Anathema
by ThisbeCeyx
In the eyes of the observer…the curse of the lovely Kurosaki child…
Why run away, young child? Did you leave because you wanted them to be find you? Ironically, they didn't. Did they even want to find you? Mother would deny you. Father would... just do nothing. Just like when you were still that animal that dwelled in the dark and dingy basement of the elaborate Kurosaki house… He wouldn't really do anything.
Sometimes you wished he did. Maybe you wanted him to hit you, curse you or even deny you… Just to make him notice that you were still there… that you existed even in the bleakest part of his mind.
It was all in vain, you silly boy.
You were an empath but Father Nagare's mind was always blank, devoid of emotion for you. He'd look at you but not a single feeling, not even anger or hate, resurfaced in those emerald eyes.
'Please hurt me.'
'Please hate me.'
'Please disown me.'
'Just please feel for me… Papa… I miss you. I love you so much. I love you even if you torment me. Please hurt me. I just want to know that I exist… that I am the cause of a certain feeling… It's okay. I promise I'll try not to cry if you hit me. I'll take in everything. I'll be strong, you see… So just please, feel something for me. I want your emotion, Papa. I want to know that I belong to your hate and grief. Even in your remorse for me, I will be happy.'
'I'm so sorry Papa… I couldn't make you feel anything for me.'
You're an orphan of our own curse. He'd always look and hurt you but his mind will feel nothing for you. Maybe he sees you as a lingering shadow… you know, something that would always appear in the light no matter how hard you try to avoid any source of illumination. It's a sad life, isn't it, Kurosaki?
Your empathy isn't your curse.
You'll never have any place in Father Nagare's heart. You're no part of any of his emotions. You're nothing.
You're just… there.
Why did you even stay? Well, you've left now, young Kurosaki boy. Maybe you'll find a place in someone's emotions…I think you did though.
I dreamt that you were violated and cursed by some psychotic murderer. I saw his silver eyes. It had a glint of possessiveness and obsession. I think he sadistically loved and hated you at once. You're beautiful, fragile and weak. He was breaking you in my dreams. He wants you, Hisoka. He never stops caressing your hair as he desecrates you. Maybe he actually wanted you to belong to him… His sadism was enough to break your soul. He loves you, boy… do you love him back?
He burns only for you…
Maybe you're happy now, aren't you, kid?
That man, even in my dreams, wants you, feels for you.
Even in pain and agony, you're feeling what you wanted your own father to do to you… It's weird. But you know, I can't even remember how you looked like as a child. I always dream of you now. You're my all-grown up disowned Kurosaki master…
Aw, now you're not a stray empath now…
You're not just there…
You're there with that silver-eyed, grey-haired angel… for always.
This is your curse, your anathema.
Are you happy now? I'll pray for you. But then, I don't believe in gods.
Author's Note:
I just wrote this in about 11 in the evening right after I got home from our Theresian Band Festival. It's like… random and not really pondered upon. Forgive me for the slight pointlessness. But still, I like this one. Also, the point of view was supposed to be from one of the Kurosaki chambermaids who observed and 'took care' of Hisoka as a child.
Reviews and Constructive Criticisms are always welcomed and loved! Thank you for reading!