The X-Men ordered pizza for themselves after the children were in bed, and of course, Nanny was allowed to have some. She ate quietly, periodically laughing at one of their jokes. No one dared bring up Nightmare this time. Nanny headed up for bed early, even though she had been invited to join in on a harmless poker game. As the X-Men dealt the cards, they turned their discussion to Nanny.

"She has been pouting lately! I never thought she'd take it so hard."

"Ahhh. Figures. She's young, immature, and an art teacher. You can't expect much more from art teachers," Wolverine joked as he sat down.

"But seriously, who would have thought that something so small would have hit her so hard!"

"I think there's more to it than what we all see." Nightcrawler suggested. He wasn't going to play, but he would watch . . . sitting next to Storm. Wolverine rolled his eyes.

"Hey, what have you all heard about this water accident?" Cyclops posed the question as he anteed-up.

"Just that- that it was an accident. She had a cup of water or something and spilled it onto some books and her sketchbook that was sitting on a desk."

"Did you see the damage to the library books? It was no cup of water."

"Well I heard some of the older boys talking about it. I've got a feeling it wasn't an accident."

"What are you saying Logan?"

"I've got some suspicions that it was a prank."

"Why wouldn't she tell us?"

"God only knows. That woman is the strangest, most puzzling creature I've ever met."

…

Nanny pulled out her diary and scribbled about some of the recent events before going to sleep.

"... Friday

Wow, I didn't realize it had been so long since I last wrote! Where to start? Hmm, well, Nightmare has been giving the other children a lot of nightmares, and she refuses to stop. I tried disciplining her, but I only got in trouble and now, now Nightmare has been giving me nightmares too. But I'm not getting into how I got in "trouble." I've had enough with the topic.

Oh, it would seem that someone thought it would be funny to pull a prank on me. I think I know who it is. They stacked some books from the library almost to the ceiling, and put my sketchbook on top, with a huge bucket of water at the very top of it all. Of course there was no way for me to get any of it down without creating a mess. Kitty nicked the table, accidentally, and it all came crashing down. Library books-ruined by water; my sketchbook-ruined by water, and the carpet was soaked. I lost sketches I've had for years. Some really personal stuff. Sketches from other down times. You can barely see the lines now and sketches I had done in something other than pencil, are smeared. Besides that, the paper is warped and discolored. God I'm going to miss those sketches!"

A few tears rolled down her face.

"... I don't think I belong here anymore. Ha, anymore! I never really did. Oh but this is my dream! This is the closest thing to ever being a mutant myself! And I get to teach art, one of my biggest passions! I get to teach art to children ... I've always loved children, lol, though I have at times wanted to strangle a few. God I could strangle Nightmare right now! But, I can't hurt her! She's only five ... they all go through the stage she's in now.

I just want to die. Once you're dead, you can't get in trouble, you don't have to grade anything; there is no arguing . . . I just want to die.

This mood I've been in has made me think of my family more. I wish, I wish I hadn't dropped out of college, wasted their money. Huh, I wish I told my parents about loads of things- like what really happened in the 7th grade. God! How old am I now? And that was in the 7th grade! I need to get over it . . . though I still wish they could know the truth.

Look at me! Up in my room crying, pouting... no, I'm not pouting! I've been alone so much because, because . . . I don't know what to do or think! I can't even come to a consensus within myself! I don't know how to react around them anymore! I feel like I'm walking on egg shells. Or maybe I am pouting! Geez! I hate having pity parties! But am I not allowed to cry, to be sad! Is being alone having a pity party? Is being confused having a pity party! These are such small problems- why can't I just get over them? Grrr! I shouldn't feel so, depressed over such stupid things! I have too many blessings to feel depressed. Agh! Just shut up! Leave me alone . . .

I need a vacation. A permanent vacation. –sigh- There's only one reason for me to stay. Wolverine is the first guy in a long while that I've felt this way about. But, of course, I have no chance. He has warmed up a bit; he's not as rude as he was at first, but he still treats me like, like an employee, or a kid. I know I'm younger than him, but now by a lot. And –sigh- he still loves Jean. So I guess, I guess he's really not a reason to stay.

