like?"

A wall of blankness came to mind as he thought of his daughters. How was he ever to describe them to someone else when he would never see them? But then he thought about holding them and a smile spread across his face.

"Addison is a little bigger," he began. "She came in at seven pounds. Cries louder, too. Katie just kind of whimpers. They have a lot of hair—light brown for now. Apparently, they have Christie's forehead, my ears and eyelashes, Christie's nose, my chin…and some people are of the opinion that they look like aliens…"