This is the personal diary of Ganondorf, evil king supreme. If you are not Ganondorf, or one of his physical manifestations, and you are reading this, you will be fed to wild ferrets.
June fourteenth
I believe there is a spy somewhere in my midst. One of my minions (no longer loyal minions, I note) has been acting in a manner I find slightly suspicious. For example, he is always running off to release pigeons from the window every time I reveal another part of my DARK EVIL PLAN TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD BWAHAHA. What the hell does he need to do that for? Maybe the pigeons are actually origami paper airplanes that he sends to the Castle in Hyrule. Certainly those ridiculous winged rats wouldn't be able to deliver messages. What a laugh.
He is also sneaking around all the time, which is understandable, as the essence of an evil being of darkness is to sneak, but this sneaking is decidedly sneakier. Sneaky is a strange word. It reminds me of the sound of a swiffer mop without the spongey thing at the bottom. I also caught him sighing over a picture of Princess Zelda and murmuring about plans to take me down.
I am starting to become concerned.
June sixteenth
The mouse traps didn't work. Who would have thought the Hero of Time would come to acquire a hookshot? Isn't that against the rules or something?
Now I must bandage this gaping wound in my side. Damn that Master Sword.
June twentieth
I am still concerned about the fact that Link did not rescue the princess. He outwitted the mousetraps, slew many expendable evil minions, went to the bathroom, then left. Princess Zelda is still stuck in the pink crystal above my piano. I believe someone needs to feed her soon, or something, because she is currently under the impression that she is a rabid chipmunk.
It is actually rather amusing.