There's only one solution. ... I just wish I could fit in!

..."

She closed her tear dried eyes and fell asleep quickly.

Nanny had always harbored deep, depressing feelings and thoughts. They would stay with her, even through the 'good times.' And though they were always there, they wouldn't bother her. This meant that what might seem like small events could unlock the flood gates to these emotions, bringing up old feelings and issues.

She grew up, wanting for little. She attended a Catholic school her whole life. But something always seemed to be missing in her life. She always felt guilty for this- she had so much and yet something was missing. It wasn't a material lacking either- it was something that she could never put her finger on. And while she loved her family she also despised them to a degree. She had an imagination that her family couldn't appreciate. Her family was in constant division- her mom and her brother against herself and her dad, and her mom and dad could never agree or compromise on anything; the whole family was stubborn to a fault. Nanny was the most impartial member, though she tended to agree with her father more than anything. Yelling and screaming was normal. Her 13 year old brother would pitch fits and cry over little things and her mother would always baby him. Her mother favored her brother and everyone saw it: friends, family, even her brother admitted to it. You see, her brother was diagnosed with bipolar and ADHD in his kindergarten year. And their mother, having grown up with two brothers who were both as well, pitied him. Both of Nanny's parents let him get away with everything. His bipolarness and ADHD "controlled" him- he couldn't be held responsible for his actions. She was thus blamed for things he did or fights they had. It wasn't until Nanny entered high school that her parents realized that he was capable of controlling himself and that he needed to be held responsible for his actions.

She was an independent, stubborn child, so she didn't mind not getting as much attention, most of the time. But by the time she was in the 6th grade, it had become so much so that her parents had no idea about what was going on in her life. Like every class, especially in the middle school years, there was a popular group of girls who tormented most of the other girls. The leader of the group was on the cheerleading team, which Nanny had joined that year; she was picked on because she wasn't the most graceful cheerleader to walk the planet. Her best friend, who moved to a public school a few years earlier, had become one of those popular cheerleaders too and she picked on Nanny for her choice of clothes, music, hair style, ect. That same year, there was a new boy in their 6th grade class. He was a scrawny blonde haired, blue-eyed boy. He had a temper and cried often. Nanny recognized how much he resembled her brother, and took pity on him. It turned out that they had a lot in common: they both LOVED Egypt and enjoyed Star Trek. She could understand how he felt and was pretty sure that he had never been diagnosed as bipolar thus he didn't have any medication that might have helped. But what she saw as a friendship, he quickly saw as more. Another boy taunted her about their wedding night, explicitly. And then teasing continued into the 7th grade where it was no longer one boy who teased her. As the teasing increased, so did this boy's feelings for her. She was torn between trying to be his friend or reject him, in an attempt to halt the teasing. Neither worked. In the mist of all of this, her cat died. Maybe to some the loss off a pet is no great loss. And to those who cannot understand the loss of a pet being painful, to you I give my pity. Her cat was the only one who heard her cry. This cat was the only one who listened. This cat was the only who knew how she felt.

The 7th grade was a great time of exploring different friendships. Some of her other closest friends slowly moved away from her to other groups. She felt abandoned- by her cat, her best friend, her other friends, and her parents. She couldn't take the teasing and was utterly confused by the explicitness of the teasing; she was a sheltered Catholic School girl. She doodled spiraling black pits on the back of her book covers- placing herself in the center of them. She didn't know how to escape these feelings, these situations. Her thoughts came to concentrate on suicide. Mainly because she was too scared of knives and guns, suicide was only a constant thought and not an action. Her parents slowly began to notice there was change in her behavior and the closer friends came back to their original groups, including her more. She slowly crawled out of this spiraling black hole, but these feelings never healed themselves.

In high school, on several occasions, the idea of suicide returned. But now she would have the means. She decided that jumping was the way for her to go, and if it wasn't for that fact that by her junior year in high school she had developed a great group of friends, her brains would have decorated the sidewalk just outside a tall building.

Wolverine was a special pain. She had had few boyfriends growing up. Going to a Catholic high school, there were only so many guys to "choose" from. Most were rich and hot, and therefore taken by the younger rich and hot girls. This eliminated only a small percent however. But she wanted someone who was at least her height and older than her. That created a problem seeming as she was born 47 minutes after the cut off date, and should have been the oldest, theoretically, in her class. Most of the guys in her class were 6 months to a year younger than her. Or they were druggies and alcoholics. She didn't have anything against them, but she wasn't that type, and a relationship with them could have never worked out. She hated herself for the irony that occurred in that area: she always fell head over heals for the druggies.

Wolverine was older, taller, and stronger! The only boyfriend she had in high school was taller, younger, and scrawny, besides wimpy. If he had ever gotten into any confrontation, she would have had to fight his fight for him. She couldn't stand a wimpy, weak guy. Wolverine was everything! He met her standards and had that "bad boy" appeal she had always been attracted to. But of course he wasn't interested in her. She only attracted the psycho killers or the wimpy guys. (The boy in the 7th grade was eventually kicked out of the school for threatening to kill everyone, except Nanny.)

When this whole ordeal with Nightmare came up, it just let all of her old feelings flood back. She woke up tired from the lack of sleep and utterly disturbed by the haunting dreams Nightmare gave her, only to stare at an ugly face in the mirror. She had come so close to having everything she wanted, yet it was still out of view. Like when you hang a carrot in front of a horse- they are close to getting it, yet so far away. That in itself can be enough to drive a person mad. The loss of her sketchbook was simply the straw that broke the camel's back. She had several sketches that explained how she felt so well, in a way that words couldn't. They were sketches that she would sometimes stare at when she was down, sketches that she never showed anyone else.

"No! No, you can't . . . NO, please. NOOOOOOOOOO!" Nanny sat up in bed, out of breath and sweating. Her body felt like jell-o and her eyelids felt like lead. The dream slowly left her and she couldn't remember any part of it. She got a glass of water and wrapped a blanket around her as she stared out her window. She couldn't go back to sleep; she'd only have another nightmare. She sighed heavily and turned to look around her room. She hung her head and got up.

…..

Nanny quietly opened the front door, careful to shut it so that no one would hear.

"Where do you think you're going?"

"Oh, I didn't think anyone would still be up; it's really late." Wolverine was smoking his cigar just to the left of the front doors, leaning against the wall.

Wolverine checked his watch and then stomped out his cigar. "You mean it's really early." His breath was visible in the crisp early morning air.

Nanny didn't say anything. She only stood, holding her jacket tightly around herself, shivering and waiting.

"So you're just gonna leave like this? After one little thing?"

She closed her eyes. She was hoping he wouldn't say anything. "You wouldn't understand."

"Oh I wouldn't? I don't know what you expect us to understand. You came here, and now you're going to leave because life isn't perfect. We might be special freaks but we can't eliminate problems with our powers."

"I never thought that!"

"Then what did you think? Why did you ever come here?"

"I thought I might fit in here. I didn't fit anywhere else; there is no place for non-mutants who are sympathetic towards mutants."

"We don't need you're sympathy."

"I came here, obviously mistaken, that maybe I could fit in with those who don't seem to fit in anywhere else."

Wolverine silently leaned against the post and Nanny stepped down the front porch steps and stopped.

"Growing up, I waited and waited for the time to come- for the time when I would get my mutant powers. When I turned a teenager, I just figured they were late, maybe that meant they were more powerful. By the time I graduated high school, I gave up that false dream. Teaching here, teaching here was, is, the closest I'll ever get to that dream. I can never- will never be a mutant, huh, but being able to be around you . . . all . . . heh . . ."

"So that's it? You're just going to give up?"

Nanny laughed and turned to face him. He had no idea the irony in his statement.

"So where are you going?" Wolverine asked gruffly.

The taxi pulled up and Nanny opened the door. She shut it without responding and turned to watch Wolverine fade until he was out of sight. He went inside and cursed lightly under his breath.

Nanny had only her purse and her jacket with her. She had packed all of her other belongings into her suitcases and left them packed, under her bed. A note was left on her bedroom desk:

"I'm sorry. I've only created problems.

Thank you for allowing me to stay here as long as I have.

Forgive my short comings and my sudden absence.

Nanny."